‘Billies Off-Season Hopes Bogged Down In McMaster Mud

A fine playoff performance drove Hillbilly Hysteria to new highs. Over the off-season Captain Ron authentic retro jerseys set new GSA retail records with local and national sports chains unable to stock enough ‘Billy paraphernalia to satisfy the growing Hillbilly Nation. But this outbreak of Hillbilly Mania was not only evidenced in retail sales and volumes of merchandise moved. Across the sports world there were whispers heard of a changing of the guard in GSA softball. This was a team with the right combination of grizzled veterans and promising new talent. The ‘Billies looked to be poised to change the fundamental fabric of collegiate softball

So after an off-season full of promise the ‘Billies once again took to the fine diamonds of McMaster, their opponents the much ballyhooed Rock All Gannets. Billed as a clashing of old and new powers in the GSA, the networks lobbied for the game to open in prime time before a national audience. Instead of a game for the ages, the networks, indeed the fans, witnessed a Shakespearian Comedy of Errors...or more precisely, an Abbot and Costello Routine.

As always our ‘Billies got out to a quick start. The defense looked good while the offence scored five in the bottom of the first, almost batting around for the second time in ‘Billie History. This was the 'Billies year, and they were here to prove it…or so they thought. Some have blamed it on off-season head swelling, some cited the on-going contract dispute with perennial all-star Charlie Brown, that resulted in his absence in the opening day line-up, while still others attribute the debacle to poor attendance at the team's training camp last week. Some dissension and whispering pointed out the lack of Hawaiian gear on some in the roster. Regardless of the cause the ‘Billies once again failed to put together a whole game and once again paid the price.

Two plays, more than anything, sum up the plight of the Hillbillies last night. The first was a defensive blunder by the BIG ‘Hurtin’ UNIT. While trying to move under a routine fly to right the UNIT hit a soft spot in the turf. The rest can only be described as painful. On this night, pumping legs were not enough to escape the clutches of the slop in the field, and the BIG UNIT came crashing down as the ball fell to the turf ten feet away. The second play which sums up this night was a base running blunder. As opportunistic new-comer Lewis, forced a throw, and subsequent error, to second base with his intimidating base running, he capitalizes and rounds the bag barreling down on third. ‘But this is a good play’, those of you who did not see the game would contend. Normally I would agree, but in this case Tractor Trailer Taylor was planted firmly on third. Fortunately for the ‘Billies, the dumbstruck Gannets were too busy trying to figure out ‘Who’s on Third’ to capitalize on this blunder and an equally confused Triple T came in to score.

In this one the wheels came off early and the ‘Billie’s defense was no match for the Gannets high powered offense. But amidst the plethora of errors were some bright spots. Pitching by Bubba Gump and new comer Tony was solid, and the performance turned in by the ‘Billiettes (Porn Lover and newcomers Lauren and Lisa) was well above par, with the ladies both flashing the leather and driving the ball through the infield. Not only did Captain Ron hit to center, but he also drove a hard grounder through short-stop and the Hustler was a rock solid out in left field.

“Hope is a good thing, maybe even the best of things; and a good thing never dies.”
~Steven King

Despite this early season speed bump, it is far too early to give up on the ‘Billies. After all in last year's regular season they were, at times, no better than they were last night. But as mentioned earlier, the price of success, is expectation and the growing Hillbilly Nation will want their team to be more productive than they were last night.