Music plays.
Curtain rises.
Act One, Scene Six. One Day More.
John and Katherine arrive at Morphz. There is a single white screen, the size of a stage curtain lowered near the front of the stage. A projection of the Morphz messageboard appears on the screen. The audience can see as an unknown user clicks on various forums and topics. John and Katherine stand in front of it. The set designers realize that they will receive a Tony award this year for “Cheapest Set Design” because of this scene and are proud.
John : Well, here we are! Feast your eyes!
Katherine presumably feasts her eyes. They stand aside, over on stage left, close to the audience. John glances nervously down into the orchestra pit, and Grand Maestro Julia gives him a dirty look. The tune of "Look Down" plays as three boardies enter.
Boardie #1 : Sigh, I had a really bad day.
Boardie #2 : So did I.
Boardie #1 : I failed a test.
Boardie #3 : u failed? Man ur stoopid
Boardie #1 : Shut up! My life sucks! The whole world is against me! All of my friends are talking behind my back! My parents want to disown me! My dog got hit by a car!
Boardie #2 : Oh, give me a break. You just made up that thing about the dog for sympathy!
Boardie #1 : No I didn't, you *&$%^&^$!
Boardie #3 : man u r soo retardid theres no curse werds that are that long
Boardie #2 : Why don't you shut up, you idiot?
Boardie #1 : Yeah, and go #$&^$&*#$* yourself!
Boardie #2 : And you, stop f*cking cursing you dumb, stupid sh*t-head f*ck!!! Children might be able to figure out what you're saying!
Boardie #1 : I hate my life! Oh, how I long for the Glory Days of Morphz, when it was such a kind, loving community! I might just do a psuedo-suicidal post!
Boardie #2 : Oh no! Please don't! I'm sorry! We all love you!
Boardie #3 : i dont
Boardie #2 : SHUT YOUR F*CKING MOUTH YOU DIRTY LITTLE COW F*CKER!!!!!! YOU ARE SO F*CKING MEAN AND INFLAMMATORY!!!!!!!!
They all go to different sides of the stage, pretending to ignore each other. Two more boardies come in
Boardie #4 : I don't know, I still say socks are cool.
Boardie #5 : Socks are NOT cool! In the Bible it never says ANYTHING about socks, and therefore, they must not exist!
Boardie #4 : Hmm, well, you have a point there. I mean, if the Bible...
Boardie #5 : THE BIBLE?! How stupid are you to follow that $#^%?! You're a slave to a stupid book that was written thousands of years ago!!!!
Boardie #4 : But you just said- oh, never mind, I guess you're right. Forget the Bible!
Boardie #5 (pales) : Why you blasphemous little cretin! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK AGAINST THE BIBLE!!!!!!
Boardie #4 : But you just- oh, never mind! Screw this!
Boardies #1 and 2 convene again, and Boardie #3 lurks around behind them.
Boardie #1 : "Screw this." That's what my dad said to me today! He's talking about living with me and my mom! He's going to leave us because he HATES ME!!!! He even handed me a screw driver and pointed towards this loose screw, like he was telling me I had to do all the work now! And then he got all confused when I screamed and ran up into my room! That jerk!!!
Boardie #2 : I know how you feel.
Boardie #3 : so do i
Boardie #2 : HOW COULD YOU EVER KNOW HOW HE FEELS?! YOU F*CKING JERK!!!!!
Boardie #1 : Yeah!
Boardie #2 : Shut up, you! You just made that whole thing up for sympathy!!
Boardie #1 : I hate myself! I want to die!!!!
Boardie #2 : No! Please! We love you!!!
They go to their opposite positions again, while Boardies #4 and 5 walk over to each other again.
Boardie #4 : I think war is a terrible waste of resources, lives and money.
Boardie #5 : You're a naive idiot! How old are you, three?! War is the ONLY option! Screw peace talks or subversively inciting the populace to rebellion as we've done before- nuke 'em all because our President is a war mongering cowboy!
Boardie #4 : Yo, step off, or I'll open up a can on you like I did on Election Night two years ago!
Boardie #5 : So, you finally call the rematch! Then let's do it, big mouth!
Boardie #4 : Fine with me! Topic is mystery meat! One!
Boardie #5 : Two!
Boardie #4 : Three!
Boardie #5 : Mystery Meat isn't in the Bible, so it must not be clean!
Boardie #4 : Mystery Meat has been chemically proven to be Spam!
Another boardie runs in.
Boardie #6 : Spam? Did someone say spam? Let me find an answer to my question by posting in every topic!
Boardie #2 : HEY! STOP SPAMMING YOU DUMB F*CKER!!!!!!
Boardie #5 : Stop cursing, you heathen!
Boardie #2 : YOU'RE A HEATHEN!!!
