"Like Heavy Metal?... How about 900 pounds..."
-Imperial Guard recruiting poster
"Hand me my mallet, I must anesthetize him."
"Hand me my mallet. The swelling will stop the bleeding."
"Hand me my mallet. I must tenderize the area before the first incision."
"Hand me my blowtorch. I must sterilize the wound."
"Hand me my soldering iron. I'm ready to close."
"Hand me my grenade. Pre-Op is getting crowded."
"Hand me my staple gun. This bandage is loose."
-Dr. Oscar Schneiderbunk, Visser M.D.
"Yes, you have lost a lot of blood, but with all the pieces your missing, you shouldn't need as much."
-Dr. Oscar Schneiderbunk, Visser M.D.
"Most people would say this man is half dead. But I am a doctor.
And I like to think of him as half alive."
-Dr. Oscar Schneiderbunk, M.D.
Specializing in Visser Medicine
said during interview in recovery ward
"Oh stop your whining. You've got another leg."
-Dr. Oscar Schneiderbunk, Visser M.D.
Specializing in BoneSaw Medicine
"Well, he looks dead to me. I don't care if he has a pulse."
-Dr. Oscar Schneiderbunk,
Visser M.D. and Coroner
"Well, yes, I did it... but it's not my fault."
"Alright, it is my fault...but I'm not responsible."
"Well, maybe I am responsible... but I'm not to blame."
"Yes, I am to blame... but they made me do it."
-Axly
"Just because it's my gun doesn't mean I'm the one who fired it."
"OK, I fired it, but I didn't think I'd hit any civilians."
"Well, yes, it did occur to me that I might hit one or two civilians.
But I really never thought I would hit all of them."
-Axly
"I didn't want to shoot him."
"Well... maybe I did want to shoot him, but I didn't mean to kill
him."
"OK. Maybe I did mean to kill him... but he deserved it."
-Axly
"... and grenades are also useful for digging foxholes, removing shrubbery, uncloging drains..."
-Axly's Book of Explosives for Pyromaniacs
Blam. Blam. "Stop." Blam. Blam. "Police."
-Officer Axly
"Is Axly tough? Yes. Talented? Yes. Brave? Oh certainly. He is also erratic, irresponsible, accident-prone, and a constant threat to public safety. The trick is to keep him pointed in the right direction."
-Niki
Grind. Rattle. Clunk. "Give me my gun, I'll put it out of it's
misery."
"This device has survived two weeks in Axly's hands. I think that
qualifies it for anything."
"Don't ask me to fix the helmet. It's the head that needs fixing."
-Sandy Jorden, Senior Technician
"It's in the shop being readied for it's next failure."
-Niki
"If a little brute force is good, then too much is better."
-Paul Maul
"If it breaks it needed replacing."
-Trebor Nawoc
"We had to shoot him. He wasn't a team player."
-The Death Clowns
"We would have believed it was an accidental shooting if he hadn't changed magazines... TWICE."
-Lord Barons
"Give you one good reason? I'll give you .45 good reasons."
-Gil the treacherous
"I'm so bored I could shoot someone."
-Crestus Throlev
"I don't think he is going to talk. We'll have to kill him."
-Gil the Treacherous
"Maybe you should remove the gag first, Gil."
-Derek
"I said interrogate the prisoner, Gil. Not ventilate."
-Derek
"We could have at least have had a cease-fire long enough to loot the dead and wounded."
-Gil the Treacherous
"As far as I'm concerned, anyone slower than me is the rearguard."
-Gil the Treacherous
"Smile. Today is the last day of the rest of your life."
-Captain Austin D. Blackwell
"War is Swell."
-Chevok, Slozek Commander
"Talk is cheap. Guns cost money."
-Stuart Tank
"Oh, you take the low road
And I'll take the high road,
And I'll rain death down
All o'er ya."
"Guns and Bullets,
Grenades and Knives,
If I had some of these
I might stay alive."