March 1
Dear Journal,
In true Sarah style:
RABBIT RABBIT!
Sarah, what does that mean anyway?
Today we go to the arena to watch the Topo girls compete in the American Cup. So this morning we all got up early and gathered in one of the hotel rooms to make posters and stuff. We're all wearing matching Topopolilly t-shirts, and a few of us got really into it and painted our faces. No one can accuse us of not being supportive! :)
One thing I'm really happy about is that when I get back home, I only have one week of school before SPRING BREAK! I love spring break, it truly is the happiest time of the year. It's not like I'm going to do anything besides *gasp* go to the gym, but it'll be really nice not to have the stress of school hanging over me. Also, I'm going to do some private lessons during the week and maybe alter my routines a bit.
Well, I have to go paint some more faces, but I'll be back later with all the details of this weekend's competition!
Love,
Jennie

February 28
Dear Journal,
Well, I didn't qualify for the American Cup. Jessica, Kayla, and Dominique are going to represent us. Good thing Jess will be there, because someone has to keep Kayla and Dominique from ripping each other to shreds out in the arena, lol. Seriously, those two are too much. I still can't figure out WHY exactly they hate each other. It's like they had this big fight and I missed it. Oh well, in situations like these I like being out of the loop.
That being said, not making the American cup was quite a wake up call for me. This is two international assignments in a row that I've missed out on, and for me that's pretty bad. I guess I have been pretty distracted lately, and I can't let that keep happening. Because at the moment I'm running my career into the ground and that's a really scary thing. From now on, I'm going to go to the gym with renewed energy and with specific goals for the day. And, I'm saying it right here and right now, I'm going to place top 3 at Classics if it kills me!
But we have a competition tonight, so I have to focus on that. I'm curling my hair right now, and I think it's about time to take the curlers out :)
Love,
Jennie

February 27
Dear Journal,
We're traveling to the meet tomorrow, so the gym is buzzing with pre-meet activity. This is really exciting for me, the whole gym hardly ever goes and competes together. In fact, the last time we all traveled together was on our russia trip last summer. So it's been a LONG time and I can't wait to hit the road!
At the end of workout this afternoon we're going to find out who's competing at the American cup and who's going to be at the podium meet. I don't think any pop girls will make the Cup, which is sad but that's okay, we can make up for it later.
This morning I was going through some pictures, and I had my portraits from two years ago and this year sitting out. MAN, I didn't realize how much my body's changed since I was in the Olympics! It's kind of gross actually. I'm a couple inches taller and my face looks a lot older (in other words, i have the face of a nine year old instead of a seven year old, lol) and generally I look different. But I guess it's good that I've made it through part of the puberty thing without too much trauma.
Okay, time for afternoon workout and the big announcement!
Love,
Jennie

February 26
Dear Journal,
Still no word on the podium meet versus the American cup, but I know for sure that I'm probably not going to make it. I'll probably just miss it, lol. But I keep inproving and that's encouraging. I'm actually almost ready to make an upgrade on floor. I've been working a one and a half through to a two and a half, and it's going really well. So hopefully I can add that to my routine soon and jack up the difficulty.
In other news, it seems like all my sister and I do is fight these days. By sister, I mean my twin Jessie. She and I are very different, and while we've always bickered we were definitely closer than we are now. She gets mad that I don't tell her everything anymore, and that she's not the first person I call when times get rough. But it's not like she understands what's going on in my life. I mean, my teammates here see me every day and sometimes I feel like I know them better than my own family.
Another good workout today. I hope to kick some butt in the podium meet!
Love,
Jennie
February 25
Dear Journal,
I'm super sore, haha. I did extra conditioning today and it whipped my butt into shape, that's for sure. I think I'll ice for a while and relax. Of course, by relax I mean do homework. AAAAH i hate working all the time! Seriously, I'd better get into a good college after all of this torture.
Pop Squad's finally back together and it feels good to have most of the squad back. Still, Marie's still hurt and that's too bad. In other bad news, Linz is retiring. She's pretty old (haha) so I guess she deserves the break. Still, it'll be really sad to see her go. Good luck, Lindsey!
Love,
Jennie

February 24
Dear Journal,
Yay for competing this weekend! I'll either be in the American Cup or the podium competition, most likely the latter, and I can't wait. This will be a great meet, because it's rare that the entire team gets to travel as one group. So I'm pumped! I do have to miss school on Friday, but luckily there aren't any tests or anything I need to make up. So that's a good thing.
I've been doing pretty well in workout too. I was really clean on beam today and looked a lot better than I normally do. I definitely want to keep that up through the weekend. We got a new beam while the gym was closed and I love it. It has a little more spring in it which makes it SO much better to train tricks on.
It's great to have Sarah back finally, she's back at the gym today and I think she did pretty well in her meet. So go Sarah and go topo!
Love,
Jennie

February 23
Dear Journal,
I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night,and so I had zero motivation to work out today. I got through it though, and then had a fun afternoon at lunch with Adam. After that it was back to topo for homework, homework, homework. When did my life become so boring????? Seriously, I'm reading my journal and it seems like all I do is practice and study. I need to have some serious fun, and fast.
One good thing that happened today, besides hanging out with Adam, was taking a looooong afternoon nap. Usually I can't do that because I'm in the gym or Sarah's up or something. I kinda like having my own room, haha. But I still miss Sarah to death and I can't wait for her to come back. I hope she kicks some serious butt today! I'm not sure if she's competing AA or what. But they'd be nuts not to put her in the lineup for bars and beam at the least. Go Sarah!
Well I'm totally tired so I think I'll get to bed early tonight. Sweet dreams!
Love,
Jennie

February 22
Dear Journal,
The team left today for the meet in Indy, which means I have no roomie :( At least Sammie's around, haha, she's like my honorary roommate. Squad workout was a lot of fun today. We had a couple of Lilly squad people with us because Soyon was with the team competing. I also did a private lesson today with Lois on beam. I had missed working with her. Don't get me wrong, Coach Nick is great, but I really do miss having Lois as my main coach.
After workout was work (uneventful) and homework (very uneventful). I'm excited though because tomorrow I'm hanging out with Adam for a bit, and also watching the meet if they put it on TV.
Anna and Jess's cheer competition was today, and they came one spot short of making finals. Jess is bummed because she had a sloppy landing on her full twist and she thinks that could have made the difference. Whatever, she'll get over it I know :) Jess loves to beat herself up. Then again, every time I mess up in a meet I beat myself up too so I guess I shouldn't complain about her.
Still no word on Am Cup. I know rankings-wise, I'm nowhere near in that league right now, but hopefully my rank will go up after this weekend's workouts. I do feel like I've been doing a lot better in the gym. Still, everyone's trying to prove themselves right now and it's pretty competitive, especially since Squads Alive. I'll admit I do kind of miss being near the top of the list. But if I keep working hard, I'll get there! I'm just going to try not thinking about it at all.
Love,
Jennie

February 21
Dear Journal,
Can I tell you how much I am hating school right now? My classes are soooooo hard, and my teachers are totally not nice this year. My history teacher's cool actually, but math and science -- yuck, what ogres. Anyway, after school I was VERY happy for the week to be over -- too bad I had to go to gym instead of hang out with my friends. Gym was good though, I mainly worked on vault and that went pretty well. I'm ranked eighth as of right now and while I'm happy with that position, I'd like to do better. Eighth is below the cutoff for competitive teams, and I really want to be competing more. My last meet was a month ago, unless you count squads alive, which wasn't a traditional meet format, more of a mock meet. So I'll definitely be happy to get back in the groove of things here at Topo.
Jessie and Anna have some big cheer competition this weekend, so hopefully that will go well for them. Jessie rolled her ankle in practice the other day so she's really worried, but she seems to be doing fine.
Oh, and more good news. I've gained a couple of pounds and I have a lot more power now. Nick commented that my gymnastics has a lot more "zip" in it this week, and that's always good to hear.
After workout, a few of us had an impromptu dance party in the hallway. I turned up my stereo real loud and we were jammin out in the hall. Some of the girls upstairs thought we were really nuts, haha.
Love,
Jennie

