Chapter 19

We headed out of the hotel and to Blockbuster. We rented The Mummy, The Matrix, and The Blair Witch Project. Then we stopped at K-Mart to stock up on candy. I already had M&M's, but I could never have too many. Kevin picked out some of his favorite candies and then we were ready to leave. We were headed towards the check out lane when three girls spotted Kevin. We turned down a different aisle trying to avoid them, but they continued to follow us.

"Let me just stop and sign a few autographs. Okay?" he said.

"Sure. It'll make their day," I said.

We turned around and they pretend to be looking at something. I chuckled to myself, thinking how cute that was.

"Excuse me. But were you following us?" Kevin asked, politely.

The three girls blushed and nodded their heads yes. Then the oldest girl stepped forwards.

"Can we please have your autograph?" she asked nicely.

"Sure," Kevin said.

"Hey Boo! Why not take a picture with them?" I suggested.

"Sure, but. . .," Kevin began.

"I'll be right back," I said, cutting Kevin off.

I went down the aisles until I had found the box cameras. I grabbed one and headed back to where the girls were.

"Oh, smart idea Pumpkin," Kevin said.

"Okay, huddle around," I said.

They all stood in front of Kevin, while he put his hands on the two outside girls shoulders.

"Okay. Say Kevin's sexy!" I said.

The three girls smiled and said, "Kevin's sexy!"

Then I took the picture.

"Hey Boo! How come you didn't say Kevin's sexy. Don't you think your sexy?" I said while laughing.

"I don't have to say that I'm sexy. I know I'm sexy," Kevin said.

"Oh, well then. Excuse me," I said while smiling at him. "Okay, now I'm sure each of you want a picture of just you and Kevin," I said while looking at the girls.

They smiled and shook their heads. I took three more pictures. Then I handed them the camera and money to buy the camera.

"Thank you so much," the oldest girl said.

"No problem," Kevin said.

Then the youngest one asked, "Are you going out with her?"

"Don't be rude! It's none of your business," the oldest girl scolded.

"No, not yet," Kevin said while smiling at me.

"Oh, well you two make a cute couple," the little girl said.

"Thanks. Bye!" Kevin said happily.

"Bye!" I said as we hurried to the check out lanes, before anyone else stopped us.

We got into the car and started to laugh.

"Did you see those girls faces when I brought back the camera?" I said to Kevin.

"Yeah, they looked like they had died and gone to heaven!" Kevin said while laughing. "Actually, I'm really surprised they didn't say anything to you when I said that we weren't going out, yet," Kevin said.

"Yeah they surprised me also and so did your answer," I said.

"Why? You don't want to go out with me?" he questioned.

"No believe me I want to go out with you, but why not yet?" I asked.

"Because we're catching up on old times and I'll decide when the right time to ask you is," Kevin said.

"Oh okay, that makes sense," I said.

The rest of the ride home we just chit chatted. Then we pulled into the driveway. While we were walking up to the house, we passed by my neighbor's recycle bin. As we passed it you could smell the stench of beer. I stopped for a second as my stomach turned.

"Janel, what's the matter?" Kevin asked.

"It reeks of beer," I said as I turned my nose up. "The smell brings back bad memories."

Then we continued to walk up to my door.

Once we got in Kevin asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," I said.

"You can't keep acting like nothing happened. You need to talk about it," he said.

"Oh, and who do you think you are? My therapist?" I snapped at him.

"No, but I know what's best for you," Kevin stated.

"No, you don't! Do you have any idea how much it hurts to talk about it? It hurts just to think about it! No more today!" I said angrily.

"Fine, but this discussion is not through," Kevin said.

"Whatever," I said while rolling my eyes.

We headed to my room and threw the candy, movies, and his bag onto the bed. I grabbed the Blair Witch Project and put it in the VCR, while Kevin made himself comfortable in the middle of my bed. I turned around and looked at him.

Then I put my hands on my hips and asked, "Where am I supposed to sit?"

"Right here," he said patting the bed right in between his legs.

I raised an eyebrow and looked at him.

"Boo?" I said.

"What? I just want to hold you. You know how you get scared. We used to always huddle together," he said.

"Sure," I said while climbing on the bed.

