Part 3
(1990-1999)
The Year: 1990/ 22 Years Old.
My mother wanted me to leave, she said their was something “wrong” with me because I was “gay”. So I called the only person I knew might help me, the lady I had as a teacher in special education my last year at Boles Home, Darla Heck. I called Darla to ask her if she could come and get me, without hesitation, she said “sure”, she came that night and pick me up. I moved in with Darla Heck, in Greenville, TX.
http://www.city-data.com/city/Greenville-Texas.html
I got a job at Arby’s, which is a fast food restaurant, January 6, 1990 to June 28, 1990. I made $3.85 an hour. I quickly was aware of the different between the social environments of Tyler Junior College and Greenville, TX.. The best way I know how to put it, is one was “open”, and one was “closed”. I had met some friends at work, one was a girl that was going to college, the other, a guy, they where roommates. The girl decided to move in with her boyfriend, so I moved in with Wes. Wes was an easy going kind of guy, he liked a good beer and smoke after work, he was very much heterosexual and he took some heat from us being roommates. I enjoyed his company. We had a thing at Arby’s who ever got their orders out the fastest got to eat a meal for free. I won nearly every time. All the cash register where on a timer, the timer begin at the beginning of each other when you key in the first item and you had to hit a button when you got the other out to stop it. So how did I win most of the time? I waited until the person was thou giving me his order in full, then keyed it in.
I was having problems with my wisdom teeth, they where coming in crooked and was cutting the insides of my cheeks. being that I was without health insurance I went to Parkland Hospital in Dallas, TX. I had heard all kinds of story’s about Parkland, how bad it was, what kind of people went there, etc. However, I had the nearly the exact opposite experience that I was told I would have. I was treated very well, received very good care. I had all four of the wisdom teeth cut out. The girl that try to put an IV in my arm stuck me 5 times. She just could not get it in the right place. She called someone else to do it. The person came in and got it on the first try, then she went on to say that the other girl should have not tried it more the 2 times. I really didn’t care about all that, I didn’t care to hear her put down the other girl. Yes it hurt my arm, it also, “hurt” the girl not being able to do something “right”. As I laid back in the operating chair and going under from the anesthesia my body became lighter and lighter until all that was lingering was my soul. I laid there listening to the people working on me talk, they all sounded like Greg Shelton, a little boy that I was in first grade with that was "gifted". He was unlike any of the rest of us, he was the "best and brightest" of us all. As the anesthesia took over my body my realities blurred, I could hear the people working on me talk about their lives and at the same time here them ask me if everything was ok as I went deeper and deeper into unconsciousness, I could hear that deep small voice of that little boy in my first grade class, "Richard, is everything ok?"..."Your going to be just fine". One of the guys working on me laid his hand on my arm, the sensation instantly spread though my whole body, then I went under. Afterwards, I was relieved and grateful.
I was working as a temporary at Rubbermaid thou Kelly Services, which you had to go thou to get a job at Rubbermaid. While working as a temp. I got an additional part-time job at Long John Silver’s, working for Paul Ray West, the guy I met several years ago, while still living at Boles Home. I worked there from December 6, 1990 to March 27, 1991. I made $3.85 hour. I stopped working when I was hired on as a Rubbermaid employee. Not because I wanted to, but because I could not handle the work load.
While I was working at Long John Silver's Mr. Sweeney, which was the High School Superintendent when I was at Boles Home, walked in carrying a little boy on his hip. He came in with Mr. Long who was also a teacher and houseparent at Boles Home. Mr. Sweeney introduced the little boy to Mr. Long. The little boy started crying, and Mr. Sweeney said to the little boy: "it's ok, he's a Christian." I just got a very ill feeling in my gut.
The Year: 1991/ 23 Years Old.