Boardie #6 : Okay, okay, I'll stop. Hey, would it help the problem if I made an Official Spamming Thread?
Boardie #3 : of corse
Boardie #2 : I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT!!!! COULD YOU BE ANY MORE INFLAMMATORY AND RUDE?!?!
Boardie #3 : i will if you keep givin me attenchun
Boardie #2 : And that's exactly what I'll do, YOU UGLY STUPID B*TCH!!!! I HOPE JEFF BANS YOU!!!!!
Boardie #1 : Jeff will probably ban me soon- he HATES me!
Boardie #5 : Jeff can't ban anyone! Only God can ban people!
Boardie #4 : I actually do agree there...
Boardie #5 : Oh please! God doesn't even exist! I'm a hard core atheist!
Boardie # 4 : What?! GRRRRRRAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGG!!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!
Boardie #1 : Oh my GOD (which I only semi believe in now, because my life is messed up, and I don't want to blame myself and deal with it, so I'll blame a cosmic power!), you won't believe what I read!
Boardie #6 : What?
Boardie #1 : Some people here made an Internet musical, and there's a scene set here, and one of the hypothetical boardies is DEFINITELY supposed to represent ME SPECIFICALLY, not just a caricature of common types on the board! They hate me!
Another boardie comes in, and looks around.
Boardie #7 : Um, you guys do realize that you are arguing incessantly about nothing, wallowing in harmful, counterproductive self-pity, spamming, being rude, or indulging spammers and rude people by doing the same back to them, and then not admitting your own hypocrisy, right?
All : SHUT UP!!!!!!!!
Boardie #1 : You are such an insensitive JERK! This NEVER would have happened in the Glory Days of Morphz, when we were a tender, loving, supportive community who gave me ample attention and pity whenever I bitched!
Boardie #2 : WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP, #7, YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SH*T!!!!!!
Boardie #3 : lol yea u really r a dumb@ss
Boardie #4 : I want to argue for a few days about that statement with you, because there's a lot of words you used that could be interpreted differently to support my argument, even though the connection isn't really there!
Boardie #5 : Stop with your logic and reasoning! Logic is the work of the Devil!!!!!
Boardie #6 : I agree.
They chase Boardie #7 off stage. John watches triumphantly, and Katherine turns to the audience.
Katherine : Hmm, John may be stupid, but with the boardies arguing like that...how hard would it be for him to just swoop in and take over? Not hard at all, I guess...
John walks out into the center of the stage, occasionally looking up at the screen. Katherine follows.
John : Ooooh, I love the smell of victory!
Katherine : I don't think that's victory. Boardie #3 was standing where you are.
John quickly moves away.
John : But anyway, this is great! And with you joining us, we shall be unstoppable! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!
Katherine : CWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!
John : ....
Katherine : What?
John : ...Never mind. Now, we need to get you set up in the cave. You can take the room next to Ili's- Jan uses it sometimes, but she and Ian, well, they're in the same room most of the time, so... Besides, it's the room where you were concieved!
Katherine nods along, and then does a spit take. In fact, she runs down, grabs a drink from an audience member, and then runs back on stage just so she can do a spit take!
Katherine : WHAT?!
John : What, I never told you?
Katherine : Told me WHAT?!
John : That...I am your father!
Katherine : No!! That's not true! That's impossible!
John : Search your feelings, you know it to be true!
Katherine : No, I mean, it's literally impossible...unless you had me when you were five...
John : Oh! No! You see, your mother aged you.
Katherine : What?
John : I guess I should start from the beginning. You see, back when I was in Evil School, I was very, um, close with a girl named Ebony Trester. She was very evil, almost as evil as me! We were inseparable- we even went to the Pan-Evil Prom together!
Katherine : "Pan-Evil Prom?"
John : Don't ask. Anyway, after graduation, we moved into the cave together and planned to take over the world and, um, planning for power is kind of a turn on...
Katherine : Um, okay, skip that part.
John : Yeah...Anyway, we had this big plan to intercept Roses and Roseidous and those baby space monkeys during the Battle of Albuquerque, after one army had destroyed the other, and then move in and profit on the chaos!
Katherine : Using what? Rocks?
John : No, you see, Ebony was a genius with robotics- we had a big honking robot army! With LASER GUNS!!!!!
Katherine : Oh, um, cool.
John : Yes! Very! Anyway, when Jeff did his Delete All thing, we were still on the fringes. The robot army got destroyed and I, um, I... realized that I was the Sole Destined Ruler of the World!
Katherine : That's when you became stupid, huh?
John : I like to say I had a Spiritual Awakening, but whatever. Anyway, Ebony nursed me back to sanity, but I was never the same and when I broke it to her that only I could rule the world, I said something, um, not nice, and she freaked out. She said if she ever, ever saw me again, she would kill me in ways that hadn't even been invented yet. And at some point after that, you were born, and she genetically altered you to be ten years old.
