"What are you looking for?" Jiro asked, setting his eyes away from the assorted chips he had set on a huge serving platter and onto the small man standing upon that small three-legged kitchen stool.
"That German beer mug we bought yesterday." The guitarist planted his hands on his hips and blew on his bangs. "I could've sworn I put them in here somewhere."
"What do you need it for anyway? You're already half-drunk!"
"Nothing. I just want it." The search went on with the scourer scratching his head a few seconds later. "Where is it?"
Jiro tried to stifle his laughter. His friend appeared really cute despite looking so helpless. What he would've given to capture the moment on film! "It's in the cabinet beside your fridge, second shelf."
Hisashi lifted a brow up at the bassist. "Now what, you know my kitchen more than you do your own place?"
"Hey," he said, raising his hands up, "I wasn't the one who insisted on us practicing here everyday since you knocked on my nose days ago."
"Are you going to remind me that for the rest of my life?" Hisashi groaned.
Jiro grinned. "Probably."
The other man scoffed while hurriedly making his way down the chair. "You're just lucky I haven't got anything I could--YAAYYY!!!"
"Hey!" If Jiro hadn't been watching Hisashi all these time, he wouldn't have witnessed how the guitarist lost his balance on his way down from the step to land on his fanny. The beer already pooled in the guitarist's brain or the sudden movement or just plain bad luck caused Hisashi's foot to tilt upon a step. Jiro's hands shot out and gripped Hisashi's upper arms. The backs of Jiro's fingers grazed the sensitive skin of the guitarist's chest.
"Daijoubu?" Jiro asked, the moment of alarm causing his voice to turn into a whisper.
"Yeah," Hisashi replied just as winded. With a deep breath and slow, deliberate movements, he pulled his arms from the grasp and looked at Jiro warily. "Ne, unless we want to produce a mighty round of shrieks from an audience, I think you better keep your hands to yourself."
On most occasions, Jiro would've stormed out of the room at a rebuttal like that but the smile coming from the smaller man deterred him. His words, however, would remain the same, only more lighthearted this time around. "Hey, I just wanted to keep you from falling flat on your face and looking so funny, but if you're going to be so darn obnoxious about it, then I guess I should've just let the devil in me rule."
Hisashi's smile widened even more. "I just thought you must be getting pretty desperate, that's all."
"Ha, ha, very funny," Jiro retorted. "If I didn't know any better, I would've thought that was a ploy to get me to hold you."
"Hah! Don't flatter yourself." Hisashi jeered. "I could come up with ideas better than that."
"Then why didn't you?"
"What for? You got me. You just didn't do anything more."
"You were inches away from my nose. I could've kissed you, you know."
"Then why didn't you? 'Afraid you might actually enjoy it?"
//No, because you might.// The thought remained unspoken, letting the nervous lifting at the corner of his mouth his only repartee. He would let Hisashi win this time in their petty verbal sparring, a habit they'd gotten into since they started getting together. The last thing Jiro wanted was for the old Hisashi to resurface and altogether ruining his budding friendship with the guitarist. Besides, if Hisashi had an adroit reply, he just might be at loss for words. The way the guitarist's mind works still was a mystery for Jiro.
"Since you're nearer the fridge," Hisashi said cheerfully, negligent of the thicket of thoughts in the bassist's head, "would you mind getting the mug yourself?"
"Okay."
"And get a couple more cans of beer from the fridge. I just gotta jet into my room first. I'll meet you at the living room." Without waiting for an answer, Hisashi wheezed out the kitchen. Jiro shook his head then did the orders subtly obliged to him. //If you hadn't been so adorable…//
Hisashi leaned against the door he'd closed shut and tried to even his breathing, wishing the exercise claimed a cure for embarrassment as well as slight insobriety. He groaned, hitting his forehead with the heel of his palm. " 'Keep your hands to yourself.' How could I have said such a stupid thing?" The room didn't have an answer.
He sat before his dresser and got himself a tissue to wipe away the flush. //I will never again gorge on cheesesticks before a drink.// Obviously, the dairy stuff combined with the potent drink on an empty stomach caused his overreaction to Jiro's kind, polite gesture.
//He should have let me fall on my butt.//
And what the hell was he thinking saying those double-meaning banters? He was even insinuatingly daring Jiro to go ahead and kiss him! Not that he would mind…
Furiously, Hisashi shook his head and buried his face in his hands. //What is going on with me?// He'd never felt this before, at least none that he could recall. Maybe it's just one of those nasty days. //Nah, I've been through hell.// Compared to the ones he'd experienced in the past, this moment was bliss. Besides, it wasn't exactly that Hisashi wanted it to end. He simply wanted to know what was causing the open honesty, the flirting, the joy. Desperate for an answer, he resorted to the one thing he knew he could blame: beer.
