OASIS CHAPTER 2 : “ ENVY : One Definition of Insanity “ Written By : Sora < Mail to : Japanese_fxxxer_family@yahoo.com > -- my email in the 1st chapter is wrong … gomen … Pairing : Toshiya x Shinya Band : Dir en grey Disclaimer : I own nothing… sad, but true. This chapter dedicated to Vanilla Mint, our yasashii web mistress, and ALL my editors ( It’s for you, Reg .. ! ^ ^ ) A/N : At last!!! Chapter 2 !!! I’ve wasted a lot of times to remake this chapter… I wrote rubbish in the first version of this chappie, and rewrite almost all of it… what a mess… almost 75% of this chapter based on Dir En Grey videos, which is means : It’s closely related with the reality !!! Weeeheee!!! I think I prefer my own way of writing, too realistic, maybe. But at least I try to make you believe it is real, due to the facts !!! well, enjoy, and don’t forget to review !!! oh yeah, and sorry about the drastic changing of mood, I never planning this fic to be a humor fic, anyway.
<2002, Tokyo> It was that dream again … Shinya woke up absentmindedly on his bed, and sigh reluctantly. He checked on his watch, it’s merely five past ten. Ok, then. Pretend to remember nothing, he tried to get to his dreamy haze again, snuggled Miyu closer into his arms. He tried… tried… and tried… but failed miserably. His intuition has a stronger compulsion in propping his eyes open once again. That exactly same dream, his first encounter with his used-to-blue-haired bassist is like a habit to him. It came about once a year, or once in 4 months… he can’t remember it well. But it IS a habit. And every time it shows up, something happened. Once again, he can’t remember it well, but something will happen between him… and Toshiya. This time… what could it be ? After gave up sleeping and got up his feet, Shinya grabbed a glass of milk, gulp it down in silence. He needed a morning jog. So, changing his clothes, he reached for his door knob and pull it open. And to his surprise, his felt a lump of weight right upon his feet. By reflex, he glanced down and surprised by what he found. “ … !? “ “ Unng…? “ It was Toshiya. Wearing his usual tee and jeans, now lying flat on Shinya’s feet. He rubbed his eyes, then sit up, looked happy that his friend is there. “ AT LAST !! You’re awake ! “ He said, grinning. But not his usual grin, even Shinya could say. It’s not his usual cheery and frank one, It was shallow and empty, phony and bizarre. Something must be bothered his mind. “ Why you’re here? “ Shinya asked, while watching him got up his feet. “ I knocked all night, but you slept like you’re dead! So I just sleep here. “ Shinya take a look on his eyes… they are blue and ugly. “ Come in. “ So he came in, and make himself like home. He poured two cups of tea for himself and Shinya, then daydreaming on the couch. So not Toshiya. Shinya only eyeing him in silence, wondering what to say. “ … “ “ ………” < ~_~; > “ … “ “ Ne… you won’t asked me what happened? “ Shinya shrugged. “ No, because I already know there IS something wrong. “ “ It happened again . “ Toshiya said without asked, and his face fell. He gave a sign for Shinya to sit beside him, and Shinya obeyed without questioning anything. “ I dumped a very good girl again … and I still felt real bad about it. “ “ Ah… THAT again. “ “ Why she had to looked so hurt? She’s a very good girl… I’m sure she’ll find someone for her, and not me. “ Toshiya leaned his head onto his shoulders, made Shinya felt uneasy for the sudden closeness. It’s weird. Long time ago, he always hugged him, A LOT, but he never felt anything about it. But now, after their six years of friendship, he felt something different. He didn’t know what and why, but it’s just … different. “ Why girls are such a sensitive creature…? “ “ So are you. “ Toshiya laughed. “ … Yes, maybe I am. “ Shinya felt sick on this business. It happens A LOT of times lately, and this boy always dumped them. He used to be a type of man who will chase after girls he likes. But now? What with the sudden change? What’s wrong with him exactly? Toshiya, he has a knack to make everyone love him. He talks and jokes with everyone, so pure, so