Puns

A used car is not alway what it is jacked up to be
Two silkworms where in a race, they wound up in a tie
A robber broke into the police station and stole all the toliet seats, so the police didn't have anything to go on
A fish secratery lodged itself in a pipe and couldn't type anymore. It's doctor said this is a clear case of "Carp in tunnel " syndrome
California smog test: Can UCLA?
The competition in a local dog show is quite "ruff"
Did you hear about the guy who survived being struck by lightning? He was shocked!
Did you hear about the bank who wanted its bankrupt customer brought in "Debtor Alive"?
Favorite book of cleaners: "Grime and Punishment"
"Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery."
What type of apparel is the most popular with lawyers? "Law-suits."
A good cook never cooks carrotts and pees in the same pot.