I got a job at Rubbermaid, Inc., which is in Greenville, TX., May 8th of 1991. I would work there until May 1, 1996. I injured my right arm and shoulder April 20, 1993. I would be on and off workers’ compensation for the next few years, having surgery done on both hands for carpal tunnel. My right arm and shoulder abstained permanent injuries. I was feeling very isolated in Greenville. After coming from Tyler Junior College, where I was, allowed for the first time to be myself and liked, a factory in Greenville TX., was not a good place for an young openly gay man. It is ironic that while at Tyler Junior College, I was accepted and liked as Richard, which just happens to be gay. Where as in Greenville, it was Richard, which is JUST GAY. I was highly pressured to go back in the “closet”. I fought back with all my might. Fighting came at a cost. I was constantly bombarded on one side by insults and the other by “Christians” who wanted to let me know if I didn’t change my ways I was going to hell. I felt trapped, I had just “failed” at college; however, while I “failed” at college, I was proud of how far I had come with regard to my intellect. I could now read pretty well and while my friends where buying a “good time”, I was buying books. I read while not working, did not have much of a social life, so, after a few mouths I felt very isolated and thought about suicide often. I was a fish without a pond.
Took an overdoes on October 9th. I called 911, was taken to the hospital and had my stomach pumped, I was unconscious. When I woke up I was told I would have to go in a psychiatric hospital. Since I had insurance I went to the local private psychiatric hospital, which was Glen Oaks Hospital.
http://www.glenoakshospital.com/index.html
I was in Glen Oaks from October 9th - 31st. Glen Oaks Hospital, well, just was an extension of Rubbermaid, as far as the mentality. I was put on the drug and alcohol dependency unit, although, I didn’t have a drug or alcohol problems, there was no other place to put me. Like Rubbermaid, I would be bombarded by mostly staff, about how “God” didn’t make me homosexual. I was told by one nurse that if I would just “change my ways”, that I wouldn’t be having the trouble at work, while talking to me, standing over me, I was sitting down, she dropped a piece of paper, when she walked off I notice it and picked it up, it apparently, slipped out of my chart, it had as the diagnosis: PTSD, which stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
While in a “group therapy” session, there was a chair put in the middle of the circle called the “hot seat”. I was told to sit in the chair. What was to come would shock me. A man, who he was, I have no clue, he was an older man that apparently worked as a “counselor”. He stood over me and asked “who’s dick have you thought about sucking since you have been in here”? I replied “no one”. He just repeated his question louder. I tried to explained to him that I did not like sucking dick, that while it’s true that I like sex with guys, that sucking dick was not something I liked to do. He just went to yelling, he was so close to my face, he was spiting on me. He just kept repeating his question, yelling it. I just wanting him to stop yelling and mainly spiting on my face. So I try to think of someone, being that I didn’t like to do that kind of thing, I was trying to think of someone that I was at least found “attractive”, while at the same time feeling bad about the whole thing, being that the men that where in my group where all very nice to me, what would they think if I didn’t “fantasize” about them? Would they be relieved? Or worst, would they have their feelings hurt? So sitting there, while this guy is still yelling at me, I think of someone to tell him so he would stop yelling. There was no one I found “attractive” that was a “patient”. There was a person name Brad Sanders that work at Glen Oaks, what he did for them I don’t know. Brad was very handsome, he had dark hair and blue eyes, looked like he worked out. I didn’t even know his name, I had just seem him. So I told the guy yelling at me that I didn’t know the guy’s name. He told me to tell him what he looked like. I did, he knew right off who I was talking about. He just stood over me with a degusted look on his face, shaking his head. I saw Brad Sanders one more time after that, he was “moved”, I guess for his “protection”?. I later was told that Brad Sanders was previously a patient at Glen Oaks, treated for “sexual addiction”, now he was on stuff.
