Chapter 17

Kevin slowly looked up. He was shocked to see posters of himself covering her walls.

"She's never forgotten you," Lauren whispered.

He looked around and saw pictures of them as kids resting on her desk. His cologne was on top of her chest of drawers, still a third full. There were CD's, pictures, and magazines of his group by her stereo. He looked back down and saw his Cozy Bear sitting on the bed. Lauren noticed him staring at the bear.

"She sleeps with Cozy Bear every night and it goes everywhere with her. It's brought her much comfort throughout the years," Lauren said.

A tear slowly ran down Kevin's cheek.

"I'm going to go to bed now, guys. See you two in the morning. Night," Stacey said as she went to the door.

"Good night," Lauren replied.

"Night," Kevin said quietly.

Then she left the room. Kevin continued to look around Janel's room.

"Kevin, can we talk?" asked Lauren.

"Sure," he said.

"Okay, let's go in my room. We'll leave the doors open. My room is directly across from hers," Lauren said.

"Okay, let me just cover her. Where's a blanket?" Kevin asked.

"Check in her closet," Lauren suggested.

He opened the closet and found a blanket. He put it over Janel and left the room. They got into Lauren's room and sat down on her bed.

"So what'd you want to talk about?" Kevin asked.

"Well, you know that Janel's been raped before, right?" Lauren asked.

"Yes," Kevin said as he lowered his head, "by her father."

"I'm worried about how she's gong to handle this," Lauren said.

"Why? What happened last time?" Kevin asked, worriedly.

"The day she came here, I made her tell me why she left Kentucky. After she had told me, she began to cry so much that she made herself sick. For months she wouldn't eat, barely sleep, and cry almost continuously. She's almost hurt herself a couple of times," Lauren said.

"I can't believe she would hurt herself," Kevin said sadly. "Well, the doctor said she was having flashbacks. He also said that she has scars on her back, but she wouldn't tell him from what. It's all my fault! I should have never let this happen to her. I should have noticed the signs years ago, but I didn't."

"Kevin don't start blaming yourself. It's not going to help her get better, and it wasn't your fault to begin with. I'm just glad that you're here for her now, when she needs you the most. Just within these past two years she's began to go out more. And the only reason that she's beginning to go out or move on is because she's realized that you've moved on," Lauren said.

"How did I move on?" Kevin asked, curiously.

"She saw that you were moving on with your dad's death and accomplishing your dreams. So she decided that she should start to move on also. You gave her the strength to move on. Thank you Kevin," Lauren said.

"No, thank you Lauren," he said.

"For what?" she asked.

"For taking care of her," he said.

Then he hugged her tightly.

"No!" I yelled.

I sat up in my bed in a cold sweat. Kevin, Lauren, and Stacey came running in.

"Janel, it's okay. I'm here," Kevin said as he sat down on the bed.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into his chest. He rubbed my back while holding me close to him.

"It's okay. You two can go to bed," Kevin said.

"Are you sure?" Stacey asked.

"Yes. I'll let you know if I need anything. Now go to bed," Kevin said.

Both Lauren and Stacey exited the room and closed the door.

"What was the dream about?" Kevin asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said as I continued to cry.

"Okay. Let's just get some sleep. Do you have a night light?" he asked.

"Yes, it's on my desk," I said as I wiped my tears away.

"Okay, I'll put that in. Then I'll lie down and hold you," Kevin said.

He got up and put my night light in. Then he pulled the covers on my bed back. I crawled underneath them and then I grabbed my Cozy Bear. Kevin turned the light off and then slid into bed next to me. He kissed the top of my head and wrapped his arms around me.

It didn't take me long to fall asleep. But I woke up every hour on the hour. I kept having terrible nightmares. Each time I would wake up screaming and crying. Kevin would hold me tighter trying to comfort me. Then I would cry myself back to sleep, while Kevin rubbed my arm gently.

