In the the Archives, Message 1816, March 9, 2000, Nonnie cried, "Uncle" and shared an alternative ending to Mandarin of Mayfair. There had been a lively discussion on the list and to truly appreciate this, you'd have to read those messages in the archives.
Here's Nonnie...
Ok. I give up. MoM is a stupid book. And the plot lines that make August charge off by himself and then have Jamie rescue him are stupid. I was stupid for liking it in the stupid way. It makes no sense for Ross and the Preservers to be mean to August. Just because he fought a friend despite his promise doesn't mean that anyone should be mad at him. None of the men in the book should be judged by that hoary 18th century Code of Honour. By all means, let's apply current standards. They should all behave with the good sense of 21st century young men and I for one, can't wait until Veryan figures that out and rewrites MoM to conform with current standards.
MoM As it Should Be
"Now gentlemen" Ross said, rapping gently on the table. "We are -
"I thought we agreed not to use the term 'gentlemen,'" interrupted Gordon, brusquely." 'Tis an archaic word, reflecting the patriarchal hegemony that so unfairly coerces -"
"Aye!" agreed Owen, attempting to curtail Gordon's explanation. Their last meeting had gone on way too long due to Gordon's insistence on proper terminology. Of course that worthy was right to be careful, but Owen was dashed if he would be late for his crochet class this time! He tried to catch Ross' eye.
But Ross' head was bent towards the table. The tears, dripping off his cheeks, pooled on the pile of papers before him. In the sudden silence, they could hear his choked sobs. "Please forgive me Gordon," he gasped at last, " I ...forgot. I'm so terribly sorry..." He tailed off, sniffing quietly.
Gordon leapt up and went towards him. "Why, think nothing of it, you silly gudgeon!" Out of the corner of his eye he saw Owen and Jonathan wince. "I mean, you thoughtful, and er...responsible human person." Terminology! Dash it, he of all people should have been more careful. He and Ross hugged.
Ross dried his tears. At that moment, the door was flung open and two more young people of the male gender entered the room.
"Sorry we're late!" exclaimed the taller of the two, who was limping on his prosthetic device. "Tio was helping me get my special carriage license. You know, the one that will let me park closer to the front steps of buildings."
Tio, or Citizen Glendenning, man of the people, as he now preferred to be known, joined the rest at the table. All of the "Preservers That Were Not the Property of Any Particular Person" were now present.
Ross began the meeting: "As you know, we meet today to discuss the fate of August, who yesterday skewered Jamie in a duel."
Gordon's hand immediately shot up. "You know, Ross, I cannot but help feel that skewered is a bit, um, well, prejudicial, don't you think?"
"Impaled?" offered Ross
"Still a bit...well...bad." Gordon replied.
"Penetrated?" suggested Ross.
Both Gordon and Owen shook their heads vehemently. Jonathan exclaimed: "Must stay away from that one!" At the force of his tone, Ross began to weep.
"Encountered!" Tio shouted triumphantly.
All heads bobbed in agreement.
Drying his eyes, Ross began again. "We meet to discuss whether we should in any way, change our behaviour toward August, whose sword yesterday encountered Jamie's intestines." He looked expectantly at the faces across the table. Silence. He would have to prompt them each individually. Oh, he knew that they had discussed, time and time again, how the meetings should be run in a non-directive manner, all as equal participants, but it really was easier said than done. They were all so wonderfully sensitive that every discussion resulted in hurt feelings. Validly hurt feelings, of course. Confound it if it did not pain a man to sit around with his fellow persons of the same gender. Ross felt the tears beginning to well up again.
Gordon saw the watery glimmer in Ross' eyes. A kind but gruff man, he felt compelled to begin in an attempt to spare his friend's already soaked handkerchief. "As you know," he said, "I have deep affection and respect for August, despite the fact that he stuck his hand in the bosom of Ms DeBrette, my then fiancee."
"No woman is the personal property of any man." Jonathan and Owen chimed in simultaneously.
"Of course, beg pardon," continued Gordon, "I mean Ms DeBrette, a person in her own right who had consented, of her own free will, to join me in the antiquated, out-dated legal convention which was based on the transmission of property through recognized patriarchal blood-lines."
"And I like August as well," added Perry "even though he suggested on more than one occasion that the loss of my leg was in some way a disability."
Shouts of "No!" "Not really!" "I say!" and "Never!" rang out from the assembled persons. The noise was such that Ross' bottom lip began to quiver. He reached for his handkerchief and muffled a sob.
When the hubbub died down, Owen Furlong's quiet voice could be heard. "He was rather short with me about giving up the key documents." In a surge of remorse, he added, "But I know I deserved it."
It was Tio's turn. He hesitated. "Well, August helped save my life last spring. And the mater loves him. But the other day, merely because I'm growing my hair long because that's what Amy says I should do, August had the nerve to call me pussywhi-"
He was interrupted by the hysterical shouts of his companions. Tio flushed, and went to comfort the now sobbing Ross. They hugged.
"Well, I for one do not doubt that August was totally justified." said Jonathan. "I'm sure that Jamie fought back. That's provocation, surely. It's always best to turn the other cheek. Or other lung." he amended hurriedly. He looked around the table. After a few moments contemplation, his friends' heads began to nod in agreement.
"Totally justified." they chorused as one. "Call the dear fellow in and we'll apologize. Why, we totally overeacted when we heard that his sword had encountered Jamie. Must be that dashed wheat intolerance we're all suffering from. Obviously affected our judgement." They all hugged.
The end.
And I am not sulking. Much.
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