World's smartest Criminals
Kentucky:
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from
the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the
front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their
truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still
attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain.
With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina:
A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the
counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked
that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Indiana:
A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money
in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving
his wallet on the counter.
England:
A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with
his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official
realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs
official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he
does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf
bag.
Arizona:
A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc.
One day, they received a call from a 47-year-old woman, who wanted to have
her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
Texas:
A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages
rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a
check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.
(Location Unknown):
A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and
pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd
forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
(Location Unknown):
A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole -- are you
ready for this? -- the bank's video camera. While it was recording.
Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the
bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)
(Location Unknown):
A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level
window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized
that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not
climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was
bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help...
Virginia:
Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator.
Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of
the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in
the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too
heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator
BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize
that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
(Location Unknown):
A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for
change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and
asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on
the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen
dollars.