February 20
Dear Journal,
Well, I didn't make the team for the three-way meet in Indy this weekend. I'm not that surprised, because I still need to gain back some weight and I HAVE been pretty distracted lately. Actually, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I barely missed making it. I thought I was in a lot worse shape than that. The good news is that Soyon's going with the team, which means I'll still have my coach through the weekend. This is important because I really want to peak in time for the American Cup which is held next weekend. I really really really want to make that meet so I'm going to bust my butt in practice. And I'm gonna miss my roomie this weekend! :(
Oh, and I had a slight panic attack this morning when I found out that we have a meet the weekend of my dad's wedding. But luckily when I called them, they explained that the garden they wanted to use for the reception was booked the original weekend they wanted, so they pushed the wedding back to May 18. We don't have a meet that weekend -- phew! I've already told Adam that he HAS to be there, lol. I'm going to really need moral support if I'm to survive a weekend with my nutty family. I did my measurements today and sent them off so hopefully I'll have my dress in a few weeks. Still, this is all so weird.
Sob! I can't believe my roomie's leaving me this weekend! I think I'll crash with Alyssa and Sammie this weekend :) Or maybe not, I mean, how often do I get to have my own room?
Love,
Jennie

February 19
Dear Journal,
I seriously feel like a huge weight has been taken off of my shoulders. I have been under soooo much stress lately, and just knowing I can relax about a lot of things now makes me feel much better. My workout today was one of the best I've had in a while.
Pop Squad's been going through a lot of changes. Sammie's back, which is great, but Ashley decided to leave Topo, which is not. I'm sad, I really liked Ashley and she brought a lot to our squad. She is a really cool girl and I wish her the best wherever she goes.
It's scary how much I've missed out on lately. I've barely spent five minutes in the rec room the past couple of weeks and that is where the REAL action at Topo is, LOL. People are still talking about Squads Alive (Opilly beat Lilly in the finals.) Apparently Tiger and Lilly are big rivals (TOTALLY missed that, lol) and apparently Kayla and Dominique hate each other's guts, though I don't really know why. I'm really glad that Pop doesn't have a rival squad, lol, it's so much better to just get along.
We had a really fun workout today. As a reward for surviving some pretty heinous conditioning, we got to play dodgeball at the end of workout, except instead of theoring a ball we hurled the big foam blocks from the pit. It was fun. Well, my routines are a lot better and I think my relaxing is starting to pay off!
Love,
Jennie

February 18
Dear Journal,
I have great news!
Today during the break between school and afternoon workout, Lois called me into her office. At first I was concerned because the last time I got called in there was during my little temper tantrum in workout a few weeks ago, and so I've associated being in there with being in trouble. But when I walked in Lois was grinning from ear to ear.
I have no idea how it happened, but apparantly a supporter of mine (Lois wouldn't say who, but she said it was someone I knew from my career) had heard of my financial situation and agreed to sponsor my training! The money won't go to me, because that would be a violation of NCAA rules, but basically Lois is going to deduct my prize winnings from my tuition at the end of each year and my "guardian angel" as I call them, is going to pay the difference to Topo. So I can stop working nights in the gym and maybe get some sleep!
I'm going to keep working at Four Star though, because it's a lot of fun and I can use the extra spending money. And it's also a good experience. But stil, this takes so much stress off of me and I already feel a hundred times better about the future of my career!
Love,
Jennie

February 17
Dear Journal,
Well, today was the mini squad alive meet. Because Sammie and Marie are injured, we only had 4 people to Opilly's 7, so of course we lost. But given the circumstances we put up a really good fight as a team, and I was really proud of us. Sarah and I finished 2-3 in our division, and we only were about a point behind Opilly. Even though we won't be in the finals, it was still a good fight. I hope Sammie and Marie come back soon though, because workouts aren't as fun without them!
But I've moved on from this meet. I need to start thinking about making the American cup coming up. I really feel that I'm a contender to get sent. Nick complimented me on my progress the other day, and I think working with him has really helped my gymnastics. I'm so glad I'm on the Pop Squad -- I wouldn't be anywhere else!
Love,
Jennie

February 16
Dear Journal,
Yay for my day off! Today was so relaxing, I slept until noon, did a little conditioning, and then hung out with my friends in the dorm. I DID have to do some schoolwork today, which sucked, but it was still such a great day. I've also been watching wayyyy too much MTV around the dorm.
I talked to Court today, and she's all excited because her knee is fully healed. Courtney used to do some gymnastics, but blew out her knee a while ago. But now she has clearance to do some more excercising. She's NOT doing gymnastics (no sense blowing it out again) but she is going to start jogging more and maybe start playing some tennis or something.
In the meantime, wedding plans are in the air today and I spent about an hour talking to Celia on the phone about wedding stuff. I actually don't mind Celia that much. I could do much worse for a stepmother I suppose. Anyway, she's decided to go with baby pink for the bridesmaid dresses because we all have brown hair and that goes well together. I was a little concerned, but she promised me that they'll be a tasteful pink and I have to measure myself and send my measurements to her. They've set the date -- it's going to be April 27. SO SOON! Ack!
Love,
Jennie

February 15
Dear Journal,
The dance last night was so fun! They played a lot of great music and I had a great time dancing with Adam and with all of my friends. The only bad thing was that I had to leave at 10 (the dance ended at 12) because Lois wanted me in the gym bright and early the next day.
I had a good workout today and I think I can do well in our upcoming competitions. I've been sluggish lately due to my complete lack of rest, but I think that will be the only thing standing in my way. I have great control over my skills and my form keeps improving.
In sadder news, Sarah's been having some pain in her shoulder. She's been putting a lot of ice on it and has been resting, which is good. She and I are going to watch movies tonight after I get back from work.
As for work, I seriously don't know what I'm going to do. Even with all the extra work I'm doing, I don't think I'm going to be able to cover my costs this year. At this point I seriously need a miracle! Oh well, I'm not going to think about it. I'm in a good mood and I want to stay that way.
Love,
Jennie

February 14
Dear Journal,
I love Valentine's Day!
I got flowers from my sister this morning, flowers from Adam at school, and flowers from mom when I got back to the gym. Tonight is the big v-day dance, and while I can't stay til the end (grrrrr to curfew). I have a cute pink dress that I'm wearing, and overall I'm really excited.
Anna's all depressed because it's her first V-day since she broke up with Brian (ummmm Brian was a moron, get over it Anna) It's funny because she cries now, but when they were going out she always complained about how he didn't take Valentine's Day seriously.
Well, I know this a short entry, but I gotta run if I'm going to have enough time to get ready for my first dance with my boyfriend.
I have a boyfriend! Eeek!
Love,
Jennie

February 12
Dear Journal,
Well i had a lot more energy today. My tumbling was a lot better in workout and my bars weren't as sloppy. Still, I'm unsure of where I stand. The Am Cup is coming up and I have no idea if I'm in a position to qualify. School's going well, still a ton of work to do. Why is the tenth grade such torture? LOL
Tonight after my HW was done, I hung out in the rec room with the other girls. And then I realized that is has been a LONG time since I've done that. Kelly was like "we thought you fell off the face of the earth!" Guess I need to take more time to relax.
Ant for the first time ever, I'm excited about Valentine's Day! Yay for having a sorta-boyfriend (I hesitate to call Adam my boyfriend just yet.) It's going to be a great couple of days!
Love,
Jennie

February 11
Dear Journal,
So sleepy...
Sarah definitely is on to me. Today she asked me why I was so tired all the time, and if I was mad at her because I've been in a bad mood the past couple days. She also said I looked thin and she's right...I weighed myself today and I've randomly lost six pounds. I don't know how long I can keep up this working nights thing. I might see if I can switch to Sundays, because this arrangement is really messing me up!
Love,
Jennie

February 10
Dear Journal,
Aaaaaah i want to compete again! Seriously, I miss it so much. Not that I'm in the best shape. My knee's a little sore and I've been really sleep deprived lately. I actually fell asleep in math class today, I don' t think I got caught though.
Oh, and since the Europe trip got postponed I'm going to be here for the Valentine's dance on Friday! Adam's taking me of course, and we're going out to dinner with a bunch of friends beforehand. I can't wait!
Tonight's gym job -- boring old sweeping and vacuuming the floor carpet. Booooo!
Love,
Jennie

February 9
Dear Journal,
Yay for Sunday! I did absolutely NOTHING today besides hang out and jog on the treadmill. I have had such a long week, yay for being LAZY!
Love,
Jennie

February 8
Dear Journal,
Another good day. Morning workout was a breeze, and then it was off to Four Star to work birthday parties. These little kids are so cute! Some of them know me from TV and ask me to do stunts and stuff. A couple of little girls asked me for my autograph. HOW CUTE! One of the things that I miss about training at a normal gym is the deluge of adorable pre-team kids and preschoolers. I love these kids to death! After work I was really tired so I called Adam for a while, then called home and then watched "Center Stage" with Sarah but I definitely fell asleep in the middle!
Love,
Jennie

