SEGMENT: THE CLIFFS OF INSANTIYWe join our show, already in progress. To recap, the Scientist Bride McKAY has been kidnapped days before his wedding to SUMNER, the Prince of Atlantis. The kidnappers have sailed to the nearby country of Athos, but found themselves being stalked by a mysterious MAN IN BLACK. After ascending the Cliffs of Insanity, the ringleader of the Kidnappers, Redheaded Wraith MARILYN, cuts the rope in an attempt to kill the Man in Black. However, the MAN IN BLACK is clinging to the side of the cliffs.
MARILYN: Aaahh! He is still alive. (Stalks away in a dramatic swirl of her white dress) Well, whoever he is, he has seen us with the Bride, and therefore he must die. (Turns to Wraith Lackey #1, STEVE) When he gets up here, kill him.
STEVE: I'll have to suck the life out of him left handed.
MARILYN: Does it really matter? We're in a hurry.
STEVE: If I do it right handed, it will be over too soon. I get indigestion if I eat too fast.
MARILYN: Fine, just suck the life out of him and catch up with us at the Athosian Frontier. (To Wraith Lackey #2, BOB) Bring the Bride.
McKAY: Hello, I'm not the Bride. You're thinking of Uma Thurman, and while I admit she's hot, really, I'm much more important than some skinny Hollywood --
BOB raises his hand to McKAY's chest. McKAY shuts up. MARILYN drags McKAY off screen as BOB walks over to STEVE.
BOB: Be careful. People who eat with their mouths cannot be trusted.
MARILYN (offscreen): I'm waiting!
BOB exits.
STEVE paces the cliffs, shaking his hands loose and practicing feeding with his left hand. He walks to the edge and looks down at the MAN IN BLACK, who is dangling from a rock, his foot having slipped. As STEVE watches, the MAN IN BLACK regains his footing and starts climbing again, slowly.
STEVE: Hello down there.
The MAN IN BLACK looks up, rolls his eyes. His hair is rather mussed.
STEVE: Slow going?
MAN IN BLACK: You know, this isn't as easy as one might think. I'd really appreciate it if you'd not distract me. I'd hate to have my brains dashed out against the rocks below.
STEVE: Ah. Sorry.
MAN IN BLACK: Thanks.
STEVE steps away, does a few more hand-feeding motions, stretches a bit, and braids a lock of his hair before going back to the edge. The MAN IN BLACK is maybe six inches further up the cliff.
STEVE: Any way you could speed it up?
MAN IN BLACK: Look, if you're so impatient, you could throw a rope or a find a Dart or something.
STEVE: I do have rope up here, but I don't think you want my help. I'm waiting to suck the life out of you.
MAN IN BLACK: Well, that puts a damper on our relationship.
STEVE: I won't kill you until you reach the top. I'm a hands-on kinda guy.
MAN IN BLACK: (pauses, looking slightly freaked out) That's. . . comforting. But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
STEVE: (to himself) Why does my dinner never agree with me? (to the MAN IN BLACK) I give you my word as a Wraith.
MAN IN BLACK: No good. (His hand slips and he hangs from one arm before regaining his balance). I've known too many Wraiths.
STEVE: What, like, two? Three?
MAN IN BLACK: That's more than enough.
STEVE: No way you'll trust me then?
MAN IN BLACK: You could throw yourself over the cliff.
STEVE: I swear to you on the soul of the last Atlantean I ate, a rather tasty morsel called Kavanagh, you will reach the top alive.
MAN IN BLACK: You ate Kavanagh? You're braver than I thought. Throw the rope.
STEVE goes to where the rope is tied and unwraps it before taking it to the edge and throwing it down. The MAN IN BLACK grabs it and hangs from it for a second before he starts climbing. When he reaches the top, STEVE helps him over the edge. The MAN IN BLACK gets to his feet. STEVE backs way.
STEVE: We can wait until you are ready. (to himself) I hate fast food.
MAN IN BLACK: Thank you.
The MAN IN BLACK pulls a P90 from under his shirt and fires half the clip at STEVE. STEVE staggers back and falls over the cliff.
MAN IN BLACK: I hate being left hanging.
The MAN IN BLACK glances at the ground, finds the footprints of MARILYN, BOB, and McKAY, and follows them off screen.
END SEGMENT.