Music Plays. An audience member walks up the to orchestra pit and looks over the side.

Audience Member: Excuse me?

Grand Maestro Julia ignores him.

Audience Member: Hey! Conductor!

Grand Maestro Julia: What? I’m sort of busy here!

Audience Member: I want to hear “It’s Not Unusual” by Tom Jones, could you play
that one?

Grand Maestro Julia: Are you insane? This is a musical in progress! We don’t take requests.

Audience Member: But it’s kind of boring between the scene changes. Maybe you could, just this once.

Grand Maestro Julia: Absolutely not! Now, sit down and shut up!

Audience Member: But—

Grand Maestro Julia screams and throws her baton at the audience. He quickly retreats to the safety of his seat.

Grand Maestro Julia: Um…could someone throw that back please?



Curtain rises.



Act One, Scene Four. The Tri-Leaders.


The left half of the stage is a room full of computer screens and various other, flashing, electronic things. The backstage crew breathes a sigh of relief that all lights are working and nothing is on fire. The backdrop is black, with white stars. The other half of the stage is dark. Ann is sitting at a computer, typing and muttering.

Ann: If I add that then….no, that’s not right. What if I…no. Stupid new recipe.

She pushes her chair back from the desk and continues to talk to herself.

Ann: Those three are going to get in trouble one day. They’re already banned from the grocery store. Well, Holli and Tails are. I wonder about Tyrael sometimes.

She stands up and wanders around the room, checking screens, pushing buttons, and humming to herself. Then, she starts singing.

Ann Chovi:
There is a base upon the moon.
I like to go there in the night
I don't hear Al and Roses fight
Not in my base upon the moon

There is my lab that's full of stuff
There are a hundred things to do
Nothing is ever done too soon
Not in my base upon the moon

There is a ferret all in brown
His name is Stan and he talks a lot
Sombrero'd head, never says please
He says, "Oh yes, I really love my cheese."

I know a place where no one's sad
Robots do every single chore
I get my very own room
There in my base upon the moon.

Her phone rings.

Ann: Hello?….Oh, hi Rosey….Who called you?….Well, what did she want?….Oh. Did you tell Roses?….Okay, then. I’ll pick her up and we’ll be right over….What? No, please be dressed when we get there….Right. Bye!

She exits, stage left.

The lights on the left side of the stage dim, and the right side lights up. Roses sits at her desk in a log cabin. The entire side wall of the cabin is missing so that the audience can see inside. The cabin is turned so that the front porch is towards stage right. There are some fake bushes in various places. The curtain behind it is painted to look like a forest. This is obviously her residence at Camp Milk and Cookies, the Tri-Leader training camp. She is cleaning off her whip from the trip to the mines. In front of the cabin, slightly to the left, is a signpost with arrows pointing in various directions. They have words such as “Lake”, “Boys Cabin”, and “Kitchen.” One arrow labeled “Coal Mines” points down a path in the woods, somewhere in the area of stage left. Two figures sneak up to the cabin from stage right. They are Ian and Silent Jim.

Ian (whispering): Yes, I’m sure there’s a shortcut to the Coal Mines this way.

Silent Jim nods and points to the sign.

Ian: Are they that stupid? If Billy Jo and the others are down in the mines, there’s no one up here to catch us sneaking around camp. It’ll be easy for us to get to the mines and recruit the other workers.

They begin to sneak past the cabin. Roses is looking around for something.

Roses: Now where did I put those?

Ian and Silent Jim freeze, then jump into a bush near the porch to hide.

Roses: Ah! Here they are!

She pulls out a roll of paper towels and continues to clean the dust off her whip.

Roses (to herself): I can’t believe John’s starting something already. I mean, we just let him out of the mines. Now he’s going to have to go back. I don’t have time for a war right now. I have other things to do.

Ian: She’s not going to sing, is she?

Silent Jim shrugs.

Roses:
I dream a dream in time gone by,
While hope is high and life worth living.
I dream that I will own the sky,
The land, the sea, and all things in them.

