Wanted - Dead Or Alive

This page contains humour that some may find offensive. The views contained are in no way meant to upset or cause distress to anyone. but if they do then tough shit.. You have been warned you. And if you cant take a joke then why are you on this site anyway?

Click here to go to look for some other boring stuff.

If you are instead, good humoured, patriotic, interested or just need something funny to see then scroll on down.

 

Over The Past years many of Carters Clones have escaped from institutions. These are defective clones who under normal circumstances would have been disposed of humanely as Target Practice for Allied Troops in places such as Afghanistan or Iraq. They were sold in their thousands to psychopathic dictators and the sons of millionaire business men, with the full approval of NATO as a good way of using up surplus ammunition left over from the cold war.

Some of these clones escaped, many of these escapees have returned to their native England and are attempting to live out their days making treasonous statements and inciting acts of violence and betrayal against the country stupid enough to give them asylum. Hey, if they don't like it they can always fuck off back to the desert, eat grass and play dodge the bullet?

Anyway.......... here they are the most wanted list.......

 

(dont forget, click on a thumbnail to see the Big Picture)

Tommy Abdul

There have been only 2 sightings of Tommy Abdul of the Taliban. One was giving Osama a blow job on sept 10th 2001 and the other was in Dover bus depot trying to cash a £1000 giro to buy a ticket to the Midlands

Ali hach hamir humanch tommy halachabach kamir

Or Tommy to his friends. Tommy was last seen burning a US and United Kingdom flag outside the houses of parliament. and then recieving a cheque from the government as compensation to recoup the cost of the flags as a religeous expression of his right to freedom of speech. Luckily the government has the funds available for this due to the fines they levied on English Citizens displaying the George Cross during the World Cup. If you see this man kick him in the nuts from me.

Let My People Go

mmmmmm isreal palastine, palestine isreal? who gives a toss really, surely there is enough heat, sand and contaminated drinking water for everyone? Maybe once Sadaam is dead and no longer funding missions then things will settle down.

Mullah Tommy

Last seen in Afghanistan but now believed to be in Oldham. Tommy clone 786 was rejected for use in this country once it was realised that he came from the same batch of gone off gunk that they used to make the Tommy Rasputin clone at the end of the 1800's

Early Days

Here we see prof Tommy in negotiation with ghandi over the release of hostages during the final days of the Raj. Tommy eventually secured their release with 6 kingsize sheets and the movie rights to the "Ghandi" story. this lead to the first Bollywood movie and they have been turning out the same old crap for donkeys years now

Mulla Tommy

Reject clone 457 is picture here posing for his identity badge picture on his first day in his job at Microsoft on the development team of their award winning "Microsoft Flight" series

Tommy Kitchener returns

After September the 11th the British army reshot photographs for their recruitment campaign. However it wasnt until too late that it was realised the new model had the identicle features to Tommy Kitchener from the original 1914 poster

Changing Rooms

Here we have a video still from "Changing Rooms Kabul" as you can see after the shows presenter, another Tommy Clone, has finished with the house, it is much improved on what the Homeowner, Mr Bin Laden, is used to living in.

Fighting Spirit

Here we have a Tommy Clone on the beach in Kuwait. The british fighting spirit shows through as Clone769, despite having his head cut off for calling allah a twat, is determined to get a decent tan before they put him in the body bag

Come Fly With Me

Have you seen either of these clones?????

They are believed to be in the Florida swamps in hiding after this instructional video for their flight school was handed in to authorities by a disgruntled student whom they refused to teach how to land.

5 goats

Here we see Clone 652 negotiating the release of a Mrs Tommy Clone hostage from another raghead. Tommy is refusing to hand over more than 5 goats and a tea towel due to Mrs Tommy becoming addicted to sausage milkshakes while in captivity

Confused?

here we see reject clone 897, An elder in the Taliban. This shot was taken at an interview where he was asked to explain why, if the taliban hate women so much, do they dress up like them?

Tommy Elvis

The latest weapon in the US arsenal, Cloned dead celebrities.

oooops

Sometimes even Prof Tommy gets it wrong. This was the result of a cloning experiment as the US and British governments wanted some clones for a "Turkey Shoot" in the gulf.

Public Enemy Number 1

Her is the moment on US television when President George W Bush declared war on the Rogue Clones. Osama Bin Tommy (picture in picture) was identified at this moment as Public Enemy Number One and immediately went into hiding possibly somewhere inside a cinema or up in his room