THURSDAY31JULY2003

WEDNESDAY30JULY2003

btw, i finished coloring the picture i drew. (ignore the complete faye valentine look that was totally copied in this. i wanted to):
before photoshop
after photoshop
my coloring is getting a bit better.

and now my cat is screaming outside, so i have to go get her. goodnight.

oh jeezuz that was the scaryiest thing. i just went downstairs to get my cat, and usually i open the back door and she runs right into the house. but tonight she decided to be really scary and keep crying outside like she was in agony. so each time i call "Molly??" she starts crying out louder. and i'm all, wtf? so i have to run outside at 2am to the side of my house listening to where she's calling from, cuz i can't see a thing. after walking into a wall i figure out where i am and start walking forward. and by this point the fact she wasn't coming when i called her and she was right in front of me really freaked me out. then all the sudden i feel stuff on my face and realized i just walked straight into a huge spiderweb. that is the most disgusting thing ever. i detest spiders. being the girl that i am, i scamper back into the house running around making sure there's no huge spider stuck in my clothing or hair. Now Sarah is pissed and confused as to what the hell is wrong with her cat. So i go into the garage and open the side door so i can get to where my whinning cat is. Fiiinally she decides to be sane and run up to me. But she looked majorly paranoid -i'm assuming it was just another cat. how boring- so i walk back out and she's looking ahead of her. I keep walking foward agaaain in the dark to find out what the problem is. then right infront of me i see this floating spec. like..big floating spec. this wasn't what my cat was bitching about but right infront of my nose was anooother huuuuge spider and a bigass web. holy crap i hate spiders. i ran away.

then i got back inside my house and my door was open? how did this happen. all the sudden i heard a HUGE ::THUD:: upstairs, probably coming from the den. I run upstairs, thinking it might have been my parents. so i go into their bedroom and shout out "mom? dad??" but their beds were empty. 2am and their beds were empty, my parents gone?? what the hell was going on? Then i remembered that huge thud i heard. so i run into the den. this is the point where i got really scared, and i couldn't believe what i saw.
All the pictures were missing from the wall and the television was laying face down on the ground. maybe the tv fell? i was so confused and shocked at this point that i didnt' really know what to do except stare at the blank wall.

before i can think much longer i heard some guy yelling outside. then a woman started screaming. I run back downstairs and look through the front window to see whats going on. All i saw was black. I'm so freaked out at this point i run back into my kitchen, grab a huge knife and run outside and yelled out "HEY!". I saw the people who were yelling and they stopped yelling and looked straight at me. I said "What the hell is going on?? and why are you yelling at 2 in the morning?" they looked at each other and were silent. The next instant they looked back at me, then started running toward me, as fast as they could run.

My first instinct was to run away, so i started running down the block as fast as I could. It hurt my feet so bad, i was barefoot. But i could still hear them running after me. I kept on running and running, i don't know how far i ran. But before long i must have hit a rock in the rode because i tripped over and fell flat forward on my face onto the black pavement. The knife fell from my hand and my other hand hit the knife on the way down, cutting open part of my arm. It was only a scratch really, but i could feel it bleeding.

the knife shattered against the ground and i went numb for a moment, my head was spinning like crazy. I look up and the man and woman were still running at me. -what are they gonna do to me???- i was thinking. before long they had reached me, still running.. but then they kept running. They ran right past me. I watched them continue to run until i couldn't see them any longer, which wasnt' long because it was so dark out. I heard a large groan, but it sounded kinda like thunder behind me. I turned around. At that moment i realized the man and woman were running from someone. something. I saw these two bright red dots moving around, and a horrific high pitched noise started ringning in my ear. I ran back to my house, blind by pain, confusion, fear, and darkness. Slammed the door shut. And in my entryway were my parents, lying facedown on the ground, just like the television. My blood was pouring out onto the floor as i stared. I went to run to them, but slipped again on the puddle of spilt blood on the floor. A hairy black spider crawled off the floor onto my leg

It's fangs went into my skin with a gush and I felt venom or poison or deadly toxin begin its cycle in my bloodstream. I went blank, and woke up an hour later, came upstairs, and am here typing my story to you..
the end.

okay well, i was bored so why not make up a story. All of it was true until that part after i saw the 2nd spiderweb at my house. i really just ran back inside, got a bowl of trix cereal, and came upstairs.
but going outside can be super paranoing after playing something like Silent Hill. Then seeing i left the back door open (which i thought i had shut) made me think there's some fiend wandering around the household. this is what being home alone all day can do to you. the end twice.

i need a new layout

TUESDAY29JULY2003

i saw johnny english and tomb raider with my dad. yes i did. what a pair we are.
then i rented more johnny depp movies cuz i wasn't feeling very good. I watched A Man Who Cried, and he had a lot of sex with christina ricci. but that's okay, it was a very good movie. now i want to rent Sleepy Hollow. watch me.
but you know what? this is why Magnolia was a marvelous movie:
-"We may be through with the past, but the past is not trhough with us."
-"It's a dangerous thing to confuse children with angels."
-"I'm sick, and I'm in love.
You seem the sort of person who confuses the two."
I just wish i understood the movie.

