Last year I had my moterbike, actually my dad's moterbike stolen by a bunch of little bastards...I can only assume it was the same little bastards or maybe it just makes me feel better to put a face to the arseholes who took something important from me.
Anyway, I was at my girlfriend at the time's house and her flatmate was using the phone...
There are payphones just opposite her house, a matter of crossing the road and I decided to use one of them.
As I made the call I saw something move quickly past the phonebox in the corner of my eye and then there was a massive bang. I actually didn't think much of it at first as I've lived in Victoria Park and have seen many of the locals hammering the shit out of phone boxes when they're having an argument with whoever they're speaking to on the phone.
About ten seconds later though I turned round to see a kid of about twelve with a huge brick in his hand obviously winding up to throw it at the glass in front of me.
I covered my face and stepped back expecting to be hit by a brick and a shower of broken glass.
What I've subsequently learned is that all phone boxes now are made of reenforced glass and it's actually quite difficult to break them. The brick bounced and hit the floor. I jumped out of the phone box and dived at this kid shouting ' What the fuck did you do that for?! '
The kid just laughed at me!
I was actually shocked by this and it threw me a bit off the ball for a second until I realised that he really didn't give a fuck how pissed off I was and I told him I'd knock him out.
So the little bastard said ' Try it. '
I don't want to hit any little shit kid but he obviously didn't give a flying fuck that I was pissed off and I wasn't gonna verbally intimidate hikm so I hit him - Palm heel in the middle of the face.
Te little cunt must have only weighed half what I do and he practically flipped backwards with the force.
I watched him pick himself up and run off and I started walking back to the house quite shocked but thinking the whole incident was over.
The next thing I heard was ' Oi! Wanker! ' and I turned round to see that the little bastard had only ran off to get another brick to fling at me. He pulled back and let launch with another massonary projectile which I managed to move out of the way of.
So then I was pissed.
The little bastard! I ran after that little fuck with a sure fire intent to rip his fecking eyes out.
But the little shit was fast...faster than me. I gave chase but he ran round a car and stood on the other side laughing at me. Whenever I went one way he went the other and we ended up in a rediculous schoolyard game. Well the little cunt didn't know that it was my fucking car so I jumped over the roof and made a grab for him and that seemed to surprise the hell out of him but not as much as I was about to be surprised.
I ran after the fuck until I realised I wasn't gonna catch him and decided that some little bastard isn't worth me getting all nackered from sprinting after and I stopped and started to walk back to the house.
Ten seconds later....' Oi! Wanker! ' I turn to see my little friend back with another brick and we started another round of his little game. He throws a brick I dodge then he runs and I pursue until I give up.
Well this went on for a few minutes until one by one more of the fuck start to arrive...EACH ARMED WITH MASSONARY!
It got to the point where I was being circled and there were bricks coming from every direction
Well they started getting more and more serious until I suddenly realised that if one of these bricks did hit the accompanying shower of rocks, bricks and planks of wood would floor me and they would begin pounding me with whatever else they had left.
NOW we find ourselves in the position where through pure numbers and attitude Mr No-Holds Barred fighter is gonna get seriously fucked up by some Lord of the Flies type scally shits. So I did the only thing I could think of, I waited for the original bastard to throw his stuff and then charged at him. He ran, they scattered and I did a quick 180 and legged it down a back ally and dived over my girlfriends fence, hiding behind the wheelie bin while a twelve year old shouts abuse at me and tried to work out which garden I was in.