Whoops... silly me... I sort of forgot that Akisame was already taking a
bath at the Tendo martial arts hall. Given that the Triumvirate of Terror
(i.e. Kailan, Azel, and Ryoko) all got washed up there too, is doesn't really
make sense for them to sort of ignore the presence of this other guy in the
bathtub. So here's the rewritten post.
"Hey!"
Azel's voice started Kailan out of his reverie.
"What?"
She pointed towards a building below. *The Tendo martial arts hall...*
Kailan squinted to make out the rest of the words.
"What's that say? School of indiscriminate grappling?"
"Yep."
"Hmm. If it's co-ed, I think this is gonna be my kind of place... ow!"
Kailan grinned/winced as he was simultaneously pecked and elbowed. The more
time passed, the more he could feel his old habits returning. The old
bantering with every girl in the vicinity... next he'd be composing poetry on
the fly, taking them for a spin around the dance floor, showing them just how
good he looked with his hair combed. Soon he might be back to the old routine
of giving a different girl sweet nothings every few nights... it's not like
he'd ever run out.
*You know, there are an awful lot of women in this galaxy. Why should I
think that she... whoever she is... is the only one that I can ever be in
love with? I mean, what's love anyway? Just enjoying someone else's company,
is all. Who's to say that I can only enjoy the company of one girl in the
galaxy? That's a narrow-minded way to look at things. I'd say I'm more of
an... equal-opportunity love sort of guy...*
They flew to the building below.
Far above, someone smiled.
"How quickly these creatures forget..."
*Am I forgetting something...?* Azel mused for a second, glancing about
the room. She'd changed out of her fairly rank clothes in favor of a soft
cotton bathrobe, on which was embroidered the emblem of Tendo hall. A flurry
of motion and a loud squakwing from her feet reminded her. "Oh yeah. You need
some water, right?"
Ryoko-hawk bounced in exasperation, hissing. *It's going to be nice to
have arms again, if just so I can slap some sense into these stupid people,*
she thought.
Azel laughed. "That's so cute... a little bouncing hawk... I'm not sure I
want you transformed back anymore. Ow!" she said, as Ryoko pecked her
fiercely on the ankle.
"Okay, okay. Hot water, right? I'll be back in a minute." With that, she
headed for the bathroom.
"Mmm...." Akisame stretched indolently in the bathtub, relishing the
water's warmth.
[[Enjoying yourself, Akisame?]]
"Sure am. Why? Aren't you?"
[[... A little, I suppose, but just because this is one of the few times
in the past several days when I haven't been busy keeping you from getting
yourself killed.]]
"Oh, come on, Nac. Feel that water. It's great..." Akisame closed his
eyes.
[[I'm a computer, Akisame. Computers and water generally don't like each
other.]]
"Hey- I'll have you know that my body is 80% water."
[[81.467%, actually. Anyway, who ever said I liked you?]]
"Come on, you don't need to be so strait-laced all the time. You've gotta
learn to relax..."
[[Yeah, so I can-]] Nac stopped abruptly.
Akisame was starting to doze off. "What'd you say, Nac?"
[[Someone's in here...]]
There was a gasp. Akisame looked up as the door was swinging closed.
[[They just left.]]
He yawned, leaning back into the bathtub. "So they're gone. Problem
solved."
[[What?! Do you even realize what you're saying? You've got to stay on
alert; who knows what they could be planning right now!]]
"They could be planning to control their bladders until I'm damn well
ready to get out of this tub. Matter of fact, they better be, because I'm not
moving."
[[Akisame-]]
"I'm not moving, Nac."
Nac sighed. [[The good times never last...]]
Azel rushed back into the room, snatching up a chair. She whispered
hastily to Ryoko, "Come quick and help me! Some crazy pervert's talking to
himself in the bathtub!"
"So kiss me and smile for me," Akisame sang softly to himself, eyes still
closed. "Tell me that you'll wait for me-"
[[Oh, no. Akisame, please!]]
"Hold me like you'll never let me go..."
[[I can only take so much punishment, you know.]]
"I'm leavin' on a jet plane..."
[[If you keep this up, I'll probably explode...]]
"Shut up, you philistine. Don't know when I'll be back again-"
"Yaaaahhhhhhh!!!"
[[Holy-! Akisame!]]
The next few seconds were a total blur in Akisame's mind. First, a big
heavy object crashed over his head. Dazed, he tried to stand, only to reel
again when someone slapped him hard across the face. There was a lot of
screaming, and something with claws was standing on his shoulder and biting
him. He tried to run, but lost his footing on the slippery bathtub floor and
fell face-first into the water. As he went under, the claws disappeared and
suddenly there was somebody- a girl, he thought- sitting on him. She
scampered off him with a yelp of surprise, there was a noise of cloth
rustling, and then all was silence.
He raised his head slowly out of the water, fearful. The two girls were
standing in the doorway, both of them breathing heavily and looking pretty
scared themselves. Ryoko was wearing a hastily thrown-on robe. There was an
awkward silence as recognition dawned on both parties.
"Oh... hey, Akisame..."
"Uhh... hey."
"Umm... we thought you were a... you know... pervert."
Akisame blinked.
"Sorry about the... you know... hitting you with the chair, and all."
"Oh. Umm... that's okay."
"Still... well, uh, I guess we should let you get back to your bath
then..."
"Oh. Thanks."
Akisame stared at the door for several long moments after they left, as
if waiting for something.
[[I-]]
"Shut up, Nac." he said quickly.
[[But-]]
"Shut up, Nac."
[[Fine.]]
Another long pause ensued. Finally, Akisame sat back and began scrubbing
his back meditatively.
"What's the next line?" he asked.
"Hey," Kailan said as the two of them re-entered the main room. He, too,
was sporting a Tendo hall bathrobe. His clothes were almost entirely torn to
pieces; Ryoko winced as images from the recent past came back. *Between
having had a building fall on him and then getting the living crap mauled out
of him by some genetic nightmare, it's amazing that his clothes are the only
things that suffered. Amazing... and a little bit scary.*
"Did something happen just now in the bathroom? I thought I heard a
little ruckus."
Azel and Ryoko exchanged a look. "Uhh.... we'll tell you later."
He shrugged. "Okay... hey, did you know there's some girl outside
breaking concrete slabs with her head?" he gestured out the window. "Is that
her job, or should we be worried?"
"I guess you could say it's her job," said Ryoko, smiling. "And you
should probably be worried... That girl is Akane. She's one of Nerima's
strongest fighters, and she doesn't like guys. And she especially doesn't
like guys who think they're God's gift to women."
Kailan grinned broadly at her. "Well, that's no problem. I know I'm God's
gift to women. Come on, let's go meet her."
Azel and Ryoko stared at him as he went outside. Finally, Azel said, "So
that's God's gift to us, huh?"
"Guess so."
"Think we can exchange him for someone taller?"
"If you've got the receipt."
"Damn."
There we go. Now it's no longer continuity-challenged. Huzzah.
Anyway.
"I'm afraid they'll discriminate against me because of my... my metal
skin."
"Ha! Well, who wouldn't, you red outcast?"
"Were it me, I would not show myself in public."
-Moltar, Space Ghost, and Zorak
-Ben/Kailan
(
geocities.com/totalanimenut)