"What's the matter with you?! Let go of me!" I renewed my struggles, but
Hisashi merely presses himself even closer, stopping my movements dead in their
tracks.

His heavy breathing fills my ears.

I closed my eyes, trying to slow my ragged breaths and calm myself down. Who
the hell does he think he is?! And what does he think he's doing?!

"No," he exhales, sending an involuntary shiver down my spine as that puff of
air teased the inside of my ear. His hands found my wrists, gripped them, and
pinned them to the wall on either sides of my body. I found myself getting a
bit annoyed at my helplessness. I mean, I'm bigger than him, right? _I_ should
be the one to have _him_ pinned against the wall!
My blood was boiling and I balled my hands up into tight fists. I wanted to
slug him one. I meant it -- I really did. But I controlled myself...

"I said, let go of me," I repeated, finally opening my eyes to stare at his
face, which hovered only a few inches from mine. Hisashi licked at his lips,
making them glisten under the light of the flourescent bulbs... //Damn it,
Jiro! Get a grip on yourself, man!! Don't look at him!// It was hard, but in
the end, I lowered my head to stare at the floor and put on the best scowl I
had.

"Jiro, what did I do?" he asked. "You ignored me all throughout practice and
now you ignore me here. Tell me why you're acting like this." One of his hands
lets go of my wrist and trails up my arm. He reached up to caress my face, but
I jerked my head away from the feather-like touch and threw him a venomous
look. He'd better think twice before trying that again.

"I thought I told you to let me go, Hisashi."

He's silent. Well, perhaps he's finally letting what I said sink in his thick
skull. Good for him, if he doesn't want trouble from me. And trust me -- I can
be a hell of a lot of trouble when I want to be.

"Jiro...if you don't tell me, then I won't let go," he says, emphasizing his
point by looking straight into my eyes and tightening his hold. I roughly
turned my head away from him and ignored the slight pressure on my wrists.
//What a stubborn asshole...//

"It's none of your damn business..." My voice was dangerously low, close to a
growl. "If you don't get offa me, I'll hit you, Hisashi! I swear on it!"
Getting so irritated with him, I started thrashing around again, showing him
that I wasn't playing any games. Surprisingly, one of my captive arms broke
free from his strong grip and an open palm came up towards his face. A loud
smack resounded throughout the room.

I struck him across his cheek. Hard.

A stinging, red handprint was all that was left on his pale skin. //Oh,
shit...I really hit him.// He stares breathlessly at me, bringing up a palm to
cover his cheek. I gaped, observing my handiwork, before nervously biting my
bottom lip and shutting my eyes. If you didn't know, I'm anticipating him to
hit me back -- I wanted him to hit me; and if he does, then maybe I'll black
out, wake up with a concussion, develop amnesia, and even forget who Hisashi
was... No, I'll never be _that_ lucky.

I waited and waited. //God, what is wrong with him?! When's he gonna hit --
NANI?!//

My eyes snapped open. I got quite a different kind of shock than what I was
expecting.

All of a sudden, his hands were on me, roaming all over my body, forcing me
back and sandwiching me to the wall once more. //What the fuck?!//
I let out a whimper as he lowered his hot mouth onto my neck. A warm, wet
tongue snaked out to lightly flick at my skin and I gasped, sucking in a shakey
breath of air as it traced a path up my neck, nearing my ear.

"No..." I moaned out softly, flushed and confused, pathetically trying to push
him away. //I won't give in to him!//

My heart was pounding...

...and Hisashi's still persistent as hell. //Bastard...//

His arms possessively wound themselves around my hips and strong hands strayed
downward, slowly, deliberately rubbing my ass through the fabric of my jeans. I
felt him leaving wonderful, little open-mouthed kisses along my slackened jaw,
against my cheek, then changing direction and moving closer to my mouth. //Oh,
damn...I feel dizzy.// My breath hitched when that skillful mouth worked its
way close enough, almost reaching its destination; and finally, his thin lips
crushed themselves over my own quivering, parted ones for a soul-sucking,
mind-numbing kiss. His hand desperately flew up to the back of my head, gently
pressing down to deepen the contact.
Searing pleasure shot up my spine and I moaned again against my own will,
feeling his gradually hardening arousal against my thigh. //So...good...//
Goddamnit... I'm losing control... I can feel it. My body's betraying me, and
I'm unconsciously rubbing up against him. I wanted more of his erotic touches.
The hand on my ass began kneading slowly and sensually in time with the hand
tangling in my hair. Every nerve in my body was on fire.

