Music plays.


Curtain rises.



Act Two, Scene Two. The Other Plan.


One of the cabins from the woods sits on stage right. It has been transformed into a nice suburban house. The room is decorated with a couch, a TV, and a computer desk. There is a (fake) flower garden around the porch. Inside, at the computer desk, a mysterious person the audience has not seen before appears to be sleeping. Roses, Ann, Roseidous, Holli, Tails, and Tyrael approach the house from stage left. Ann looks at a piece of paper she’s carrying, looks at the house, and nods.

Ann: Yep, this is it.

Roses: Good. Okay people, we need to hurry up and do this. Volunteers?

No one says anything.

Roses: Rosey! Tyrael! I knew you wanted to!

Roseidous: But….

Ann: Just go do it. It won’t look as bad as girls showing up.

Roseidous: But…

Roses: Right. Especially when two of them are Holli and Tails. So good luck!

All four girls hide in various places around the porch. Roseidous and Tyrael climb the stairs, seem to have a silent argument between themselves, and play “paper, rock, scissors.” Tyrael apparently loses, because he sighs and rings the doorbell. No answer.

Tyrael: Oh well, no one’s home, guess we can go now.

Roses (from her hiding place): Try again!

Roseidous rings the doorbell. Repeatedly. The mystery person at the computer desk finally wakes up and falls out of his chair. The doorbell is still ringing.

Mystery Person: Hang on, would you?! Stop ringing the doorbell! I’m coming!

He climbs to his feet, walks to the door, and flings it open.

Mystery Person: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!? IT'S NOT NOON YET! I’M SLEEPING HERE!

Roseidous: Er…he wants to talk to you!

He shoves Tyrael in front of him. The person stares.

Tyrael: Um…well…. does your name happen to be Jeff?

Mystery Person: Why? I’m not buying anything.

Tyrael: Oh, we’re not selling anything, we’re just looking for Jeff.

Mystery Person: Why do you want Jeff?

Tyrael: It’s a very long story.

Roseidous: Yes, very long. You probably wouldn’t be interested.

Mystery Person: No, probably not.

Roses: Can we please hurry this up? You guys are all hopeless.

She and the other female Tri-Leaders come out of their hiding places and walk up the stairs. Holli and Tails pull out some duct tape and rope, escort the new guy inside, and tie him to the couch, despite his protests. Ann and Roses get a lamp and shine it on his face.

Mystery Person: Who are all of you people?

Ann: I have a better question. You are Jeff, aren’t you? I mean, that’s what our sources tell us. And they’re never wrong.

He stares at Holli and Tails, who are grinning.

Mystery Person: Okay, fine. Yes, I’m Jeff. Who are you and what do you want?

Roses: You see boys? That was easy. Now, Jeff. I believe you are in charge of a certain messageboard? Morphz, isn’t it?

Jeff: That’s right, and you’re not answering my questions.

Roses: Good, we’ve found the right person.

Jeff: You’re not….boardies, are you? I didn’t ban you, did I? If I did, it was all a big misunderstanding. If you’ll untie me, I can fix it right now.

Holli: No, you didn’t ban us.

Ann (whispers to Roses): Yet. But who would be surprised if we were by the time this is all over?

Tails: But we are boardies.

All: We’re the Tri-Leaders!

Jeff: Oh, you people. No one really understands you, you know.

Roseidous: That’s okay. Sometimes we don’t understand ourselves.

He and Tyrael sit down in front of the TV, turn it on, and start flipping channels. Holli and Tails sit down on either side of Jeff.

Tails: We do, surprisingly, have a reason for showing up like this.

Holli: Yep! Jeff, we need you to do us a favor.

Jeff: Like what?

Ann: You know John? He’s another boardie. The one obsessed with Kevin Smith movies? Likes to say dum dumm duummm!?

Jeff: Yes? What does he have to do with anything?

Everyone looks at Roses. She sighs.

Roses:
Rosey, turn your TV off right now.
Let me talk to Jeff about why
He must help us win.
He can use his power to help us fight against John
Then take charge of the board again.

Jeff, this is important so listen.
John is at the board right now.
There’s a barricade, too.
You remember, we had him chained up in the mines
To get him back there, we will need you.

La Resistance, plans of triumph,
The threat of him controlling.
Today he’s starting his great battle,
The war right now, he’s winning.

Power, he wants nothing but power.
He dreams of a new life,
But we mustn’t give in.
If you help us, you can go and save the day
Then we’ll make him our slave again.

Ban him, delete all the posts he’s written
Go and destroy the barricade.
Like a hero, you’ll get all the credit.
The memory of you won’t fade.

Stop him, it's so easy to beat him.
Take away all his chances
Of any days in the sun.
If you stop him, you'll understand what true power is.
Look, there's this battle, and it must be won.

Holli, Tails, and Ann applaud. Roseidous and Tyrael turn the TV back on, and begin fighting over what channel to watch. The girls glare at them.

Roses: Thanks girls.

Ann: So Jeff, are you going to help?

Jeff: I don’t think I want to get involved. You people scare me. And you sing.

Holli (pouting): Please Jeff? You can help us so that we don’t have to fight and get dirty in the battle. Vinnie just gave me a manicure and I don’t want to ruin it!

Tails: Anyway, you are the one in charge. You do have the power. Not John.

Jeff: That’s true. I am the all-powerful administrator. Could you untie me?

Roses: Sure. Girls, untie him.

Holli and Tails do so, and he stands up and paces in front of the couch.

Jeff: (to himself): Administrator…power...save the day…hero…I know!

He turns to face the audience and sings:

Jeff:
Master of the Board
Holder of the keys
I can delete topics
Whenever I please.
Re-arrange and edit,
Ban and un-ban, too
You’re not allowed to post
If I don’t want you to.
Everyone must respect my name
I’m the leader, that’s plain to see.
I have all the power, I control it all,
The Master of the Board is clearly me!

Holli and Tails applaud again.

Roses: Jeff? We already did that song. In Act One. Twice.

Jeff: Oh.

Ann: But it was a good effort! Very, um…musical!

Holli: Well, I thought it was wonderful.

Tails: Yes, you really are very powerful. Will you help us? We’re just innocent girls, you know.

Jeff: I think that “innocent” is questionable. However, considering that I have so much authority and that I can stop this whole thing before it really starts….Nope.

Roses: No?! Why not?!

Jeff: I need a vacation. Let someone else take over the board for a while; see how they like it. It’s a lot of work, you know.

Ann: Yes, but…

Jeff: And I don’t want to get involved in Tri-Leader affairs. Now, if you’ll all excuse me, I need to finish my nap. The door is that way.

The girls all look at each other, then gather up their things and the boys, and leave. Back outside, Holli and Tails deliberately walk through the flowerbeds and debate why their seduction techniques didn’t work. Roseidous and Tyrael are still arguing over the TV shows they each wanted to watch. They gather together outside of the house. Ann turns to Roses.

Ann: Now what?

Roses: We go to the barricade. We have a battle to win.

She and Ann run off stage left, the other Tri-Leaders, excluding Tyrael, chase after them, talking as they go.

Tails: A real battle! Holli, we need some more rope!

Holli: Matches too!

Roseidous: Are there going to be…sharp things?

Holli: We can only hope!

Tyrael is the only person left on stage. He follows slowly.

Tyrael: How did I get involved in all of this?

Tails: (from offstage): Hurry up, Tyrael!

Tyrael shrugs and exits, stage left.



Curtain drops.