February 7
Dear Journal,
Yay for Friday! I had a pretty good workout in the morning, followed by school which was the same old boring stuff. As usual, I went to the art room after lunch to hang out with Lizzie and Adam. I always say I'm going to do homework there but I never get anything done. Lizzie's actually really excited that Adam and I are going out, which is good because I was worried she'd get all weird.
But as Adam and Lizzie have known since we became friends, gymnastics is #1. And that will remain my focus. This afternoon I had my first ever lesson with Coach Dan, and man oh man was I glad when that was over. He is SO SCARY!
A lot of the girls went out tonight so it gave me ample time to work at the gym without being seen. Tonight I helped clean out the pits, which was kinda fun even though I got pit fuzz all over me. And tomorrow I have work at Four Star, so I GOTTA sleep!
Love,
Jennie

February 6
Dear Journal,
Well, we all know what happened today.
I got out of workout early tonight, and went to the dorm to get ready to meet Adam. I wore my hair down and let it be wavy, and according to the girls I looked really cute ;-) Anyway, he picked me up (yay for not having to be driven by parents anymore) and we went to this new Japanese place at the mall, one of those places where they cook in front of you. Adam's one of the only people I know who's willing to eat Japanese with me. Most of my friends and family hate it.
THen we went to go see the new movie "How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days." It was HILARIOUS, and I could totally relate to all of the silly girl behavior they made fun of.
I expected tonight to be really awkward, but it totally wasn't. I realized that no matter what happens with me and Adam, we'll always be friends. So that's a good thing.
Anyway, after the movie Adam took me home. And what happened in the time between when we got out of his car and when I went in the door is just between me and Adam. And Sarah, who was spying out the window.
Love,
Jennie

February 5
Dear Journal,
Well, I'm finally settling into a routine. It took a while to adjust to my new training schedules and stuff, but now I've decided that I'm going to get up at 6, be in the gym at 6:30, work out til 9:30, come back to the dorm and get on the van at 10:30, be in class from 11-3, then drive back here and get in the gym by 4. I work out from 4-9 (roughly), do homework from 9-10, work at the gym from 10-11 some nights, and then more homework. Sheesh, too bad I never get any time to sleep! I woke up this morning with some serious circles under my eyes. Aaaah, can't handle all this stress!
Oh, and tomorrow's the big day.
Love,
Jennie

February 4
I started doing my odd jobs around the gym today. Tonight after the last girls left workout, we re-adjusted the equipment. It was actually really fun. I kept my workout clothes on and I had to do things like jump up and down on the vault to make sure everything was set right. We tightened the bars and changed the springs in a couple of the springboards. I just hope Sarah doesn't notice I'm getting back to the room late. Oh well, I'll just tell her I'm working out in the conditioning room or something.
Love,
Jennie

February 3
Dear Journal,
Ugh, so much homework. I didn't think it would get this bad. One good thing is we're not going to Europe anymore, at least not right away, so that keeps me from getting behind with school. Oh well, gotta go, chemistry calls.
Love,
Jennie

February 2
Dear Journal,
Yay shopping!
Today I went to the mall with Lizzie and I bought an outfit to wear next Thursday. I got a khaki skirt and a cute pink top to wear. I can't believe that the big day is coming up so soon, and that soon I'll be in Europe as well! I have been feeling a little ragged lately though. I was really tired yesterday, and today I'm feeling a little hoarse. I hope I'm not getting sick, because that would be bad news!
Things are kind of slow around the gym because there aren't many meets on the schedule. Fine by me! I'm enjoying the break and frankly, I think it's helping my knee heal. Hopefully next time I compete, I'll be 100% and ready to kick some butt!
Love,
Jennie

February 1
Dear Journal,
I love Saturday practice. Not only do we put in fewer hours, but Nick makes it really fun and we get to mainly work on new skills. I kept working on a Hindorff and also on double layouts into the pit. We playes a lot of games and it was generally really fun.
I also had training for work today. I "shadowed" on today's two birthday parties and helped out. Next week, I get to help run them for real, which will be great! If this goes well, they're going to have me start working the monthly "Friday Night At Four Star" nights. That would be awesome!
The only bad thing is that my homework is really picking up. It's fine on the weekends, but if I start taking odd jobs at Topo during the week, it's really going to pile up.
Love,
Jennie

January 31
Dear Journal
Thank goodness it's Friday! I can't wait to relax (well, whatever relaxing is for me) and hang out this weekend. Sammie's supposed to come back tomorrow so that will be great, and I think Sarah and I are going to have a movie night tonight in our room, just the two of us for some roommate bonding time. And, what's really scary is there's less than a week til my big "date" with Adam and so I'll need to prepare mentally for that, haha. I don't know why I'm letting this stress me out.
So, workout was awesome but grueling. Lois decided that she didn't like a lot of the choreography in my FX and so I worked on some new stuff with her. It's just weird to untrain myself to do some moves and replace them with other ones. But I think the routine will be much better as a result.
Anyway, time for some Dirty Dancing!
Love,
Jennie

January 30
Dear Journal,
ANNA GOT INTO CAROLINA!
She's going to go there for sure, and help do choreo and coach their gymnastics team! Aaaaaaaah I'm so happy for her! :)
Love,
Jennie

January 29
Dear Journal,
Well, the mini Squads Alive meet was postponed. THANK YOU LORD! We would have been soooooo outnumbered at that thing!
I'm really excited because this Saturday I have training for my new job at Four Star. Then hopefully I can start working for real in a couple of weeks. That will be awesome! I met with Lois today to talk to her about my situation. I explained to her that while my family probably could, in theory, pay for my gymnastics, I'd rather take the burden off of then and pay for it myself. I got some pretty impressive prize money from Nationals and the North American Gym Festival last summer, and that should cover a major chunk of the year's tuition. Then there's the new job. But, I've also negotiated a deal with Lois where I wil do some work around the gym in exchange for reduced tuition. I could tell that Lois was reluctant to do this, she offered me a cut in tuition without having to work, but I didn't want to do that. Still, I'm not telling the other girls about working at the gym. A lot of what I'll be doing is after-hours stuff like equipment maintenance and maybe some cleaning, not a big deal. But I'm afraid that if the other girls find out, they'll treat me differently or feel sorry for me or something. No, it'll be Lois's and my little secret.
Love,
Jennie

January 28
Dear Journal,
Ever have one of those days where EVERYTHING goes absolutely perfect? I had one today. I had a rock-solid morning workout, and then at school I got a 10/10 on my chem lab and took a math test which I think I aced! I also got to talk to Lizzie for a while, yanno, about girl stuff, and then I had another great workout in the afternoon. I did a lot of full routines and I nailed them all. I also played around with the Hindorff, a release I've been working on for a while, and I really want to put it in my bars routine. I already have a 10.3 SV on bars, but I love that skill! I doubt I'll get to put it in. Maybe Nick will be nice...
It's not the same without Sammie though. I miss her jokes and her general fun-ness. Also, with only five girls, it's hard for us to maintain our reputation as the loudest and most spirited squad without her around!
Love,
Jennie

January 27
Dear Journal,
Well, back at home and back in the gym like usual. It's kind of nice to have a normal routine again, though it won't last for long. We have a meet this week and then at the end of next week we're touring Europe. In the meantime, I have a ton of schoolwork. I spent all of last night working on my correspondance cources. Blech! hehe
I talked to Mom for a while today, and she basically expressed some concerns about my training. She doesn't make a ton of money in her job, and while her parents are loaded, she feels weird accepting money from them. But things are starting to get really tight, given that next year she'll be paying part of two kids' college tuition, my gym fees, and Katie's ballet fees. And my dad...well, he's not exactly supportive of my career. So, I've decided that I'm going to finance my training myself from now on. It's not going to be easy, but luckily NCAA now allows to accept prize money from meets and stay eligible for scholarships. But just to be safe, I decided that maybe I should get a job coaching.
I called Four Star, the gym in town that I trained at for a while, and sure enough they have an opening for birthday parties on the weekends. I'll help run two birthday parties each Saturday after gym, and that way I can make some extra money. I think that between the parties and prize money, I can cover my expenses, but if things get really tight again maybe I'll ask Lois if there's a job I can take at the gym. Anyway, time to work, but I'll talk to you later!
Love,
Jennie