honest. He open himself for everyone, and of course some of them desired to go deeper. All of people seen him wonderful, and slowly fall into his spell. And that’s what the case. When they decided to know him more, he reject them. Something deep inside him block their way through, and Toshiya himself never know what and why. But this kind of theory is exactly not the part of the drummer’s brain. Yes, he’s a genius in drums and solving riddles. But in a matter of feelings, he’s sucks. I mean, human feelings. I don’t know about dog’s feelings tough. So Shinya keep trying to think and think… but found nothing. The only one he curious about is… “ Why don’t you just try ? “ “ … I don’t understand…. Maybe I’m just tired. I don’t want to build a relationship if I don’t want it. In the end, it will only hurt us both, right … ? “ “ Ah! So… that’s the reason. “ He thought, as if he’s already solved one of the most difficult riddle in the world. Minutes after, no on speak. They sank deeply in their own thought, until Toshiya came up with something in his mind. Head still on his shoulder, suddenly Toshiya propped his face up, eyeing his mate’s expression. Shinya could felt his warm breath tickling his cheek, and he felt just runaway, locking himself inside his closet. “ And you … ? “ “ …? “ “ And what about you? Why don’t you have a lover? “ That question struck him in no time. Yes, Toshiya is damn right. He can tell Toshiya to have a lover, but he’s all the same. Deep inside, he always tried to ignore the subject. When everyone asked him about it, his relatives, his parents, the crews, and even in interviews, he always chose to keep silent. He blocked the topic to creep into his mind all the time, but this time, they appear right before his eyes. But the question is … why? “ … “ “ Why, Shinshin…? “ Toshiya has always been so curious, and Shinya felt like loss of words. His breath started to tickling him again. “ I don’t know. “ , that’s his only answer. That night, , for the first time Terachi Shinya started to think seriously about his love life. ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ “ Hey, wake up. “ “ … “ “ …Wake up. “ “ … jush a minuth more… “ , he said in murmur, snuggled deeper into the blanket on the couch, as if the day is still dark. Shinya sigh. Last night, Toshiya seemed so depressed. But now, looks like he got his sleep real great. What’s with this boy? “ I’m sorry to bother you, but we will have a flight to Taipei in three hours. “ “ … hnn? “ Oh,no. Don’t tell me he’s forgot. “ The flight. At three. “ “ Oh… yes. Don’t worry. I’m already packed for it. “ “ Hontou? “ “ Yes…! “ All right then. So he’s packed. Shinya felt a little relieved, because he himself woke up late this morning. He can’t remember the time he slept last night, but all he knows, he’s on his bed the time he’s awake. But before he get going to make breakfast for two, Totchi grabbed his wrist, and pull him onto the bed. “ Kimochi naa…” The bassist said in murmur, smiling blissfully. “ Hm? “ “ It feels so good to have someone beside you when you’re awake… Living alone is sucks. Sleep, eat, and wake up all by myself—Maybe I just live here and vend my room--” Shinya stared at him wide-eyed, didn’t believe what he just heard. “ I promise to smoke less… just let me stay, onegai? “ Totchi said again, head still on the pillows, pouting his lips playfully, tugging on Shinya’s sleeve. “ … “ “ Say something, Shinshin. You’re grown up enough to speak your mind…!” Still, no answer. Actually, that time , the subject that popped up in the drummer’s brain is what Toshiya said earlier. Yes, he felt it too, a warm feeling when he opened his eyes this morning, when he saw his dear band mate’s beautiful face in front of him. He felt more alive, and more human. Maybe Totchi was right this time; that living alone is actually sucks. But why he never realized it before? “ Ok… enough. Just go back to sleep…! “ Totchi said edgily, then reach for the drummer’s head and pushed it back down to the pillow, while Shinya decided to savor this new but delight moment, and sailing back to his land of fantasy.
