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I, Wonko the Sane, do hear by declare
myself spatula king and ruler of all nations I feel fit to rule.
Those nations include the likes of The Mole People's Republic of
Democratic Instigation, Wisconsin, Microsoft, United Conglomerate of
Breakfast Cereals, and squirrels. That's right holly, the
squirrels now belong to me. I will continue my conquest and
unite them under the banner of Lennshire. All of lesser value
(you) shall pay homage to me by sacrificing once yearly at least one
of the following:
a duck
a boy band
a pickle
5 dollars
a 1988 Ford
a ruity tooty fresh and fruity breakfast
from IHOP
If you do not comply with my wishes I will
scowl and throw a temper tantrum until I get tired and take a royal
nap.
The position for Minister of Brunch,
Secretary of Peepholes, Lord of the fuzzy gray realm and not so
Supreme Chancellor of Silly Walks are open and I am accepting
applications. The position of Waffle Queen is open to only a
select few and I think they now who they are.
Thank you. Should any Royal Decrees
change you will be notified by email or Carrier Pigeon pending
availability of email.
With high hopes and a stable psyche,
Wonko the Sane
(formerly lenny the great)
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I call dibs on "Lord of the fuzzy gray realm" it is
mine and to prove it i shall sacrifice my '87 Ford to secure the
position. Now i know it is not exactly an '88 but i think it shall
due. And by sacrificing it i mean setting it a blaze.I know i
know, it is going to be cool, but a sacrifice none the less.
Bruce
Lord of the fuzzy gray realm
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Damn
Bruce..... I didn't think anybody else would move on that fuzzy gray
realm thing...
Ok
I'm calling Dibs on "not so Supreme
Chancellor of Silly Walks"
For this
Wonko the Sane shall recieve....
A Rooty
Tooty fresh and fruity breakfast from Ihop
2 pickles
3 ducks
5 dollars
and
if I can pull it off one of the bigger boy bands (Either N'Sucks or
Backdoor boys)
That
is all
Tom
Soon
to be your not so supreme Chancellor of Silly Walks
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I (in front of all the little bastard animals of the Grand Canyon) accept the postition of "Minister of Brunch". There has never been,,,and never will be a finer Lord for this aspicious post. In return,,, "Wonko the Sane" will be granted rulership of the "Planet of Intoxicated Nurses", of which I have been ruler till now. Besides,, I don't want to be Scott... who is gonna get stuck with Waffle Queen. I have Spoken ! A.J. Grand
Canyon??? I own it.
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| I would like to, as Sectrtary
of Groove and Pez Dispenser Shoes, extend and
warm and freindly greeting to North Anvilalia, in hopes that we can all unerstadn eachother a little better under the leadership of Wonko the Sane. Our previous ruler, Yardstick the Measured, was a harsh, rigid ruler, who would hardly even budge and inch on issues, and I, for one, hail the new leadership. All together: "You go, BOYEEE!" Ah, hazaah! Well, back to the weather device. I've purchased, from a small asian boy I met in an elevator once, a weather control device. All clouds will now look like fruit or animals!! HAHAHHAHA! But only after I fix the little wheel that's come loose, which means the bubble wand cant; fully extend, so the bubbles full of valuble "weatharium" pop before getting too high. Scalecatary of the day, Xanithan Homer Marque III
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| SCORE I GET TO BE THE SECRATARY
OF PEEPHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!! oK WAS ANYONE ELSE
REALLY SUPRISED I WOULD CALL DIBS ON THAT ONE? i AM SACRAFISING nSINK..BECAUSE THEY NEED TO DIE. KERN The man the myth the legend
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| I would like to, as Sectrtary
of Groove and Pez Dispenser Shoes, extend and
warm and freindly greeting to North Anvilalia, in hopes that we can all unerstadn eachother a little better under the leadership of Wonko the Sane. Our previous ruler, Yardstick the Measured, was a harsh, rigid ruler, who would hardly even budge and inch on issues, and I, for one, hail the new leadership. All together: "You go, BOYEEE!" Ah, hazaah! Well, back to the weather device. I've purchased, from a small asian boy I met in an elevator once, a weather control device. All clouds will now look like fruit or animals!! HAHAHHAHA! But only after I fix the little wheel that's come loose, which means the bubble wand cant; fully extend, so the bubbles full of valuble "weatharium" pop before getting too high. Scalecatary of the day, Xanithan Homer Marque III
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I would like to make a clarification.
Last night I meant to clarify myself as the Secretary of Peep Holes,
In my mistake, I would like to make ammends by running the provinces
of Wisconsin, and Microsoft, for our said ruler Wonko the sane(
formerly Leonard the great). Thank you for your patience on this
matter.
Kern.. One of the 4 guys you want in
your corner, saying "Well you really fucked aren't ya!"
When all hell breaks loose.