At near the time I was going to be discharged I was told I was going to another place to be treated for “sexual addiction”, which was in Prescott, AZ. The lady that was telling me this as she was asking me to “sign the papers”, she asked me how much money I had in the bank. I said, very little. She got this confused look on her face. She Said: “You don’t have a large amount of money in the bank?” I Said, No. She withdrew the papers and said, “let’s hold off on this”. I said ok, at first I was relieve, maybe I was not a “sex addict” after all? Or was the truth, I was a “sex addict”, but a poor one, therefore, I did not get the “treatment”? Or, was it, I was not a “sex addict”, yet, someone thought I had some money, so it called for a new “label”, which “needed” additional “treatment”, while my insurance had reached it’s cap, I had “a large amount of money in the bank”, that could pay for this “treatment”? NOTE: the records I got from Glen Oaks states that “We had initially recommended placement in Prescott, AZ., for people with sexual abuse and acting-out problems, but he refused.”
The record has many things in it that I am quoted as saying, yet, I did not. For instants, “had talked about being into having relationships with underage boys, but did not give any identifying data to support our reporting this.” I did talk about having a “relationship” with a guy that lived in my apartment complex. This was a young man, named Critis Clark. He came over to my apartment sometimes and we would talk. This young man went off to the military, in 2002 he looked me up and called. He lives in Houston, TX. He came over a few months later to visit. I met Critis at the apartment complex we lived in, he seem to like talking to me, so I let him come over and hang out. I was surprised to here from him, when he called I and I heard his voice I knew, although, his voice had deepen, I knew who he was right off. He told me about where he had been and what he was doing with his life, and that he wanted to visit me the next time he was in Dallas. A few weeks later, he came to Dallas, and we met. I was never interested in Critis sexually, however, I was interested in Critis. It was nice to hear from him, I am glad he is doing well.
After my insurance reached it‘s cap, I was discharged.
Moved out to Farmerville, TX., where I rented a mobile home from a lady I worked with at Rubbermaid, Rosemary and her husband Rod. It had no running water, being that the mobile home was in their back yard, I used their bathroom. I did this to save money.
http://www.city-data.com/city/Farmersville-Texas.html
The Year: 1992/ 24 Years Old.
I bought a used Honda Nighthawk motorcycle for $1,400.00. My uncle, Teddy, which is my mother’s brother, had taught me how to ride a motorcycle. This motorcycle brought me a lot of excitement and enjoyment. I kept it a year then sold it for exactly what I paid for it. I hated to see it go. I will keep and renew my motorcycle’s license, in the hope, I get another some day.
My grandmother ( Lilly) lived with her son, Teddy, at 710 E High St., Terrell, TX. Apparently to help Teddy with his child Chris. Teddy, a few years earlier was diagnosed as Bipolar. One day, I had come to Terrell, for some reason, I decided I would go by my uncle’s house, where my grandmother was living also, to see if she new where my mother was. My grandmother was there, and was keeping Jordan, a child of my oldest sister’s, he was 4 or 5 years old. I had stepped just inside the door, I saw Jordan playing. My grandmother said she had no ideal where my mother was, then, she went on to explain that Jordan needed an enema and wanted to know if I wanted to help her give him one. I told her no and left. I was sick at my stomach, when I got home I called my sister to tell her that “nanny” was giving Jordan enema’s. She told me it was ok. I got very depress, remembering my own experiences with my grandmother. My grandmother had bought
Jordan expensive toys, causing conflict between him and his bothers
After the experience with Glen Oaks I thought that I would look for a “gay friendly” hospital so I flew to California, July 22, 1992 to a psychiatric hospital called Capistrano By The Sea. After being there a few days and not much happened, so I requested to be discharged. I was told I should stay…that I would not “get a view of the ocean anywhere else”. I did NOT come for the view.
Upon getting back, July 29, 1992 I admitted myself at Charter Hospital of Grapevine, TX. I stay there until August 14, 1992
In August of 1992 I started counseling with Chase McDonald, which was in Dallas, TX.