January 26
Dear Journal,
I don't wanna leave New York! :(
Seriously, even though I didn't get to go to the city (Coach's orders) I had the BEST time with my sisters and Erin. Erin actually ended up crashing in our hotel room last night because we stayed up really late after the meet, just talking and being goofy. I wish Erin weren't going back out to Oregon. She needs to be in Indiana with me! :(
Whatever, I still had a great time, and I loved seeing Court and Katie. Courtney and some of her friends are going to NYC over a long weekend later this winter, and she's already planning everything she wants to do. I'm so jealous! Oh well, at least I'm going to Europe in a couple of weeks. I guess I shouldn't complain. I definitely want to do lots of shopping and sightseeing while I'm there. It's weird, because my friends think I lead such an exciting life, going all over the world, but really when I go abroad all I see are the airport, the hotel, and the gym. It's not that exciting.
So yeah, I'm packing now. I guess I should bust my butt if I wanna make the plane on time. Talk to you later!
Love,
Jennie

January 25
Dear Journal,
Yay for my sisters being here!
Katie and Courtney got to the hotel late last night, and I've had a blast with them so far! As it turns out, they're not staying with the team but they did get a room on our floor, so now the mayhem can begin, haha. Once the meet is over Katie's giving me a tour of NYC. That will be very exciting! Believe it or not, I've never been to New York (well, that's not true, I have changed planes there a couple times) but that's it. Katie's DYING to get into ABT so that she can stay there and dance. I hope she accomplishes her dream!
Today we have our competition, and I'm actually pretty nervous. I don't know if it's the activities of the past week, or the fact that my sisters are here, or the fact that I'm up against the Cascade team or what, but I've got some major butterfly action going on inside. I know that if I just focus and fight, I'll be fine, but it's like I'm almost afraid of placing out of, say, the top 10. It's as though I think everyone will be disappointed in me. I have to keep telling myself that's not the case.
Anyway, the equipment here kind of sucks. I hope that doesn't sound snobby, but seriously, the floor is totally not springy and the bars are a little loose. Nothing's unsafe, but it will take some getting used to.
Topo is getting totally pumped. This is our first competition against Cascade for as long as I can remember, and while there's a lot of respect between the two gyms, there's also a bit of a rivalry between us as well. It'll be weird competing against my old team.
Okay, almost time to compete! Wish me luck!
Love,
Jennie

January 24
Dear Journal,
I'm in New York! We went to the airport after school on Friday, and now we're just hanging out in the hotel. Courtney's on her way to Katie's dorm at this moment, and they're going to drive out to Long Island to see me! I can't wait! Lois said they could stay with us for the meet, we'll just be a little smushed. Yeah, me, Katie, Courtney, and Ashley in one hotel room. I feel sorry for Ash already, haha.
We couldn't really do training this evening, so we just hung out at the hotel. We had a big team dinner at the restaurant downstairs and talked about our goals for the competition. It's weird not having Sarah around, but it's really cool traveling with girls I haven't bonded with much on the road. Topo did AWESOME in Texas, and I think we all feel that we need to keep that up in this meet, especially because it is a team competition. I definitely think we're capable of kicking some butt at this one.
And OH MY GOSH! No one told me that Cascade was coming to this meet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I saw Erin walking across the lobby and just about freaked out. I haven't seen her since I left, so I have obviously been going through some Erin withdrawl. I also saw Coach Carrie in the lobby, and that was a bit emotional. I mean, she was such a great coach, and now I'm going out there and aiming to beat her team.
Luckily, Erin, Tabs and the others are on our floor so we can all hang out. I missed my Cascade friends so much!
In any case, I hope I have a good meet. I've been pretty inconsistant this week, so who knows how it will go. Wish me luck!
Love,
Jennie

January 23
Dear Journal,
Sammie's hurt! :(
She left the gym today to go home and allow her back to heal. Or maybe she's going to be with Alana. I don't remember. She's been pretty sore in workouts for a while, but we all thought that she could just fight through it, but she's taking some time off. She will be in NY this weekend, so I'll get to see her and Alana at the meet. I am really excited about that. Although, I'm not sure how good I'm going to be at the meet. I've been a little inconsistant in workouts this week, and I just hope I can pull it together and hit my routines in competition. That's all I want. Plus, we have a squad meet next week, and Pop's really going to have to bust a major move to win. We're down one athlete, so we have five athletes while some squads have seven! It's not looking good for us at all.
But I'm not going to dwell on that. I also talked to Court for a while today. She had heard about the fight I had with Jess, and she decided to see if I was doing okay. It was really good to talk to her. We can relate to each other because we're both away from home and are kind of disconnected from our family. School's going well for her. I can't wait for college! :)
She also gave me some boy advice, which I definitely was happy to hear. But now I have to get back to workout. After all, I leave for NY tomorrow!
Love,
Jennie

January 22
Dear Journal,
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
Where is Alana when I need her? Seriously, I need some major advice right now, and neither she nor Courtney are picking up their phones.
So my high school has this Valentine's Day semi-formal every year, and today at school my best friend Adam asked me to be his date. I was thinking "okay this isn't a big deal." I mean, I'm kind of his perma-date. We have so much fun together.
But actually, I can't go to the dance this year because we're going to be on the plane back from Europe that day. I didn't think it was that big a deal, but he seemed to take it really hard, and I was like "okay, what's going on." Then he asked me, well, if you can't go out on Valentine's Day, are you free for dinner and a movie next Friday?
WHAT?
I mean, the dance didn't surprise me at all. In a way, we'd be doing each other a favor. But the dinner/movie thing threw me for a loop. I thought my friend was asking me to do him a favor by going to the dance with him. But, as it turns out, my best friend is asking me out. I shouldn't be too surprised, I guess. Lizzie, Adam and I have been friends since the eighth grade and for as long as I can remember, Lizzie's been talking about how Adam had this big crush on me. But I never took it seriously. I had no idea what to make of it.
Sarah, on the other hand, is loving this. When I asked her for advice, she just jumped around the room and yelled "Jennie's got a boyfriend! Jennie's got a boyfriend!"
It would be really funny, but then again, maybe it's true.
I'd been preparing myself for this for two years now. I knew that if Adam ever asked me out, I'd tell him that he was one of my best friends, but because of that it would be better if we just stayed friends and didn't try anything funny. But today, I found myself saying yes to him. I mean, he's one of the sweetest people on the planet, and he is cute in a dorky kind of way, and he always makes me laugh, but...
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
Things are about to get really interesting...
Love,
Jennie

January 21
Dear Journal,
Another crappy day.
I woke up this morning all groggy and unrested. I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep last night. All of it seems like a terrible dream, and it wasn't until I read yesterday's journal entry that I realized, yes, it was true.
Anyway, all this wedding stuff has been seriously stressing me out, and it definitely showed in workout this morning. On bars, my second event of the day, I couldn't hit my stalder full to save my life, and after I missed my fifth stalder full in a row, Nick made a crack about how if I put together a routine made up of my legs flailing around and scraping the mat, I'd have a perfect 10. I didn't say anything, didn't look at him funny or anything. In a sort of haze, I just went to the side, picked up my gym bag, and walked out. I passed Lois's office on the way out of the gym, and she gave me a look that said "get in here now."
I had never done anything like this before. I'm never the type to talk back to a coach or get kicked out of gym. So this was really strange behavior for me, and I completely regretted. Lois sat me down in her office, told me she had heard the news from Sarah, and suggested I blow off some steam. So I vented to Lois for a while, and I started feeling a LITTLE better. Finally, I went back to the gym and apologized to Nick. Pop was on tumble track at this point, but I told him I wanted to try a bar set with the stalder full. I went to the bars, threw probably the best set of my life, and didn't feel nearly as good about it as I thought I would.
School was a welcome distraction. Sometimes I just need a break from Topo and my family, and being a gymnast. School is great for those purposes. I nailed my history test so that was good. And afternoon workout went much better than morning workout.
But then things got crappy again when I called my twin sister Jess. I wanted to talk to her about the remarriage, vent for a bit with her, but we ended up getting in a huge fight. She didn't care that I was upset, and was actually insulted, because, as she put it, "You live in this sheltered, perfect little gymnastics world and then expect us to feel sorry for you when you have to deal with the problems that are a hundred times worse for US." That was really hurtful, and I hung up on her. She called about an hour later to apologize. I accepted, but I still don't feel good about it.
Love,
Jennie

