Days after that particular day was like hell for both Jiro and Hisashi. The mass media continously came to the practice place or to Hisashi or Jiro's house. The phonecalls were endless. The questions kept coming with no sign of stopping. Reporters followed them around, photographers stalked them, waiting for a moment to catch the two of them together. Privacy was not respected anymore.
They practically had no time together anymore. They could only met each other in practice and talk to each other on phone. They couldn't visit each other house's without being attacked by the various questions from the news seekers.
Had to relieve their longing for each other by just hearing each other's voice on the phone. God, how much it killed them.
Those times, almost everyone they knew opposed them. And those times, they knew that they had to survive by themselves.
* * *
Jiro walked along the pavement, all the time feeling eyes on him. People's eyes. Accusing, intimidating, degrading. He could hear the whispers whenever they saw him.
'…Look, it's that gay musician…'
'…How shameful…'
'… I used to idolize him… but now…'
'…He will be a bad example for the young people nowadays…'
'…Son, don't be like him…'
He wanted to close his ears and ran away. Ran far, far away, away from this bitter reality, away from the accusing stares and maddening whispers.
God… God…
He wanted to run away, somewhere, someplace… to a place where he knew people wouldn't reject him…
He wanted to go to wherever Hisashi was now…
But he couldn't. The journalists and photographers … they were all around… especially around Hisashi's house… and his own house… he couldn't come to Hisashi's house. It would only caused more news, more gossips… it would be bad… for Glay, for Takuro, Teru… for Hisashi… for himself…
He wanted to cry, really. God, how many times since that day that he wanted to cry?
He hadn't cry though, not even once.
But he knew that there was couple of times when there were tears in his eyes.
If he cried… if the tears fell… would it make him a coward? For wanting to run away from the reality… All of these things that was happening to him, to Hisashi… all was because their own acts too… all was because his own acts too… if he cried over it… if the tears fell…
The tears never fell though. Somehow, he was able to prevent the tears from falling. He hadn't cried since that day. And he wasn't about to start now.
But it was getting harder. With every step he took, his feet felt heavier and heavier. And all the time he walked… his eyes were casted downwards, to the monotonous patterns of the pavement, afraid of looking at other people… afraid of seeing the looks in their eyes.
He had never felt like this before. God, he had never walked like this before. Usually, he would stare forward, his chins lifted in an optimistic kind of way, and he would meet every glance, every stare the people he passed by threw his way and smiled at the passers by.
But now…
He wanted to lift his head. Badly. To stare ahead, optimistically like he had always done before. To show them - at least to pretend - that he was okay. But… but…
But why did it hurt so much? To just lift his face and look at other people…
Why did it hurt so much to pretend that he was okay?
* * *
Hisashi shut the door behind him, locking the overeager news and gossip seekers outside. He sighed. It had been a long day…
Scratch that… everyday ever since that fateful day felt like eternity.
He felt tired. Tired dealing with the journalist outside. Tired of trying to hide himself from the photographer. Tired of dealing with the reactions he had got regarding his relationship with Jiro.
He took off his coat and threw it carelessly to the sofa in the livingroom. He thought about calling Jiro. Maybe hearing his voice would make him feel better.
He was putting his keys on the buffet when he sensed movement behind her. From the bedroom. Hope bloomed in his heart. "Jiro?" he called out as he turned around.
But it wasn't Jiro who was standing at his bedroom door.
It was Izumi.
Hisashi froze on spot the second he saw her. She was staring at him, from the bedroom door, storm of emotions in her brown eyes.
"Izumi…"
"Yes, it's me," she smiled sadly. "I'm sorry that I'm not him, the person you want to meet the most…"
"How… how did you get in here?"
"You gave me keys, a week after you moved here. Remember?" she murmured, holding up keys in her hand. "You forget… figures. I guess I don't have place in your heart anymore ne?"
Silence, as Hisashi couldn't find words to say.
He felt something broke in him as he stared at Izumi's broken figure. The memories in his heart, about the happy Izumi… they broke into pieces. How could he forget… how could he forget that there was her…
"So it is because of him, ne? That you so rarely meet me nowadays… that you almost never call me again… That you never take me here anymore… it is because of him…" her voice started to quiver as tears started to form in her eyes.
Hisashi didn't say anything. He felt like he had no right to defend himself. Not to her, the woman he had hurt so deeply.