Having dental insurance I decided I would have my teeth fixed, I had an overbite( an recessed lower jaw) and somewhat crooked teeth. I went to seek treatment from David Phelps, which was/is in Greenville TX.. Mr. Phelps decided to fit me with an removable appliance that would, over time, move my lower jaw forward. I complained to Mr. Phelps about how painful it was to wear it. He got angry with me and accused me of not complying with treatment. By this time, I had used my insurance up and had spent several hundred dollar’s out of pocket. I tried to explain to Mr. Phelps that it was too painful to wear the appliance. He informed me that their where other options, however, since the appliance was not working because I would not comply with his treatment plan, that I would have to come up with more money for the other options. I got a bad feeling in my gut, that no matter how much money I came up with for Mr. Phelps, that he was not interested in providing high quality treatment. While I was not sure if it was a personal thing or not, I decided if I was going to be out more money, that I would look for another place. I made an appointment with an orthodontist in Dallas, TX., Upon my first appointment, I showed the orthodontist the removable appliance that Mr. Phelps had made to correct my overbite. The orthodontist grabbed his head and covered his mouth and shook his head in didbelief. I knew then something was not right. He told me that the appliance was for someone 12 years old or under, someone half my age. That the appliance would NOT correct my overbite. I informed Mr. Phelps what I had learned and asked him to reimburse my insurance and the money I had paid out of pocket. He refused. I wrote the Dental Association, filing a complaint against Mr. Phelps. The Dental Association intervene and Mr. Phelps made out a check for a full refund. It turned out that my overbite was best corrected surgically. Which I had done at Medical City in Dallas. .
A friend of mine,Teresa, that I worked with at Rubbermaid told me that she knew and went to church with the receptionist at Mr. Phelps and that she knew she did not "approve of my lifestyle". I knew she was not very nice and short with me while I was in the office, I just wrote it off as to her not being a very nice person. People at worked often talked about my "lifestyle". I started wondering what exactly "lifestyle" are they talking about being that I worked and went home to rest to go back to work, I worked a lot of overtime when it was available.
I moved to my father’s house at Lake Tawakani in Quinlan, TX., where I lived with him and his wife for seven months, I saved $7000.00, which I used to buy a 1989 Nissan pickup.
http://www.city-data.com/city/Quinlan-Texas.html
The Year: 1993/ 25 Years Old.
December 2, 1993 I had corrective jaw Surgery. It was to correct my overbite. I had a friend drop me off that morning. My Friend Darla Heck was going to come pick me up that evening, however, I had a lot of nausea, being that my mouth was wired shut, if I vomited , I could die. That evening, the guy in the next bed had family visiting him. I like to sleep with my feet out from under the covers, this lady that was visiting the guy, kept coming over pulling the blankets over my feet and tucking them in, I would be just nodding off and her she would come again. On the way out as they where leaving she stopped and looked at me, and said, we want to keep it real quite for him, as if, I was going to be making nosy, I was glad to see that lady go, so where my feet. The nurse came in my room and told me my mother was on her way, I just thought they thought Darla was my mother, so when they came in the room and told me my mother in pulling in the parking lot, she called from her cell phone, I knew that it wasn’t Darla, and that it was my mother. Oh Shit!!!, here I was going to have to ride in her truck with my month wired shut.
While working at Rubbermaid I made a few friends, one was a lady that was married and had 3 children.
Her husband informed her that she should stay away from me and did not want her to hang out with me.
We live in the same apartment complex, one night, after her husband had been drinking he came over to my apartment and wanted to know if “I” “wanted” to have sex. Being that I had not has sex with another person in a while, it was tempting, but it was also very confusing, being that he had been telling his wife to stay away from me. I was just dumb founded.
I started driving from Greenville to Dallas on Sundays to attend Cathedral of Hope, which was the largest “gay church” in the world. I join a circle group, which met on Fridays evenings, we would have a pot-luck and some form of devotional. I met several people, from all walks of life. It was very “educational” being that I had never been around that many gay people. The leader of the circle group I was in was name, David. He was very friendly. I liked him a lot, until I went to his apartment alone with him. Having an injured shoulder, he asked if he could rub it. My shoulder had muscle spasms, I would have let nearly anybody rub it, it was painful most of the time. However, the rubbing the shoulder, turned into asking to remove my shirt and so on. So I went from “liking” David, to, well, not liking him very much.