~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ <2002, Taipei> < Source : Dir en Grey Five Ugly Kingdom tour video > It was cold that night. Taipei has come into the middle of autumn, and chilly breeze started to fills the air. The members of Dir en Grey walking down the street, looking for something warm to drink. They arrived at the hotel at seven, but not tired enough to sleep. Except … our kaxxxi little vocalist, of course. “ Maa… let’s go back! I need some sleep ! “ Kyo pouted, kicking everything that gets in his way, while the others feigning to be deaf. They decided to snub the little warumono when he’s drowsy or enraged. Life is too short, my friend. And they didn’t want it to be even shorter. Kaoru and Die lead the way together, enjoying the jam-packed street’s atmosphere, while Toshiya bounced happily, humming a joyful tone to nothing in particular. The drummer walk silently beside him, took a pity to Kyo inside. The stopped at various shops, only for sight seeing. They walk and walk, until something interesting catches Shinya’s attention. So the drummer flee himself from the group, and went to grab what he wish for. Felt something is missing, Toshiya spin he’s head, and didn’t find the auburn-haired drummer beside him. staggered, he stopped too and looking around, only to find Shinya in a small shop nearby, seemed so absorbed in something. So he called the others, and follow Shinya to his favorite shop. “ Say something if you want to stop! You’ll get lost, Shinshin ! “, Toshiya said, patted the drummer on the shoulder. “ … “ No answer. Looks like Shinya’s too immersed in what he saw right in front of his eyes… Boxes of Ice Cream. “ Oiii!!! It’s chilly willy tonight! Shouldn’t we buy something …warm? “ “ … but I want it.” Shinya answered, still had his eyes fixed on the ice box. Toshiya smiled then, stare at Shinya intensely while Shinya pick and choose the ice cream he wanted, as if the drummer’s every little actions is the most appealing thing he has ever seen. “ A. This is it. “ Shinya said, and paid for the ice cream in a dainty smile. So they continue walking, while Shinya enjoying his ice cream gleefully. ‘ So cute... ‘ Totchi stare at him again, suddenly felt an urge to tease the drummer. “ Hey, what flavor is it? “ “ Pistachio. “ “ Pistachio? What it’s like? Yummy? “ “ Un. “ Shinya glance at his friend. Totchi is grinning widely right now, and his eyes said so clearly ; “ I want it. Give it to me right now! “ “ Iie. Why didn’t you buy it yourself? “ Shinya frowned , tried to protect his precious pistachio. “ Because I want you. “ “ … !? “ ‘OHMYGODDIDIHEARITRIGHTORMYEARSONLYMAKINGFUNOFME…!!!???’ Shinya staggered, and blue to his ears. “ I mean—because I want yours. “ Toshiya’s gaze burn into his eyes, and he gave him his sinful grin from his damned sexy lips. Shinya can’t help but stupefied, and Totchi successfully grabbed the pistachio from his palm without any defensive action. “ It IS delicious. “ He said again, licking the ice cream from the corner of his mouth, still had his piercing eyes on the auburn. Shinya felt a steamy uproar rose to his cheeks and ears, and quickly looked away from the wicked bassist, even when Totchi put the ice cream back into his palm. So they continue walking, until the leader stop his pace. “ Oi! Take a look at this. “ He called the others, pointed at something hung on the wall ; their concert promotion ad, with their pictures on it. “ WHOA !! We are so famous…!!! “ Totchi bawled, obviously felt happy about it. “ Damn… so cold...! “ Roared Die and blowing his palm , try to warm up himself. The his gaze fell on Shinya. The drummer just finished his ice cream while ago, and seemed so comfortable, even when the others cold to the bone. “ Ne, Shinya… don’t you feel cold? “ “ Hmm? Nope. “ The others stared at him as if he’s losing his brain. “ Sou sou – then share your warmth with me, ‘kay …!?? “ Die said jokingly, then trapped the drummer into his arms, cuddled him playfully. Everybody laughed, but then, Die caught Totchi’s gaze on him. He laugh at him, and the bassist return it with a smile. But in their way back to the hotel, Shinya wondered why his usually loud bassist locked his lips completely that night.
~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ “ What’s wrong with him …? “ Die asked worriedly to the others in whispers , and the answer he got only ‘We don’t know’. He steal a glance at the bassist who curled up himself on the couch, drinking, and said nothing. ‘ Weird.. he’s still smiling half hour ago… ‘ Die thought, and seeing the bassist in that condition bring his mood down too. The atmosphere in the room is awkward. Totchi said nothing, Shinya read his manga, Die glance at Totchi worriedly every five minutes, while Kaoru eyeing them in silence . Kyo? He already dreaming away in his own room hours ago ...! Minutes later, Totchi suddenly pulled out his Virginia Slims, going to lit it up. But looked like he realized something, and took a glimpse at Shinya. The drummer didn’t seemed to notice, still on his reading. But then Toshiya got up his feet, smoking and drinking outside in the balcony. Seeing this, Die can’t help it anymore and got up his feet to, followed him to the balcony. “ You can smoke in my room. It’s