//I'll be okay when I get down//, he promised himself. He was just going to splash some cold water on his face, powder up maybe, then go down there like nothing's happened. He and Jiro would talk the same way they did before the kitchen incident and then let nature take care of the rest. Once he carries on what was planned, maybe he'd forget his dumb reaction to Jiro's touch.
And he'd forget the sensation of his hands on his skin.
Maybe.
//I should have let him fall on his butt.// The thought came to Jiro again, just as it had several times the past two minutes and several times already after that. It wouldn't have been kind but touching Hisashi had obviously spooked the other man.
Hands clasped behind his nape, Jiro leaned back against the backrest to stare aimlessly at the ceiling. Not that he wasn't a little startled himself. Hisashi had never acted that way, not even before Teru and not even on Hisashi's most hell-drunken days. Most importantly, the guitarist had never hinted at such a wanton thing as kissing him. Not that he would mind…
He exhaled a long intake of breath, wondering what was to come next. He'd been as patient as hell trying to keep himself from ripping the other man's clothes apart but with the way Hisashi was saying and acting things, he wondered just how long he could endure. Whether it was a deliberate act on the part of the guitarist or just plain innocent coquetry, Jiro wasn't sure, but it certainly was torturing him enough to cry out loud.
He closed his eyes, determination enveloping him. He wasn't going to break… he was just dealing with a drunker-than-he'd-thought-but-guileful-at-it Hisashi…it would all go away…
"Hey, Yoshi!" Hisashi called out, using the grammar school nickname he normally hated hearing.
Jiro opened one eye and watched the guitarist glide down the stairs, hips faintly swaying at each step like in those damned dreams he'd been having lately. As he neared him, the bassist noted the fresh look on Hisashi's face and the sweet smile he'd offered. Jiro melted right at the sight of it. //Heaven better help me.//
"I thought you'd dozed off," Hisashi began, hunkering down on the opposite couch with his bone-heavy 112-pound frame.
"I'm not like most people," he joked.
Hisashi seized himself a can of beer. "I think I better start collecting a lot of stuff I could use to blackmail you with. You know too much about me."
"Just the rich stuff."
"Yeah, right." Hisashi checked his watch. "Ne, let's take this break to an hour and then we go back to practice."
"Can you manage?"
"More or less. But I have to. This is the last day of our vacation, remember? Takky will be on my case again tomorrow if I don't get my act straight."
"Hey, but you've improved a lot in less than a week. You really came up with those lethal riffs you vowed you'd do."
"Four days ne?" He chewed on a cashew as he poured the beer into the German mug he'd been looking for. "Sorry I had to drag you to practice instead of letting you enjoy your vacation. You could've been going out and enjoying life but instead, I had you tied down to help me."
"Don't worry about it. I'll get my payment in due time."
"Hah!" Hisashi took a long swig of his drink before the next query. "Speaking of going out, how are you and Reiko coming along?"
"We're okay," Jiro replied curtly. "Why do you ask?"
"Wondering, I guess," he answered, feeling he had to justify himself. "It's just that we've been together for four days now yet I've never heard you excuse yourself from practice to go out with her. Oh, and spare me the practice-comes-first-before-anything-else thing because I'd hate to think Takuro's work attitude rubbed off on you big time."
Jiro smirked slightly. "Reiko's just busy with work, that's all."
"Well, that is too bad. You're better company than any work there is."
"Thanks." He tilted his head in question. "What about you? When are you and Izumi going to tie the knot?"
The surprise in Hisashi's face and tone was genuine. "You don't know?"
"Know what?"
"We've broken up."
It was Jiro's turn to be surprised. "When?"
"About two months ago." Hisashi let a few seconds pass for the news to sink into his friend. Casually, he leaned sideways on the couch, his torso propped upon an elbow. "I can't believe you didn't know."
"Well, you weren't exactly the kiss-and-tell type of person. And I wasn't exactly the type of person you'd confide to."
"Or talk to?"
"That's one way of putting it."
"But we've gotten closer these past few days, haven't we?"
"Big time!"
Hisashi wrinkled his nose in a cute way. "Just checking."
"Just confirming." Jiro flipped open another can of beer. "Hey, I'm sorry you two have broken up."
"You shouldn't be. It's not your fault. It was bound to come. Things were no longer the same."
"She's fallen for somebody else?"
//No, but I might have.// The guitarist shrugged. "Maybe. I'm not sure. Who knows? Maybe her insecurities have gotten the best of her. After all, everyone thinks I'm far prettier than her."