Jim Prock was a guy that I had met at Cathedral of Hope, he was also in a circle group that I attended. I do not subscribe to the ideal of "falling in love", I do believe you can have strong emotional, intellectual and spiritual callings to love someone. To "fall in love" means to me to have your emotions engaged and nothing else. When I first saw and heard Jim Prock's voice I was in love. I didn't want to have sex with Jim, although that was not out of the question, I did not want him to be my boyfriend, although that was not out of the question. I wanted to salute his soul. I wanted to be near him, I felt, while we where very much different socially, economically, I was "at home" with him. I have very strong turbulent forces of energy that runs thou me, Jim's presents had a claming effect on my soul. I was later told by a "friend" that someone told him that I was not a good person for him to be hanging around. I was hurt very much, however, my feelings did not change about him.
The Year: 1994/ 26 Years Old.
I moved to the Oak lawn area of Dallas Texas.
http://www.city-data.com/city/Dallas-Texas.html
I Moved in with a friend ( Larry) that I had met at the Cathedral of Hope. I was on worker compensation at the time, I thought, that my shoulder would be “medically repaired” and then I would go back to work at Rubbermaid, I made good money there, had health insurance and excellence profit sharing. I started going out, to bars. I wish I could say I was looking for a “relationship”, a lot of guys would say that, I didn’t know what I was “looking” for or if I was even looking for anything.
Larry, was looking to buy a place, so I rented a two bedroom apartment at the corner of Rawlins and Douglas, 4214 Rawlins. where he moved in, until, he bought a place. Larry was seeing a guy that lived a few doors down. I came in one day, after riding my bike around White Rock Lake, I got a lot of stress relife from riding my bike. Anyway, I came in and Larry and his "boyfriend" was in the livingroom. I was fixing to go upstairs when Larry's "boyfriend" trun to me and said "You know, if Ann (the manger of the complex) knew the kind of "lifestyle" you where leading she would have not let you move in here." I was speechless, I went up to my bedroom. A few days later, I am woke up in th middle of the night by Larry in the next room screeming "FUCK ME...FUCK ME.", I just thougth about what his boyfriend told me a few days ago, I didn't know weather to laugh or cry. I never told Larry that I heard him, I didn't see the point.
I put an ad in the Dallas Voice for a roommate. Several people came by to look at the place,a few people seem to think that I was REALLY looking for sex, this one guy came over and asked "do you mind if I take off my shoes?". At that point I was not aware that he was coming on to me until he asked me.."you mine if I go up and look at the room?". I said...sure, go ahead. He stayed up there for a long time, I just sit there and waited till he came back down. He was very attractive, yet, I was not interested, I was sitting there perplex as such strange behavior, drifting back to wondering how I was going to pay my bills, being that I was behind. I chose Joseph Aura.
I knew Joseph would make a good roommate the moment I opened the door, it was just a deep down gut feeling "this is the guy". He was the most real and honest person I had met so far, he had a sincere quality about him. He drove an old, very old Nissan flatbed truck, you could hear it coming, it was one raggedy looking truck. After talking and showing him the room he decided he wanted it. Shortly after he left my neighbor James that lived right next store came out and knocked on my door. I was in a good mood, I had found a roommate and now, I can move on to what I needed to do next. I looked thou the peephole and saw it was James, I knew what he wanted. He asked in his sarcastic pretentious voice "who was that?". I said. "my new roommate". James said "Where is he going to park that thing?". I said "Right next to you".
Around Christmas I worked for my friend Ron, at a Hickory Farm booth in Valley View Mall, in Dallas, TX. It was located in front of Sears, a Timex watch store was across, from us, I bought me a watch, as of 2004 I still have it. The UPS man that was working there, I saw him in 2002, still working there, his body had changed, more “down in his back”. I wonder what “society” will do with him after his body is give out. My friend Ron, would die of AIDS in 1995. While at a bar, Crews Inn, in Dallas TX., with Ron, he told me he would “show me the ropes”. I told him, “you go your way, and I will go mine”. After, going out with him, I decided not to go out with friends to bars. I go out alone, it gets to “busy” for me to have someone there.
