(c) 2001 Tony and Neil.  All Rights Reserved.

In 1957, a California newspaper issued this weather report:  Clear today except for some early fog, followed by smog, followed by evening fog.

In 1979, a Saudi Arabian newspaper issued this statement:  We regret we are unable to give you the weather.  We rely on weather reports from the airport, which is closed because of the weather.  Whether we are able to give you the weather tomorrow depends on the weather.

Two German motorist had a 'head on' collision in a heavy fog.  Each had been driving thier car at a snails pace near the center of the road with their heads out the side window, when they smacked together.  Both men were taken to the hospital with severe head and neck injuries.  Their cars were not scratched.

You can put a T-Bone steak into a bowl of Coca-Cola, and in two days it will be gone.  Furthermore - to loosen a rusted bolt you can do so by applying a rag soaked in Coca-Cola over it for several minutes.

A man walked in a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and ask for all the cash money in the drawer.  Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied the store clerk up, and worked the cash register himself until the police showed up and nabbed him.

Police in Austria are searching for a cheeky chap who held up a bank completely naked.  A police spokesman said that his disguise was absolutely perfect.  The bank was full of female staff and customers but not one of them could discribe the mans face.

When an elderly lady's cat got stuck up in a tree in 1978, a British Army unit gallently came to aide her and rescue her cat.  After receiving the lady's thanks and aknowleging the applause of onlookers, the soldiers climbed back in their truck and drove off - running over the cat as they went.

When his 38 calibur revolver failed to go off at his intended victim during a holdup in California, the robber, James Elliot, did something that makes the mind boggle.  He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.  To the surprize of most concerned...this time it worked.

Charged with driving the getaway vehicle after a murder in New York, Domingo Osario was released when it was brought to the attention of police that he had no arms.

FYI: The active ingredient in Coca Cola is phosphoric acid.  It's Ph is 2.8 and will dissolve a fingernail in about 4 days.  It's cleaning agents are wonderful.  Distributers of Coke have been using it to clean their engines for years!

In Montana, police had a perfect spot to watch for speeders.  It had been his spot for over 3 months and it was in a zone that was famous for speeders.  When he noticed for 3 days strieght everyone was going under the speed limit he decided to check it out and come out of his spot.  At about two miles up the road he found a 10 year old with a hand painted sign that said - "RADAR TRAP AHEAD."  Upon investigating  a little further up the road, he found the boys 12 year old brother with a hand painted sign reading  - "TIPS", and a bucket at his feet full of change.

An elderly lady was coming out of a supermarket when she spotted her car driving off.  Pulling a revolver out of her purse he yelled, "I have a gun and know how to use it - get out of the car you scumbags!!"  The men didn't wait for a second invitation and jumped out of the car running like mad.  Somewhat shaken - the lady put the revolver back in her purse and loaded her grocheries into the car. Upon trying to put her keys in the ignition, she realized her car was parked in 5 spaces down.

In spite of warning shouts from onlookers in New Jersey, a motorist backed over a pedestrian he had just let out of the car.  The motorist didn't hear the warning shouts because he was deaf.  The pedestrian didn't see the car coming because he was deaf.

A brilliant bank robber from Los Angeles told the clerk not to give him any money, but rather to deposit the money in his account.

Another gunman was tracked down quite easily by police after he robbed a motorist, then made the man drive him home.

In 1975, David Phillips, a 77-year-old man from Cardiff, England, was fined 55pounds for 42 kiss-and-run incidents involving female traffic wardens.

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control hiumself during a line-up.  When detectives asked each person in the line-up to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or i'll shoot," the man shouted, "THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID!".

In Modesto, CA, Stephen Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank Of America branch without a weapon.  King used a thumb and finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunatly, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

In Rhode Island, a hyper and frantic mother called a hospital.  She was very upset and fearful because she had caught her daughter eating ants.  The doctor assured her that the ants are not harmful, and that her daughter would be okay.  The mother breathed a sigh of relief and thanked the doctor, then told him she had given her daughter ant poison to kill the ants.  Without hestitation, and gasping,  the doctor said.."you might want to bring her in after all!"

The following are actual newspaper headlines:  Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash - Expert Says. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? Safety experts Say School Bus Children should be Belted. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim.