october 2003

Brother.

edit: We think our house in Lake Arrowhead will be burned to a crisp, which is horrible because I promised andrea I'd take her up there to be in the snow this winter...but at the same time these ashes are suffocating everyone. (damn the arsonists). And its hilarious when your english teacher shouts out in his best jerry-spinger-voice: "skanky ass!" when describing a character in The Cruicble

I feel out-of-mind, almost not myself lately. I guess its because I've done a whole lot of nothing this weekend, except listen to pretty music. I've sat in the house not really wanting to do anything in the first place. My neighbor came over and wanted me to braid her hair...that's the most exciting its been. But free time calls for drastic changes, so I re-arranged my room in an attempt to make it look more spacious. Though I curse my parents for buying so much stupid worthless furniture. But I've somewhat succesfully accomplished that task.

This whole fire thing is all strange. Outside is nothing but a cloudy orange stinkfest. I think it all looks very pretty actually, how autumn should look: misty and golden. And the cold weather is only more encouraging. But it smells atrocious out there, it seeps into the house so everywhere it smells of one big bonfire. I'm afraid my eyes are gonna burn if I go outside. Hopefully they'll be out soon.

Today is a 25-hour day. rejoice.

Oh and look at this clip..Elijah Wood is growing a mohawk?

I thought the account I made for the Comments on this page was free, apparently not. So much for those, back to leaving messages in the guestbook.

And the Yankees lost. (aw?)

edit: i think i CAN have comments still, and they all just lied to me. comment awayyyy!

I feel violated. I have this place, where all my personal belongings are stashed. It's called my ROOM. There's nothing I hate more than people wandering around it and touching my stuff, this means anyone: friends, family, blah. But of course we were getting the carpeting cleaned today, so all the stuff on the floor had to be picked up and placed somewhere so they could clean all the floors. Well, since I forgot this, my mother took the pleasure of picking up any little piece of scrap thats on my floor for me (all while I'm at school today). This is like her open invitation to go through all my personal stuff. All my notes, the lighters I had, anything I rambled down on paper, be it words of anger or whatever...I just know they were all read. For they were all out on my bed when I came home (from a most exhausting and aggravating tennis match -including bitchy stuck-up tennis snobs-, might I add) Even if they don't care, or maybe understand me better or worse or whatever, its just the most uncomfortable feeling when people go through my belongings. Crap.

But my mother gave me the pleasure of buying 28 Days Later [my suggestions to watch this on Halloween]. So that's always nice.

Amber (10:28:50 PM): oh man my body hurts like a cheap whore on sunday mornin
^Amber, you rock.
And in addition to that you got me my own Livejournal.
*And I've also decided to periodically update my xanga, for short anger rants (since i don't want to waste that space here, and i completey re-vamped it)

I had another dream where someone was trying to kill me, so i turned to the most violent methods possible to exterminate him (its always a man..if that means anything). I recall jumping on his ribs in the cold snow right before I woke up.

I got Kenna's new CD. ^A silent rejoice^ (I love them, they are fantastic).

OH, and what's with middle-aged-women with ATTITUDES?? I mean, it's not like I wanna wake up at 6:30am on a Saturday and go take PSAT's at school to come and hear you be a complete bitch-head to me. That test was far to long, and seeing how I was only doing it for my parents, made it even harder. I just want to take the real SAT's and get it over with. But Andrea and I retreated to the mall after that horrid 3 hour practice test, and refreshed ourselves at the foodcourt. We killed more time looking at Halloween costumes that we couldn't buy, and put up with unhappy store-clerks bribing andrea to put a pumpkin on her head for a dollar. Aye, vaye.

Another thing, ROTK is closer to coming out. Extended edition coming to theaters..oh my oh my. At least there are still a few fantastic things to look forward to these days. But my mother and I have been on each others ends lately. I think she had a bit too much wine the other night and she completely RUINED a part of Lotr that I didn't know would happen. She blurted it out like the time of the day, and I was even NOT going to read the Last book until after the movie JUST so the movie could be more suprising. And she spoiled this GREAT mystery I was looking forward to seeing. I'm oh so angry. Dammit woman. I'm just trying to make myself think that movies change things...i can't believe she spoiled it.

I have a feeling no one read this entire entry [be it you skimmed through parts or it or not], damn you all.

Ghettopoly. This is what its all about.