While Ron was in Parkland, as he was dieing I visited him. Ron kept complaining to me that his lover, Mike, was running around on him. I knew Ron was dieing and I just couldn't understand why he was at the last moments of his life preoccupied with someone "running around on him". I was perplexed with his state of mind. It seem that his body was going one way and his mind another, in that he was still "holding on to things of this world". I had so many questions and no one to talk to about them. I felt that Ron somehow had been robbed of life in that he was not ready to leave. I became very angry. I remember the song that I sung in church while in Boles Children's Home, "It is well with my soul". It was NOT "well" with Ron's soul. When I meet people I often ask myself "is it well with this person's soul?", "is it well with "our" soul?", most of the time the answer is NO.
I would have no problems meeting guys. It was the most confronting thing to sleep with someone.
The Year: 1995/ 27 Years Old.
My grandmother tells my sister, that she has to go over to Teddy’s house to give Chris an enema. Chris is Teddy’s child, he is 18 years old.
A doctor that I went to see for a cold, asked for permission to get my records from other places. I agreed. He called me in a few weeks later and said that he would advise me to apply for SSDI (social security disability income)
I applied for SSDI July of 1995
Having been on workers compensation, I now had no income.
Darla Heck, a former high school special education teacher I had in high school, said I could stay with here, which she live in Greenville, a place that I did not want to be, it was my only option. So for the next several months I waited to hear from social security about the decision my disability case. In the mean time, I road my bike from Greenville to Royse City and back often to keep me busy.
The Year: 1996/ 28 Years Old.
I revived SSDI in April of 1996
I had been told I would get back pay in a lump sum upon approval. My mother was giving me $20 a month, I would take my bike to White Rock Lake every now and then. I notice this clock shop off Garland Rd. called "Tic Toc Clock Shop", I started stopping in on a reg. bases looking at clocks. I liked the way they sounded. I came in more then a few times, I think the lady thought I was a strange person, I just told the lady that I was looking. I took my time and looked at all the different clocks, and listen to the different types of sounds they made. Upon receiving one of the lump sum checks I went to the Tic Toc Clock Shop, I walked in...and said.."I got some money now, I am ready to buy a clock". She got this look of relief on her face. I already knew which clock I wanted, so I told her. She went to the back and got a new one in a box. As I made out my check and gave it to her, she notice my last name. She Said, "Your not going to believe this, this clock has your last name." She went on to explain that Howard Miller names thier clocks and this clock I picked out was called "Downing".
I moved in with a guy that was renting a room, I found the ad in the Dallas Voice. It was at 3140 N Hall St., Dallas, TX. ( Carlisle on the Creek). Thomas seem to have drug abuse problems, so I moved out. In July of 1996 I rented an apartment of my own at 4107 Bowser #103A, Dallas, TX. ( Manhattan 111). It was a 225sp foot efficiency apartment. I paid $325.00 a mouth.
In September I got a part-time job at Petco where I would work for the next two year. Petco would be my most favorite places I had worked, while some my co-workers had “issues” with the “people who had money”, being that most of our customers where from Highland Park and University Park, a “upper class” area of Dallas. What some of my co-workers found “rude”, “snooty” and “arrogant” in the customers, I found interesting. I often would look them in the eye and see something other then rude, snooty, and arrogant, I saw a person, like myself, on a “journey” called, life. While I was there, the store went thou several different managers, it seemed, dependant on who was the manager, had a lot to do with rather I was a “access” or a “burden” to the store, being that I wasn’t able to help unload the truck was one of the main areas of conflict. My back was just to bad of shape. I ended of quitting after I was made to work only weekends for a while. I was going to miss my job and oddly, I guess to some, the customers. Another thing I was going to miss, at night, after getting off work, I would drive my old 1989 beat up, with the paint chipping off of it Nissan truck down thou the center of Highland Park, driving slowly to look at the beautiful homes. At night, some of the houses would be well lighted inside with the shades open, given way to an array of different life-filled colored painted walls, once of my favorites was this one home that had a rich-red painted dinning room, another home had a few tones of yellow for the living room.
