First things first: that “House of Pain” thing in the title is not a reference to a group of Celtic rappers with a long-standing feud against gravity that lead to an affinity for jumping around, but instead serves as an alliteration to the manimal love-fest known as “The Island of Dr. Moreau” . It’s not that we can’t find entertainment in a group of Irish-American hip-hoppers mind you, it just doesn’t serve the context of this webpage. And with that, let the theme music play and the opening credits roll…
Well, they don’t so much “roll” as they more or less dissolve in and out over the opening scene, but you get the idea.
The Demonic Smiley Face ratings: the scale with which our hard working troubadours rate their movies for single person viewing. This scale is based on a 0-5 quality ranking with 0 (the “Mr. Yuck” face) being the lowest and 5 (five demonic smiley faces) being the highest. In the case of animated movies, the demonic smiley faces are replaced instead with images of Walt Disney's head in a jar. These ratings are not based on any universal criteria, simply on the overall personal opinion of the reviewers.
The H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. ratings: the scale with which our hard working artisans rate their movies for multi-person or “party” viewing. This scale is based on a less complicated 1-4 quality ranking with 1 (a single ball of tin-foil) being the lowest and 4 (four balls of tin-foil with the H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Stamp of Approval) being the highest. These ratings are not based on any universal criteria or necessarily any actual test cases of the movies being played in front of any group/groups of people, simply on the personal opinion of the reviewers.
The Broke-Ass Budget Disc logo: a simple icon denoting that the movie being reviewed is part of "Broke-Ass Budget Disc Fridays". This simply means that the movie was purchased brand new for an extremely low price (less than $5) and has been specifically reviewed for this purpose.
The “Also Known As” listings: other English titles the movies have been releases as. This more often than not does not include original language titles. Why? Because if we can’t read the title, we don’t really care about listing it.
The Genre listings: each movie’s genre is more a general one-line summary of the movies themselves. You’ll have a hard time going on Netflix and searching their genre categories for “Ugly Actor & His Sassy Black Preacher Pal Battle The Devil” movies.
The Cast & Crew listings: the people who direct, write and star in the movies, all linked to their corresponding profile pages on the Internet Movie Database, if available. Bigger names with bit roles are also noted.
The “Origin” listings: If the movie being reviewed originates from any country outside of the US, it should be noted here. US made movies are left blank because we feel it unnecessary to list since this is a US based website and most of the reviews are going to be for US based movies.
The MPAA Ratings banners: given to movies based on the ratings given to them as a result of the maturity level of their content. If the movie being reviewed was not given a rating by the MPAA, we list the equivalent, based on the content of said movie.
The Moral of the Story: lessons learned by the reviewer upon watching the movie, either by personal experience or based upon words of wisdom spoken by characters in the movie.
DVD Xtras: in the case that the movie being reviewed is being reviewed from a DVD, any worthwhile bonus material will be listed. Simple as that.
Broke-Ass Budget Disc Cost: used only in cases of movies reviewed for our "Broke-Ass Budget Disc Fridays", this lists the exact cost of the movie itself to it's reviewer. This is a per-movie cost, not a per-disc cost.
Was It Worth It?: In conjuction with the "Broke-Ass Budget Disc Cost:" category, this is simply whether the reviewer in question thought the disc was worth the listed price he/she paid for it, or if readers are better off pinching their pennies.
Bonus Materials: not necessarily a listed segment in the reviews, but posted instead as an “Easter Egg”. Not exactly hard to find (hint: try running your mouse over the rolling head at the bottom of the reviews), these usually lead to trailers, video clips of scenes from the movies or just general bonus material found in relation to the movie on the internet.
And there you go, a quick and simple Idiots Guide to Mastering the Reviews of the Tomb of Anubis. Hopefully your mind is at ease and you’ll be able to sleep a little more soundly in your crib tonight because of it. Danke Schoen my little fig newtons.
Now, return to the Movie Review Index and get started!
All materials found within these reviews are the intellectual properties and opinions of the original writers. The Tomb of Anubis claims no responsibility for the views expressed in this review, but we do lay a copyright claim on it beeyotch, so don't steal from this shit or we'll have to go all Farmer Vincent on your silly asses. © March 5th 2006 and beyond, not to be reproduced in any way without the express written consent of the reviewers and the Tomb of Anubis or pain of a physical and legal nature will follow. Touch not lest ye be touched.
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