The Blue Jays are the Champs!!! The new millenium was far from an apocalypse for your favorites. It brought the first championship ever for the demeaned and downtrodden Blue Jays. When asked how the Blue Jays did it, Manager Jim Mc said "we played inspirational softball". What inspired the Blue Jays? Assistant Manager Bob H responded "we were inspired by the Blue Jays website".

Second-string, back-up, substitute, utility player Chris D commented on the effect of the website: "Personally, for me, visiting the website was like a religious experience" he said reduntantly. "I would go the the site before every game and meditate on the meaning of existence as a Bluejay. One day I had a vision in which I saw the Blue Jays winning the championship. After that I lit a candle to the webmaster".

So what happened? The Blue jays season started on a familiar note with 4 losses in their first 5 games. But it finished with an uncharacteristic 7 wins in their last 8 games. Let's look at a game-by-game summary.

Game 1

An 18-10 loss to the decrepit Red Sox, who may be the only team with more incompetent players that the Blue Jays. Pitcher Ron F had his usual great stuff but didn't get any support from the defense. Offensive highlights: Buddy T is 2 for 3 with 3 RBI, Chuck B 3 for 3. Adding more punch to the lineup, Chuck S extends his league leading and career leading record for strikeouts by whiffing in his first at-bat of the year. Play of the Game: Brett G makes over-the-shoulder Willie Mays catch in deep center. Injury report: Richie S announces before the game that he is out for the season with a rotator cuff problem (surgery is scheduled for October). In the fifth inning relief pitcher Norm L fails to get his glove down on a hard ground ball through the box and takes this sharp shot in the shin. Record: 0-1

Game 2

The always tough Senators win 13-7 and the Blue Jays are encouraged. Losing by only 6 runs to the perennial powerhouse left the Blue jays in an optimistic mood at the post-game party. The defense played better but the offense sputtered (can't the Blue Jays ever get all pistons firing?) Offensive highlights: Brett G is 2 for 4 with 2 RBI and Bill S hits into a fielder's choice. Play of the game: Second basemann Dave H makes diving catch of line drive headed for right field. Injury report. Chris D tears calf muscle stepping out of the batter's box to tie his sneaker. Record: 0-2

Game 3

All that optimism goes up in flames when the Blue Jays lose to the idiotic, egocentric, overblown Tigers, 22-12. The pitchers didn't pitch, the hitters didn't hit, and the fielders didn't field. How else could anyone lose to the Tigers? But this was the most runs the Blue Jays have scored in one game all season. Offensive highlights: Dan F goes 4 for 4 with 2 RBI, Buddy T 2 for 4 and 4 RBI, and Ron F 2 for 3 and 3 RBI, and Kevin T grounds into a fielder's choice. Play of the game: Rob S drops a fly ball in left, then overthrows 2nd base for three base error. Injury report: Frank D damages both quadriceps while un-stretching a triple into a double. Record: 0-3

Game 4

The Blue Jays break into the Win column with a forfeit victory against the demoralized Yankees, who can't get enough players to show up. What a bunch of losers. The Blue Jays have a post-game party anyway. Offensive highlights: Chuck B gets an intentional walk during BP. Play of the game: none. Injury Report: Assistant Mgr Bob H runs over Manager Jim Mc's foot with his van in the parking lot. Bob will do anything to become Manager. Record: 1-3

Game 5

Uh Oh. Let's take back what we just said about the Yankees. The Blue Jays hit a low point by forfeiting the game to the Clouters. This is the first time in their history that they forfeit a game. Injury report: Buddy T re-injures the shoulder of his throwing arm in pre-game warmups. The Blue Jays are extremely dejected but have another post-game party. Chris P has fielder's choice at the party by selecting a Coor's Lite over a Bud. After a few beers, one of the Bluejays retreats to a corner and starts crying. The other Blue Jays approach him tenderly and caringly (all Bluejays have successfully completed sensitivity training). They ask the troubled Blue Jay what is wrong, He states sadly: "everyone says we'll never ever win the championship". On hearing this, rookie Brett G reacts angrily: "Frankly, I don't give a damn (what they say). We can win this thing". Seasoned old time Bluejays veterans sat quietly and thought to themselves "who the hell is this guy and why is he on our team?". But they admired his cherubic innocence for they had felt that way when they were rookies (a long, long time ago). Record: 1-4

Game 6

The Blue Jays break out of their hitting slump with a 20-14 victory over the dreadful Indians. Pitching and defense are still lacking but who cares with this many runs? Offensive highlights: the Blue Jays amass 31 hits with powerhouse stalwarts Brett G, Dan F, Ron F, getting 4 hits each. Play of the game: Chuck S snags a high throw to first with a vertical leap of one-half inch. Injury report: Chuck S pulls stomach and abdominal muscles on said leap. Record: 2-4.