January 20
Dear Journal,
As much as I admire Martin Luther King, I will never have good feelings about this holiday again.
Today was a day off of school, but not off from gym. We had normal squad workout this morning, followed by a quick lunch break. After lunch, we worked out in our teams for the meet this weekend. I really like Michael. If I had to leave the Pop Squad, I'd definitely want Opilly as my next choice. Anyway, we did a lot of routines when we practiced, and I was really sore after that and desperately needed a shower. When I got back to the room, Sarah was doing homework, and I guess I had gotten a call, because the next thing she said was "Jennie, Anna called while you were in the shower and she soinded hysterical." So I grabbed the phone and headed into the hallway for some privacy.
I called Anna's cell, and it was pretty clear that she was still really upset. But she was starting to get on my nerves because she just sniffed and wailed and didn't really say anything. And finally, when I demanded she stop whimpering and start talking, she said it.
"Daddy and Celia are getting married."
It was like an anvil had been dropped on my head. I mean, my parents divorced almost six months ago. And my dad is NOT the type to rush into anything. It all seemed too sudden, he hadn't even known Celia that long. But when I told Anna that, I immediately regretted it.
"Jennie," she said, "Are you stupid?"
I didn't, and don't, want to think about the possibility. Celia couldn't have and didn't break up my parents. My parents didn't need help from anyone else in destroying their marriage. But Dad HAD ben sent to New Orleans for work a lot in the past year. It's possible that he knew Celia before he moved down there...
I don't want to think about it.
So anyway, the wedding's in late April or early May, they haven't decided yet. Celia wants all five of us to be bridesmaids, and Mom's insisting that we all go along with this. She said she doesn't want us to become alienated from our father.
After getting off the phone, I did the only thing I could do in this situation. Sarah was in her bed reading, and without saying anything I just crawled in next to her and started crying. It was a good half hour before I finally talked. She didn't say much.
I don't live at home. I never really spent much time at home after the divorce. All my communication with my parents is by phone. It was easy for me to pretend that not much had changed. But now everything has, and I finally have to accept it. My "family" now includes a slightly pretentious though well-meaning stepmother-to-be and two stepbrothers. And now I know that things will never go back to normal.
Love,
Jennie
In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let’s play pretend, let's act like it comes naturally
I don’t wanna have to split the holidays
I don’t want two addresses
I don’t want a step-brother anyways
And I don’t want my mom to have to change her last name
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
-pink

January 19
Dear Journal,
I am a licensed driver!
Wow, today was insane. This morning I packed up and went to the airport with the team, except instead of flying to Indiana, I took a flight to Charlotte where my mom was waiting. We drove to the DMV, where I took the drivers test. I did perfectly, except I took a tad too long to parallel park. But I got my license, and that's all that matters. I can't wait to drive my car!
After that, I had a late lunch with mom and then I was back on the plane to Indiana. Talk about a whirlwind! After an hour's van ride, I was back at the dorm and eager to drive around. I I ran up and down the halls, inviting people to come ride in the Gymwagon with me (that's what my vanity plate says) We didn't have a good excuse to go off grounds, so a bunch of us just drove in circles around the complex. I think Sarah's scared of my driving! Having my license will make life a lot easier for me, and WAY easier for Lizzie's poor mom, who has been chauffeuring me all over the place. I'm really tired, so I'm going to hit the sack, but can this weekend get any better?
Love,
Jennie

January 18
Dear Journal,
Time for a meet report!
We got up bright and early (too early) this morning in order to have ample time to prepare. After taking time for showers and breakfast, we all piled into one of the other hotel rooms to get ready and have a team meeting. We have new team leotards for this meet, and they're really pretty! We also did each other's hair. Since I'm trying to come across as a more mature gymnast now, I'm wearing my hair in a bun now instead of a ponytail, but some of the other girls did a lot of interesting stuff. Jess in particular is awesome at doing hair. But I like to keep it simple :)
We had warm-up for a while, and slowly the crowd drifted in. There was a big crowd at this meet, and I was getting really pumped up. Luckily, our rotation group was starting on balance beam. This was the event I was most nervous about, so I was relieved to get it out of the way early. I had a great routine, and I hit everything, but I took a hop back on the dismount. Still, that was good enough for a solid 9.55, and I was jumping around everywhere when my score was posted. After the first rotation, I was in third place in the senior division behind Brittany and Sarah. So I was pretty pumped, 3rd AA with the worst event out of the way.
Next was floor, where I had really good presentation but I went out of bounds on my Pod. I put so much power into that skill that it's really really hard to keep it in bounds. I got a 9.375 on floor, which was a good score for this meet. This put Sarah, Eva and me in a three way tie behind Britt.
Vault was definitely my weakest event of the day. I had to throw both vaults, and while the Khorkina was okay, the full on pike off was a bit of a mess. I got a score in the 9.1's, and I was pretty frustrated after that. But I had to get it together for the last rotation.
I've had a really good week on bars, and I had one of the best routines of my life today. I hit everything with great form and I NAILED the landing. I got a huge ovation, which felt great, and a 9.725, which was awesome. I ended up with gold on bars, silver on beam, and silver all-around. Sarah won and I was so excited for her! Eva got bronze in seniors so it was a Topo sweep! Even better, Ashley got bronze in juniors so Pop took home three all-around medals. Today, Topo definitely proved that it's one of the best gyms in the world!
Love,
Jennie

January 17
Dear Journal,
I actually had a really good day of pre-meet training! While I still have a dull headache, I had really great routines in practice and I think I'm ready to take on the competition. We're competing against some gyms that I haven't had much exposure too. These Texas Flyers girls are REALLY good. Great technique and while they don't have the most creative routines, they are really solid. If this were a team competition, I think they could give us a run for our money.
Speaking of team competitions, today Lois announced the teams for the Bridgeview Classic. This will be a team competition, and we're sending two teams made up of the top 5 in rankings, and the 7 top athletes not in Texas. I will be competing for the Topopolilly 2 team, coached by Michael. Ashley, Elizabeth, Alyssa, Kelly, and Amanda are my teammates, with Emily as the alternate. I'm really excited about this group, and think we can do really well. I'm psyched for this meet, for another opportunity to compete, and to see my sisters! I talked to Court on the phone this afternoon, and after the meet, the three of us are going to spend the night in Katie's dorm at SAB. I don't know what we're going to do, but I'm sure it will be tons of fun!
So anyway, we have to go to bed early tonight in order to be well-rested for the meet. Although since I'm sharing a hotel room with Sarah, Sammie, and Ashley, I'm not sure how much sleep we're going to get. :)
Love,
Jennie

January 16
Dear Journal,
Today was awful.
This morning the Texas team worked out together. Sammie, Sarah, Ashley, myself, and a couple others worked with Nick while the rest worked with Dan, and Lois switched back and forth between the two groups. Our workout started on vault, which went SO WELL, and bars which was okay but I was kind of sloppy. Then we went to beam, and we worked full routines. I was up first.
I don't remember anything that happened in the next half hour or so, so all of what I'm telling you I heard from Lois, Sarah, and Grandma Benni. I just sort of pieced it together. I was doing my beam routine, and I didn't put my feet down soon enough on my aerial cartwheel, so my head landed before my feet. I smacked the front of my head (right above the hairline) on the beam, and then apparently I faceplanted also and hit my nose. I got up, my nose bleeding and my head swelling, and I was on my feet for not even a second before my eyes kind of rolled (Sarah said this scared the pants off her) and I passed out on the mat.
I'm not sure what happened next, but I woke up in Grandma Benni's apartment. She likes to keep an eye on any gymnast with a health emergency, so she has an extra bed set up in her apartment. That's where I was when I woke up. Even this part was a bit hazy. Lois and Grandma Benni were there, and I remember Lois asking me if I still wanted to compete. I said yes, and Lois offered to let me sleep until it was time to get on the plane. Grandma Benni gave me some tylenol with codine in it, and I passed out again. I was out cold for the next six hours, but I remember hearing people come in and out of the room. I know Nick came in, and I also know Grandma Benni left and came back because I remembered hearing the clinking of a lunch tray. And I remember Lois's voice saying "Sarah, pack her bag." But it was all so hazy.
Lois woke me up about 3, and I changed into track pants and a t-shirt and headed to the airport. I spent the whole van ride asleep in the back, and I had a dizzy spell in the airport and Nick actually had to carry me part of the way! But I got onto the plane and slept for all of that too.
When we landed and I woke up, I felt much better and WAY more alert. I think I'll be okay to compete tomorrow, and I owe Lois a lot of credit for having enough faith in me to bring me to Texas despite my little disaster on the balance beam. Also, Grandma Benni was such a saint today! I have a lump on my head and my nose is sore, but it could have been so much worse and it's a miracle I'm competing. At this point, I don't care how I do, as long as I stick that aerial cartwheel!
Love,
Jennie