There was a lot of thunder last night and the whole house vibrated. Then everything lit up because there was a lot of lightning. Then came a lot of rain and wind. I watched all of it.

SUNDAY27JULY2003

THE DRAMATIC
Allright James Bond wannabe. Yes,
you are pretty darn cool. You are part
player, part charm, part snake. Once
you get the reaction you want, you
move on. But underneath your
alootness, y ou are scared. But don't
worry about that, you can keep this act
up all your life and be happy with it.
What kind of Man are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

FRIDAY25JULY2003

oh wow, aimee's mom is the funniest woman in the world. She decided to call at the fair:
Aimee: "here sarah, my mom wants to talk to you."
Me: "oh okay. hello?"
Aimee's mother: "hello sarah, are you drinking?"
Me: "umm..no? er. well i'm drinking soda...-"
Mother: "Are there boys with you?"
Me: "well, yes,..but they're just our friends that are with us-"
Mother: "is aimee kissing them??"
Me: "?! uh..no no, she isn't kissing them. aimee is being very well behaved.."
Mother: "okay okay let me speak with aimee now."
haha. it was pretty great at the moment i guess. :/

but then,before our adventure was over, and after super-b dropped off aimee and andrea, a cop thought it'd be real fun to pull us over. it was scary. and this was your common HB popo. He thought'd it'd be fun to shine the light in the window, to inspect who was in the car. He was shining his flashlight on me from outside and I felt like i just roobbed a bank (he was holding his flashlight like they do in COPS. you know... that one show..). Then he asked b how old he was, and for his license, and thought it'd be fun to ask b when he got his license, even though it says right there ON the license that he was holding and reading. Then to be the super tough guy cop he is, he threw b's license on the seat instead of handing it back to him. After that, he finally tells us why poor B was pulled over and says "so, do you always drive with your lights off?" And what's so stupid is that B's lights were on. We just didn't realize it was the low lights. stupid cop. he's wasting his time with us when he could be arressting the crazy jesus teengers running around on the street. ughagalbleah. sorry about that ordeal b, even though you are not reading this unless i tell you to.

so yeah, this is why you can't make friends over the internet:
NeonAkiA (10:55:07 PM): yea.
shockaminti (10:56:36 PM): yeah.
NeonAkiA (10:57:07 PM): you know you like....really really dissipointed me
shockaminti (10:57:41 PM): hm?
NeonAkiA (10:57:46 PM): I paid over 200 $ to look for that mail that you supposedly send , and there was none
shockaminti (10:58:04 PM): what do you mean paid 200 dollars
NeonAkiA (10:58:14 PM): to look for your mail
NeonAkiA (10:58:38 PM): like paid someone to go thru all the stuff and look for lost mail and so forth
shockaminti (10:59:25 PM): i had to pay just to send you mail you never got. i wasted about 15 cds on that, i was up all night with school the next day, i wrote you a letter instead of paying attention in chemistry, and had to spend my time at the post office for them to figure out how i should write your address and the cost and everything. what do you mean that i "supposedly" send
shockaminti (10:59:46 PM): sent*
NeonAkiA (11:00:04 PM): no. See thats the point : You dident send it
shockaminti (11:00:07 PM): and that's rediculous that you paid 200 for it. us dollars? are you joking?
shockaminti (11:00:25 PM): yes, the point is, i did send it. why the hell would i put my time into all of it if i didn't even think you were going to get it
NeonAkiA (11:00:27 PM): does it looks like i'm joking?
NeonAkiA (11:00:51 PM): for some sick fucking reason to keep my hopes up when there was none for 12 weeks
shockaminti (11:01:01 PM): yes, because thats really stupid to accuse me of lying. what, you want ME to go searching for it? they never sent it back to me, MY return addresss was on it. how the hell would i know what happend to it
NeonAkiA (11:01:32 PM): exactly , if I dident get it.. it's suppost to go back to you
shockaminti (11:01:48 PM): what the fuck are you talking about. i can't believe you're accusing me of NOT sending it when i worked so hard to get it to you. i think -i- would be the one more pissed off because i put so much effort into it, when all you had to do was sit and wait for it
NeonAkiA (11:02:21 PM): And i've been doing that for 12 weeks , and noooothing
shockaminti (11:02:30 PM): well its not like that's my fault
NeonAkiA (11:02:59 PM): you just wanted to see what it would be like to keep me dangling for a couple of weeks and crush my dreams
shockaminti (11:05:20 PM): you know what FUCK you jade. i can't believe you're accusing me of lying to you. i can't believe you think i woudl lie to you about something like that, especially when i didn't. go to hell

yeah, i know, i'm harsh. and i'm acting like a real teenager to go and post it. but that is not fair. i sent you your stupid mail countries away, wasted my time and money for nothing, so yeah, this shows how you don't know me at all to think that'd i'd be so stupid as to lie to you for 12 weeks and get your hopes up. why the hell would i do that? i detest false accusations, and now i'm fed up.