I'm getting aroused...so painfully aroused.

//But this can't happen again...no...//

I needed to stop him before things got extremely out of control. I can't allow
us to do something else that's just going to just further complicate what's
between me and him. Yeah, yeah, yeah that's kind of strange to say, especially
when we've already had sex... Anyways, my point is, I don't need things to be
more complicated than they already are.

Though with every passing minute, he became more demanding, working his magic
over my swollen lips, milking out everything that my bruised mouth had to
offer. I momentarily suppressed my desire and splayed my hands out across his
chest, half-heartedly pushing against lithe body, which seemed to...fit so
perfectly with mine.
Hisashi suddenly withdrew, tracing the pad of a calloused thumb over my
tingling lips then moving down to rest his hand on my shoulder. The other was
playing with my hair, brushing the fringes away from my face. I slowly wet my
lips, my eyes still slightly glazed over, and watched him with a daze as he
glanced at the clock mounted on the wall above us. The taste of him was still
lingering, so fresh on my tongue. I hate to admit it, but he's so addicting...

"Break's been over for a few minutes," he says, his hand leaving my shoulder
to idly stroke my flushed cheek. "We should get back to practice before Teru
and Takuro start to wonder about us." He leans back down to languidly kiss me.
"Takuro's pretty nosy, especially this morning. I wonder if he knows
something..."

I kept quiet and listened to Hisashi's hushed whispers.

"Well, let's leave before they come looking for us. Afterall, we wouldn't want
them walking in while we're making out..." he deliberately took his time as he
licked at the sensitive spot below my ear, "...would we?" My heart pounded and
I blinked, turning my head to the side to stare at another wall and
unconsciously giving him better access to my neck. The thought of Teru and
Takuro walking in on Hisashi and me in "the act" made me think... A small frown
found its way onto my face and before I knew it, I'd blurted out something
really stupid --

"What if I want them to walk in?"

God, _why_ do I do these things to myself? I'll never know. Ack! I feel sick.

I felt him slow to a stop, carefully lifting his head up to stare at me.
"Jiro," Hisashi's hands fell from my sides and he takes a step back from me,
making me miss his warmth.

"Are you suggesting that we tell them about us? About how we were locked in and
what happened?"

I sighed and pushed myself off the wall to stand upright.

"Would you think I'm crazy if I said 'yes'?" I tried looking into his eyes, but
they already were downcast and staring intently at the floor. I couldn't really
read the expression on his face. I heard him sigh.

"Can't we just leave things the way that they are?" he asks, still not meeting
my gaze.

"The...way that they are?" I echoed, sounding a bit upset.

He nodded once.

I...I...what does he mean? I'm confused. 'The way that they are?' What was that
all about?

Then the realization hit me.

I felt anger boiling up inside, ready to explode and unleash destruction on
everyone. "The way that they are?! What you mean is, acting like we hate each
other, like nothing's changed?! Is that it?! And we carry on with this
secret?!"
He finally looks up, probably startled at what I'm bitching about. Yes -- I'm
bitching. Anyway, he needs to hear it. He reaches out and places his hands over
my shoulders. "Jiro, I --"

"That's it, isn't it?!"

Please, Jiro, keep your voice down. People will --"

"NO!! I will _not_ keep my voice down!" I screamed at him, cutting his pleas
short, and shrugging his hands from my shoulders. Jesus, I should listen to
myself; I must sound so hysterical...but I don't care. I know I'm the right
one; not him. Hisashi deserves to know how I feel about all this.