January 15
Dear Journal,
Happy birthday to me!
I am 16! I stayed up late with Sarah, and at midnight we celebrated my birthday and toasted each other with champagne glasses of sparkling cider. It was a great way to start the day, and a great day in general.
I DID have workout today, which was somewhat less fun, but at the end the coaches announced the team they had selected the night before for the Texas meet, and I was on it! There are four of us from Pop on it -- me, Sarah, Sammie, and Ashley. Nick and Dan are traveling with Lois and the team, which will be nice. It wil be great to have my coach there.
After workout and school, I had a brief afternoon workout and then it was time to get ready for the party. i had a really cute outfit! I wore these great stretchy hipster flare jeans, a black turtleneck sweater, white polarfleece vest, and a scarf, mittens, and headband made of baby pink fleece. I think I looked pretty cute (wink)
We all took the vans to the rink, where we skated for a while, then danced to the dj's music, and then ate the delicious food! Lizzie's mom went all out for this! I got lots of great presents from my teammates, mainly fun stuff for my car. Lizzie gave me this great car book called "The Bad Girl's Guide To The Open Road." We all had a lot of fun, and I was kinda sad to go home and face life after being the birthday girl :)
Well, I'm really really tired. And I have pre-meet training tomorrow. Ughhh. Oh well, I'm determined to have a great workout! See you tomorrow!
Love,
Jennie

January 14
Dear Journal,
I WILL BE 16 TOMORROW! I can't wait! Plus, tomorrow I get to find out if I made the team for the Texas Flyers meet. Making that team would be a great birthday present. I talked to the family today, and mom urged me to open my package from the family today. So I did, and I got great birthday presents! I got a silver bracelet from mom, a disco ball for our room from Courtney, gymnastics bookends from Anna, a photo book of NYC from Katie, and from Jessie I got a really, REALLY awesome gift! Jessie, who has apparently taken up sewing, made me a quilt out of old leotards from growing up. She stitched on the patches memorable accomplishments from when I wore the leotards, and also alternated white patches onto which she transferred photos of me doing gymnastics and her and me as kids. I LOVE it! This is one of the coolest presents ever!
I had a good workout today. The Pop squad has a lot of spirit, and I think that will show when we get a chance to compete as a squad. The Tigers may have discipline, the Opillies may have precision, and the Lillies may have unity, but we have SPIRIT, and with that, we are unstoppable!
Love,
Jennie

January 13
Dear Journal,
TWO MORE DAYS! I can't believe that in 48 hours, I'll be sixteen! When the h-e-double hockey sticks did I get so old, huh? I got my birthday package from my mom and sisters today, and it's killing me not to open it. I'm so bad with temptations like this. Oh well, only two more days, I guess it's not THAT long to wait.
And I'm still hoping that Lois will give me an early birthday present today and pick me to go to Texas. I really want to go, if only to get some cool cowgirl gear. And, um, to compete too. I have my priorities straight, honestly.
But I have even more incentive to make another upcoming meet. The Bridge View Invitational is taking place in a couple of weeks, and that just happens to be the weekend that Courtney's visiting Katie in NYC! So if I go to the meet, they can both watch and I can visit with them. I would love to see those two. I mean, I see Anna and Jessie all the time at home, but I don't see the other two nearly as much, and they're so busy that I can't talk to them often either. Katie's freaking out because things are heating up with dancers being placed in companies. She won't finish school for another year, but is still stressing of course. She is the most type-A, obsessive-compulsive, paranoid person I know. And coming from my family, that's saying something.
Anyhoo, it's time to watch the Real World/Road Rules battle of the sexes. Yay for cheezy reality TV!
Love,
Jennie

January 12
Dear Journal,
Ahhhhh, I love Sundays! Today I had three private lessons -- floor with Lois, bars with Nick, and beam with Michael. I really liked working with Michael, and I think he's a great addition to the gym. I haven't worked with Soyon yet, and I'm slowly getting over my fear of Dan. Emphasis on the SLOWLY.
I really think I'm ready to compete in this Texas meet. I know I kind of sucked at the meet last week, but this is a fresh start, right? I don't have to be 100% right away. I think that if I get to go, I could pull off a top 10 all-around finish or so, maybe even grab an event medal. I'm just going to cross my fingers and keep working hard!
The rest of the day went pretty well. I talked on the phone for a while, then Sarah and I lay in our beds and watched movies, the lazy girls that we are. She had a book propped up on her knees and claimed she was "multi-tasking" but we both know better. I don't even attempt to do homework on Sundays. It's a lost cause.
I did take time to write some e-mails, both to Alana and to Erin. I really miss them both. It seems like Erin's still having fun at Cascade, and of course Alana's doing great. I really should give her my sister Katie's phone number, those two have a lot in common. In any case, I really should get around to sending Erin a care package sometime. Maybe I'll make her a dance party CD. Maybe it's time for a dance party now. Oh, Sarah....
Love,
Jennie

January 11
Dear Journal,
I love the Pop Squad! I have had the best workouts the past couple of days, and am seriously having so much fun in the gym. Coach Nick is really cool, I never got to know him that well before because he coached other squads. But I'm having a great time. And I realized that if I keep making competitive teams, I can work with Nick and Lois and get the best of both worlds. So I think this change will be good for me.
We have a meet in Texas next weekend, and I really want to go! The top 12 or so will get to go to the meet, and I am pretty confident that I can pull that off. But I have to keep working really hard to do that.
Today was Saturday, so I spent some time relaxing at the dorm and working on my online classes. I wish I had more time during the week to work on them, because it feels like I never get a real weekend. I did get the chance to call my family and hang out in the rec room, so that was good. I put on Dirty Dancing and a lot of people came in and out to watch it. So overall, it was a good day.
I'm still a little concerned about competing though. I really had a bad intersquad last weekend, and I don't want it to happen again. I hope this isn't some sort of prolonged rut that I'm having so much fun in workout though. Today, as a sort of fun break, Nick let us play on the trampoline and do "add-on." We came up with all these rediculous combinations and then just started launching ourselves into the pit off the trampoline. I definitely spotted coaches Michael and Dan clucking disapprovingly at us as they led their squads from event to event. No matter, I figure that with the great morale we're having, we're bound to show the other squads that we have what it takes to be the best!
Love,
Jennie

January 10
Dear Journal,
Well, I had a good workout this morning. Once again, we worked out as one big group, but we did the "afternoon" workout in the morning, and Lois said that we would be sorted into squads in the afternoon. All day at school, I couldn't help but wonder who my new squadmates would be and which one I'd be placed in. I really wanted to be with Sarah. I didn't have a huge preference for squad because I've been a Pop, a Lilly, and an Opilly and I liked it all three times, though I have a soft spot in my heart for Pop because that was my squad last season. I wasn't on Opilly long and I bounced between Top and Lilly so much that I didn't really identify with Lilly squad a lot.
That afternoon when we walked into the gym, I was surprised to see three coaches I didn't recognize. They must have just gotten to the gym. I did suspect something, because there was an addition to Lois's house put on while the gym was closed. Anyway, there was an Asian couple and this other guy who looked really scary, and Coach Nick all standing there with lists. Lois explained that these were the squad coaches, and at first I was really upset about it. I've been coached by Lois ever since I came here two and a half years ago. I never even worked with Nick or even Terrin when she was here. So I knew that this would be a big adjustment for me.
One by one the coaches introduced themselves, and I knew right then that Pop would be my first choice, followed by Opilly, then Lilly, then Tiger. The Lilly coach, Soyon, is just a little TOO nice for me, lol, and the Tiger coach is INSANE! I'm seriously scared of him. Whenever he raises his voice this vein pops up in his forehead. I think Sarah had the same reaction, and we sat on the mat shuddering and clutching each other's elbows. Lilly and Opilly were called first, and so I was really nervous because I knew I'd get my first choice or my last. Nick went third, and after cracking some jokes, he read out the squad: Ashley Cardiff, Sammie DeBrinski, Marie Franetti, ME!, Brooke Star, and Sarah. We were all so excited, and I had one of the best workouts ever. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, but now I'm really tired. Night! :)
Love,
Jennie