cold outside…” He said sincerely, sitting beside the bassist. Totchi muttered something like ‘I’m fine here’ , and continuing to stare at the distance. He’s so not into conversation right now. Die seemed to understand, and walk back inside. About an hour later, Kaoru went to his room , leaving Shinya, Die, and Toshiya alone. Totchi had finished his third bottle for tonight, and Die is getting worried. He exchange glances with Shinya, then walk back together to the balcony. Totchi is obviously drunk now, whispering nothingness to himself. Die took one of his arms, try to lift him up, but The bassist snatched it away from him. “ DON’T FUCKIN’ TOUCH ME … !!! “ Their eyes widened with surprise, when Totchi throw an annoyed glare at Die, then looked away. Shinya decided to try to lift him up, but no objection came this time. Die tried to help his friend again, but Totchi is persistent. He shoved Die away, snuggled closer to the drummer. ‘ What did I do wrong …!? ‘ Die eyeing them while Shinya laid down his drunk friend on the couch, sitting beside him. The drummer stare at Totchi to Die, also had no idea about what had happened. Toshiya, he used to be an open and sensitive person when it comes about feelings. There are times when his mood is low, though. And at that kind of times, he’ll locked his mouth and no one else will know what in his mind. But usually, he wouldn’t transferred his anger to his band mates, including to Die himself. So this time, the red haired almost sure that he did something that is terribly wrong. Right after the drummer took a seat beside him, Totchi fell over, and lay his head onto the drummer’s thigh, snuggled his nose to Shinya’s belly. “ Don’t take it by the heart, Die. He’s drunk. “ Shinya can’t help but soothe his friend, seeing the guitarist face growing pale in a flash. Die nodded, then going to head back to his room, when he heard Totchi whispered something to the drummer. “ You are mine, Shinshin… aren’t you? “ ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ +
Die walked in to his dark hotel room he shared with Kaoru, and felt his heart sank. He remove his jacket, and throw himself beside his bed on the carpeted floor, can’t get the scene he saw earlier from his head. So, the reason behind all of this is crystal clear now. Toshiya is jealous of him, from acting so intimate to Shinya. How ironic. He has fall to someone since so long ago; that Toshiya, and now he’s being jealous of him for being so intimate to the drummer. So he laughed to himself. ‘ You are mine, Shinshin… aren’t you..? “ So… he’s falling for Shinya now. Die didn’t know himself, since when it begun. When the bassist first joined the band, he had a very different first impression to each member. He saw Kaoru as a scary and demanding person, Kyo as a sleepy but explosive mate, and Shinya… during their first year, Toshiya almost never laid his eyes on the drummer. Shinya is a secretive person, but cute at times. Toshiya found him fun to laugh at, and only that far. The closest person to him that time… is Die himself. He always forgave the bassist for what he did, like always messing around, or splashing dirt to his costumes. To be around Toshiya is more than fun, and without he realized, he needed him more and more day by day. But as time flows, everything is changing. Toshiya seemed to find something so appealing inside the drummer, and it’s showed. Maybe he and the others pretend to be blind, but it IS showed. The bassist always followed him wherever he goes, being so nosy, as if he wanted to know everything about Shinya. It is like sort of spell, and the bassist needed the drummer more and more, exactly like what Die felt himself to the bassist. So it is one-sided, then…. Die felt himself being replaced, although not completely. The vigorous bassist still messing around and laugh with him of course, but when it comes to being together, there was Shinya, one and only. “ You’re a loser, Daisuke… “ He whispered to himself, then felt his eyelids slowly closed to a deep sleep.
~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ “ You are mine Shinshin … , aren’t you…? “ Shinya only smiled, stared down at the bassist. He’s completely high, and that’s a very funny sight to see. Toshiya had transformed into a very spoiled little boy, hugging the drummer’s waist and snuggled his face to his tummy. Try to hold back his urge to giggle with the ticklish feeling the bassist gave him, Shinya managed to speak. “ You shouldn’t do that to Die-kun, ne… “ Shinya said, can’t help himself to patted the bassist head lovingly. That boy just too wonderful to ignored. “ He must be sad now… bad boy. “ “ Yesssh.. I’m a bad boy indeeeed………..” Toshiya jabbered ambiguously, grinning with half-lidded eyes, stuck out his tongue playfully. “ But you like me, Dooo you …. ? “ ‘ I can’t believe this boy..’ Shinya said to himself, but still have his smile on his dainty lips. “ Neee—Shinshin… your face looked funny.” “ It’s because you’re drunk. How many Shinya do you see right now? “ “ ONE !