He's shocked into complete silence. Moments passed almost as fast as melting
ice in a freezer. I panted, catching my breath after that outbusrt and sighed,
being the first one of us to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Why do we have to pretend, Hisashi?" I asked him after a few minutes, after
I've calmed down a little.
"Why?" I just...wanna know. Is that so much to ask for?

He raked a hand through his brown, highlighted hair. He looks so weary...but
then again, we both were. You see, before coming here, rehearsal...well,
it...rehearsal stunk. You should've seen how pissed off Takuro was.

"Jiro," he paused, "don't put me through this right now."

"All I want is an answer."

"What if I said that I didn't have one?"

"So you don't have an answer as to why you live up to the image that people
_stick_ you with?"

"Well, maybe because it's my image."

"_That_ doesn't determine who _you_ are, Hisashi."

He didn't say anything for a while. Heck, we both didn't. But he still hasn't
given me a clear cut answer. And that's what I was after.

"...I hate that we're living in a big lie," I said, shifting my weight to one
foot and crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"What's that supposed to mean?" his brows knitted.

"You and me. We're just a big, fat _lie_."

"That's not true..."

"Don't kid yourself. You know it is."

"No, it's not."

"Yes...it is," I repeated.

"No...it's not," he countered.

He's being irritating, so I glared at him. I wonder if he'll spontaneously
combust...

"Jiro, if this is about whether you're ready or not for a relationship with me,
then--"

"No, Hisashi! I _know_ that I want a relationship with you and I know that I'm
_ready_! But it's just...just...oh, nevermind."

"Don't 'oh, nevermind' me, Jiro. Please...tell me what it is." His pleading
eyes bore into mine. I slowly shook my head and pushed him out of my way,
heading straight for the door. He's watching me...I can feel it. //Stare all
you want, Hisashi, but I'm not staying any longer.//

"You wouldn't understand, Hisashi."

Without another word or a last glance in his direction, I opened the door and
ran out into the halls, the sound of my footsteps echoing on the linoleum
floor. I couldn't risk a glance towards Hisashi...because if I did, I know that
I'd just turn right around and walk back to him again. I needed to get away
from all this. //A few more steps, then I'll be free.//
I was headed for the door to the parking lot. That's right -- I'm leaving.
Screw rehearsal! Screw all this! I don't want anything to do with Hisashi right
now! I sniffled and wiped the tears that welled up in my eyes. So much for not
crying... //One more turn...// I quickened my pace and found myself jogging
blindly through the halls. The stupid tears were blurring my vision and I
couldn't really see where I was going. I rounded a corner and slammed into
someone.

It was Teru.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blond head of hair emerged from nowhere and ran right into me.

"Jiro?"

Jiro's startled gaze settled on me. I glanced at his face and noticed that his
normally bright eyes were red and puffy. //Has he been crying...?// I was right
in my assumption as I saw a teardrop fall from his face. He sniffled and
muttered an apology, trying to excuse himself to me. I know he's staring at
that backdoor. Why, he's practically burning a hole through the metal. But
where the heck was he going? Practice wasn't nearly over.

"Are you going somewhere?" I asked and gestured to the door.

His eyes sild back and forth from my face to the door. "Um, yeah," he said,
wiping away another stray teardrop. "I gotta go home. It's...an emergency."

You know, Jiro was never really good at lying.

"Aa," I nodded and let it go. I know that it wasn't any emergency, because Jiro
didn't act this way, if it was a real emergency. Besides, I wouldn't force him
to stay if he didn't want to. I don't want start interrogating him when it's
obvious that he seems upset with something... I can tell that the poor kid was
trying so hard to hide the fact that he was crying. It's not bad to cry, I
thought. At least that way, everything won't be bottled up inside you. I didn't
tell him all that, though.

Trying to assure him with a smile, I ruffled his hair a little, like I would
often do to my son. //He certainly seems vulnerable like a child right now...//
Ah, my paternal instincts are kicking in.