I know I am young and unafraid,
And I have ideas that won't be wasted.
There are plans that must be made,
No cookies uneaten, no milk untasted.

But La Resistance comes at night,
With its leader as loud as thunder.
As they try to end my fight--
Try to turn my dream to shame.

She goes out onto the porch and hangs on to a post like they do in the movies. Ian and Silent Jim pull their feet in closer, desperately trying not to be seen.

Roses:
They'll spend their days down in the mines;
They'll regret their every blunder.
John will lead the chain gang line;
They'll have only him to blame.

And still I dream I'll rule the world,
With Ann and Rosey to advise me.
I'll wear my diamonds and my pearls
And everyone will have to serve me.

I have a dream my life will be
So different from this one I'm living
So different with me as the queen;
No one can kill the dream I dream.

Roses goes back and sits at her table. Ian and Silent Jim stare at each other.

Silent Jim points in the direction of the mines.

Ian: Yeah, let’s go.

They exit, stage left. Ann enters, stage right.

Ann: Roses! Come on!

Roses: Okay, okay. Coming!

She gathers up her things and exits with Ann, stage right. The left side of the stage lights up again to reveal another cabin where the computers were. Tyrael is sitting inside alone, on his bed. The door is open. This is his “big scene.”

Tyrael:
Alone in my room
Alone in my heart
Thinking up melodramatic plans
Oh God, they stink
I can't even think of details!
Dear Tri-Leaders
I confess...
I'm not evil

Holli enters stage left, walks by the door, and peers in at him.

Holli:
A heart full of spite
Look at his might!

Holli, keeps walking and exits, stage right. Tails enters from stage left

Tyrael:
I can't even torture a small dog

Tails overhears and goes inside.

Tails:
Oh, sure you can!

Tyrael:
Dear Tails, how I have tried!

Tails:
Then make no sound

Tyrael:
What the hell?

Tails:
I'll do it for you!

Tails picks up an obviously fake dog from the floor and throws it out of the window.

Tyrael:
That poor little pup!

Tails:
It liked it, you know

Tyrael:
It wasn't masochistic
Tails, Tails!

Tails:
I think you're wrong, I think it was

Tyrael:
You're as cruel...

Tails:
As a bus?

Tyrael:
Yes, Tails: as a bus

Tails:
I'm cruel as a bus!

Tyrael:
A single look and then I knew

Tails:
I knew it too

Tyrael:
All alone...

Tails:
As a bus...

Tails & Tyrael:
I now see the truth
Not evil
After all

Tails: Oh, come on. We’re supposed to be on our way to the Fortress. We’ll find a new dog for you to torment on the way.

They get up and exit, stage left. Clones rush out and push the cabins (which are on wheels) offstage while the curtains with the woods rise to reveal another scene behind them. It is the inside of Roseidous’ fortress, the party room. It is on a raised platform that moves towards the front of the stage. The room has shag carpet, various colors of beanbag chairs and couches, abstract art, and a disco ball. There is a statue of a naked woman in the corner. Roseidous lounges on a couch as a clone feeds him something from a plate. The doorbell rings.

Roseidous: Ah! Ann and Roses are here! Let them in, and then go fix a nice bubble bath, will you? Put Sally in there, too.

The clone nods, and exits, stage right. A few seconds later, Ann and Roses enter. This is everyone’s favorite song.

Roseidous:
Welcome you guys, sit yourselves down,
And meet the most handsome guy in the town.
As for the rest, all of them lose.
I am the best, and that is the rule.

Seldom do you see, great guys like me.
A man above the rest, who's content to be:

Master of the fort,
Doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake,
And an open palm.
I tell a funny tale,
Make everyone smile
My jokes are just the best
And I tell them all with style.
Glad to do my friends a favor,
Doesn't cost me to be nice.
But I get all the credit,
'Cause hey, I am the greatest guy!

