Chapter 34

Knock! Knock!

"Yeah, hold on," Kevin said as he got up.

He opened the door and there were the guys and Tina. They all walked in and closed the door behind them.

"Is Janel here?" Nick asked quietly.

"No. Why?" Kevin asked.

"Kevin, we think she's starving herself," Nick said.

"What?" Kevin questioned. "Are you sure?"

"We think she hasn't eat in about a couple of days now," A.J. said.

"Yeah, none of us have seen her eat since a couple of says ago. She says she's not hungry. We haven't forced her to eat because we don't want to upset her," Howie said.

Kevin sat down on the couch. Then he put his head in his hands.

"Why is she doing this?" Brian asked. "I've never seen Janel like this before. She won't open up to anyone."

"I know, and now she won't even talk to me," Kevin said. "I can't believe she's doing this to herself. I need to talk to Lauren."

"She'll know something?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, they're like sisters. They tell each other everything," Kevin said.

"Where is Janel?" Tina asked.

"Oh, she went to the gym," Kevin said, realizing now why she wanted to go. "Give me half an hour to talk to Lauren and then we'll go to the mall. Afterwards, I'll talk to Janel."

"Okay, that sounds good," A.J. said.

"Thanks guys for watching out for her," Kevin said.

"You're welcome," they said as they left.

I took the stairs instead of the elevator hoping to get a little more exercise. Once I got to the bottom floor I went to the gym. In the back they had a basketball court. I went back there and watched some guys play. They were playing half-court basketball. They had an extra person that would rotate in and out. Then the game ended.

"Good game," I said.

"Thanks," the winning team said.

"Do you mind if I play?" I asked.

"No, that'd be cool. Now we can have an even amount of guys," they said.

"Great," I said.

They got into their teams again. Then I joined the team with one less person. Then we began to play.

Kevin pulled out his phone book looking for Lauren's number. Once he found it, he sat on the couch and dialed the phone number.

"Hello?" Lauren answered.

"Hi Lauren, this is Kevin," he said.

"Oh hi Kevin. What's up?" she asked.

"I need to talk to you about Janel," he said.

"Why? What's the matter?" Lauren asked.

"I'm not sure really," he said. "Recently I went on a two day trip and now that I've come back she's changed. She won't tell me what's wrong. She always says that she doesn't want to talk about it. And. . .well, I'm not sure if she loves me like I thought she did."

"Please don't say that Kevin. I know she loves you. She's just scared right now," Lauren said.

"Of what?" Kevin asked.

"Everything," Lauren said.

"Like what though?" Kevin asked.

"She's afraid of her mom dying and then having to go back to see Jerry. She's afraid of everyone thinking that she's this little baby that everyone has to take care of. She's afraid of the nights and what she'll see when she closes her eyes. And most of all, she's afraid of losing your love," Lauren said.

"Why would she lose my love?" Kevin asked confused.

"She thinks that you're going to reject her if she doesn't sleep with you. Or if she's not the perfect girlfriend that she's supposed to be because she's going out with The Kevin Richardson," Lauren said.

"She thinks I won't love her because of those things? But I do love her, can't she see that," Kevin said.

"Kevin, she's just scared. She's going through so much right now. She's beginning to doubt everything," Lauren said.

"The guys told me that they think she's starving herself. She's trying to be perfect for me," Kevin said.

"Have you talked to her?" Lauren asked worriedly.

"No, not yet. I wanted to call you first," Kevin said.

"Please take care of her. That's my baby sister," Lauren said.

"I will," Kevin said. "But how?"

Lauren and Kevin continued to talk. She told him about other things that Janel was worried about. Then after about half an hour the guys came back and Kevin ended his conversation.

I played a couple of games with the guys. Then I decided it was time for me to go to the gym. I was beginning to get really tired and I hadn't even started working out yet. I got on one of the machines and began with crunches.

"Let's go," Kevin said after he hung up.

"So what happened?" Brian asked.

"She told me what was going on with Janel," Kevin said.

"And?" Nick questioned.

"Let's not talk about it right now. I'll tell you guys later," Kevin said.

"Okay," they said.

"Hey Nick. Where's Tina?" Kevin asked.

"Oh, she's in our room doing some work," Nick said.

"Oh," Kevin said.

They walked out and got the bodyguards. Then they drove to the mall in a van. They put on what little disguises they had. They got out and the bodyguards walked a ways behind them.

Once I was through with crunches I picked up the hand weights. I did that for a while and then I went on the stair stepper. I was on that for about 15 minutes. While I was on the stair stepper I was beginning to get light headed. Then Tina walked in.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Exercising," Tina said.

"Sure," I said.