…. and I’m not thaaat stupid !! “ Shinya laughed then, feeling comfortably warm. This boy is drunk indeed, but yet, still amusing to play with. The bassist then played with his auburn hair, tangling it between his slim fingers. “ There’s something on your hair, Shinshin….. “ “ Uso…! “ Shinya said in disbelief, search for it with his right hand on his head. “ Bent your head down…. “ Shinya obeyed then. But before in a brief movement, the bassist caught his neck in his arms and crush his lips onto the petite’s one. Shinya tried to backed away, but the bassist grip is really something. It captured him completely, and he can’t do nothing but enjoying the moment. And how he’s surprised when he heard a soft moan escaped from his own lips when the bassist deepen his kiss, exploring every inch of his mouth with his skillful tongue. “ Hmm ….. You are mine indeed …. “ It was the last sentence that escaped from the bassist lips for that day, and he dozed off inside Shinya’s arms. Shinya froze, and his heartbeat almost deafen him. He touch his own lips with his tiny palm, still can’t believe what just happened. That is the SECOND time the bassist kissed him when he was drunk. And in a flash, an old memory rushed into his brain. That kiss he just shared has reminded him of that night …
< Back in 1999, Tokyo > < Source : Dir en Grey Gauze ‘A Knot’ video fans > “ CHEEERS … !!!!!!!!!!!!! “ All the members yelped merrily, and clank their glass together. That merry night, all were in the high. Their concert in the club was a big success, they can say, from the way their fans banging their heads to the music and screaming their names endlessly. Joy, relief and satisfaction mixed into one, and that night, in a small club near their studio, they really enjoyed their big victory. One of their song was being played so loud too, dancing and laughing everywhere. The atmosphere made them a little drunk already, and boosted up so high by their success before. Die and Toshiya gulped their drink in no time, while Kyo sipped it bit by bit, savored it in silence, and Shinya, of course, put it back on the table. He’s happy, of course, but in his full of logic mind, it’s not enough to make himself drunk and lost his control. “ You’re no fun…! “ Toshiya frowned, shifted closer to the drummer. “ Yeah! Just once! We command you to drink !!! “ Said, Die, Followed by Toshiya’s nods and Kyo’s chuckle. “ No, I’ll pass. You go ahead, please…” Shinya said, smiling, but being persistent as always. But of course their two jokers have their own way to make Terachi Shinya do what they said. “ You dare to object us …!!!?? PUNISHMENT TIME!!! “ Die cried jokingly, and trapped Shinya’s neck in his arms, while totchi shoved the glass to the drummer’s lips. By reflex Shinya tried hide his face , buried it behind Die’s neck. Kyo laughed, but didn’t have a heart to join them harassing the little one. “ Waii—You can’t have the fun all by yourself !!! “ Kaoru suddenly showed up, and give them a hand. They reach their success when Shinya gave up and open his mouth, gulped, and choked. “ VIC—TO—RY !!!! “ Totchi screamed like crazy, and lift his body only to trampled it onto Shinya’s by the back , obviously drunk with happiness. Their fun went on and on, until the press and fans realized their existence. So the celebration transform into personal interviews, and questions started to flow. Due to their mood that night, all of the question were being answered by the heart, which made the press and fans really satisfied. That is when some of the fans outside, who were watching them from the TV screaming like hell, and the first person who reacted well is Die. Their fans needed an ardent fan service indeed… He reached out for Kaoru’s neck beside him and put it beside his face, so close, in an intimate manner. He then whispered something to the leader’s ear, and it was a big success, the fans’ mad screaming outside could be heard. But of course the first couple is not enough. Die then pointed his finger to the other two beside him, their drummer and their bassist. Felt being challenged, Toshiya had something more lunatic in his half-conscious mind. He then turn his face and reach for Shinya’s face…. “Eeeeiiii…!!!! Chotto—what is this..!!? urk—“ Shinya screamed inside, but his voice seemed to choked in his throat. Then, in a soft thud, Toshiya’s lips were onto his, in a soft, shallow, fast, but meaningful kiss. “………………..” If only Terachi Shinya can blushed, he maybe already was. His heart seemed to jump out from his chest, but a warm feeling spread with a speed of light inside him. But, in a quick motion, Toshiya draw back and push Shinya’s face to Die’s direction, then laughed impishly to the press. Felt not happy yet, he lure himself closer to Kyo now, and started to slid his fingers under the vocalist’s suit. Maybe it’s just a playful kiss for Toshiya, or even don’t felt like a kiss at all. Maybe he only get it as a stupid joke or lousy fan service that he performed everyday that didn’t affect his feeling in any way. But for Terachi Shinya, it IS definitely a kiss, and his FIRST kiss for God’s sake !!! And the blue haired man is now laughing at him like he’s an idiotic monkey or something worse, and obviously drunk. The fans’ screaming getting more hyper as ever…. And that night stayed in Shinya’s memory, and deep inside his pure heart forever. ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ end of chapter 2
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