tuesday, september 30th 2003

If I'm right, I've gotten about 10 dental shots in my mouth in the past 2 weeks. I thought my lips were gonna droop off my mouth and onto the floor they were so numb. But hey..i'm used to this, though I've never had 5 shots at once each appt. I was trembling for some reason when i was getting the root canal, i wouldn't stop shaking and i think it was out of frustration.

4 perscribed pills a day to keep up with the dental care..and then my tooth shall be crowned. It's mightier than me.

all the dental meds have turned my stomach into a bottomless pit. this is very bad.

But i watched a whole lotta Queer Eye for the Straight Guy tonight, and i feel better. Gotta love those gay men, they just make things happy.

I've stopped caring about any social aspect of school. I barely saw any of my friends today, and it was a rally day as well (to make it all worse). Andrea's busy with her other life with max nowadays, either aimee or amber are missing each other day (it seems like one of them is never there. actually, that's a fact), nazly's in college... I searched high and low for my friends at the rally today and alas, it seems none of them were looking for me. it was really sad actually. At least I have my routine of Sun Chips and Sunny D each day at lunch. It makes me feel better.

And i rented and watched Bowling for Columbine..what a controversial film. I don't like to have strong opinions on stuff like this but i think everyone should see that movie. I hate the fact it doesn't come to any conclusions really..well i guess it does make a point of how evil the media is and we live in violence because we live in fear, which is blamed on the media. It was convincing enough anyway.

And, as i've told many, even though I think Michael Moore is an insane crazy radical, and is so biased its annoying, but he makes excellent points. although its like his information is not opinionated, but just one sided facts. It's an excellent piece of work showing how we're contolled by media; maybe it'll teach some Americans to stop being so damn cocky. This film makes Canada look awesome! And the reason we make fun so much is because..when it comes down to it, Canada is a lot better than America...

However all he did was talk about how bad the US is, and how bad white people are..there are SOME good things about this country too Mr. Moore, is there not? He didn't say there wasn't..but what the hell am i saying, you need to watch it. I have no opinions...I just love the movie.

but moooovies..ah hell Return of the King..i'm speachless, and i've watched every trailer and 10 minute preview i can snatch. I'll be at the midnight showing, woo-ha. My dear frodo (see posters and trailer.) December 17th seems so far away.
-not to mention the two towers special edition dvd release in about 50 days.

although reading 4 books at once is too much, especially when you don't even like one of them. oh and another worry: so my dad went to back to school night. I talked to my mom about going to japan next summer and felt better about it and finally made a final decision to go since she was willing to pay. But then when i brought it up with my dad (who i thought was all for it) was kinda hesitant, made it sound different from my mother..like money and if i should or not. I got all this doubt about it and decided not to go. Farewell, i don't understand my decisions. I feel like my dad killed it for me yet he didn't at all in a way.

And yet i'm already screwing up as I mentioned earlier. My English teacher, the first one i've actually respected and liked of all my high school english teachers, had to call me out of class today and ask me why I turned in a blank answer sheet for the pop quiz.."doesn't seem like you.." "what's going on?" This all just made me feel terrible he was actually concerned. "I didn't read, so I wasn't going to take time writing down guesses." said I. Next pop quiz i WILL be ready, you watch..I just didn't read the one night it mattered.

so am i all caught up with everything that's going on? other than i caught the cold i've been trying so hard to avoid (having a dental appt. while being sick is really weird..) and have been writing subliminal messages on my hand each period? nope.

School will butcher me and hang be by a sharp bloodied hook.
....GOODBYE SEPTEMBER, never has a month been so long.

thursday, september 25th 2003

number four curved root canal.
dental trips=disastrous outcomes.
How many million times have I gone to the dentist now? shush, i will not stretch this topic any further.
(but long live toothpastefordinner.com!)

news? none. homework, and that's not news. suffering...lack of motivation...up at 3am trying to concentrate...its the same story every year. stupid dialectical journals. does anyone else feel the strenuous continual workload is not supplying us the beneficial education that is somewhat expected? Since when has "education" just been a test of tolerence? it's bullshit. heh.
but ahhh, good 'ol calvin, makes me feel understood.

after school, while aimee and i were on our adventure, we made a terrible discovery. the shoe tree has been cut down. forever gone. it really is the end.

but thank GOD for the light at the end of the tunnel (as my fellow ff7 freaks will comprehend). i quiver.

monday, september 22nd 2003

and you know what? i found out the average human lives about 2.5 billion seconds. is that very much?

kite festival.

saturday, september 20th 2003

After spending time with andrea while she spent a lot of money on other people at bionic (and the bagger-boy adventure), i went and saw Once Upon a Time in Mexico yesterday with Aimee Amber and B. The movie was good and unoriginal at the same time, so i don't know what to make of that. But we wandered into the good ol' B&N afterwords, as usual.