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| I will personally vouch for
Kern being a good person to have in your corner
telling you "you're fucked" when trouble rears its ugly head. That and I belive that Wisconsin shoul be given back to its native inhabitants, Laverne and Shirley. Gunner the Hunted
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| To remove any confusion my
newly appointed cabinet members are:
Sir Bruce Hudson- Lord of the Fuzzy Gray Realm Sir Tom Kern- not so Supreme Chancellor of Silly Walks Sir A.J. Legault- Minister of Brunching (has the right to perform weddings) Duke Gatlin Gunner Hamlyn- Secratary of Groove and Pez Dispenser Shoes (plus just a kick ass kinda guy) Sir Scott Kern- Secratary of Peepholes
Wisconsin and its cheese export will stay under my control as will microsoft, unless you want to start paying taxes.....didn't think so. However, Laverne and Shirley are already instated as governors of Wisconsin. Bill Gates is currently head of my Department of Defense. Who else is more ruthless than Bill Gates? Besides, he already had control of the army of the mole people, now i don't have to win there support. The postion of Waffle Queen is still open and applications are being accepted.
Sincerely, The Spatula King Wonko the Sane
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| I would like apply for a new
position, the duke of future land
endouvers..namely New Mexico when we win it from the US in a game of Blackjack and Quarters. furthermore I feel it my duty to administer peepholes in any door that might have a model behind it. That is all for now. Sir Kern..I'm not as fucked as you're gonna be...
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| I don't think Bruce deserves the
fuzzy gray realm! Seriously, I think I
deserve that position. I'm way better qualified, he may be able to eat more ice cream than me, and he may be able to out race me in a car, but damn it I'm Canadian!!! there has to be a rule that says you need a minority in there somewhere. Coby the rightful Lord of the fuzzy gray realm.
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| I'm with Coby on this one. I am backing
my wife. Not only have I chosen to back Cody but I am also going
to cause a rift in the "Team Tucson" bond of marriage by
saying that I believe my complete lack of governing skills (and utter
dislike for certain types of waffles, namely the ones with raspberries
on them) makes me much more eligable for the position of Waffle Queen
than my oh so lovely wife, Holly. I would also like to add that I
am quite disturbed that the squirrels have been taken from Hollys
control and I am tempted to help her in a fight for her right to be
the sole oppresser of the squirrels once again.
That is all. If you have any questions you can reach me at this address but I can't promise a reply. Wife of Holly and Coby and soon to be Queen of Waffles, EveMarie
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Now it gets interesting. Bruce, Coby,
I will require a resume from each of you. Same for you holly and
eve. In it I will need to list your qualifications (i.e.
education, significant achievements), the reason you think you would
be better than the other person and what you will give to me to pick
you.
As for the squirrels, they gladly follow
me because I gave them all superman capes that let them fly. (see
attachment)
Gunner, My country back you and your plan.
The mole people army, flying squirrel airforce, and dolphin safe
tuna navy are at your disposal. I trust as Secretary of
Groove you will use them wisely in turning Mexico in to prime
real-estate for OUR country, not those capitalist pig Americans.
Wonko the completely sane.
Spatula King
The people's only choice.
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| Yeah you heard it hear first
folks, downtown Tempe. Wonko is a weenie.
We're tired of his overbearing, domineering, just plain eerie ways. It freaks us out, who names their kid Wonko first of all? It's like naming their kid Regis, You just don't do that. And what Horseshit, is it to try and rule vermin like the squirrel? Take a rat and rub some Rogaine on the tail and bingo bango we have a squirrel. Anyone who wants to rule that deserves to have a dumbass name like Wonko. Next Order of business, Ruler of the Grey Space? What the hell? You're giving the Canadian an option? Have the Marines done fucked you up? Obviously since you re parading around moonlighting as Wonko. Not cool, not cool at all. First off I (this is Bruce now) am attending a credited American school. Ok it is ASU but it is still American. Coby, my competition is attending a CANADIAN SCHOOL! CANADIAN SCHOOL. Enough said, my point has been proven. So Wonko, if that is your real name, you can have you so called "Grey Realm", I have one of my own, it is called Wonko's head. And from here forth we rule it. That is right, as of 7:51 Tonight Wonko's rule of terror is over. First the rule of the Squirrels shall be returned to the Squirrels. Who better to rule them than themselves? I for one would not want to be ruled by a Canadian. Second Queen of Waffles? Is this really a necessary position? Talk about government spending at its finest. I don't think so. Bu bye. No, No we are not snubbing you; we just do not think the position is pertinent at this time. Better luck next year. Minister of groove and pez dispenser shoes shall retain his position in the new regime. WE ALL NEED PEZ DISPENSERS! Before we move on, Wonko will be punished by the way he threatened us with punishment. He will be subjected to the pop band punishment. If there are any questions as to what that punishment was, please refer to previous emails...all 23. Now we would like to introduce the new leader of this sovereign nation. THE WILY FILIPINO! He is a man's man! He will not let any Canadian run freethinking they are special! And as of 6 AM tomorrow Morning, (April 7, 2001) all squirrels shall be set amuck to govern themselves. There will be another email later pertaining to the positions available. But for now, we are losing our attention spans... The Chaos Corp...Livin' like fat rats with Rogaine tails.
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