Master of the fort,
Keeper of the looks,
I have all the mirrors
And the fashion books.
Take my picture here,
Take my picture there,
I'm so handsome,
You could take it anywhere.
Everybody loves the master,
I'm everybody's favorite friend.
I do whatever pleases,
Of course, the girls all love me in the end.

Master of the fort,
Quick to catch your eye.
Never want a good hair day
To pass me by.
I can charm the ladies,
Out on any date
Comforter, philosopher,
And lifelong mate.
Everybody's best companion,
Everybody's number one
Want to have a good time,
Call Roseidous, I can show you fun!

Hey all you guys, keep sitting there,
Have a nice drink while I style my hair.
Have one cookie, won't make you sick,
You'll never guess that it's just a trick.

You know my fort is great, you know I wouldn't lie.
And nothing's overlooked 'til I'm satisfied.

I'm beyond compare!
I'm beyond belief!
Witty conversation
And my shiny teeth!
See my muscles flex,
Watch me as I work.
If you're really lucky,
I might take off my shirt!
Guests here are more than welcome,
My bedroom suite is occupied.
Those clones know how to treat me,
Sally's even better than a bride.

Listen as I talk.
I'll tell you about me.
I'm my biggest fan
As you will plainly see.
I know I'm so great,
Of course I love myself.
I won all those trophies
Up there on my shelf.
Ann and Roses do ignore me
But they'll regret that someday!
I'll take over, I'll control,
I'll have it all, and then
I'll see just what they have to say.

Master of the fort,
Quick to catch your eye.
Never want a good hair day
To pass me by.
I can charm the ladies,
Out on any date
Comforter, philosopher,
And lifelong mate.
Everybody's best companion,
Everybody’s number one
Want to have a good time,
Call Roseidous, I can show you fun!

He exits, stage right to check on his bubble bath. Ann and Roses look at each other.

Ann and Roses:
We used to dream, that we would have some fun.
But you see this guy? Yeah, you know the one....

Master of the fort
Isn't worth our time.
He thinks he's just so perfect,
But we know he lies.
Concerned about his looks,
Worried about his hair,
He thinks he’s just the smartest,
But there's not much there.
What a cruel trick of fortune
Landed us with such a guy,
His ego's bigger than he is,
Stop it before it's bigger than the sky.

Roseidous enters again with a clone, and is too busy entertaining her to hear Ann and Roses make fun of him.

Roseidous:
Master of the Fort!

Ann and Roses:
Master and a half!

Roseidous:
Comforter, philosopher!

Ann and Roses:
Don't make us laugh!

Roseidous:
I can charm the ladies,
Out on any date.

Ann and Roses:
Yeah, he'll really charm them,
Telling them he's great.

Roseidous:
Everybody bless the Master!

Ann and Roses:
Everybody bless his hair!

Roseidous:
Everybody look at me!

Ann and Roses:
There's nothing there for them to see!

Roseidous:
Everybody knows I'm perfect, I'm the Master of the Fort!

After much applause from the audience, Roseidous bows, then sits down on his couch. The doorbell rings. Before anyone can answer it, Tails, Holli, and Tyrael run in.

Holli: We’re here!

Roses: Yes, you are.

Tails: Why did you want to talk to us?

Roseidous: We didn’t. Katherine does.

Tyrael: Why?

Ann: Well, there’s some slightly bad news. Apparently, John is planning something with a barricade tomorrow. Katherine is trying to get some more information. She’ll be here in the morning. She said she had to go somewhere else first.

Roses: But it seems as if there’s going to have to be a battle with him. A real one this time. I think it may be very serious. We’re all probably going to have to fight. The Associates, too. Yes, Rosey, even Sally. You should all be worried. But we can’t do anything until we find out what Katherine knows.

Roseidous: Which is great because that leaves me time for my bubble bath! Help yourselves to anything in the kitchen!

He stands up, and takes off his shirt.

Audience Member: Take it all off, baby!

Roseidous winks at the audience, then exits, stage left. The other Tri-Leaders stare after him.



Curtain drops.