John Sheppard lay on the bed, his head propped on one hand, the other held tightly by the sleeping Carson Beckett. Carson was curled up under the covers, facing John, his sleep the result of exhaustion and a little pharmaceutical help from Dr. Biro, who had decided that 42 hours of work was too much for Atlantis' chief medical officer.Then again, given the sheer number of injuries sustained during the Wraith siege, plus the frantic weeks leading up to it, Carson working that long wasn't unexpected. Even Rodney and Zelenka had finally crashed, the stimulants wearing off. Of course, Carson hadn't been using the stimulants himself, he'd been going on sheer willpower and being in that state where there was so much to do that one didn't have time to think about his exhaustion.
John had found Carson in John's bed once the Daedalus had returned John to Atlantis and Dr. Biro had cleared him to leave the infirmary. It had been a surprise to open the doors and find Carson curled around the pillow. Once he'd thought about it, though, it had made sense. If Carson wanted to sleep, what better place than in his lover's quarters, where no one would think of looking for him?
John had kicked off his boots and laid on the bed, on top of the covers, not wanting to disturb Carson. He'd covered the doctor's hand with his own, and Carson had moved in his sleep, gripping John's hand tightly.
Watching Carson now, John could tell he was dreaming by the movement behind his eyelids. Carson began to frown, so John leaned forward and kissed Carson's forehead. "I'm here, love," he said quietly, using a phrase Carson had so often used to calm John's nightmares. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."
The lines on Carson's face eased, and he sighed in his sleep, moving closer to John. John twisted carefully on the bed to get under the covers without letting go of Carson's hand. Once under the blankets, Carson instinctively molded himself around John, and John pressed his lips into Carson's hair. "I'm not leaving you, ever," he murmured. "Not if I have anything to say about it."
Carson sighed again, his body getting heavier as he relaxed into a deeper sleep. John lay awake, just holding him. He'd thought he'd held Carson for the last time a few days ago, before the siege and John's last ditch effort to destroy the Wraith - and himself. He hadn't even gotten the chance to say a proper goodbye to Carson.
Then again, John thought as he felt himself drifting to sleep, there would never be a proper goodbye he could say to Carson, because John never wanted to leave him. Goodbye was too final, and John didn't believe in that.
He kissed the top of Carson's head again. "I love you," he said quietly as he fell asleep. Those words said so much more than 'goodbye', and he meant them, always, with Carson.