Then I went towards the treadmill. I turned it on and ran as fast as I could. I wanted to run for two miles, but after about 15 minutes I began to get light headed again. So I had to slow it down. Then I got a dizzy spell and almost fell off. I shut it off and then got off before I hurt myself. I began to walk to the door when my legs gave out and I collapsed to the floor. I tried to get up, but I was to weak. Then Tina rushed over to me.

"Janel, are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said trying to get up.

"Do you need some help?" Derek asked. He was one of the guys that I had played basketball with.

"Yes, please," Tina said.

"No, that's okay. I'm fine," I said. I tired to get up once again, but I couldn't.

"Yes, you do," Derek said.

Both Tina and Derek helped me up. I stood up while they held me.

"Where's your room?" Derek asked.

"Sixth floor," I said.

"Okay, let's go," Derek said.

We got on the elevator and I leaned against the wall. The motion of the elevator began to make me sick, but luckily it was quick. The elevator door opened and they helped me out. We got to my door and I pulled out my key. I opened the door and walked in. Then they sat me down on the couch. I laid down and closed my eyes. My head was spinning and I felt weak all over.

"Thanks for helping us," Tina said.

"No problem," Derek said.

She showed him to the door and he left. Then Tina came over to me. "Janel. What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing. I just got dizzy," I said.

"When was the last time you ate?" Tina asked.

I opened my eyes and looked at her. "What?" I asked.

"When was the last time you ate?" Tina repeated.

"What does it matter," I said.

"Because you're going to make yourself sick. It's not healthy to starve yourself," she said.

"What would you know? You're not fat," I said.

"And you're not either! You have to eat!" Tina exclaimed.

"Whatever," I said as I began to close my eyes.

Then I heard Tina pick up the phone.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She just ignored me and continued to dial. I sat up to take the phone away from her, but I got really dizzy. So I had to lay back down.

"Hello, room service?" Tina asked. "I'd like to order two sandwiches, chips, a cookie, and a Coke." She put the phone down and sat on a chair next to the couch.

"I'm not going to eat that," I said.

She ignored me and turned on the t.v.. I slowly sat up. Now my head was beginning to pound. I got up and went to my room.

"What are you doing?" Tina asked.

I sat down on the bed. "I have a headache and I'm looking for my Tylenol. It's in my purse, can you hand it to me," I said while laying down.

"Sure," Tina said.

She went to the side of the bed and found my purse. She looked in it and found the Tylenol. She grabbed one and got a glass of water for me.

"Here you go," she said.

I sat up and took it from her. I swallowed the pill and laid down. Then room service came to the door with the food. Tina got the food and brought it back into the bedroom.

"Here's your food," she said.

"I told you, I'm not eating," I said.

"You have to," Tina said.

"No. I'm going to lose weight," I said stubbornly.

"You're making yourself sick!" Tina yelled.

I closed my eyes and turned on my side. I ignored her and tried to go to sleep. She left the food on the night stand and walked out. I just laid there with my eyes closed.

After about an hour the guys came back. They had gone on the roller coaster and bought presents for their family. Then people began to notice them so they decided to leave before things got out of hand.

Kevin walked in to his room with bags in his hands.

"Hi Tina. What are you doing here?" Kevin asked.

"I was staying with Janel," Tina said.

"What happened?" Kevin asked as he set his bags down on the ground.

"She was over working herself. She got off the treadmill and went to leave when she collapsed. She was getting dizzy spells and became very weak because she hasn't eaten in a couple days," Tina explained.

"Is she okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Yeah, she's lying down in your guys' bed. I ordered food for her, but she refuses to eat," Tina said.

"Thank you so much, Tina. You don't know how much this means to me," Kevin said.

"You're welcome," Tina said.

She stood up and Kevin hugged her.

"You better go to Nick. I'm sure he's searching for you," Kevin said. "Thanks again," Kevin said as she walked out the door.

"Uh huh," Tina said.

Kevin closed the door. Then he walked back to the bedroom. I heard his footsteps and rolled over and looked at him. He sat down on the bed. I sat up and looked into his eyes.

"Why are you starving yourself?" he asked.

"I'm not," I said.

"Don't lie to me. I know you are," Kevin said angrily.

Then he grabbed the tray of food and set it down on the bed.

"Here you go. Eat," he said.

"No," I said.

"Eat," he said.

"No," I said.

"Damn it, Janel! You have to eat!" Kevin yelled. "I don't want someone who looks like a fake model. I want you!"

"But I'm not the perfect girlfriend. Everyone will wonder why you're with me," I said.

"Who's everyone and why do they matter?" he asked.

"The public and the media. They won't accept us or actually me," I said.

"So what if they won't accept us. I decide who I want to be with and who I love, and that's you. It doesn't matter what they think. They don't control my mind," Kevin said.

