"Damnit Hisashi, do you have to do that in the car?" Jiro asked as Hisashi lit up another cigarette. "You know I don't like them, can't you just wait until we get home?" Jiro began driving dangerously faster as he got most and more frustrated with the guitarist.

"Jiro, I am who I am. And I smoke. I thought you understood that," Hisa put out his cigarette in the ashtray, making sure to snub it out extra hard to get out a smidgeon of the annoyance his lover was becoming. He let out a long breath and turned towards the window, showing his anger in his forced silence.

Jiro glanced sideways and cringed, //So.. It's going to be another one of those nights, is it?// He didn't know what was going on with him and Hisashi. They had been in a relationship some time ago, but he had broken it off because he'd caught hisashi fooling around with Teru, both drunk off their asses. Jiro had acted reasonably, he thought, he had called the whole relationship off. The only thing was, ever since then they'd been sleeping with each other twice, sometimes three times a week. They'd be at rehearsal and then they'd all go out to a bar, and inevitably they would end up
getting into Jiro's car and speeding off to his house for a night of fun.

Hisa sighed and turned back towards the driver. "Jiro, I don't know what's going on anymore. Are we still together?" He had a pained look on his face which went unseen by Jiro who was intent on not running them off the road.

Jiro uttered a strangled choking sound, "Hisa, we ended out relationship MONTHS ago!"

"But, we sleep together all the time!" Hisa protested, on the verge of tears.

"We're just really fucked up friends who like to screw each other the odd time." Jiro said casually.

Hisashi couldn't contain the tears that rolled down his cheeks. He absently wiped them off before continueing the arguement. "Even when we were together, you were always afriad of telling me you loved me, or even showing ANY signs of physical or emotional attraction! I was just someone you kept around you to have fun with whenever you wanted me. I'm sick of it. I realized I loved you a long time ago, I'm just waiting for you to wake up and realize you love me!" Disregarding Jiro's protests, he lit up another cigarette and took a drag. He exhaled the smoke out the window and stared
at the passing buildings.

Jiro was silent as he pulled up in front of Hisahsi's house. Hisa looked at their location with a small amount of surprise. They had been headed for Jiro's but obviously there had been a change in plans. Jiro cleared his throat uncertainly. "I.. uhh.. didn't feel like going to my house tonight. May I come in? I.." he shifted his eyes around the car, paying particular
attention to the specks of dust on his pant leg.

Hisashi looked at the bassist, at his blonde hair, his adorable mouth, his big eyes. He knew he should say no, that it would just be like the other times, that he would still mean nothing to Jiro, nothing but a body, a face, someone to control, to sleep with at will. He was breathless as he nodded his consent. Jiro smiled and looked at Hisa hungerly. He followed him out of the car and into the house.

Hisashi led Jiro through the house to his bedroom. He just stood there while Jiro walked around him, looking about the room in curiosity. He hadn't been in here many times, even when they'd officially been seeing each other they had always been at his house, so he needed to get his bearings.

Jiro took Hisashi by the hand and took him over to the bed. He slowly undressed the smaller man, removing first his shirt, button by button, letting it fall softly to the floor. Then he silently pushed Hisa into a sitting position on the bed in front of him. Jiro pulled off his own shirt and bent down for a hungry kiss, searching Hisashi's mouth, massaging Hisa's tongue with his. Hisashi reached up and put his hands on Jiro's ass and pulled him down onto his lap. Jiro put his hands around Hisa's head, playing with his hair and he deepened the kiss. Hisashi let his hands wander over Jiro's back playfully, for the moment forgetting his worries, forgetting that Jiro didn't love him. He just wanted Jiro more than anything in the world, and at least he had his body, if not his soul.

Jiro broke the kiss and gasped for breath. He reached down to undo his lover's pants. His only regret was having to stand up in order to get the damn things off. Hisashi wrigled his hips as Jiro pulled them down and off, tossing them a few feet from the bed. He fiddled with the clasp on his own pants, undoing them as fast as he could. He was desperate for Hisashi and he straddled the waiting man once again going in for a kiss while Hisa
bucked his hips against his, voicing his need for Jiro's flesh in him. Jiro pushed him flat onto the bed and before he could think he thrust into him.

Hisashi gasped as tears sprang to his eyes. In their haste they had forgotten lubricant. He couldn't stop now, and pleasure raced through every inch of his being despite the pain. He moaned and clutched Jiro closer to him as they both experienced one fanatic climax together as one before collapsing in an exhausted tangle of limbs onto the sheets.

*************

The sun timidly peered through the window and lit up the room. Hisashi stirred, a smile on his lips. He turned and reached out an arm to embrace Jiro, but there was no one beside him. He forced his eyes open as he looked at the empty bed. He squinted. There was a small note lying there. He sat up and took it uncertainly.

Jiro had scribbled, hastily, "I'm sorry, we have rehearsal, but I didn't want to wake you and I needed to get back to my house before going to the studio. See you later!"

He sighed, disappointed that he couldn't see his lover first thing in the morning. He didn't know how much more of this he could take. Every morning he woke up without Jiro after a night of bliss and it was getting exhausting. He needed to break this habit as soon as he possibly could. He got out of bed, noting blood on the sheets. He sighed and gathered the
sheet to put them in the laundry.

*************

Their rehearsal had gone well. No blood vessels in Takuro's brain had burst and Teru was now psyched about going out and getting drunk. He asked 'Hisashi if he'd like to go, but Hisa turned him down politely. Jiro looked surprised at this and took Hisashi into the corner to talk with him.

"Would you like to come to my place tonight, Tono?" he asked playfully. He casually brushed some hair away from Hisa's eyes. Hisashi scowled.

"I can't, Jiro. I can't, at least, not tonight." He sighed. He'd been unable to say it. He couldn't just tell Jiro that he was seeing someone else. It wasn't as if he and Jiro were in a relationship, Jiro'd made that plain the previous night, but still Hisashi could not say it outright. He felt guilty. Guilty because he still felt something for Jiro.

Jiro simply nodded and grinned. "Well, then, I guess I'll see you at practice tomorrow!" He turned from the guitarist and pranced out of the room after Teru and Takuro. Hisashi collapsed in the corner, unable to move. He breathed in short gasps. //What am I doing?// he asked himself repeatedly. After an eternity of self doubt he decided that if Jiro couldn't wake up he was just going to try to forget about him. He stood up, brushed out the wrinkles in his clothes and left the studio, speeding home to get ready for his date.

part 2