Katherine : ...Why?
John : Because you would cause me more problems.
Katherine (grins evilly) : Ooooooh!
John : Anyway, something did go wrong with her plan, and you ended up going back in time. I don't know where you ended up then, but here you are now!
Katherine : Wow.
John : Impressive, huh?
Katherine : Actually, sort of disturbing...
John : Well, too bad! We need to get moving if we're going to start our rebellion! Now, let's sing our song of freedom!
Music starts as John's allies and the Coal Miners enter from both sides of the stage.
John :
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing the songs of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
Ian :
Will you join in our crusade
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Ili : Beyond the barricade is there a world you long to see?
Cole :
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free!
La Resistancers :
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing the songs of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
Katherine :
Will you give all you can give
And fight for freedom till the end?
Dark Shadow :
The Tri-Leaders have been around too long
It's time they met their end!
John :
Viva La Resistance
Our victory's just round the bend!
La Resistancers :
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing the songs of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
As they sing, a flagpole is raised in the background with the Sandwich of Freedom shoved on top of it. It falls off halfway through the second verse, and is replaced by a French flag, for reasons unknown.
The Morphz screen rises to reveal the Tri-Leaders in the party room. Roseidous is back, with Sally. The room does not move towards the front of the stage this time. John, his lackeys, Katherine, and the La Resistancers remain standing in front of it.
Ann: One day more!
We will crush our enemies
Make them grovel to us on their knees
John'll lose, although he'll try
It'll be fun to watch him cry!
One day more!
Roseidous (singing to Sally):
I did not live until today
How can I live if we are parted?
Ann: One day more!
Roseidous:
Tomorrow you might be worlds away
And yet with you my world has started.
Tyrael: One more day all on my own!
Roseidous: Will we ever meet again?
Tyrael: One more day not being evil
Roseidous: I was born to be with you.
Tyrael: What a life I might've known
Roseidous: And I swear I will be true!
Tyrael: But I could never get it right!
John: One more day before the storm!
Katherine: Do I follow where he goes?
John: At the barricade of freedom!
Katherine: Will I stab dad in the back?
John: When our ranks begin to form
Katherine:Aw, screw him, he's an old hack!
John: Will you take your place with me?
La Resistancers:
The time is now
The day is here!
Ann: One day more!
Roses:
One more day till revolution
We will nip it in the bud
We'll be ready for these rebels
They'll wet themselves with blood!
Ann: One day more!
Dark Shadow (by himself):
Watch 'em run amuck!
Catch 'em as they fall!
Never know your luck when there's a free-for-all!
Here's my glory day!
Here's my time to shine!
John thinks he'll get the power, but it's really MINE!
He makes a fist and raises it in the air on "MINE!" The music stops.
Ian:
Shut your ****ing face, uncle ****er!
You're a **** sucking, *** licking uncle ****er!
It seems as though we're out of luck,
Tomorrow night, we're pretty---
John: Very nice.
Ian: Thanks!
The music starts again.
La Resistancers:
One day to a new beginning
(Raise the flag of freedom high!)
Only John will be the king!
(Only John will be the king!)
There's a new world for the winning!
(There's a new world to be won!)
Do you hear the people sing?
Silent Jim:
Our time is here!
The fight is on!
The music stops again. Everyone, including Grand Maestro Julia, stares at Silent Jim.
Silent Jim shrugs.
Holli: You know, Silent Jim, you have a great voice there. You should sing more often. It’s really sexy and---
Roses: Holli! That’s enough!
Silent Jim blushes.
John: For once I agree with Roses. Enough! Can we please just get through this song?
Everyone sighs. John signals Julia to start the music again. She glares at him, but does anyway.
Ann: One day more!
Katherine:
I will join these peoples' heroes
I will follow where they go
I will learn their little secrets
I will know the things they know!
Ili (simultaneously with Katherine):
I don't get any thanks at all!
How could they live without me thinking?
Tyrael (simultaneously with Katherine and Ili):
One more day all on my own!
Ann: One day more!
Roses:
One more day till revolution
We will nip it in the bud
We'll be ready for these rebels-
Holli and Tails (simultaneously with Roses):
Tie 'em to a tree!
Watch 'em try to run!
Even though it's war we can still have fun!
Ili (simultaneously with Roses, Holli and Tails):
John can't think to save his life!
I'm the only thing that keeps us going!
John: Tomorrow's when I make them pay!
John and Roses: Tomorrow is the judgment day!
All:
Tomorrow we'll discover
What our life's work has been for!
One more dawn!
One more day!
One day more!
Curtain drops.