"… Do you… love me?" she whispered. When Hisashi didn't answer, she repeated herself, louder this time. "Do you love me?"
He caught her gaze with his own. "I loved you"
"You loved me," she repeated. "Then why… why didn't you say earlier? Why didn't you tell me so, the time your love for me died?". Tears started to fall from her eyes. "Why did you keep me believing that you still love me??!!"
"I… I kept believing that you still love me…," she continued. "But… but you…. You have an affair with him… God, you cheated on me with him…"
"Izumi…"
"Don't 'Izumi' me!!," she screamed. "Do you know? *I* should be the one to visit you continuously, *I* should be the one to take care of you, to lift you up when you are down, to make you smile… *I* should be the one who do that! *I* should be the one you look forward to meet, *I* should be the one for you to share your sadness and happiness, *I* should be the one with whom you celebrate your success… I… *I* should be the one who is with you on your bed at night! Me!! Your girlfriend! I should be the one for you!! Not *him*!! *Never* him!!"
Words flowed out from her pinkish lips just like the tears that flowed freely from her eyes. She sobbed, covering her face with one of her hand while the other held the doorframe tightly to support her body.
And all the time, Hisashi couldn't do anything but stood there.
"Do you… do you forget?" she continued. "I'm… I'm your girlfriend! God, even until now, I'm still your girlfriend! I deserve to get the news about this first hand, from you, not… not from newspaper! I deserve to be spared from all of this!!"
"I'm… I'm your girlfriend… or have you forgotten about it…?" she whispered brokenly.
Shameful as it was, Hisashi had to admit that there were couple of times that he did forget that he had Izumi as his girlfriend. And God, the price that he had to pay now…
"When do you plan to tell me about him actually?" she asked. "Are you going to keep it as a secret? Are you going to use our relationship as a cover for you and him? Is that so??!!" She shook her head. "Who are you? Where is *my* Hisashi?"
His hand reach out and touched her hand softly. "Izumi…"
"Don't touch me!!" she screamed. "Don't touch me… don't look at me like that! I… I don't need your pity…"
Pain crossed Hisashi's feature, as he slowly drew his hand back to himself.
There were moments of silence between them as Izumi tried desperately to take hod of herself. She took deep breaths… and she wiped her tears away… but the tears wouldn't stop falling. Not for now. Not for the time being.
"I guess… there's no use for me to stay here any longer," she said after calming herself. She put the keys on the table. "There, I give the keys back. I don't need it anymore because… I don't have the right to enter this house with these keys anymore, seeing that now… now I'm not your girlfriend anymore. Maybe you could give them to him instead…"
She put on her sunglasses, grabbed her handbag and silently walked towards the door.
"Izumi…" Hisashi called out. She stopped in her track at his voice, but she didn't turn back. "I'm sorry… for hurting you… for everything. I wish things had been different"
She turned a little to him, her hand on the door knob. "Sayonara… Hisashi-san," she said and nodded formally, before stepping out and closing the door behind her.
Hisashi stared at the closed door, as again, the empty feeling returned. With trembling hand, he tried to light his cigarrette, and again, he felt tears stung his eyes.
But as always, the tears didn't fall.
His gaze shifted to the dresser, to the framed photographs on it. The photographs of the people that meant a lot to his life. His parents, his sister, GLAY… Jiro… and the woman who had just walked out of his life.
He stared at her picture, at her typical bright smile and soft brown eyes. Slowly, he put the frame down against the dresser.
"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly, into the silence of the room, to the crying illusion of the woman who he wished would forgive him. If only there was any way to mend it… if only there was any way for him to have her forgive him .
"… I'm so sorry…"
* * *
*SPLASH*
Jiro stood there, in the quite full subway train, stunned, as the red liquid dripping from his blonde hair.
Not far from him, a group of youngsters - rascals - were laughing at him, satisfied that the drink they had thrown hit its mark. "Hah, eat that!" one of them said scornfully. "A lil' treat from us, Mr. Gay!"
His words were followed by laughter from the rest of the rascals. "Yea, gay people like you are not accepted in community! You have no place here!" the other sneered. Jiro bit his lips as he felt his face heated and his ears reddened hearing the rascals' words.
He clenched his fists tightly to hold back himself from doing something reckless. Something that he would regret later.