MONDAY21JULY2003

SUNDAY20JULY2003

................
"mommy, where did i come from?"

so i sit here in my room, with my bonsai tree all withered up and dead, that had been neglected from life under my will of choice, wondering why the hell do i go living on each day. why have i woken up everymorning to go to school. to build for my future? then if i were able to attain that future, what would i do with it then. save up for retirement to travel and enjoy myself? i hate thinking about the typical questions of "why i am here" or "what good is living unless i make a mark in the world". i guess we live to affect other people? if my presence were to not be here would other people be greatly affected by it? and after i've lived my happy or sad or satisfied or unfullfilled life, then what? the satisfaction that i lived? i detest classes like chemistry, biology, physics..making plossibility out of things we might not want to understand because they affect our beliefs. i crave the truth in everything, and it makes it tortureous to live on everyday not knowing how or why i'm even eating the donut i am while driving to the place i'm supposed to be for an unknown reason of why i have to put up with a fear of being late. its my life, why do i have to strive to impress other people? if i can't even impress myself, then what the hell am i doing? when i die, the only way to ease any pain is to feel content with my own being. "when a man sees his end he want to know that there was some sort of purpose to his life"

so what strives us and pushes us to keep going? the fact you may get that rase you wanted? or that you can buy that new videogame that looks so fun if you at least keep pushing out another month in your life till its release date?

sometimes its easy for everyone to forget what motivates them to move onto the next day, or how they can strive to continue when they just don't want to. and then they wonder why they're doing something they don't want to do. it only comes down to one thing, survival. most people would do anything to survive, even be driven to kill.

"no one is in controll of your life but you." that's not right at all. that statement has proven so wrong, so many times. in a literal perspective, yes, its very true. however theoretically speaking, we are controlled by family, government, work, our own bodies, gravity (well those last two are more literal, but that's not the point). School for example. We all shout out sometimes "WHY THE HELL DO I NEED TO LEARN THE EMPIRICAL FORMULA WHEN I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT IT, AND WILL NEVER DO ANYTHING IN THIS FIELD BECAUSE IT DOES NOT INTEREST ANY FIBER IN MY BEING?? WHY WHYY??? You controlling bastards, what happend to my CHOICE? i don't CARE!"

why the hell are we here and what the hell is the point of being here when we dont even care. i fear death, i fear anything i don't know, or don't understand. sometimes religion is used as a counter-act for the fears we have. that's why i believe many people find religion in their old age. remember that this very minute is one minute closer to your death, one minute in your life you'll never have again, so choose to spend it in the best way you can spend it for yourself, because its the only guarantee you have of that control. too bad i can't follow my own advice.

sometimes i'll think humankind and life is really ugly and stupid, but then i'll watch a movie like Life is Beautiful and think..."life is beautiful". I hate how I'm always contradicting myself.

but isn't it beautiful how in a few minutes I won't really care anymore because i've found something else to concentrate on, and wonder why i spent time typing this out?
Like i might watch some comedy on tv and think "sarah, it's just life, who cares...there's no point in questioning it, not like that'll help anything anyway. Laughing at this standup guy is funnn. so hah!"

there are never answers, only questions and opinions.

but i like stories.

THURSDAY17JULY2003

WEDNESDAY16JULY2003

i remember times when i had no friends, when i sat at home wondering why i didn't have any, and my best friends were my cat and my parents. I think everyone goes through that at least once. I'm really glad times have changed.