I didn't like the way things were looking. So I changed it. Never saw THAT coming. And Sarah has taken her time to add comments. I'll decide whether or not to leave them up if people actually use them. So DON'TTTTT sign the guestbook and just bitch at me there instead.

Something worth mentioning: todays rally was actually amusing. Football did a Riverdance, our theme was "Zoolander", and the teachers had a walkoff. It all got pretty hilarious when Mr. Peach pulled his underwear out of his pants like no tomorrow. Although the stink bomb was atrocious, worst i've experienced yet. This one smelled like a cross between rotten eggs, celery, and vomit. I chocked several times on the mint I was trying to consume, in an attempt to freshen the feeling in my mouth of the scent that was sticking to my tongue. But this is all grossing me out and I won't discuss it any further.

So please leave a comment..or something..

fantastic layout. [random blog]

Also: greatest time killer ever.

I finally returend the Silent Hill 3 game..it gets dull when you're sick of getting creeped out and just wanna pass the game. Silent Hill fails to creep me out anymore. But i kept the OST when returning it to blockbuster...hope they don't notice. Free CD for sarah.

Fights breaking out right next to your locker and making you late to class are SCARY. Why? because after the fights you hear the staff scream up a storm with all the students, I was running away from them. Girls are retarded and other females make me embarrassed to be one myself. If you're gonna fight, do it after school please.

And the principle came in to class today giving us a "motivational speach" of how to be successful. The whole thing made me feel really irresponsible, incapable, and disappointed with myself. He made the point clear that if we "go with the flow" in life, we won't get anywhere close to success. Yikes.

WoooW!: FF7-2 trailer? go. now.

Queen of the dentist office or not, my mouth freakin hurt. And I didn't even get the CROWN on...right now I've got a temporary in, and they simply took impressions for the "real crown" I'll be recieving next appt. I don't think I can take any more of this, not at all.

So all the cops are at our school because one of the students shot someone in fountain valley or something like that...its still as brief as possible, all the more to gossip about.

I looked into getting my own domain name..i thought it said $9 a year, but its actually $9 a month, about $90 a yeaaaar. So much for that. I'll put money toward something else.

Other interesting stuff: The girl next to me is reading a book called Fuck-Up, Mr. Long thinks the cirlce of physics has been completed because a toothpaste announcer on a tv ad also played gallaleo in a classroom physics video, the japanese show Mirai Nikki that we're watching in japanese class is the greatest thing ever, and this grocery store fiasco needs to end. I want groceries.

Amber came over this afternoon and we did pretty much nothing. But watched crappy shows like Elimidate...it really came down to that.

Then I made sure to watch Matrix Reloaded, which I obviously purchased today. And I need to know who wants to go to the midnight showing (if i even can) of Revolutions.

I took that test on HIV/AIDS today, nasty stuff. Alas I am educated now. And a moth just flew into my eye. This is all disgusting. (whats really gross is the fact a tooth has been carved out of me and replaced by an identical something...its awkwardly sqaure).

This post is going nowhere. bye.

KILL BILL

Yes, that's what it's all about. I cannot wait till february. eelkfj.

annnnd...Sweet Jesus!..?! Talk about the best movie from childhood brought to life. All I gotta do is wait till December 2004. i cry. I want to read the book too...why havn't I?

When aimee b shane dustin and myself entered the virgin record store i got very sad. There's too much stuff I want I've lost track of it ALL and I'll never get hands on money to buy any of it either. Its a sad experience, but nontheless it was nice to see dustin and shane, considering they're rare to see these days.

Had a dire urge to watch Dracula and Titanic this weekend, strange. Because now I love Titanic, considering I hated that movie. Also its funny seeiong you're parents getting more excited about Halloween than you are. They're acting like children over the party they're throwing. And I find it all hilarious.. how could I not when my dad is dressing as Ozzy Osbourne?

Tuesday: Release of matrix reloaded dvd, and I get my tooth crowned. eef.

ahahahahaha ehhhh ark ack ..cough.
I found myself bored to the point that i was looking through some friends Xanga's ("xanga people" meaning they don't know any html for shit), and well, through linkage I ran across a bunch of people who i despise. And oh is it ever so amusing. Of course these are all the dimwitted, unintelligent, air-headed, snobby people I attend High School with; half of whom I'm sure don't even know I exist. Yet another thing to remind me: School and the people in it are a sad lame pathetic existance...and they use computers! good god.

