Hello. I'm Max Wheeler. I take care of the place while Torgo
is away. Pretty FREAKY, huh? This is a terrifying land of lost souls and
miserable tormet. Woah. Miserable torment... cool. Even though this is
the most awe-inspiring page on the Web, why are you sitting on your ass
staring a computer when you can be at my shop (POISON MAIL COMICS &
CARDS in Crud, Michigan! We now take orders by phone! Call 555-1947!) buying
comic books. In any case, in order to enter this land of mystery and wonder
(not to mention miserable torment... and agony! Agony's cool, too!), you
must pass a test. A test that will determine your intelliegnce and thereby
prove that you are worthy of this incredible site. But first, check out
this cool logo I did! Isn't this great? Took me eight hours thanks to that
damn CorelDraw.
Ha! I'll bet you wish YOU could do that! But you can't. In fact,
you probably can't even pass this test. Why even try? Go ahead and leave.
You scared? Scared of what they'll all think, aren't you? I've seen your
kind before. So go ahead and leave. Why even try?
Those of you who did not fall victim to my breathtaking eloquence
may now scroll down.
THE TEST:
Question #1:
You are in a dungeon. The only way to get out of the dungeon is
by drawing The Box. Now climb into The Box. You will be in the dungeon.
But wait! You were trying to get outside of the dungeon, now, weren't
you? Ah, but you'd be suprised at the dangers that lie outside these stone
walls. Even at that, though, your instinct tells you to frantically search
for an escape route. Your guard's name is Bob. Bob is a jerk. Bob has no
brain cells. You knock him on the head with a brick. (Where did you get
this brick? Why, it was a product of your own dignity, of course!) Now
you dig. You escape. Now your brother is in the dungeon. Save your brother.
Yes. You save him by using the infinite powers of the mind. Oh, no. Now
your sister-in-law is in the dungeon, along with your father, and his father's
father. You must rescue them. But how? Well, you can always ask the Holy
Ghost. The Holy Ghost is perfectly happy to save them, and then he disappears.
Oh, dear me! It's shaping up to be a very confusing day, don't you think?
Well, to make things worse, your mother is now in the dungeon. Oh, wait.
No, she is not. Yes, she is. It's true. But how? Magic. Now your brother-in-law
is in the dungeon. You don't bother with him. He withers away into a small
pile of putrid debris. Now for the ultimate question: What color was Bob's
hat? Can you answer this problem? Explain why or why not.
YOUR RESPONSE:
Question #2:
Point A is twice as far from point C as B is to A. The length from
point B to C is 12x-4. Point B does not exist in the physical universe.
Point A is a cardboard box. Point C is a brick. If you place point C inside
point A and throw it to point E only to have it blocked by point D, and
points X and Y all hold up their hands to catch it while point Z ate a
ham sandwich, who would catch it, and did point Z put mustard on his sandwich?
YOUR RESPONSE:
Question #3:
If I have eleven apples and Pauly gives me ten apples, how many
apples do I have?
YOUR RESPONSE:
Done? Submit your answers by clicking on the "send" button below.
The URL of your next mission will be given to you if you're very, very fortunate and your answers are correct. But I and I alone control your destiny. MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Meanwhile, your replies will be donated to the United States Government for extensive research.
people have accidentally stumbled
upon this web page since June 18, 1998.