"But don't you wish I was taller, prettier, skinner?" I asked.

"No, you're beautiful just the way you are. I don't care about those things. I'm just happy to be with you again," Kevin said. "Please, eat for me."

I looked down at the food and then back up at Kevin. He picked up a sandwich and handed it to me. I took it from him and slowly took a bite. It tasted so good. I had missed eating. I began to eat as fast as I could. I ate everything on the tray. Kevin sat next to me and smiled as I ate the food.

Then the phone rang. Kevin reached over and grabbed it.

"Hello," Kevin said.

"Hey, Kev. We were wondering if you and Janel would like to go out? Brian asked.

"Thanks, but I don't think so," Kevin said. He turned and looked at me. "We're just going to stay in tonight."

"Okay. I'll talk to you later," Brian said.

"Bye," Kevin said as he hung up.

I put the tray on the floor. Then I just sat there and stared at Kevin. He put his hands around my face and then he lightly kissed me. I kissed him back. Then he broke away from the kiss and wrapped me in his arms. I closed my eyes and enjoyed being in his arms.

"Janel. You know I love you, right?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to every doubt my love," Kevin said while staring into my eyes. "Why are you shutting me out?"

"I don't know," I said. "I guess I'm scared."

"Of what?" he asked.

"Of you not loving me. Maybe I'm not the girlfriend you've always wanted," I said.

"But why?" he asked.

"Because of me not sleeping with you," I said quietly.

"You think because of us not sleeping together, I won't love you?" he questioned.

"I don't know," I said.

"Well you're wrong," he said.

I began to lightly cry. "I love you Kevin," I said.

"I love you too Pumpkin," he said. "No more shutting me out, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed.

Then we continued to talk. I told him what else was bothering me. He listened to me and comforted me. He promised to always be there for me. Afterwards we turned on the t.v.. We laid down next to each other watching Friends.

Eventually we fell asleep in each other's arms. During the night I woke up from a nightmare. I got up and shut the t.v. off and then laid back down snuggling closer to Kevin. I kissed his chin and then went back to sleep. This time I wasn't afraid of going to sleep because I knew Kevin was right there.

In the morning Kevin woke up with Janel wrapped around him. He smiled and began to play with her hair. He was glad that he had talked to Lauren. Because of her he was able to get through to Janel.

I slowly opened my eyes as I felt Kevin's fingers running through my hair. I kissed his chest and he slid down to face me.

"Good morning Janel," he said.

"Good morning Kevin," I said smiling at him.

He put his head next to mine.

"Kevin," I said.

"Yeah," he said.

"As much as I'd love to lay here with you, I'm kind of hungry," I said.

"Oh okay. Well then let's get up," Kevin said.

"Anxious for me to eat," I said.

"I'm just glad that you want to," he said.

I smiled at him and then got up. I grabbed some clothes and headed towards the bathroom. I jumped into the shower while Kevin called the guys. He called Brian and told him that they were going out for breakfast. He asked Brian if he wanted to go and Brain agreed. Then he told him to call the rest of the guys.

I got out of the shower and got dressed. I walked into the bedroom where Kevin was sitting on the bed watching cartoons.

"Enjoying watching cartoons?" I asked.

"Yeah, they're hilarious. It reminds me of when I go home. I sit down and watch cartoons with my niece and nephews," he said.

"You miss them, don't you?" I questioned.

"All the time. But we'll be going home soon," he said.

"I know," I said.

"Oh, the guys are probably coming with us to breakfast," Kevin said.

"Oh okay. Well you better get in the shower then," I said.

Kevin got up and grabbed his clothes. He took them and went into the bathroom. He took his shower while I continued to get ready. I blow dried my hair and then put my make-up on. Then there was a knock on the door.

"I'm coming!" I yelled.

I shut the bedroom door behind me as I walked out. Then I went to the door. I opened it and there were the guys and Tina.

"Come in," I said.

"Hi Janel," they said.

They all sat down. "Kevin's still getting ready," I said.

"Oh okay," Brian said.

"Um, guys. I just want to thank you. I know I've been a real pain in the ass lately and I'm really sorry," I said.

"It's okay," Nick said.

"No, it's not. Nick you've done a lot for me and I want to thank you. Tina, I'm really sorry. I guess we kind of started off on the wrong foot. But yet you still helped me, so thank you," I said. "Thank you to all of you."

"You're welcome," Nick and Tina said.

"It's no problem," A.J. said.

"We're happy to help," Howie said.

"Yeah, you're apart of the Backstreet Family," Brian said. "We all look out for each other."

I smiled. Then I got up and hugged each one of them. Then Kevin came out. I went over to him and kissed him.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"Just because," I said. "Okay let's go, we're all ready."

I grabbed my purse and we left for breakfast.