I joined a gym, Bally Total Fitness August of 1996.
The Year: 1997/ 29 Years Old.
In July of 1997 I moved to a bigger efficiency apartment located at 2800 Douglas Ave. ( Stepping Stone). It was 350sp feet. I paid $425.00.
John, a friend of mine got a new computer, so he gave me his old one and helped me learn how to use it. John would turn out to be a very generous person. John called me one day and told me he had gotten a rise and he was coming to pick me up to take me to buy me a brand new computer. I got online and was “consumed” with all that was out there. I could express myself like never before, being that spelling was made much easier with things like spell check. Also, I started “chatting” online. I made up the screen name “Toysoldier”, it’s would prove to be an odd thing, because when people see me out in the community they call me toysoldier, which by the way, is not always a good thing, being that I don’t hold back online, if I think something I will say it.
The Year: 1998/ 30 Years Old.
I met a guy in a chat room off the internet, went over to his house to have sex. He wanted to fuck me, so I asked him if he was HIV positive or HIV negative. He replied, “ I am healthy as a horse”. At the time, I took that as if he was HIV negative, looking back, he really didn’t answerer my question like I asked it. A few months later, I was sick, very sick. I have had the flu before, this was worst then any flu I ever had. I woke up in a pool of sweat, my bed sheets where soaked from sweating. I did get better.
The Year: 1999/ 31 Years Old.
I read in the Dallas Voice that Dr. Brands office was doing a “study” of a possible “vaccine” for the HIV virus. I went and signed up and did and intake where blood was drawn to see if I qualified. I was not called back on the day they told me that I would be. A few days, later they called me to come in. I was told I did not qualified, because, I tested HIV positive.
So, In March, I tested HIV+.
Not Having Insurance I was told I could sign up for a study, it was implied I would receive “better” medical care then if I went to the county hospital, which is Parkland. My initial thought was if Parkland was good enough for president John F Kennedy, then it is good enough for me. I shared this thought with a friend, he responded by saying that he died. I replied, “they are doctors, not God”. I did start the “study” but decided to stop an went to Amelia Court at Parkland.
Listening to the sounds of shoes in the halls. Sitting in the waiting room at Amelia Court, which is the HIV/AIDS clinic at Parkland, I tune out the nosy, of people talking, and listen to the sounds of shoes. Over in the adjacent hall, there are a set of double doors that open up onto what gives way to tile floor. The medium pace step, that the heels drag a bit, that’s Dr. Race, Dr. Elizabeth Race, those are the sounds of her shoes.
I like listening to the sounds of shoes. A mall is a good place to listen to the sounds of shoes. Sometimes, in my mist, I hear a “Miss Marlowe” walk by, sometimes, I hear a “Miss Gross”, sometimes, I hear a “Lucile Jessup”, sometimes, a “Miss Yarbrough”, sometimes a “Mr. Bartley”, sometimes, a “Jim Chriswell”. “We” all are moving about, some going, some coming, some don’t know weather we are coming or going, yet, we are all passing.
I got a part-time job at Petsmart May 17, 1999. Making $5.75 hour. I liked working there, made a few friends. Start having sever peripheral neuropathy in my legs and feet, most likely caused my the HIV drug Zerit, even after stopping the drug, my feet did not completely recover. Also, at the same time my arches in my feet fail, it was painful to walk. so painful to walk I had to stop working at Petsmart, actually, I think I called in to many times, with my feet problems and I was let go November 22, 1999. I had some inserts made at Parkland, but they where very uncomfortable. I went to the Good Feet store and bought some inserts for my shoes, cost around $200. They where a major help.
I started going to counseling at Legacy Counseling Center, a counseling center for people who’s lives have been impacted by HIV/AIDS.
