>> >>>> MORE FUN WITH LITTLE JOHNNY I
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle
>> >>>> of the night, in search of a glass of water.Hearing a lot
>> >>>> of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks
>> >>>> in The Act.
>> >>>> Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy!
>> >>>> Horsy ride!Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved
>> >>>> that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and
>> >>>> seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.
>> >>>> Johnny hops on and daddy startsgoing to town.Pretty soon
>> >>>> mommy starts moaning and gasping.Johnny cries out"Hang on
>> >>>> tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman
>> >>>> usually get bucked off!"
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY II
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny
>> >>>> passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body
>> >>>> and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"Over the next
>> >>>> couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
>> >>>> One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning.
>> >>>> When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top
>> >>>> of her.Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes,
>> >>>> threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself,
>> >>>> and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY III
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly
>> >>>> reckless,was playing in the backyard one morning.
>> >>>> Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying
>> >>>> little Johnny.He began stomping on them in his temper.
>> >>>> His father caught him trampling the honeybees,and
>> >>>> after a brief moment of thought said,"That's it! No honey
>> >>>> for you for one month!"Later that afternoon, Johnny
>> >>>> pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching
>> >>>> them and crushing them under his feet.His father again
>> >>>> caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said,
>> >>>> "No butter for you for one month!"Early that evening,
>> >>>> Johnny's mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when
>> >>>> cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor.
>> >>>> She began stomping on them one by one until all the
>> >>>> cockroaches were dead.Johnny's mother looked up to find
>> >>>> Johnny and his father standing there watching her, to
>> >>>> which Johnny said, "Are you going to tell her, daddy, or
>> >>>> do you want me to?"
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY IV
>> >>>>
>> >>>> A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education
>> >>>> with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's
>> >>>> propensity for sexual innuendo.But Johnny remains attentive
>> >>>> throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the
>> >>>> lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the
>> >>>> class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her
>> >>>> nest with some eggs."
>> >>>> "Very good, William," cooed the teacher."My mommy had a baby,"
>> >>>> said little Esther."Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.
>> >>>> Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand.With much fear and
>> >>>> trepidation, the teacher calls on him."I was watchin' TV
>> >>>> yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger.He was surrounded by
>> >>>> hundreds and hundreds of Indians, and they all attacked at one
>> >>>> time.He killed every one of them with his two guns."The
>> >>>> teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to
>> >>>> do with sex education, Johnny?""It'll teach those Indians not
>> >>>> to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY V
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy,
>> >>>> can little girls have babies?""No," said his mom, "of course
>> >>>> not." Little Johnny thenran back outside and his mom heard
>> >>>> him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY VI
>> >>>>
>> >>>> Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.Her reply is,
>>
>>
>> >>>> "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." Johnny then asks his
>> >>>> mother how much she weighs.Again the mother's reply is,
>> >>>> "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."The boy then asks,
>> >>>> "Why did daddy leaveyou?"To this, the mother says, "you
>> >>>> shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room.On the way
>> >>>> to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse.When he
>> >>>> picks it up, her driver's license falls out.The boy looks it
>> >>>> over and goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about
>> >>>> you now.You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left
>> >>>> you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!"
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY VIII
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his
>> >>>> students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because
>> >>>> of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.He wanted to make
>> >>>> sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long
>> >>>> time ago, that He grew up, etc.So he asked his class, "Where is
>> >>>> Jesus today?"
>> >>>> Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in Heaven."Mary was
>> >>>> called on and answered, "He's in my heart."Little Johnny,waving his
>> >>>> hand furiously, blurted out, "I know!I know!He's in our bathroom!!!"
>> >>>> The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited
>> >>>> for a response.The teacher was completely at a loss for a few
>> >>>> very long seconds.He finally gathered his wits and asked Little
>> >>>> Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said, "Well... every
>> >>>> morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells
>> >>>> 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY IX
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> Little Johnny is running around the house making life miserable
>> >>>> for his mother. She says, "Johnny, why don't you go across the
>> >>>> street and watch them build the house. Maybe you can learn some neat
>> >>>> things."Johnny disappears for about four hours and returns
>> >>>> later in the afternoon."Did you learn anything interesting today?"
>> >>>> his mother asks. "I learned how to hang a door," Johnny replies.
>> >>>> Mom says, "That's great! How do you do that?""Well, first you
>> >>>> get the son of bitch. Then, you slap the piece of shit up there but
>> >>>> it's too damn small.So youshave a cunt hair off here and a cunt
>> >>>> hair off there and put the damn thing up." Johnny's mom is
>> >>>> floored by his language. "You go to your room and wait until
>> >>>> your father gets home!!" Later, Johnny's dad goes into his room and
>> >>>> says, "I understand you got in a little trouble today." "All I did
>> was
>> >>>> tell Mom how to hang a door." "Why don't you tell me," Dad asks.
>> >>>> "Well, first you get the son of bitch. Then you slap the piece
>> >>>> of shit up there but it's too damn small. So you shave a cunt
>> >>>> hair off here and a cunt hair off there and put the damn thing up".
>> >>>> Dad screams, "That's it young man. You go get a switch from
>> >>>> the back yard." Johnny looks at his dad and says, "screw you,
>> >>>> that's the electrician's job!"
>> >>>>
>> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY X
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> Little Johnny is bored all day, hanging around the house.
>> >>>> He
>> >>>> goes into his parents room and finds them having sex.
>> >>>> "What are you doing?" Johnny asks.
>> >>>> "Uh, well, we're dancing." replies his mother.
>> >>>> "What's daddy doing?"
>> >>>> "He's my partner, now run along."
>> >>>> A few nights later, Johnny goes into his sisters room and
>> >>>> catches her having sex with her boyfriend.
>> >>>> "What are you doing?"
>> >>>> "Ummm, dancing."
>> >>>> "What's your boyfriend doing?"
>> >>>> "He's my partner, now get out of here!"
>> >>>> Then Thanksgiving came around and Johnny's relatives
>> >>>> were at his house. Johnny went into the bathroom and saw
>> >>>> his grandfather beating his meat.
>> >>>> "What are you doing?" Johnny once again asks.
>> >>>> "Why I'mdancing." said his grandfather.
>> >>>> "Well, where is your partner?"
>> >>>> His grandfather replied, "When you've danced as long as
>> >>>> I have, you don't need a partner."
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY XI
>> >>>>
>> >>>>
>> >>>> Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his
>> >>>> teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there
>> >>>> were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun,
>> >>>> how many wouldbe left?""None.", replied Johnny, "cause the rest
>> >>>> would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher.
>> >>>> "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I
>> >>>> have a question for you now.If therewere three women eating ice
>> >>>> cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone,the second biting
>> >>>> her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is
>> >>>> married? "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking
>> >>>> the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding
>> >>>> ring on her finger.But I like the way you're thinking!"
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