January 9
Dear Journal,
I had a lot of fun at the Topo sleepover! Alana's pas de deux partner is a hottie! I'll have to mention that to her in my next email. I hope she does well in her ballet, I'll be rooting for her to break a leg, so to speak. She'll be great though, even better than she was at gymn. We also did each other's hair and watched TV and other stuff. Sarah, Sammie, Jess and I all fell asleep on the same couch in the rec room, so my back's a little stiff today, LOL. Plus, Sarah kicked me in the head in her sleep and woke me up. Oh well, that's what sleepovers are for. Still, I can't wait to be back in my dorm room tonight.
In other news, I'll be 16 in 6 days!!!!! I'm so psyched, I can't even tell you. If I don't go to the Texas meet, I'm going to fly home and take the test for my license. I'm pretty sure I'll get it, I mean, I've had a lot of in car hours and I'm a really safe driver, even though some peoplr (coughcoughSARAHcoughcough) would tell you otherwise.
I talked to my sister Courtney, and hopefully she'll come to visit me soon. I miss her so so much, even though I just saw her. She IM's with me almost every day with these wild stories from Palo Alto. She is a serious partier! Oh well, it's nice to see her let loose a little after all of those years she spent just doing gymn and cross-country. She was the one, if you remember, who tricked me into getting my belly button pierced last summer. I took that out, by the way. Once I reached the point where I was able to take it out to work out, I found myself only wearing it a couple hours a day, and then it was kinda hard to justify having it at all. I think Lois was relieved when I told her that, she never approved of that thing! Well, gotta go train! See you later!
Love,
Jennie

January 8
Dear Journal,
Intersquad -- BAH! I suck suck suckity sucked! Yeah, it was not my best meet, but oh well, it's over, no need to dwell. The Brewers did come after all, which was awesome. Lizzie was like, "Did you think we'd miss your first meet back?" so that felt really good. It's always nice to have a cheering section. There was such a tiny crowd at this meet that they really did make an impact in the crowd, lol.
But I didn't have the meet I wanted. I started on beam, and beam was AWESOME. I nailed the aerial tuck combination and the dismount, and actually won beam for the day. So that was good. But then I fell on my Pod on floor and only got in the 8's. And my vault was landed okay but barely, and the form was bad so that was another not so great score. Bars went well, but I had some form issues again. I don't know what was wrong with me today. I was all over the place. Well, hopefully I'll still get to compete in Texas. I got tenth all-around though so I doubt it. I wonder how many athletes we're sending. I'll have to ask Lois that later.
Tonight we are having a team slumber party, so that will be fun. We're going to all stay in the rec room, and among other things we're watching Alana's practice video. I miss Alana!
Oh, and I got an email from Erin! She's good, working hard at cascade, and hopefully I'll get to see her at a meet this year. I miss her so much! Well, gotta go, the slumber party awaits!
Love,
Jennie

January 7
First meet of the season tomorrow! Whoopie! I actually feel really ready for this competition. My only concerns are my new vault and my new skills on beam. Other than that, I'm ready to go and I think I have a shot at doing really well! It's in the arena and everything, but still there probably won't be a big crowd. Lizzie and Adam can't come -- they both have too much work -- but maybe I'll see other people from school there. You never know.
After our evening workout we had a team meeting, which was great! We basically went over the past week and talked about our feelings concerning the meet. We also got to suggest ways to organize the squads. I think doing it by the meet results is the easiest way, but what do I know? :) As long as they're fairly evenly matched. I like a good competition!
I talked to Anna and Jessie for a while today. Cheerleading's going well for them both, and they're gearing up to do some competitions this winter. Anna's having a lot of fun, which is great to hear! She also FINALLY broke up with her boyfriend Brian, who she'd been dating for like two years. They were really far apart and I never really saw the point in them staying together anyway (not trying to be mean) And she seems a lot happier for the same reasons. Jessie's also doing well, but she's all paranoid that Dad's going to propose to Celia. I myself like Celia, but Jess doesn't really get along with her, and none of us want him to get remarried, at least not this soon. Sometimes I wish my family were back to normal, with my parents together. No wait, I wish that all the time.
Anyway, I've been back at the gym for a week now and I'm so happy to be here. I think we're going to have a great season, and I'm going to do everything I can to be a big contributor to our success. And it starts tomorrow. So wish me luck!
Love,
Jennie

January 6
"Back to school! Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool! I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight! Ohhhh, back to school! Back to school! Back to school!"
Yes, I'm back at school, starting today! My day started way too early -- 6 AM, and after three hours of morning workout it was back to my normal routine. Squeezing in school between workouts is always so hectic -- this morning I barely made it onto the van on time because I took too long in the shower. I've decided that even after I get my license, I'm not going to drive to school because believe it or not, I need that precious time on the van to get my homework done! I made it to school right before my first class, and at 11 am I was sitting in honors math (I love math. Yes, I am a dork) Luckily, after that I had lunch period. After lunch, Lizzie and Adam both go to the art room to work on their canvasses, so I took my homework there and chatted with my friends. It really is good to be back at school again, as much as I like to complain about it. Another good thing is that due to my homeschooling, I'm actually a few weeks ahead in my classes, so I don't have to cram constantly to catch up or anything. After lunch was history and chem, and then it was back on the van. I think that I can probably get all of my school homework done on the van and at lunch, allowing me to spend my evenings working on my english and spanish correspondance cources.
Workout was good today, I was shocked to see that as of right now I am ranked #1 in the gym. Still, I know that a lot can change in the first few days, and I have to keep working hard to maintain this position. It does feel good, though, especially because there are all these new girls who are breaking their necks to prove themselves. I never really had the experience of being a "new girl" at Topo, because I was on the original team and so everyone else was new too. I can't imagine how intimidating this must be for them, and I'm going to work extra hard to make them feel welcome and happy here.
We have our first meet of the season in two days, and I actually feel really good about it. My only concern is my new vault, I hope I don't fall on my butt doing it. Other than that I think my routines are in great shape, and that I have as good a chance to place top 3 as anyone else. So we'll see what happens!
Love,
Jennie

January 5
Dear Journal,
I can't believe I have to go back to school tomorrow! Aaaaack! Because I didn't have gym today and school starts tomorrow, I decided to make the most of my last day of freedom. Actually, a lot of that time was spent on the phone with Lizzie's mom. Her catering business is catering my sweet sixteen in a little over a week, and so she had a bunch of questions. We finally did figure out the final menu. We're doing trays of fruits and veggies, dips, and cheese and crackers. Then there will be little sandwiches and SUSHI (aaaah, love sushi, at least Lizzie and I will eat it if no one else does) We were going to have a regular birthday cake for dessert, but then Lizzie's mom got the best idea -- CHOCOLATE FONDUE! There are going to be little cafe tables that seat about eight people each, and there will be a put of chocolate fondue for each table, with strawberries, graham crackers, marshmallows, bananas, and shortbread for dipping. It's going to be great! Oh, and also there will be tea and hot chocolate for us shivering skaters. Pretty much the whole gym has already said they're coming, and then there are about 20 more people from school coming, plus Lizzie's family. This is going to be the best birthday ever, I just know it!
The rest of my day was pretty good. Sarah and I worked more on decorating our room. While I was a home, I saw this great white wall shelf at a store. It's a shelf with about 15 pegs underneath and it's about 8 feet long, and is PERFECT for hanging my medals from. And then I can fit more pictures and trophies and stuff on the actual shelf. Problem was, it was such a pain to put up, because it always ended up crooked. So that was another ordeal. But our room looks so, so awesome with everything all set up. I have the best roommate ever!
Oh, and I might be visiting Alana! She's performing her ballet up in Boston later this month, and I think I'm going up there! I talked to Katie (my ballerina sister) and she wants to go too, and so she'll probably come from NYC to visit me. That would be so great, I NEVER see Katie anymore! She's like the phantom sister that sometimes doesn't seem to exist. And of course, I can't wait to see Alana!
Well, I have to go to bed early tonight because I have to get up at...groan...5 am tomorrow to get ready for school. Just shoot me now!
Love,
Jennie

January 4
Dear Journal,
Well, today we were finally able to move into the dorms! After a short morning workout, Lois led us all over to the dorm building, which had been finished and the names put on the doors while we were in the gym. She gathered us in the lobby and went over dorm rules, and then she sent us to find our rooms. I immediately ran upstairs to B6, my room for the past two and a half years, only to see the names "Emily Yim and Amanda Williams" on it. I never expected that I wouldn't have that room, I guess. So, excited, I ran all over the second floor but still didn't find my room so I went downstairs. Finally, I stopped outside room A1, and saw the names "Jennie Ray and Sarah Torrence" on the door in bright letters. I FREAKED OUT! Sarah was already in there and we just started jumping up and down and screaming and hugging and acting like idiots. But we couldn't do that for long -- we had to get down to the business of moving in. I dragged in my boxes and bags from the lobby, and then I went upstairs with Grandma Benni to begin the difficult task of moving my futon down from the upstairs storage room. It was such an ordeal, let me tell you. We got stuck in the stairwell a couple of times and there were points where I just wanted to leave the thing there! But we got it moved in and I think our room looks GREAT! Sarah and I have very similar taste when it comes to decor, and everything is all nice and matching. I DO think that living together will be a bit of an adjustment, though. She's definitely already REALLY sick of my little karaoke and dance to "Jenny From The Block." I think I'm really going to like living on the first floor. A lot of my friends are down there, plus my new room's right near the library (Yeah, I'm a nerd, I know)
Also, Sammie lives right across the hall. I apologized to her for my behavior, and I hope that she and I can be friends because she seems like a really cool girl. So if you're reading this, Sammie, I just want you to know that you are awesome!
Okay, well I still have a LOT of unpacking to do so I'd better make like butter and roll. See you later!
Love,
Jennie

