So glorious are kittens, racing through fields of daisies on a warm spring day. So beautiful are they, even when they hiss! Little teeth resembling nothing but the world's finest jewels sparkling as they pounce in and tear portions of your skin to shreds. Kittens are stunning, majestic creatures, built not for speed, but purring and cuddling on blankets made of the most luxurious down. Their purr, like the rumbling of a 1967 Camaro. I love nothing more than stuffing my face into the flaps of a kitten's belly while it's purring! Such delight I get from this simple act that I wet my pants a little each time.
I dream of being smothered in mounds of kittens; Persian kittens, American-Curl kittens, Calico kittens... I will not be picky about this endeavor because I am sure it will be nothing less than breathtaking.
A man (who will remain unnamed) once stated that he would like to "tie a kitten to the end of a stick and use it as a duster!" This man is an atrocity! This same man believed that the more you ignore a kitten, the more affectionate it will become toward you. I beg to differ! I strongly believe that if you overwhelm kittens with as much love as possible they will have no choice but to worship you back. I have over ten years of experience with these magical creatures and I know better than anyone - KITTENS ARE GOD'S GIFTS TO MANKIND, KITTENS FOR EVER!