About 10 o'clock I had another nightmare, but this time I just woke up instead of screaming. I stared at my ceiling for the longest time. I couldn't go back to sleep, but I really didn't want to. I was afraid of what I would see when I closed my eyes. So I decided to get up. I carefully unlocked Kevin's arms and placed Cozy Bear in between them. Then I got up and covered him with the blanket that I had taken. I grabbed my rip away pants and a huge Nike shirt. Then I went into the bathroom. I locked the door and stared into the mirror. My face was red from all of the crying. My make-up was smeared and my lip was a little swollen from Jeff smacking me.

I splashed cold water on my face trying to get myself out of a daze. Then I examined my body to see the damage he had done. There wasn't really anything noticeable besides the smell of alcohol. Then I noticed the scars. They seemed to be everywhere on me and five times bigger.

'How could Kevin even look at me? I'm so ugly. A guy like Kevin could never want me. He just feels sorry for me, that's why he's still here,' I thought.

I began to cry feeling all alone in the world. Then I got into the shower, making sure I got the smell of alcohol off of me.

Kevin slowly opened his eyes realizing Janel was no longer in his arms. He looked at the bear that was place in his arms instead. He hugged it tightly remembering his father. Then he heard the shower running. He remembered what Lauren had told him and he quickly got up. He turned the doorknob, but it was locked.

Knock! Knock!

There was no answer, just the sound of water running.

Knock! Knock!

Again there was no answer.

"Janel!" Kevin yelled as he began to panic and continued to pound on the door.

"Yeah," I said.

"Janel, are you okay?" Kevin asked, worriedly.

"I'm fine. I'll be out in a few minutes," I said.

"Are you sure?" Kevin asked.

"Yes," I said. "I'll call you if I need anything."

"Okay. I'll be right on your bed talking to Brian," he said.

"Okay," I said.

Kevin sat down on the bed and looked at the clock. It was 11 o'clock, he was sure Brian would be up. So he dialed and waited for Brian to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey, cuz."

"Oh, Kevin. I'm so glad you called. So how is she?"

"Not too good. We had a rough night last night. She woke up every hour screaming and crying from a nightmare. Then she would cry herself back to sleep. All I could do was hold her and try to comfort her. I felt so unbelievably helpless."

"You did a lot for her Kevin, just by being by her side. So is she sleeping now?"

"No, she's in the shower. She should be out soon. So how's everything there?"

"Well, when we got back to the hotel Lou continued to lecture us about the whole situation. He didn't even care about Shorty. All he was worried about was he's precious image and money. I wanted to strangle him. He says he's going to change some more rules and he's going to talk to you."

"Oh, I just want to hurt him. I seriously don't care what he thinks though. All I care about right now is Janel. But I guess I'll have to deal with him later. You know what, though. I think it's time we get out of our contract with him. He's become to controlling with our personal lives."

"Yeah, I agree. But we'll have to talk about that later. So are you spending the day there?"

"Yes. I'm going to spend as much time as I can with Janel. What are you guys doing?"

"Well, Nick is bugging me to play a little one-on-one so we'll probably be at a gym. And I think A.J. and Howie are going shopping. Oh, I better go now Nick's calling me. Give Janel my love. Bye!"

"Will do. Bye!" Kevin said as he hung up.

I walked out of the bathroom just as Kevin hung up. I headed to my chest of drawers to get my brush.

"So what did he have to say?" I asked.

"He said to give you his love," Kevin said.

"Oh, thanks," I said. "So are you leaving?"

"No, why? Do you want me to?" he asked.

"I don't want you to stay if you feel like you're being forced to. I know you're busy. I'll understand," I said.

"My best friend in the whole world needs me and you think I would just leave. How can you say that you'd understand if I left?" he asked.

"Well, it's just that you're a very important person. And why would you want to be with me?" I asked as I turned away from Kevin to stare out the window while I brushed my hair.

"I'm taking care of someone I love. Nothing is more important to me than that. And why do you ask if I want to be with you, of course I do," he said.

"Yeah well there's a few reasons why you wouldn't want to be here," I said.

"Such as?" he asked.