BTW, i have no guilt in speaking ill of anyone at my high school, considering I think I'm such a dumbass myself, hate myself, and know how retarded i am, i find it acceptable to insult others. I secretly think "Gah...i'm an ant in a pig farm." That can either speak higher of me or lesser of me, you decide.

However, I learned that even people who look so happy and content have their issues and personal thoughts and feelings that they don't leak out in public.

its like that girl in my history class; only she has all these scars and cuts and marks on her arm, i alwasy want to ask her why. Self mutilation? Ouch. But she doesn't hide it with sleeves so maybe she wants attention...why do i care?? People act different when they're around other people. And i hate that. On every single persons' xanga/lj/whatever, they all would say "yeah..my life sucks." who's life DOESN'T suck? a lot of peoples. Humans just like to complain. And that's what weblogs are for: open bitching. a plee to get sympathy. a way to say hey everyone look what i have to put up with. If not that then to say "look at me, i have a life, i'll list the 248 things i did today!" I wish i had a point to all this, alas i don't.

my new desktop. yay.

I survived this week believe it or not. And crap - i forgot to pick up my psat form again.. Dammit sarah. Though i'm still not talking to my mother, i wonder how long i can hold out. I can be quite stubborn. But I had dinner with my dad, he told me something tonight he hasn't told anyone else in his life before; i felt quite special. My daddy is insane sometimes but great nonetheless. Happy man.

And what's with cops patrolling the campus all day? 1 at each entrance/exit, 2 slowly driving around campus looking at each student..something up? sure why not, our school never seems to inform us of anything that's going on anyawy.

I feel like i accomplished nothing with this post. Will someone sign my guestbook maybe?

-Live a little-

Its pretty funny when you try to escape by going to the local taco bell, and realize they're playing classical music in the restaraunt.

I don't ever think i've had so much anger to bitch out of me than i do right now, but I realize it'd all be pointless anyway. I wrote out my frustrations elsewhere, and i'll spare you the pointless rant, if you realy care to read anyway. BUT my mother knows how to drive me insane and we've come to the point where we can't even talk to each other and translate through notes now. How childish is that? But she really cut my feelings last night and its not worth disucussing.

I think its hard for everyone to remember why we go on living each day when it just seems like so much work. We all want to throw up our hands in surrender sometimes, and the bottom line is being a teenager is shit.

48 hours with no sleep, returning to school after the flu, i've never felt so behind. My teachers make me feel like an idiot. My head is always hurting now, it just gets worse. Only good thing is doing the physics work correctly today and my ex-tennis coach telling me i am really nice. (but i hate tennis and played miserably pathetic today as usual.)

Mr jacot tried to explain to the class about the recall...you just CAN'T describe politics without your own opinion, i hate politics, i don't understand them and don't wish to. they make people go insane. Stupid california, this state is doomed no matter who's in charge.

but goddamn that fuckslut pornstar for running, she just makes us look like a laughing stock.

edit: oh hah, mr. terminator won, fancy that.

being sick killed me, I have to make up so much work. I keep picturing myself ripping my head off and drop-kicking it out the window, in hopes it might land in the passenger seat of a car and drive me away to Stonia (you know..from the movie Encino man? haha i saw that on tv the other day..and yeah.. you understand).

Ran into aimee today in the ever-so-packed library of sunday-slackers. Saw B and his beloved there, as well as Jenni, Lindsey, some of their friends..etc..

cleaned up 3 gigs of hd space this last friday! woo! i can breathe freely.

I bought the new Dido cd. its quite splendid. aaand I went crazy downloading music from Kazaa -might as well do it before its gone forever and the whole world is sue'd. My new favorite songs are by Stabbing Westward, Kenna, Vast...and for some reason none of the Radiohead songs would download, (but them too.) boooo.

I am relieved. I have a goal for a career now, its the biggest relief in the world. Now when people ask "so what do you want to do with your life?" i'll have an answer. Something involving the movie business. we don't need specifics yet! Booya

on a bad note though, starting to cry in the middle of a restaraunt for no particular reason at all, not being able to stop cause you're still sick, with your parents, and a waiter who doesn't know what to do because of it, is a horrible experience. lets best forget this one...

and hey, orange frodo-ness?(shhh..this layout was copied...) But i made the frodo collage and it looks mighty fine if i do say so myself. At least my free time of my 4-day sickness got put into good use. Return of the King. Rock on.