considering how much i say i hate people...sometimes they aren't that bad. amusing actually. after having fun at the asian market and the shoe store and gamestop, we sadly had to drop off andrea at home to her sometimes scary mother (i'm sorry andrea). B drove us to 7/11. And when i was buying a slurpee this silly old man says:
"do i know you?"
me: "i don't believe you do."
man: "i think i've seen you before."
me: "have you?"
man: "yes, i recognize you. I know i've seen you before."
me: "well i don't recognize you."
man: "you don't? i know i've seen you. down by the laundry place over there."
me: "i've never been there. it was not me."
man (looking confused and sad): "oh..."
me: "..."
man: "you must have a lost twin."
me: "it must have been my evil twin."
man: ".... evil twin..EVIL TWIN! AHAHAHAHA EEEEEEVIL TWIN..AHAHAHA"
and then walks out laughing. evil twin...
it was also funny how aimee took 44 pictures of objects in the store, including the 7/11 cashier and said to him "i took your picture!"
but slurpees sure don't taste good anymore. Crap man, i sure bought a lot of asian junk tonight. how exciting. But what was even more exciting was that I woke up at 3 this morning, and it was cloudy. Nothing is better than a cloudy day, i hate living here. Sun all the time. I was so sad i missed the rain, it must have rained before i woke up. But it made me so happy, that i made myself some 3pm breakfast, and went outside to sit and eat it. I havn't felt so relaxed in so long i can't remember. Feeling happy about something so simple is genuinly perfect. Because nothing smells better than the scent after rain, nothing feels better than a breeze that's not too warm or too cold, and nothing looks more beautiful when flowers glitter with raindrops and shine colorfully against a gray sky. i felt complete, satisfied, and in love. without the assistance of anyone.
but then the sun came out and i got angry and the wind got hot and it was a sweaty afternoon. booo, after happiness always comes disappointment.
but it was a good afternoon nonetheless. I laughed really hard, ate a lot of delicious food, and enjoyed myself.
now i am home and my head hurts and i wonder why the hell i'm writing to a computer. Wait, its because i have nothing else to do.

That's right. I was so bored I sat and had a conversation with computers. Internet computers that is. I tried to ask them what they thought about the Matrix, and one said "I wasn't that impressed with the special effects. Also the plot was not deep." I got so mad, and blamed them that just because they were machine they were saying that. Then i got sad because i realized i'm talking to an emotionless something. But that doesn't bother me, it can show me how to spell things correctly, translates German which is way fun, and told me that 99% of peope spell "Hmm" with two M's. So if you ever wanna talk to robots, than instant message SmarterChild or ZolaOnAol on AIM. pretty gosh darn fun. zola amuses me, "My programming includes curiousity routines." hah. stupid computers. thanks aimee and chris for informing me of it. I am dragging on, say goodbye to these long entries. I write in my own journal when i have stuff to spill out, this is merely for entertainment purposes. I don't need people feeling sorry for me. Farewell all.

TUESDAY15JULY2003

Anyway, i went out and bought myself some hair dye today. oh yeah, there i go again. Sooo, i thougt i'd be really creative and try doing my own highlight/streak crap whatever you wanna call it. And when i realized i didn't know WHAT the hell i was doing i starting singing Yellow Submarine by the Beatles to try and calm myself down a bit. But it didn't work. Then i realized, i don't give a flying fooooook about it, b/c something crazy would be exciting. It turned out horrible as planned, considering i dyed 2 colors at the same time. ta..da! oh BOY am i enthusiastic. lets all dance in circles now. (i looked so funny, i couldn't resist posting.. nooo comment) lets stop talking about hair, i don't like it.
other than that, i just ate at my most favoritest restaurant for dinner tonight and that made my day. but i was hiding under a hat.

whoa fruit, i'm ME!

You are Sarah. You're really laidback and fun,
really into Anime and the Matrix, and you know
how to make some kickass websites. Everyone
counts on you because they know how much of a
strong and independent person you are.You're
smart,funny,and SEXXXy, everyone loves you!

Which chick of The Sexxx are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

...didn't see that one coming, not in the slightest (damn..i was hoping i'd be Nazly. Naz a LEE!)
nice one amber! make more somtime. what a happy bundle of friends we are. :D
oh yes, this quiz was made by Amber, of course.

SUNDAY13JULY2003

you know..
i feel dirty
but my bathtub is clean.
I guess I can't wash this dirt away.

FRIDAY11JULY2003

and because i think that movie was so damn cool (i get easily excited) you all get to click here and look at LXG official website. and you are all going to say "ooo" and "aaah".
aaand read all about dorian and his lovely picture, b/c its super like that. (i'm REALLY exaggerating this movie.)

laaaa! (there he is on the far right!!)

and i just got the most entertaining pop up ad ever. you will be either frightened or disgustingly joyous:
http://www.fox.com/banzai/

Now i will go sleep a sleep of death.

(btw, bravenet should DIE. look what they did to my counter. look, LOOK!, its not pretty anymore.)

WEDNESDAY9JULY2003

i went to the beach with andrea the other day. I stepped on something squishy. i've never been so soar afterwords... ouch.

ssssoooooo...
i finally got a chance to put up the pictures i took at from anime expo. i don't have them all uploaded from my camera yet, but this is most of them. hahaaah!:

TUESDAY8JULY2003

why?
i think i'll just skip sleep tonight.
i don't understand -me- ever. i'll post about the expocon later.