Game 7

Looking back, game 7 may have been the turning point of the season. The Blue Jays win a stirring 14-13 victory over the Pirates with a hit in the bottom of the 7th by Brett G. This was a hard fought see-saw battle in which the Blue Jays never quit. A true team win with contributions from all players. The Blue Jays are on their way. Rob S saves the game in the top of the 7th with a Brett-like over the shoulder catch in right center with the bases loaded and score tied. Offensive highlights: Chris P (breaking out of season long slump), Norm L and Brett G all go 3 for 3, Rob S and Frank D have 2 RBI each. Play of the game: with the bases loaded, third baseman Buddy T makes a fantastic stab of a hard ground ball down the line, he wheels, steps on third for the force and then throws the ball 14 feet over the catcher's head. Injury report: Norm L pulls hamstring scoring the winning run. At the post-game party, Assistant Mgr Bob H mutters his now famous line: "There is no "I" in "team"". Record: 3-4

Game 8

Wait a minute. The hated Senators return and bring the Blue Jays back to earth with a 14-6 drubbing. Isn't this the way it's supposed to be; lousy pitching, ill-timed hitting, erratic fielding and bonehead baserunning. Offensive highlights: Peter B hits for a Bluejay cycle with a fielder's choice, sac fly and an E-6. Play of the game: with a runner coming into 2nd base, Frank D waves his glove at a low throw from the outfield (Oley!). Thinking the ball had gotten away from him, Frank makes no attempt to tag the runner, who was out by six feet. Instead, he turns to chase the ball only to realize that it's in his glove. He compounds his embarrassment by sheepishly tagging the runner, who by now is standing comfortably on 2nd base. Injury report: Ron F pulls hamstring running to first. At the post-game party, Bob H says "there no "I" in "Bluejays"". Record: 3-5

Game 9

But the Blue Jays are a resilient team. They bounce back with a 16-13 win over the Tigers, avenging an early season loss to these buffoons in game 3. The Blue Jays have a 10 run lead going into the last inning and barely hang on. That's OK. It's a W, isn't it. Offensive highlights: Brett G and Chris D are each 3 for 3 with 4 RBI. Play of the game: Brett G throws a runner out at the plate when Dave H tags him after catching the one hop throw right smack in the chest. The sound of the THUD when the ball entered Dave's chest cavity was heard in Boxford and was so loud that some people thought a house blew up. Injury report: wimpy Dave H complains of chest pains. At the post game party, Bob H is overheard declaring "there no "I" in "WIN"", proving why he never won the 6th grade spelling bee. Record: 4-5

Game 10

The Blue Jays finish on a high note entering the playoffs with a 13-9 win over the Yankees, who unlike game 4 show up this time, and nearly beat the beloved Blue Jays. The Jays trailed throughout the game to this sorry collection of stiffs. Behind 6-9 going into the bottom of the 6th, the Blue Jays get 7 runs to pull it out. Hitting highlights: Brett G (again!) 4 RBI, Chuck B and Peter H go 3 for 3, and Chris D, who meekly hits a soft line drive to right that escapes the right fielder and allows a home run (Bluejay style). Play of the game: The entire Blue Jays team plays excellent defense. Credit for this goes to Ron F who spends an inordinate amount of time positioning every fielder (including the catcher) exactly where the Clouters hit the ball. His constant moving and meticulous placement of fielders for every batter and between every pitch extends playing time by at least 45 minutes. Fortunately, the game is being played on the evening of the summer solstice, which lets the teams complete the regulation seven innings. Injury report: Frank D and Chris D re-injure their quadriceps and calf muscle, respectively, while hobbling around the bases as the right fielder retrieves the ball that evaded him. Record: 5-5