January 3
Dear Journal,
Yay for it being Friday! But BOO for the fact that this is the last weekend of vacation. It’s not that I don’t want to go back to school, I really am excited to see my friends and be in a normal school environment again, but vacation is still better! Today I got my materials for my internet classes – I’m taking English and Spanish online to lighten my load in school. This will allow me to extend my training hours but still spend almost a full day at normal school. I homeschooled at Cascade, and that definitely wasn’t a good fit for me. I can’t wait to go back.
Speaking of academic stuff, Anna finally got her college applications in. She’s stressed because she has NO CLUE where she wants to go. Watching her do this has made me very happy I’m doing NCAA recruiting and not regular applications.
Anyway, workout is going really well. I took off the knee brace and my new vault is ALMOST down. I just have to work a little more on the full-on and then I’ll be in great shape. Well I’d better get going, I’m going to start up on all this schoolwork!

Love,
Jennie

January 2
Dear Journal,
Well, I’ve had two days of training now and I think I’m in pretty good shape! Being at Cascade definitely helped, in workout the former Cascade girls definitely had the easiest time with the conditioning. We still don’t have squads yet, mainly because Coach Lois is waiting to see how we all size up so that she can make them even. Coming from the squad that was usually low squad on the totem pole last summer, I really appreciate that! Anyway, all of my routines are going great and I can’t wait to get out and compete again.
On a not so cheerful note, I had an interesting encounter in the gym this morning before practice. All of us have these cubby things in the gym with our last names over them, so imagine my surprise when I saw an unfamiliar girl with cranberry streaked blonde hair putting stuff in the “DeBrinski” cubby. She introduced herself as Sammie, and all I could manage to squeak out a “You’re not Alana!” before racing off to leave Alana a rather irate voice mail on her cell phone. I’m really happy for her, that she’s pursuing her dream in ballet, but I wish she would have told me she wasn’t coming back. So now I have no Alana, and I think her sister probably hates me given that I was a total ogre to her this morning. Great way to start off the season.
Speaking of starting the season, when are we gonna get dorm assignments? LOL. According to Lois, they repainted all of the bedrooms and we have to wait until the fumes clear to move in, so we’ve all been sleeping either in Grandma Benni’s room, Lois’s house, or the rec room. And Lois’s lips are sealed as to who the roommates will be. But I’m crossing all my fingers and toes in hopes that I’ll get to live with Sarah!
Well, I’m off to yet another fun conditioning session! Talk to you later!
Love,
Jennie

January 1
Dear Journal,
First of all, let me say that I am so, so happy to finally be home at Topopolilly. I missed the gym terribly, and I can’t wait to get back to work and kick off my Senior Elite career!
The last time I wrote to you, I was in Paris as Topopolilly took on France and the Netherlands. Boy, has a lot happened since then. While I was at Topo last summer, having the best summer of my life and traveling all over America (and the world), my parents’ marriage was falling apart. There were a lot of deep-rooted conflicts that they couldn’t overcome – many involving mine and my sisters’ involvement in gymnastics and their frequent time apart – and so when my father was offered a promotion to a new position in New Orleans, he accepted. They filed for divorce three days later. Dad was scheduled to start at his new job in September, and in the meantime he moved into our guestroom. He would have moved out, but my parents made the decision not to tell me about the divorce until the end of my competition season, after Nationals in August. If he had moved out, there was no way they could have kept up the act.
So, in the meantime, I was getting ready to defend my national title. And wow, was I ever close. I was in the best shape of my life before that meet, and my routines were great. I really thought it could happen, that I could be a two-time national champion. I had a great first rotation on floor, but then nearly sat down my Amanar vault and lost any hope for defending my title.
Or so I thought.
Miraculously, I was in fourth place, within reach of the gold, going into my final rotation on the balance beam. As I’m sure you remember, I was competing a mount, roundoff-layout, that caused me all sorts of problems in competition. Namely, I’d bounce out of it, losing valuable tenths right off the bat. So when I went to do my routine at Nationals, I drilled that mount as hard as I could into the beam, because if I bounced it would all be over. However, when I landed the layout I felt a pop in my knee and a rush of pain. I fought through the routine somehow, but I wobbled on every landing and stumbled out of the dismount. After that, I collapsed on the sidelines. I limped onto the floor to accept my fifth place plaque, then went to the trainer’s room. Sure enough, I had hyperextended my knee.
The next week was pure hell. I was still reeling from losing Nationals, plus I found out about the divorce. And although my knee was injured, I was in a lot more pain than I should have been, given my injury. I could barely train. Something was very, very wrong. I went back to the doctor to get a cautionary x-ray, and he found three large bone chips in my knee that had somehow shifted position from the injury. They were causing most of the pain, not the hyperextension. I had to have surgery right away to “scope out” the bone chips. I was barred from the gym for three weeks, but that didn’t matter anyway because about a week later Topo unexpectedly closed.
I’ve never grown up so fast in my life. I was alone in Indiana, without a gym, without a stable family to lean on, and dealing with a somewhat severe medical issue. I had three choices: go home and live with my sisters and aunt (my mother was on a month-long project in Europe for her graphics firm), go to New Orleans and live with my dad, or stay in Indiana and try to salvage part of the life I had known for over two years. I chose option number three. The Brewers (the family of my best friend Lizzie) were saints and took me in. I was able to stay in school, and train at the local gym, Four Star. It was pretty fun – Sarah was there for a while too, and my knee was healing nicely. But then in late September, Sarah went home to Maryland. Once again, I was forced to re-evaluate the decisions I had made.
While I enjoyed Four Star, it was clear that my gymnastics was in a steady decline. I felt trapped. Gymnastics was my only excuse for staying in Indiana. If I wanted to stay, I’d have to keep going to the gym and let my career waste away. If I went to a new gym, I’d have to start all over. And if I went home, I’d be giving up gymnastics for good and be put in an uncomfortable situation. So I took a huge risk and moved all the way out to Cascade Locks, Oregon, to train with Carrie Venedie at Cascade Locks GTC. I went in not knowing what to expect, but luckily many of my former teammates were there to provide support. I was put in a room with a fourteen-year-old named Erin Novick who became one of my best friends. And somehow, miraculously, Carrie Venedie saved my career. I got my skills back, healed, and put up some impressive results. Plus, Sarah joined me in Oregon, putting that last piece in the puzzle I so desperately needed. I was very happy at Cascade Locks. So thank you a million times over to everyone at Cascade.
And then, in mid-December, everything changed. I got a letter from Coach Lois, saying that Topopolilly would re-open on January 1, and that I was welcome back on the team. Without thinking twice, I packed my bags and shipped most of my stuff back to Indiana. I traveled with Cascade to the Winter Cup, then flew straight from there to North Carolina to spend Christmas with my mom and my sisters. I had a pretty good Christmas, given the circumstances. I then flew to New Orleans to spend two days with my dad, his girlfriend Celia and her two bratty sons (Quinn is 8 and Jacob is 4). Celia’s actually pretty nice, but it really freaks me out that my dad is dating so soon. On December 29, I took yet another flight to Indiana to stay with Lizzie and prepare for my move back to Topopolilly.
Sunday night, the Brewers had their traditional weekly family dinner, and then Lizzie, her sister Cara, and I, watched a movie and went to bed early, as we had a big day the next day. I spent the 30th at the gym, helping Coach Lois set up some new equipment and catching up with her and Grandma Benni. That night, I stayed in Grandma Benni’s apartment with her because it was creepy being alone in the dorm.
And the next morning, one by one, everyone arrived. We had a great New Year’s together as a team, and now today, this morning, at the start of a new year and a new season, the next chapter of my gymnastics adventure begins.
Love,
Jennie

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