"Somehow I don't doubt that."
Silence fell around them.
For the umpteenth time in the last minute, Jiro sighed. That was the closest thing he had to admitting his feelings for Hisashi. He hoped he hadn't said the wrong thing and his prayers had been answered by the sweet smile Hisashi gave him. Still, it didn't erase the fact that both fell quiet at his last utterance.
Brightly, Hisashi rubbed his hands together, as though trying to recover from the pit of hush. "So…what do you do when you're not working for Glay or making the dating scene with her?"
"Am I in Fifty Questions or something?"
"Just wanted to know you a little better."
"I dabble in photography. You know that."
"Why don't you put up a gallery show? I'm sure it'll be neat."
His brow rose. "Have you seriously seen any of my works?"
Hisashi smiled shyly. "Not really."
"I thought so." Jiro tucked a leg under a thigh. "I want to have an exhibit of sorts but I don't have a subject on hand." Of course he really did have something, but it was totally out of the question.
"What are you looking for anyway?"
"In most pictures I take, I want spontaneity, innocence, charm, moments which would normally escape the naked eye."
"Snapshots," Hisashi summed up.
"Yes." A bead of sweat trickled down Jiro's cheek. Hisashi was so close at finding out the latest hobby he'd picked up.
"Do you want to photograph me?"
He nearly spat out his drink. //This man really must truly be languidly crawling in beer.// He giggled. "Yeah, I'll just go get my camera." But he wasn't moving from his seat.
"Okay."
Jiro blinked. When no punchline came, he asked, "You're serious, aren't you?"
"Yes. I want you to take my pictures. Just no nude photos, please. I'm not ready for that yet."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes! Hurry before I change my mind."
Though still dazed from what he'd heard, Jiro took out a camera from his backpack, as well as a fresh roll of film.
"You're more prepared than any Boy Scout I know," joked Hisashi as he eyed Jiro preparing the gear.
"I've gotta be. I never know when I could see good subjects." //Or you agreeing for something like this.// When he was done amid the clumsiness and shaky hands, he aimed the lens at Hisashi.
"How do you want me to act?"
"I dunno. You're drunk. You could think of anything."
"Yoshi…"
"Just…" How does he say it…"make love to the camera. It'll love you back. Think innocence."
"E, G sharp, C sharp minor…" When Jiro frowned playfully at the chords to one of their songs, Hisashi grinned back. He sat up then hugged his elbows, averting his eyes to innocently stare at something seemingly so interesting at one corner of the place. A smile played across his lips. The camera started working in succession.
It was a half-run, half-walk dash from the garage to the house. No matter how tired he was from the practice, the beer and the photo shoot, Jiro was enthusiastic to get to his dark room at once and work on the new photographs of Hisashi he'd taken. Because this time it was different…because this time, Hisashi knew he was watched.
The door slammed shut, practically shaking the whole house. The lights were still out but it was the least of Jiro's concerns. He needed to get to his studio, never minding that he tripped thrice on the stairs en route to his bedroom. He turned on the bedside lamp and dropped his guitar case and bag onto the bed.
He was rummaging through his things when he happened to glance in the mirror and see her sitting on the window seat across the room.
His heart rocketed to his throat and stoppered a curse before he could lash it out. He spun around. The sudden action and the river of blood rushing to his head made him dizzy and slightly blurred his vision. He had to sit on the bed to keep from staggering to the floor.
"How did you get in?" Jiro asked while recovering from the shock.
"You stupidly left the door unlocked. Apparently, whatever it is you were trying to get to anxiously came before something as important as security. Speaking of which, where the hell have you been anyway?" Reiko inquired, not even pausing for breath.
"Out."
She frowned. "Obviously. I've been waiting for you for hours!"
"Why?"
"Why?" she cried incredulously before uttering a sarcasm. "I don't know, let's see…maybe because I'm your girlfriend and I deserve to know where the fuck you've gone off to? 'That answer enough?"
Jiro ran his fingers through his hair. "I was out practicing for the next album."
"Practice?" Reiko linked her arms before her chest then got up. "I thought you guys were on vacation."
"You know Takuro."
"Yes, and I also know he's been in Kanagawa for three days now to visit a friend. I'm quite certain of it since I called him up myself."
"Why did you have to call him?"
"Because I needed to get to you and I don't know where in Kami's hands do I find you. You're never here before midnight, and you never returned any of my calls, assuming that you still check your machine."
A tinge of guilt pricked Jiro. Reiko must've needed him that bad to resort to calling up his friends. His strong voice dropped a to a gentle tone. "Why didn't you just call me? You know I always bring my cellular phone whenever I go out."
