More time to what, do nothing? thats all i do now anyway.
I don't view myself as taking school very seriouisly. I get really depressed when i think of school being "my life" at the moment, education is all I'm doing. I just took the PSATs to get them over with, now i'm feeling like i just have to take the SATs to get them over with; then i dont have to worry about it anymore, and go on doing stupid things.

But then college and that really will be my life. I could never imagine living outside of home, though it seems wonderful now considering how my parents react to me lately. It's the first time my parents have ever gotten mad at me over a report card. No, its just my mother. They're always getting mad at me. My work habbits have dropped, I'm lazy..I'm was just hoping I'd grow back out of it.
I think hey, its who I am, trying to try right now just isn't effective. That's not good enough for my mother, so starting to enforce study will make it better? it makes it worse. I feel guilty enough about how school is going, and dont need 2 others adding to it. Let me handle it myself. I did stress all semester over those grades, no matter how bad decent or good they were. And ONE teacher leaves a measly UNFAIR comment and i get this barrade of "You're not trying anymore! you're going to be unsuccesfull with your slacking habits! COLLEGE, you can't do this in COLLEGE this is a BIG DEAL"..

That in itself is such a mental kick in the face that it makes me want to crawl into a corner and wilt. I don't want to hear it... Thanks for making me feel better about what i'm scared of. I really do want to live outside their presense. I feel so sick... I hate thinking about the future. I dont want to have to stress about SATS. I want to know that i can still do what i want (even though i dont know what it is) even if i do terrible on them. Why does everything have to be work and no enjoyment? I feel like i'm going nowhere...