"Ok, Jiro. Go home and take care of it. I'll tell Takuro that you left. I think
he'll understand that it was an emergency," I got out of his way and patted his
back.

His smile is a sad, uneasy one. He says his thanks and I waved as he pushed
open the door and stepped out. The door clicked shut.

I stood there for a while in the hallway, looking after the heavy, gray door.
//Why was he crying?// I worry about Jiro sometimes...but I bet you all never
knew that, eh? He _is_ one of my bestfriends... I sighed, shrugging to myself
before continuing down the hall. Maybe if I talked to Hisashi, I'll have a clue
as to what's going on.

I finally reach the break room, the place where I was headed before bumping
into Jiro. Opening the door, I cautiously peered inside and found Hisashi
sitting on the small couch in the corner. He must have heard me come into the
room because as I entered, his head snapped up and his eyes immediately fell
upon the doorway. He seemed to be cradling his cheek with one of his palms...
Hisashi stared at me for a few seconds then turned his attention back to
something that was in his lap. He never said a word. //Was he expecting someone
else to come in?// I took a couple more steps and ended up standing in front of
the Coke machine, my hands already digging deep into my pockets, trying to find
some change for a soda. I casted a sidelong glance at him, finding him totally
absorbed in examining something in his hands. A box of battered-looking
strawberry Pocky. Yeah, I think that's what it was.

And Hisashi had a strange look on his face.

A look I've never really seen on him before.

He almost looked...pained.

"Hey, Hisa," I call out, making my way to the couch, obviously forgetting
about the drink. Well, I didn't come here for the drink in the first place.
Seeing me approach him, he quickly stuffs the Pocky box into one of his large
pockets. He's already wiped off that painful look on his face, masking it with
another one that I knew so well -- indifference, agitation, and the list goes
on. Ok, I know I shouldn't try to mess with him when he's in this mood, but I
just have to know if something was wrong with him and...Jiro.

"Hi, Teru," he turns his head slightly to me, finally dropping the hand from
his face. My eyes widened as I saw his dull, red cheek.

"Uhh..." I stared at him.

"What?" he asks, a frown emerging.

I decided not to ask him about his cheek. He seems kind of touchy at the
moment...I wonder if this had something to do with Jiro.

"Nothing, nothing..." I sat there and picked the lint off my shirt.

He quirks up a brow and shrugs a slender shoulder. "Whatever."

I stopped picking at the nonexistant lint. "Um, how've you been?"

"Everything's fine, Teru."

I can tell that he was lying just like Jiro was earlier. Ok...why does everyone
think I'm stupid and that I can't sense these things?? Oi, what are they trying
to hide from me?! Honestly! But after knowing them for 10 years, it's still a
mystery to figure some things out about them.

"Good, good," I replied, nodding like an idiot. "So..." Arghh! The words simply
wouldn't come to my mouth. I don't think I'm getting anywhere.

"So...?" he echoes after I trailed off into the wind. Aw, dammit! Might as well
get it out before I die a terrible death of curiosity. I opened my mouth,
ready to pour out my questions about him and Jiro, but... the _baka_ cuts me
off before I could say anything. Drat!

"What do you want, Teru?" he sighed and rolled his eyes at me, looking
extremely irritated. I automatically cringed. Well...uh..._that_ was pretty
blunt. //Here's my chance.//

"Hisashi, I'm going to stop beating around the bush and just ask you this, ok?"
Dammit, my damned curiosity was eating me alive.

"Uh, sure."

I took a deep breath. "Is there, you know," I paused, "something going on
between you and Jiro?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The music's blasting out from my stereo, drowning out any unwanted thoughts.
I'm tearing down the street, going almost 60mph in a residential area. I hope
the cops don't pull me over...that'd just be the cherry on top for today,
wouldn't it? I slowed down as I neared my apartment. I sighed. It's just 3 in
the afternoon. I really left rehearsal early... //I wonder if Takuro will call
off rehearsal because of me.// Pulling into my parking space of the apartment
complex, I finally turn off my radio, cutting off the last traces of a Bonnie
Pink song. Then I turned off my engine.
There's only silence, save for a few birds chirping here and there and cars
passing by on the streets. But still, everything's so quiet now... and what
better opportunity for those damned thoughts came creeping up on me again.