"What do you bring it for? It's dead anyway." She stood with arms akimbo, and her voice grew steadier than ever. "You seem to be hiding something from me which I'm more than certain I have to know. Jiro, is there someone else?"
"No." A cough came inconveniently after.
"Liar," she accused.
"Do you have to take my every reaction like that? I just coughed, Reiko. What's so dubious about that?"
"I know you, Jiro." Her eyes narrowed down at him. "You're never a good liar and I want you to tell me the truth. Is there another girl?"
"No." It was the most flat-out straightest answer Jiro gave.
"Jiro, you know how much I hate being lied to."
The anger simmering in him threatened to spill over. In an act of self-control, he leaned back, supporting himself on his arms and kept his hands away from her sight, hands that had already transformed into fists. "You came all the way down here, waited for hours, heard what I had to say and that's all you can utter, that you think I'd be lying to you?" he hissed. "What is there left to tell you that you might possibly, *possibly* believe?"
"How about the truth?"
His hands landed on his thighs with a slap. "Fine." Jiro rose quickly to tower over her, his face a hard mask. It made Reiko take a step back. "I went over to Hisashi's house to practice the new songs with him. Is that believable enough?"
"Like hell!"
Jiro raised his palms up in surrender. "Alright! Then don't buy it and spend the rest of your life wondering what planet I've treaded on to." He stomped to the study table and sat before it, turning his Mac on to check his correspondences. He had meant it to buy time. There was no way he was going to let Reiko see what the film rolls in his bag contained.
A few seconds passed before he was startled by hands resting on his shoulders and a kiss on the side of his neck. Arms wound around him. "I'm sorry, Koi," she purred in a bid to calm him down. "I've just been totally cramped up at work and I need some comforting."
His eyes never left the computer monitor. "Comforting? It seemed to me more like it's a fight you're trying to pick."
"I know, I know and I'm really sorry. It's just the pressure at work and all. And when I couldn't find you I thought I'd go crazy." She kissed him again, this time on the cheek. "I'd forgive you if you forgive me."
Reiko didn't see the look of pure anger on Jiro's face. She'd forgive him? What the hell did he do wrong in the first place? //I wasn't the one parading in here with that damned bossy attitude of yours.// Much more than ever, Jiro was starting to feel annoyed at her.
Still clueless of his true feelings, Reiko went around and sat on Jiro's lap, placing his arms around her. She leaned to his ear. "Hey, I've got nothing planned for tomorrow."
The voice that asked was stern. "Why?"
"I'm not going to work." She giggled, seductively curling wisps of his hair around her index finger. "I want to spend the whole day snuggled up with you. We could even get started tonight. I want to have breakfast with you." She leaned down and kissed his lips.
Jiro's hands slipped up her arms to rest on her shoulders. Normally, they would've trailed down to smooth her back but his hands remained in place. He needed it to push her away.
The look of shock and query on her face was indescribable. "Koi? What's the matter?"
"Reiko, I'm tired, I've got work early tomorrow, I need to concentrate and I'm not in the mood." He didn't miss it when her mouth gaped open. Maybe he shouldn't have said that last item. "Look, I'm sorry--"
"It's okay," she replied, getting up from his lap, her voice seemingly dazed. Despite it, she sounded like a truth had just sunken into her. "I guess I should've asked you beforehand."
//That's a first//, he thought. His face was apologetic. "You could drop by tomorrow…if you want to…"
She forced a smile. "If *you* want to."
"Rei…"
She walked back to the window seat to retrieve her coat and jacket. "I better get going. You need your time."
"Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm just--"
"I'm not," she insisted, her back still against him. "I perfectly understand that's why I have to get going. You know where I'll be if you still need me. Sayonara." She walked out of the room with the same haste Jiro had upon his entry. She never looked back.
Jiro recalled what had just happened as he listened to the sound of her car fade out into the city. He knew the right thing was to have run after her but two things stunned him into place. First, she bid him goodbye, not "see you later", not "until tomorrow". It was plain and simple farewell. It could've meant anything, but Jiro knew a goodbye when he hears one. It sent him mixed signals. Perhaps he would have to phone and make it up to her.
The second reason was flashing like neon lights on his laptop monitor. Three words: "YOU'VE GOT MAIL." Funny how a few letters of the alphabet could control him without effort.
A short simple message opened before him: "I had a lot of fun today than I ever did in years. Thank you. Promise you'll send me the copies. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Always, Hisashi." A smiley face followed the name. Jiro reacted with the real thing.
He logged off at 11:32PM and headed straight into the
dark room in the attic. He got out two hours later.