Extended AIM Profile

11:50pm - Outside of the Knock Knock Club, Five Points, Columbia, SC

Yeah, BGJ finally shows up. The wait was cool tho because it gave me a chance to meet someone different. Plus it gave time for all the females to show up and tip the scales some.

12:00am - Knock Knock Club, Five Points, Columbia, SC

"I ain't on the guest list, I ain't VIP, I snuck in the exit…" - Redman

Definitely managed to sneak into the VIP room. Only after lying to some white girl who decided it'd be a good idea to yell at one T_Piddy and one Big Game James. After calmly telling her that I knew Sarah and it was cool, she was alright with it. Only thing is, it was so loud she thought I said Tara, who apparently is her best friend and the bartender. Well that's a good thing cause I don't know any ho named Sarah or Tara who works at Knock Knock. I just figured the odds of a white girl named Sarah who worked there had to be in my favor. Ey, like the great Jesse Ventura says, "Win if you can, Lose if you must, but ALWAYS cheat" (that's Rule #2 in case you're wondering).

Umm..let's say 12:45-ish am - Knock Knock Club, Five Points, Columbia, SC

"I know it might be wrong, but I'm in love with Stacey's Mom" - Fountains of Wayne

Yeah, definite MILF sighting. This woman had to be at least 40. I'm pretty sure she was the woman Lewis was talking about, but I couldn't tell (I didn't get a good look at her when she walked by earlier in the evening). Didn't really matter. Had a nice body, pretty good ass, and once again, for "shits and giggles" (As we notice, when I decide to do that, random things happen) I decided it'd be a good idea to dance with her. Yeah, she put a number on me. I can handle the gyrating and grinding, but once she hiked that leg up, shit I was dumbfounded. I was impressed. For a middle-aged white woman, she was workin' it to Lil Jon's "Get Low" with the best of 'em. They may say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but sometimes those old tricks work just fine. And since this is an EAP and I have to have a moral to go with this story…umm, don't judge a book by its cover. Afterwards…

Big Game James: Yeah Piddy!! I saw you were over there givin' Stifler's Mom the business.

T_Piddy: *shrugs* I figured it'd be funny for shits and giggles.

Big Game James: I hear ya man, I hear ya.

T_Piddy: And besides, she was hot. Someone's gotta dance with the moms.

Big Game James: Man, little do we know I'm sure half of us in here done danced with a mom.

T_Piddy: *enlightenedlook* You my friend make a very good point

Moral of the Story: Not all moms are 35 and playing Bridge

As much as I'd like to spill the rest of the beans on random stuff, I'd definitely go over the 24 hour mark. Damn shame too, because the midget story (seriously) was funny. And how I wound up walking/driving through Columbia in a wife beater. Along with what would be my third argument with a stripper (another result of me doing things for "shits and giggles"). Ah well. This thing's long enough already. And just because I like you guys some really quick shoutouts. I'm only hollerin' to people I've talked to within the past 2 weeks or so. I can't do everyone cause that'll take forever.

Cecil: February it is. Looking quite forward to heading to a Florida Walmart and picking up a good Hispanic girl. Hopefully they'll be on sale.

Denny: How you managed to have your conscious kick in at a time like that, I'm not quite sure. Proud of you tho. Was the right thing to do.

Josh: Glad to see you were the one instituting Thursday Happy Hour at your job. After knowing you as well as I do, I'd expect nothing less from you.

Kelli: I'm gonna give you just as much thanks as Tyrell. Without you, this EAP probably would have never happened. Another case of 52B looking out for each other? I'd say so…

Jen: I'd apologize for that paragraph earlier, but you know you found it just as funny as I did. And yeah, maybe I shouldn't be the guy holding "Safety Talks" on how guys should be less sketchy… *angelface*

Libby: Glad you're back hun. After you get settled in Laurens holla at me. We'll meet up in 5 Points. And glad that the RAW link Terence sent you was of service.

Nasty Nikki: I was so drunk/tired that morning I seriously thought it was funny as shit when you crawled into the other end of my comforter and decided to get comfortable. Thanks for having your feet near my face :-P And try not to perculate too much. The theater ushers don't like cleaning up that mess. They're probably all cursing Will Smith right now.

Lady Nieka: For I am glad that my EAPs bring amusement to you. Anything to please you. Except when I have to drive you and Sir Chad around. That, how do you say, blows. J/K

Eric: This was all your fault, I was supposed to be in Atlanta this weekend. J/K Its all good tho, we'll definitely just reschedule. And next time, don't sit on your phone in church. Your choir does sound good tho. And what's with the fine girls in Walmart? Between you and Cecil I'm gonna wind up spending a lot of time there.

Chad: Everyone I sent that link to agreed with your question - how did all them women know what semen taste like. Hmmm….

Tyrell: My friend, for the night you provided here I'd say you're well on your way to becoming one of the "Premier Niggas" to know in Columbia. And I know I left stuff out. I got tired of writing all this. And we'll have to go somewhere with our belts one day - you with the SmackDown! WWE Championship and me with the RAW World Heavyweight Championship - should make for interesting times.

(For those who aren't named Tyrell yet read his shoutout, let me explain something. When WCW went out of business a lot of wrestlers went to the then WWF. Along with their WCW Championships. Well since it made no sense to have 14 titles in one company, the majority of the titles were unified. The WWF and WCW titles became the WWF Undisputed Championship. This is the belt Tyrell has. Well they later split the roster into the RAW and SmackDown! "brands." When Brock Lesnar refused to defend the Undisputed Title on RAW and SmackDown! and became exclusive to SD!, RAW was left without a champion. RAW General Manager Eric Bischoff then reinstated the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. This is the belt that I have. At the same time, the Undisputed Championship could now be "disputed" and reverted back to the being the WWE Championship, yet kept the design of the Undisputed Championship. Why did I explain all this? Because I'm sure someone's gonna go "I thought you said you had the WCW Championship?" I do, but since the belts look 99% the same both descriptions are accurate. Figured I'd explain it once in a space that's a lot larger than an AIM window. Everyone's happy :-) )

Cobby: You do bring up a good point. I have forgotten some of my roots. As you notice, there was no mention of videogames anywhere. It's not like the days of old… *sadface*

Rachel / Bradley: Glad to hear you two are doing well and haven't killed each other yet. If you had I'd be upset because no one would get to use the wedding gifts I got ya'll.

Rebecca: I work nights. From now until they tell me otherwise :-). Now you can't say you don't know my schedule. If ya wanna talk to me often, it looks like you're gonna have to join Miss Jen, Eric, and myself on the 4am circuit.