Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Torgo

(But were afraid to ask!)

• What is the purpose of this web page?
  
  Since when do web pages have to have a purpose? Basically, it's just here because I felt like designing an el cheapo home page. And el cheapo it is - free HTML editor, free disk space, free message board, the list goes on and on (albeit with annoying pop-up ads and a logo in the corner for a server that seems to think it's a TV network).
  
  
• Okay, so who's Torgo? Are you Torgo?
  
  Torgo was a character in a film called Manos: The Hands of Fate, which was directed by a Texas fertilizer salesman (no shit) in 1966. (A full plot summary can be found here.) Any fan of the cable series "Mystery Science Theater 3000" who has been watching the show since its days on Comedy Central should be quite familiar with the film. Actually, the episode is avalible on video, and it's considered the show's all-time masterpiece, so why not pick up a copy? And no, I'm not Torgo. Torgo is an alias I use.
  
  
• So if you're not Torgo, then who are you?
  
  I'm just a guy. My real name is Nathan, known to the mob as Mr. Evil Breakfast. I am 95 years old, give or take 81 years. I wander around the Internet because I can't get a date. Sad, huh?
  
  
• Alright, then, I'm assuming that the weird-looking guy in the picture is the Torgo from the movie. Right?
  
  Precisely.
  
  
• Aren't you a regular at [insert message board title here]?
  
  I regularly post at various message boards, under the name "Torgo" (and, a long time ago, under the alias "David A. Johnson"). Other than that, I'm an unknown.
  
  
• Is that "me" person who always posts on your board REALLY your sister?
  
  Why, yes, actually. And, Bonnie has a webpage, but she uses hers to sell things. I'm not evil like that. I don't have anything to sell. Like I said, I'm just a guy.
  
  
• Hey! The amazing blinking page isn't blinking! What gives?
  
  As I've said many times, things don't BLINK if you don't have Netscape. For those of you who are using Internet Explorer, STOP BEING A TOOL OF BILL GATES' DASTARDLY PLANS!!!
  
  
• Why doesn't your counter work on my browser?
  
  Now, that I haven't quite figured out yet. I think that the Geocities counter doesn't work properly on AOL for some reason. If there are any AOL users out there who know what the problem is, please let me know.
  
  
• Why have you been delaying Torgo's Pizza Palace for so long?
  
  Well, the original idea I had for the Pizza Palace somehow gave way to Torgo's Music Club, a long-term project which I'm still working on. To now use the Pizza Palace I initially had in mind wouldn't interest me, because many of my ideas came into use for the Music Club. I made the decision to change it into a bizarre fiction series. It's open as of 11 PM on July 28. In case you'd given up and stopped visiting that page altogether (and I don't blame you), go take a look.
  
  
• I have a question that's not listed here! What should I do?
  
  Uh... well, think about it. What do you think you should do?
  
  
• Hey! Your webpage is nothing but a waste of cyberspace! Why don't you just stop?
  
  Sorry, but to quote Mrs. Peacock from the X-Files episode "Home", "THIS IS OUR HOME. AND THIS IS THE WAY IT'S GONNA STAY!" If you must, you can register a complaint by clicking here.
  
  
• No further questions, Your Honor.
  
  Fine then. Rest your case.