Playoff Game 1

The Blue Jays face the pathetic Pirates in the playoff opener. The Pirates are still seething over their 14-13 loss in game 7 and want this one badly. The Blue Jays pull out a 5-4 win with what would have been a "walk-off" home run in the bottom of the 7th by the unheralded Bill S (Stewie). This season he was undoubtedly the worst stick on the team (see year 2000 stats) but he comes through with the biggest hit of his Bluejay career and vaults the Blue Jays into the second round of the playoffs. Typical of Stewie's luck this year, he only gets credit for a single. Offensive highlights: Of course, Stewie's hit; Kevin T with 2 hits and Peter H with 2 runs scored. Play of the game: Chuck S and Jim Mc pitch in the absence of the vacationing hard throwing starters Ron F and Norm L and frustrate the Pirates with an array of off-speed breaking balls. Injury report: Dan F tags up on a sac fly and slides hard into 3rd base. Unbeknownst to Dan are the two following facts: 1) he is sliding on razor sharp stonedust, and 2) he is wearing shorts. He grimaces while slowly standing and shows off a raspberry the size of the backstop on his left thigh. Record: 6-5

Playoff Game 2

The Clouters are next. The Blue Jays forefeited game 5 to them during the regular season but the Blue Jays are here to play this time. They take this extra inning game by a score of 10-9. The hero is Big Chuck B who blasts a two run homer in the top of the 8th, giving the Blue Jays a 9-7 lead. The Blue Jays add an insurance run on a Brett G single. The Clouters counter with 2 runs in the last of the 8th but it's not enough. The Blue Jays combine well balanced clutch hitting with a steady defense and potent pitching. The Blue Jays are beginning to look like champs. Offensive highlights: besides Chuck B (3 for 3, 2 runs scored, 2 RBI), other offense came from Chris D (3 for 4), Buddy T (2 for 3 and two runs scored), Brett G (2 for 4, 2 RBI) and Frank D (2 for 3, 2 runs scored). Play of the game: with a Clouters runner on first and one out, a routine double play ground ball is hit near 2nd base. The ball ricochets off the forearm of 2nd baseman Dan F directly to shortstop Chris D who turns it into a spectacular inning ending twin-killing. Injury report: Pitcher Ron F attempts to catch a 200 mph line drive up the middle with his bare hand and fractures knuckles on two fingers. The Blue Jays gather at The 466 for the post-game festivities and to plan strategy for the championship game.

Playoff Game 3

It's the Blue Jays and Senators in a rematch of the 1996 final in which the Bluejays were soundly clobbered (see FAQ). The Senators are confident of victory after the whipping in game 2 and the debacle of game 8. They don't realize they are facing a revitalized Blue Jays team until the Blue Jays get 3 runs in the top of the first and go out to a 7-4 lead after three innings when Chris P(owers) a 3 run homer. The Senators begin to visibly tighten and are enraged at the pitching of Jim Mc, who cannot throw a strike. Their frustrations lead to some short tempered exchanges and a near brawl erupts on a play at home plate. The Blue Jays remain calm, however, and continue to add runs on RBI from Peter H, Bill S, Jim Mc and Brett G. Long shadows creep in as the sun sets. Kevin T makes a great snow-cone catch in right field on a fly ball that he still hasn't seen to this day. The Senators come to bat in the bottom of the 7th in near darkness trailing 11-7. The Blue Jays can barely see the ball. Will they hold the Senators? Yes, they do, with the game ending on a sparkling play by SS Chris D as he charges a slowly hit ground ball. The Blue Jays and their fans burst into joyous celebration never before seen in the annals of Topsfield slow-pitch softball. The exultant Blue Jays hug and kiss one another in a rare public display of affection. Later, the Blue Jays gather at the post-game party and consume six cases while congratulating each other and telling themseves that they never doubted they would win it all.

The season culminates with the year-end party and the league party, where the Blue Jays are presented the champs "Horse's Ass" trophy. In turn, each and every Bluejay will proudly display the trophy on his bedroom shelf for two weeks during the off-season.

Now that the Blue Jays are champs, serious questions are being raised. Will the Blue Jays ever be the same? Having shed their image as everlasting losers, will they suffer an identity crisis? Will they develop even more personality disorders? Will they feel targeted by other teams? Will they still have post-game parties? Will the website ever get updated again? The prevailing wisdom is that the Blue Jays really won't change. Because if they did, they wouldn't be the Blue Jays.