I sat down in between in his legs. He put his arms around me while I rested my head against his chest. He rested his chin on top of my head and I smiled. We watched all of the movies, sitting together while he held me. I grabbed the bag of M&M's at the beginning of the second movie and fed them to him and me. Then by the time the third movie was over, the M&M's were gone.

While we were watching the movies, Stacey came home and changed for school. She told us that her, A.J., Lauren, Howie, Nick, and Brian were going out to dinner at 8 o'clock. She asked us if we wanted to go, but both Kevin and I declined.

After the movies were over we decided to go to bed. It had been a busy day and we just wanted to go to sleep.

I went to the bathroom to change into my pajamas. When I came back out Kevin wasn't in the room. So I walked out into the front room. And there he was making himself a bed on the couch.

"What do you think you're doing Mr. Richardson?" I asked.

"Making myself a bed," he said.

"Yes, I can see that. But why?" I asked.

"So we can go to bed," he said staring at me.

"Yes, I know this. But what if I wanted you to sleep with me tonight?" I asked.

"Do you?" he asked.

"Would you, please?" I asked.

"Anything for you, Pumpkin," he said while pulling the blanket off of the couch.

"Thank you. I'll finish taking this stuff to my room. You can go get changed," I said.

"Okay," he said.

Then he walked up to me and kissed the top of my head. Then he headed towards my room. I grabbed the blanket and folded it. Then I grabbed the pillow and blanket and headed towards my room. I walked in and Kevin was putting his clothes away in his duffel bag. I stopped dead in my tracks. He was only in his boxers. I couldn't help but stare at his well built shoulders and chest. He looked up at me and I instantly began to blush.

"What? It's not like you haven't seen me without a shirt on before," Kevin said while smiling at me.

"Yeah, when we were little. You've changed a bit since then. Oh yeah, and those pictures of you that I have plastered on my wall are good, but they don't do you justice," I said while smiling.

"Thanks, Pumpkin. I'm glad you approve of my body," he said, smiling at me.

"No, problem Boo!" I said, smiling at him.

We picked up all of our things and threw them in a pile on the ground. I unmade the bed and fixed the pillows and blankets.

"Hey Boo, can you throw Cozy Bear on the bed and put the night light in?" I asked, standing by the light switch.

"Sure, just a sec," he said while searching into his bag.

He pulled out Boo Bear and threw him on my bed. Then he grabbed Cozy Bear off my desk and put the night light in. He got into bed and laid down on his side with his arms open for him to hold me.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Yep!" he said.

I switched the light off and climbed into his arms. He handed me the two bears.

"I thought you might also want this bear to hold," he said, giving me the bear.

"Sure, why not," I said taking the bears into my arms with Kevin's arms around me.

"Night Janel. I love you," Kevin whispered into my ear.

"Night Kevin. I love you, too. Thank you," I said while closing my eyes.

Then he reached over and gave me a light kiss on the cheek.

I smiled and fell asleep, but not for long. I had probably only been asleep for a few hours when I had a nightmare.

"No! Please no more!" I screamed.

But he continued to rape me. I struggled to get up, but he was too big. Then I started to hit him. He grabbed my wrists and began to violently shake me.

"Janel! Pumpkin, please wake up!" Kevin said as he held Janel's wrists to keep her from hitting him.

Then he began to lightly shake her.

I opened my eyes and all I could see was a dark figure over me.

"Get off! Let go of me!" I screamed while crying.

Kevin immediately let go. He got up and turned the light on.

"Calm down Janel, it's me," he said trying to comfort me.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were him," I said while crying into Kevin.

"Who was it?" Kevin asked.

"Jerry. It was happening all over again," I said through sobs.

"What was happening?" Kevin asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said, crying.

"Yes, you have to talk about it," he said softly. "But first let's calm you down," he said while wrapping his arms around me.

I inhaled deeply taking in his scent that comforted me. It was the smell that was the most familiar to me. I sat there in his strong arms.

Then I asked, "Can you please make me some tea?"

"Sure. I'll be right back," Kevin said while getting up.

I pulled my knees up to me and hugged myself. I knew that once Kevin came back I would have to talk about my nightmare. Tears once again began to roll down my cheeks. I didn't know why I was crying. I couldn't think of the main reason.

Kevin eventually came back with my tea in one hand and a box of tissues in the other.

"I thought you might need these. And it looks as though I'm right," Kevin said.