God, how he wished his car weren't being repaired…
"What? You're angry?" one of them sneered. "Why don't you fight us then?"
He could feel eyes on him. Looking down at him, pitying him. Whispers.
// Why don't you fight us then?//
That really sounded like a good idea. But in his position now, he didn't think it was a good idea. No, it would only make them happy. It would only make the gossip seekers happy.
But Hisashi wouldn't be happy. Neither would Teru and Takuro…
They were still sneering at him, those young rascals, but he didn't really put attention anymore. They could sneer at him all they wanted, but he wouldn't do anything that would make Teru, Takuro and especially Hisashi disappointed in him.
He brushed his hair lightly. It was sticky from the sugar of the drink.
He felt pathetic.
The train stopped and the door opened, and Jiro wasted no time to step out of it, walking quickly, away from the sneering and booing people behind.
//…gay people like you have no place in the community…//
He walked quicker.
Then where should he go? Where should he and Hisashi go?? Where could he find a place which people would accept them? Where?
It was becoming too much, all the emotional burden he had had in his heart. He needed to talk to someone, before it became unbearable… before he exploded.
He wanted to talk to Hisashi. God, how much he wanted to see him. How much he wanted to be with him. But he couldn't go there, to Hisashi's house which was still spied by the journalists and photographers.
He wanted to talk, but to who? Teru… he couldn't really talk to Teru right now… he wished he could, because Teru was a good listener and telling him all his problem always made Jiro felt better at the end. But he couldn't go to him right now.
Sure, Teru did try to act normal, but he could see it. The avoidance. He knew. And it saddened him.
Takuro… Takuro was out of the question. He knew that Takuro was still mad at him and Hisashi. He knew it, from the way Takuro behaved. And he could sense too, the light resentment Takuro had for both of them.
He felt someone grabbed his coat from behind and he stopped, turning around.
A young girl, still in her uniform, grabbed his coat, her face flushed from running, trying to catch up with him. Her wide eyes gazing at him.
"…Jiro-san..!!" she said breathlessly.
"…Yes?" he frowned a little.
"A… ano…," she blushed. "I… I saw what those gangster did to you… and that they said that people like you have no place in community… I just want to say that they were wrong!! Really!! Maybe… maybe it is not much, but… not all people oppose you… I… I don't oppose you and Hisashi-san. It was shocking at first, but it was okay because… because you were happy…. I… we, your fans… just want you to… to be happy…"
Jiro stared at the girl, and his expression softened. Such a heartful words from her… she said she was his fan and that she supported him… moreover, she said that he and Hisashi did have place in community. That there were people, no matter how few, that could accept them.
"Ah!," she exclaimed. "Your hair's still wet! You can catch cold! Here… use my handkerchief… it's still clean, don't worry!"
He smiled at her. "That's not necessary," he murmured. "But… I can't say how much I am grateful for your support"
Her face brightened as pretty blush marred her cheeks. "You… you are welcome, Jiro-san…," she beamed. "I hope for the best for you and Hisashi-san!"
With that said, the girl ran off to where a boy - probably her boyfriend - was standing, waving goodbye at him.
Jiro smiled a little to himself. The girl words had brighten up his mood a little. Things were still not looking good, but knowing that there were people like that girl… it was comforting.
When he got home, he'd call Hisashi. He knew hearing Hisashi's voice would make him feel better.
* * *
"Things are really not looking good for us…"
"Yes, with the whole Japan - and maybe the rest of the world - now know about their relationship, it causes trouble. A hell lot of trouble and we'll be in a deep shit if we don't take care of this matter soon"
"Almost everyone opposes the idea of homosexual relationship. You can hear it everywhere, if you take a walk in the city. Their relationship is now the hottest gossips in the whole Japan"
"Tell me something I don't know…"
"The sponsors are kind of worrying too. I'm afraid that if the people still reject the relationship between Hisashi and Jiro, they will take back the sponsorship and cancel the contract"
"Of course they are worried… they use you, GLAY, as the model in their advertisement because you are one of the most popular bands in Japan… but now, with people rejecting two of you…"
"… As much as I don't want to say it, but… these whole things are giving GLAY bad name…"
"Then we have to do something. Soon. Before GLAY fall deeper"
"And that is… seperating them?"
"…Yes…"
~end of part 2~
part 3