I am a cancer survivor. I have already had 
two rounds with it, and I know how it
  feels when the doctor looks at you and tells 
you those words you have always dreaded...
"I'm sorry, but you have cancer".

I know of the sudden fear, or maybe terror 
is the right word. All at once you realize
   how fragile and precious life really  is.

I was diagnosed in 1983 with cervical cancer,
then in Feb. 2000 I was diagnosed with breast 
cancer.

I know how it effects your life and those
around you, because I have been on both
 sides of it. Its so hard having to watch
 someone you love go through it. And it's really
hard when you know the burden it's going to put
on your family and friends. 

Its so hard to have to go through the surgeries,
then later the chemo and possible radiation.
Then you can only hope and pray they got it all. 

To me, the chemo was one of the hardest
things of all. The sore mouth, the nausea,
the lost hair. Having to sit for so many
hours taking the injections.

The look on the faces of your children or
 your friends when they see all the changes 
happening to you, and knowing there is
nothing they can really do to help you.
Just stand by and love you and pray God in
His mercy will help you through. 

The weakness you have. When all you really
want to do is lay down, and at times - not get up.

I had already lost my mom to cancer in 1967, then
one of my daughters was diagnosed with cervical
cancer in 1996.
It has been 5 years this year for her.

I lost Jim, my husband and best friend to it
 in 1999. He had lung cancer. He lived 11 months
after being diagnosed with it.
We had been married 24 years. 
 
Then my other daughter Tina was diagnosed with it 
in June 1999. She had breast cancer. At first they 
thought they had gotten it all. But in Feb of 2000
they knew it had already gone too far. I lost her 
June 21, 2000. She was only 29 years old and left 
behind a husband and 2 children.

I know God has his reasons for everything, and I
know we don't have the right to question him. But 
there are times in our lives when we wonder WHY?
Why Me? There have been times when I didn't think
I could go on. But He was always there with me and 
helped me along one more day.  And now I want to reach
out and help others that are facing the same thing. 
There is no easy way to face cancer. But I have learned 
that by having others who have been there helps 
And I'm here to help anyone I can who needs me.

If you or a loved one is facing cancer and need someone 
to talk to I will be happy to. I found that meeting 
others with the same problems does help. 

Well guess God thinks I must be a bit stronger
Susan my older daughter has been diagnoised as 
incurable with breast cancer now. 
I dont know how im going to be able to face 
this again .It seems when we think we have 
hit the bottom it can always get worse.
At this point All i can do is turn it 
over to God and pray .I know he will give me
strength. Somehow it seems Im so weak that 
I would like to just scream at life in 
general. But I know that is wrong too.


Sincerely,
Oleta 
AKA "Trail of Tears "