> *Earth, huh?* Kailan thought, eyeing the blue planet with an indulgent
>smile. *That's the name of an agricultural world if I ever heard one...* Oh
>well, though. He'd seen a lot of the galaxy since that day, many years back,
>when he'd left Kanchestar. A lot of advanced, ultra-urban planets with exotic
>species and fascinating people. It might be nice to slop hogs with the local
>yokels for awhile. Bring back old memories, and all that...
> He reclined contentedly. The interstellar voyage to this backwater
>planet had done him a galaxy of good. He'd sat back for hours on end, in
>contemplation of this and that- well, more accurately, Her, and then Her some
>more- and all the pain just floated away. He still regretted what he'd done,
>certainly, but there was no sense in killing himself over it. Besides, on
>Earth he'd find the Dragonballs, and wish for her name (and, incidentally,
>maybe a nice necklace or something to take to her), and he'd go back to her,
>and she'd forgive him, and they'd get marr-
> *Whoa, Kailan,* his inner bachelor put in hurriedly. *Let's not be
>too hasty, huh?*
> Okay then... and they'd.... become good friends as well as lovers,
>and Kailan would learn to see the inner beauty of women, and then they'd part
>in high spirits and the newly sensitive Kailan could go into the universe a
>better, happier, man.
> *Yeah, you'd be happy all right, m'boy! If there's one thing chicks
>can't resist, it's a "sensitive" man! They'll be flockin' all over you!*
> Kailan frowned. Something seemed wrong about that.
> "Shut up," he told the bachelor.
> There. That was much better. Hells, he was feeling like a fledgling
>feminist!
> He paused, then shook his head.
> "Whoa, Kailan," he murmured aloud as he steered his craft towards
>Earth, "Let's not be too hasty."
>
> He used a scouter briefly to scan the planet. The highest
>concentration of fighting power seemed to be in a small chain of islands just
>off the coast of the planet's largest land mass. *And if I were... uhh...
>whoever created the Dragonballs, I'd probably have to be pretty strong, or at
>least have my creation guarded by someone who was.* He swallowed, fingering
>the Power Pole. *This might get pretty nasty if the guardian decides I don't
>deserve a wish...*
> He smiled, suddenly. *Although, it has been a long time since I've
>had a good tussle... and how strong could some little farmers be, anyway?*
> The unbidden memory arose of the "little farmers" of Kanchestar
>fighting off the pirate gang easily, though primitively armed and
>outnumbered... He repressed it smartly, trying to hold onto his optimism.
> He landed uneventfully in an unpopulated valley. Nobody seemed to be
>paying much attention. *Too busy with soybeans, or something,* Kailan thought
>as he descended his ship's ramp. He brought his halberd, unobtrusively
>disguised as a walking stick, and the Language Extractor. He hated the
>Extractor. In a galaxy as diverse and populous as the Milky Way, it was
>obvious that there were going to be different languages on different worlds.
>Most civilized planets adopted Tragala, or the Transient Galactic Language,
>as their official tongue to facilitate trade and diplomatic relations, but
>chances were that rural worlds like Earth would have its own silly languages.
>Hence, the Extractor. One had to find a willing native of the planet and
>fasten the damn thing around both his/her neck and skull like some freaky
>muzzle. In a process that Kailan tentatively designated as "something
>technological", it analyzed the native's language centers and stored all the
>information. Then the spacefarer simply put the Extractor on and, presto!
>instant fluency.
> Damn thing itched, though. And he looked really stupid in it.
> Grumbling slightly, Kailan headed for where his scans on the ship had
>said the nearest city was. It was a few minutes across some nice grass before
>he came across his first Earthling.
> *Damn!* He felt his jaw drop open when he saw the other man, who
>regarded him with a touch of suspicion. *He looks just like a Sayian! A... a
>tailess Sayian! Like me!*
> "Umm... hello?" Kailan tried once he got his mouth working again.
> The man said something.
> "Yeah, great. Hey... you wouldn't happen to be a Sayian, by any
>chance?"
> The man blinked, then spoke rapidly with a great deal of gesturing.
> "All right... great... hey, how's about putting this on?" Kailan
>cheerfully held up the Extractor and advanced towards the man.
> The man screamed and started running.
> Kailan stared after him, bemused and frustrated. *Damn farmer...
>probably thinks I'm some kind of demon or something. Well, I'd better chase
>him...*
> About a hundred yards away, the man risked a glance over his
>shoulder. The frightening man in Green was nowhere around. He slowed to a
>walk, sighing in relief.
> "Please put it on?" said Kailan, floating down in front of the man.
> The man had seen people flying before. Some of those martial arts
>guys had done that on TV, the really strong ones, like Goku. But that didn't
>make it any less freaky when a stranger flies down at you with intent to
>forcibly give you a hat-thing.
> *Maybe this guy is one of those fighters,* the man thought suddenly.
>*Maybe he's down on his luck and has been forced to get a job selling really
>ugly hats. Well, then, maybe I should just humor the guy. Besides, he'll
>probably whup me something fierce if I keep resisting...*
> The man shrugged. Kailan grinned, relieved. "Thanks a lot, man. Don't
>worry, this thing doesn't hurt at all, it just tingles a bit. And itches. And
>kinda screws up your hair-I hate that, don't you? Oh, don't mind any of the
>noises it makes, it's supposed to sound like it's going to burst into flames
>at any second. But I can assure you that I have never ever seen one of these
>do that except for that one time, and that was a fluke, I'm sure." He took a
>deep breath, and gave the man a reassuring clap on the shoulder. "Ready? Of
>course," Kailan said, and switched it on.
> The man, upon later reflection, was reminded of the time he'd gotten
>his head stuck between the cushions of his father's vibrating massage chair,
>and his bratty sister had turned the damn thing on. Sort of a constant,
>intense shaking of the entire skull, coupled with an intense pressure like
>being at the bottom of a pool when one has a cold.
> When he regained consciousness, the man in green was unfastening the
>thing from his own head and straightening his hair angrily. "Damn thing,
>matting my hair down... took me twenty minutes of combing to get it right, it
>did..." Kailan said, in Japanese.
> The man blinked. "You speak Japanese?"
> Kailan blinked back, hand stopping in mid-straighten. "I do? Oh.
>Yeah, I guess I do. So... this place is Japan, huh?" He gestured vaguely at
>the grass.
> "Uhh... yeah."
> "Hmm. Nice place. What- you growing grass here?"
> The man scratched his head. "The grass kind of grows itself... I
>mean, it's grass."
> "Ahh... yeah, I guess so." Kailan laughed because he couldn't think
>of anything else to do. There was a pause. "So... is there a city somewhere?"
> The man pointed the way he'd been running. "Nerima's down there a
>mile or so."
> "Okay. Well, I'll be off then... thanks for your allowing me access
>to your mind and imparting to me comprehension of and fluency in the Japanese
>tongue!" Kailan waved cheerfully and strode off towards the city.
> "Umm... sure," said the man long after Kailan was out of earshot. "No
>problem."
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