When Aimee discovered the massive notebook section I found myself inspired. So many notebooks, sooo many ideas, it was increadible and you could waste hours looking at notebooks. It made me wish i was very literate and poetic so i could buy one and actually write thoughtfully in it each night. I'm left to typing my thoughts openly each night on a lousy corner of the web. splendid.

And since I'm now a legal transporter Aimee generously let me take her home.

Now my parents have abandoned me at home. We got in an argument, (i'm not going to say i was entirely to blame, but we don't like admitting things are our fault now, do we?) they took the car I drive and have escaped to Lake Arrowhead. They fled, i have no money, i have no car, i don't want to be a controlling friend and call my friends and make them pick me up so i can get out of here, i don't feel good at all.

and to make everything better, i left my Precal book in my locker at school, so i can't even get my homework done AND i'll have a missing assignment only into the 3rd week of school. Also I can't finish the harry potter book i was reading because it was left in the car my parents have, currently is far far away in the mountains.

so to occupy myself i've been sitting on the computer, cooking myself unhealthy meals, ranting on a piano, and watching movies i've seen 1 too many times. but hey, check out what my mom brought me back from her trip to sf: To-Fu UK
and when she was there, supposedly Robin Williams was in the store too. He lives somewhere up in San Francisco, so..yes, strange. And i saw a Laurence Fishburne look-alike in the store the other day. THAT was weird, because it really looked like him. What madness is this?

but anyway, continuing today, i finally finished The Hobbit, so i will start the next book shortly. i then spied on the neighbors across the street for a little bit, and now i just feel dirty.

all this over my cat. how did we get in an argument over my cat? ug. now i am paying dearly for it. help me...someone?

sunday, september 14th 2003

but now its sunday, Aimee came over and she's watching Lord of the Rings. We played more board games cuz aimee's fantabulous like that and likes playing games. We watched Benny & Joon and Monty Python when B was here last night and played Mexican Train. I taught them how to play chopsticks on the piano and we talked a lot about Mariachis for some reason.

I prompted myself to see The Order by myself yesterday. What a strange movie, but generally i liked it. It's not that great or anything..but you have to be in the mood to watch it to make it enjoyable. It was about the darkness to religion and priests and had to do with Sin Eaters, it was quite the weird story.

But on my way back there was some kind of fire. I thought it was an explosion, there was so much black smoke going into the air; but it was just a house on fire. Well, that doesn't happen often here, so its news to meee.

Though seeing as i have SCHOOL tomorrow..I have to go do homework and watch movies with aimee.

friday, september 12th 2003

I felt a dire need to stop and write something down in here, considering its the weekend and i don't feel any time exists during the week. Just stuck in a void mon-fri till weekend comes again. Now i feel like i'm back in summer and school never really started. One week complete, and i see no light at the end of the tunnel. This will take some getting used to.

Right at about the third week of summer i was getting used to all the time i had. wait, i just lost the point i was trying to make.

I've picked up an unusual interest in reading lately. I want to read as much as I can, anytime I can (well anything but The Crucible). It makes me wonder why English is my least favorite subject. Well I hate writing, and i hate my 9th grade teacher. She ruined my high school english experience. I feel this is a good habit.

Yet once again my life will be run by movie schedules. Tis the fall coming, tis the season of golden films.

I had another weird dream last night..my dad wanted to disown me for disobeying him. But then i told my mother something that made her turn on my father. And my sister was actually supporting me and i don't know what. But at the end, the guy who plays Sam from lord of the rings was in my room. I was on the computer and he was writing me a long personal autograph.
After that my dad woke me up an hour late b/c my alarm didn't go off. Stupid TTW school rule, if it weren't for that i might actually have some time to breath in the mornings. But i'm so speady, I got Kali in on time too when she called me up this morning.

I can't remember precal (i was so tired), we bounced balls in physics today, watched a japanese reality show and studied history in japanese 3, talked about the shit of being a Puritan in English, and read about what an evil man Christopher Columbus was (he really was an evil man, read and learn the dark and scary truth ::gasp::) Nadine took Kali Neymi and I to carls jr. for lunch. I bought my dad his present after school and came home to go to Amber's Birthday bonfire shindig.

Andrea, B, and I talked about abusive childhood experiences, and other exciting topics of discussion. Yes i will post images later. I'm just not getting around to that lately..