"Well, first of all I just left without saying good bye. I come back into your life when you're very successful. You probably just think I want money or something. Then I got you into trouble with the cops and you're manager. And well, look at me. I mean I'm so ugly, and yet here you are with me. I'm short, fat, and I have all of these scars on me. How can you even stand to be in the same room as me?" I questioned.

"What are you talking about? Where is this coming from?" Kevin questioned. "You know that I want to be here with you. I've missed you everyday of my life since you left."

Then he walked over to me and put his arms around my waist. I set my brush down and leaned my head against his chest. While he tried to rest his head on my shoulder.

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I'm here to find a way back to your heart. I love you," Kevin said softly.

I turned around and looked into his beautiful green eyes.

"I love you, too," I said as I began to cry. "I don't know what's come over me. I'm just feeling all of these emotions right now."

"Shh, no more crying. I want to see you smile," Kevin said.

He lifted up my head and lightly pressed his lips against mine. I began to smile and he hugged me closer, while breaking away from the kiss.

Knock! Knock!

"Come in!" yelled Kevin.

The door opened and both Stacey and Lauren were pushing themselves through. I started laughing because I knew they had been trying to listen. But unfortunately for them, our voices were too low.

"What's so funny?" Stacey asked.

"Oh, nothing," I said.

"Stacey and I came to see if you two wanted breakfast," Lauren said.

"Sure, I'm starved," I said.

Lauren looked at Kevin and smiled. Then she mouthed thank you to him.

"Let me just put my hair up," I said.

"Okay, we'll see you two in the kitchen," Stacey said as they walked out.

"Since you've decided to stay here with me, I've decided that we're going to pick up some clean clothes for you. After breakfast, we can head over to your hotel. Sound good?" I asked.

"Yep. So do you have any ideas about what you want to do today?" Kevin asked, as I pulled my hair up into a bun.

"No, why?" I asked.

"Oh, I don't know. I was just thinking we could watch a few movies and catch up on old times. Oh yeah, and maybe eat some M&M's. You do have M&M's, right?" he asked.

"What kind of question is that Boo. Of course I have M&M's. And I agree that we have some catching up to do. Well, we better get out there before there's nothing left to eat. Lauren is a breakfast person and she could eat it all herself," I said.

"Well we don't want that to happen," Kevin said as we walked on the hall.

"Okay, how long does it take you to put your hair up?" Stacey asked as we walked into the kitchen.

"We were just making plans for today, that's all," I said.

"Sure, if you say so," Stacey said.

"I do say so. So what do you two have planned for today?" I asked.

"I've got school from five to seven, but right now Lauren and I have some errands to run," Stacey said.

Stacey was planning on becoming a doctor and this would be her last year of college.

"So Kevin, what are Howie and A.J. doing today?" Lauren asked.

"What are you saying? I can't see A.J. with this huge bruise on my face," Stacey said while beginning to panic.

"He hasn't even said if they're busy yet. So calm down," Lauren said.

"Well, all I know is that they planned on shopping the day away," Kevin said while smiling.

"Oh no. You've said a bad word. . .shopping," I said while laughing. "They're sort of addicted to it."

"Well I don't know if they could handle shopping with A.J. and Howie. They're pretty bad," he said.

"Oh, don't be worried about the girls. I think you should be worried about A.J. and Howie, shopping with Lauren and Stacey," I said.

"Ha! Ha! Very funny," Stacey said.

"I could call the guys and see if they would like two lovely ladies to come along," Kevin said.

"Would you?" Lauren asked excitedly.

"Yes. I'm sure they'll be just as excited to see you two as you are to see them. Oh, and Stacey don't worry about your cheek, A.J. won't mind," Kevin said.

"Okay, good," Stacey said.

They continued to talk. The girls asked a lot of questions about A.J. and Howie. Then they asked Kevin about himself and how he liked singing. He asked them what they did, career wise. Then he asked where Stacey and I had met. All three of them got to know each other better. I just sat there listening to everyone's stories.