I smiled and said, "I guess you were."

Then I grabbed a tissue and wiped my eyes while Kevin sat next to me. I threw the tissue in the trash can and he handed me the tea. I slowly sipped my tea and stared off into space. Once I was halfway through I gave him the cup and he put it on the night stand. Then I grabbed the two bears and sat them in my lap.

I stared down at the bed and said, "This was the nightmare that I've had before."

"How often?" he asked.

"When I first moved here the dreams were almost every night for about three months. Lauren would comfort me at night and stay with me until I would fall asleep. I've been such a burden to her," I said as I sighed. "They eventually stopped as I blocked it out of my mind. But now everything's rushing back to me because of the night at the club."

"I'm so sorry for not protecting you," Kevin said.

I looked into his eyes and said, "No, please don't apologize. You could have never stopped any of this. Don't blame yourself. Okay?" I asked.

"Okay," he agreed. "So in these nightmares, what's happening?"

I looked back down at the bed.

"It's okay. I'm right here," Kevin said as he put his hand under my chin and raised my head to meet his eyes.

I took his hand and placed it in mine.

"Each time he begins to yell at me for everything. He wishes that I was never born. Then he takes me up to my room and begins to slap me. Then he just starts to beat me," I said as I began crying harder.

Kevin lightly squeezed my hand to let me know that he was there for me.

"After I'm bleeding enough he gets on top of me. Then he starts to rape me and forces me to have sex with him," I said as I broke down into tears again.

Kevin moved closer to me and engulfed me in his arms. I cried into his chest.

"I try to stop him, but he only makes it worse. I wish I was never born," I said.

"Shh, don't say that," he said.

"I know I shouldn't say that, but I don't feel like there's any reason for me to be here," I said.

"Yes there is. I need you. You don't know how depressed I was when you left," he said.

"I'm sorry for leaving you, Kevin. I was so depressed without you. For weeks I didn't even want to get out of bed. All I wanted to do was forget everything bad that happened at home. I just wanted to remember you and my mom," I said.

"Same with me. I didn't want to be with anyone or eat. I sat in my room and stared at your letter and cried. I couldn't believe you were actually gone," he said.

"When did you find out? Did you find my letter right away?" I asked.

"No. I remember finding out you were gone when I came downstairs and my mom had just come from outside. I asked her what she was doing and she asked me if I knew where you were. As soon as she said that, I knew in my heart that you were gone, but I didn't want to believe it. She told me that your mom and her couldn't find you anywhere and they had called your friends. Then I raced up to my room to call some more friends and that's when I saw the letter," Kevin said and then paused.

His eyes had started to tear up as he remembered what happened.

"I slowly opened it and read it. By the time I was finished I was bawling. I read it over and over to make sure I read everything correctly. Then I put it away and went downstairs and told my parents that you weren't coming back," he said.

"What did you say?" I asked.

"I just told them it was gut instinct. They asked if you had told me where you were going or anything like that. But I told them no," he said. "The next couple of months were extremely rough. A couple weeks after you left, I got our prom pictures. Would you like to finally see them?" he asked as he wiped his tears away.

"Yes," I said.

Then Kevin got his duffel bag and pulled out an envelope filled with pictures. He handed it to me and I looked at all of them. There were pictures of Ann, Jerald, his brothers, and some of his football buddies that he was still friend with. Then came the picture of me, Kevin, and Brian as the three musketeers. After that was our prom picture. It had turned out wonderful. We were staring into each other's eyes. As I looked at it I remembered exactly what I was feeling at the time. It was the happiest moment in my life. Then there was the picture of Kevin, Ashley, Brian, and me as a group.

"Do you have any more copies?" I asked.

"Yes, your two," he said.

I looked up at Kevin and said, "I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. That night was the best and worst night of my life. That night I knew we were meant to be together. And I still believe that."

"So do I," he said.

"I can't live without you, Kevin. Part of my soul will be lost," I said.

"I know. The empty void in my heart has been filled since you came back," he said.

We embraced each other and held on tightly. We sat there for a long time neither of us saying a word. Then I let go of him and decided that we should go to bed. I knew that he had work to do tomorrow and now he was going to be extremely tired.

We laid down and fell asleep instantly. Fortunately, I didn't have any more nightmares that night.