"Fuck..." I cursed and closed my eyes, slumping down and leaning against the
steering wheel. All I could see was Hisashi...and the images of what happened
in the break room earlier...

I accidentally pushed down on the horn and it jolted me out of my despair.

Unbuckling the safety belt, I opened the door and tumbled out of the car,
gripping onto the hood to steady myself.

Crying can make one so lightheaded.

Slowly, I made my way up to the door and pulled out a set of keys, haphazardly
jabbing it into the slot. After I realized that I'd been trying to stick my
_car_ keys into the lock, I finally fished out the right set for my apartment.
Finally, the key slipped in and turned. I opened the door, stepped inside and
kicked it closed behind me, forgetting to lock my door. I bee-lined for my
leather sofa, not even bothering to set my dirty sneakers against the wall -
much less toe them off - and sank bonelessly onto the soft cushions.

I'm alone again, but that's the way I wanted it.

And nobody knows where I am...

Nobody except Teru.

I closed my eyes and recalled what had happened when I bumped into him during
my escape. He acted so...so...understanding, but really condescending. And what
I mean by 'condescending' is treating me like a kid. I know that he has kids
and all, but geez...I'm a grown man.

//No, I shouldn't say that about Teru. He was just trying to comfort me.//

Still, I find myself growing suspicious -- maybe he knew all the twists and
turns that took place in my screwed up love life. Great, then he's not as
clueless as I thought. Man, I know that I shouldn't think about it too much,
but I was definitely expecting him to stop me from leaving and ask me why I was
crying. Surprisingly, he didn't push it. No, no he didn't. Instead, he just
smiled at me, ruffled my hair, and sent me on my way with a pat on the
back...what a guy, ne?

I sat back and watched as the afternoon sunlight shined at my window,
streaming through the creme colored curtains that hung there, giving the room a
sort of an unnatural, ethereal glow. I sighed, staring at them. I know I should
buy blinds instead. Everyone's always telling me to buy blinds because they're
good for privacy...and yeah, they're much more practical than curtains, I
agree, but not as pretty to look at, you know? Some things are just so
unpractical...but they're too beautiful to resist. I just wanted those
curtains...I needed those curtains.
I groaned and slowly shook my head, my thoughts slipping from Teru, curtains,
and blinds. This is so silly... In the first place, I knew that I wasn't
talking about some curtains.

I was thinking about Hisashi again.

//Hisashi...//

No, thinking like this would definitely _not_ make things easier. I blinked and
bit my lip.

//None of this would be happening if I'd just gone drinking with Teru and
Takuro; it wouldn't be happening if Hisashi and I weren't locked in the studio;
it wouldn't be happening if I'd just...told him to back off last night. But it
was a chance of a lifetime, something I've always wanted to happen...and it
did.// I yawned, stretching myself out onto the couch.
//Oi, why couldn't things go back to the way they were? Back to me, admiring
him from afar...and him, not knowing how much I wanted him. Well, if he's not
going to change things, then I'll...I'll...I don't know what I'll do.//

I'd forced myself to stop crying a while ago; I've been crying entirely too
much in one day. Two times already. It's really not a good habit to pick up.

Despite all that, my vision grew hazy as fresh tears slowly streamed down my
cheeks, spilling onto my shirt, wetting the cotton in a few drops. Oh, I'm
crying again...for the third time. I continued to stare at the window, the hazy
atmosphere and my crying were lulling me to sleep. The lids of my eyes grew
heavier with every passing second. //Sleep...//
I won't kid myself and say that sleep will solve my problems, but if I can just
get away for a couple hours...just a couple hours... then _maybe_ I can still
believe that everything's going to be ok, that all the problems would vanish
when I wake up.

So I closed my eyes and welcomed it.

part 6