Oh yeah, i got bangs..I was terribly bored and had the urge to do something drastic, so before school started I clipped my hair. It was preeetty exciting. so hah.

On 9/11 we had announcements, and well, i recall them saying "lets take a moment of silence" and we did so for about 30 seconds. then a "thank you" and the next thing you know there's some chimichanga-fiesta-giddy music playing over the speaker and an upbeat day of announcements. ..I went home that day and watched some specials on the 2 year ann. of the attacks. It's very disturbing, and made me terribly sad. 3,047 were killed. It just seems like little has changed since then.

wednesday, september 10th 2003

(btw, don't expect to see me -blogging- much, i just don't have time.)

tuesday, september 9th 2003

today didn't make it any better. i came close to nervous breakdown state again (usually that doesn't happen till later in the year) but finding out you have a mouthfull of cavities is humiliating. I'm so upset with myself. I've had braces, retainers, expanders in my mouth ever since i've had teeth. I've never gotten the hang of proper care, never had a succesfful dental appt. and detest dentistry. It seems like things only get worse when you get older..I can't rememebr the last thing really good that happend due to getting older.

gotta miss those innocent years. now i have to get out of the habit of falling asleep everytime i get home from school. ughgh, kill me now. (but thank you amber for this spice girls cd..i forgot how much i used to like them. those were the good 'ol days, eh? ehehehe spice girls..its funny.)

and thanks aimee for burning me these cds, they're fantabulous. i forgot how much i loved alanis morsette (sp). ever since my tape broke from being overplayed, i havn't heard any of it. weee. and thanks andrea for letting me tag along on todays lunch adventure (it wasn't that bad was it? yay for off-campus lunch).

oh yeah, should i go to japan next summer? its really my only chance to. i want to..but but..eergh, i have to know like -now- and i don't know. its expensive and not that many people can go either. its plauging my brain. i hate time, its nothing but against you.

BIRTHDAYS
9/11- Aimee
9/12- Dad
9/13- Andrea
9/14- Carol

::whimper::

sunday, september 7th 2003

yes i havn't said anything in the past week, i was trying to savior that last few weeks and was too lazy or we'll just say busy to say anything (which i know you want me to put up the pics from the last bonfire, i will do that later, i'm a bit too tired and have other things to do right now. they'll be up eventually..).

so i had this crazy dream the other night. I went to sleep with a headache and stomachache an dreamt that Adolf Hitler was coming back to power. But it really wasn't Hitler at all, just some scary knew ruler coming to power. I had a boyfriend, and boy was he the greatest. But somewhere in it all an evil double was made of him, I saw the armies coming to attack, and i recall getting shot and not waking up (it didn't hurt, i just remember i could feel myself getting weaker and the blood was very wet on my chest). My dad was killed and it looked like i was stuck in a very bad war movie.."ze germans are coming!" well in any case, I remember i knew i was dreaming and couldn't wake up. It was an awful feeling. My mom and i were then hiding in a closet, but i woke up b/c i died. I fell back to sleep shortly again and dreamt my boyfriends evil double took my mom and i to a facility and the soldiers had guns that shot small triangular knives (or spades) instead of bullets. We saw the evil ruler and there was nothing we could do, i was trying to think of all the ways to kill him. His neck was so close i thought of wringing it, but i'd be killed. I started to remember i was dreaming again when the mad ruler passed out bingo cards to us all so we could play "death-blood-bingo" or something sick and twisted like that. Once again i couldn't wake up, then finally two seconds later i realized i was awake. My head was still hurting and i decided against going to sleep again. Its not fun feeling trapped in a dream.

I realized how when we're dreaming its very hard to tell the difference between dream and reality, but when you're awake its very clear that you're back in reality. its a funny feeling and i think dreams are amazing.

my mom took me shopping for clothes the other day, which suprisingly i hate. I'm never in a worse mood than when school shopping, my poor mother. But we made it quick and dirty, so i had no time to pout. On a better note, i got soul caliber II [GC]. I may now enjoy my evenings in peace. Nothing like beating the living shit out of an opponent.

but aimee and b stopped by today, b seemed very angry and pouted in his car and wouldn't say a word to me, that jerk. But i got to see aimee and that was really great. I'm usually not happy when people suprise me like that, but i hadn't seen aimee in so long that it was a very nice suprise. She brought me a bunch of goodies as well, so that was super. I decided against going somewhere with them because i wanted to spend the rest of my day sitting on my butt, which went according to plan.

now i'm off to clean my room and get my stuff together. 6am is such an early waking hour..damn you school.