Porn Lover spends a little too much quality time with her BIG UNIT before the game, and misses the start.
Triumphant 'Billies lay claim on second spot
It was a dark and stormy night and the rain and lightning forebode ominous fortunes for our beloved ‘Billies. Without the Messiah (off on a religious pilgrimage) to lead them through the darkness, the ‘Billies looked to newcomer Nina and veteran relief man Tractor Trailer Taylor to provide the consistent pitching they have come to expect from their pious veteran ace. Making matters worse for the beleaguered team, Bubba Gump was thought to have joined the Messiah on his arduous trek, and Porn Lover and the BIG UNIT missed the game start nursing the wounds inflicted in the previous night’s athletic romps.
As Captain Ron tried desperately to assemble a starting line-up from the tattered remains of the roster, it quickly became apparent the team was going to be unable to field the requisite number of players. Luckily, the night’s opponent's Defrost Ted wanted a game, and took pity on the depleted ‘Billies, providing them with a third female, Maggie, just so the game could get underway. The affable Maggie would prove to be one of the game’s heroes, providing clutch hitting, quick base-running and Gold Glove defence behind the plate.
The game got underway in a thick spray of rain and mud, and the ‘Billies quickly showed the defensive play that has been their trademark early this season, shutting down Defrosted Ted in an orderly fashion in the first inning. Nina continued to show the form in the field that has a lot of people picking her as an early Rookie of the Year favourite. The outfield of Newfie, Charlie Brown and Hustler was tested often, and delivered consistent play in the absence of rovers. Despite the fact the ‘Billies vaunted ‘M’ defence was reduced to a ‘^’, Defrost Ted was unable to take advantage of the holes down the line and in the alley due to the speed of the three outfielders.
Most of the ‘Billies’ bats were blazing on the night, with Lisa and Maggie both having 4 for 5 nights, and Charlie Brown and Captain Ron providing the power in the middle of the batting order. The game would have been out of reach early had it not been for the diametrically opposite hitting nights turned in by the usually effective Tractor Trailer Taylor and the increasingly erratic Newfie miKe, who has yet to provide the vaunted hitting that was promised with his pricely arrival in the off-season. The pair continually ended promising innings with an obscene series of weak fly-outs, grounders and, in the case of Newfie, costly Ks. As a result, the ‘Billies took to the plate in the ninth inning trailing by two runs.
Captain Ron got the inning off to a promising start with a deep drive to the power alley in left. Showing tremendous speed, the legendary leader legged out the home run, and Defrost Ted’s lead was down to one. After Tractor Trailer Taylor followed with a weak pop up to short, the previously perfect Maggie got gunned down on a bang-bang play at third trying to take an extra-base despite the wild protestations of third base coach Captain Ron. The play brought hushed whispers from the conspiracy theorists, who believed the play was a little too convenient for the Defrosted side. Regardless, the inning's promising start had fizzled out, and the ‘Billies were down to their last out of the game.
It was at this time that Captain Ron showed tremendous faith in Triple-T, sending him out to the mound to not close the game out. The first batter up was Nina, who hit a smart drive past the third baseman to get to first. The ‘Billies commenced to bat around and drive in 3 more runs to take a two run lead in the ballgame. The inning came to an abrupt end when Tractor ‘Automatic Out’ Taylor took his second out of the inning with the bases loaded, but the damage was done and victory was in sight.
The ‘Billies closed out the ninth with some good defence from Hustler and Maggie, who redeemed herself with an excellent throw to first on a weak slap-bunt attempt in front of the plate. With the victory, the 'Billies kept pace with the Gannets, moving within one game of first place in the 'A' division. The team celebrated the victory long into the night, proudly employing the latest in state of the art Billie paraphenelia, 'the Billy Beer Cooler' (see left).
