Chapter 39

An assistant came in telling the guys to get ready. We got up and kissed them good bye. Then we went to fnd our seats in the arena. We found Ann, Jackie, Harold, Tim, and Jerald with their families already sitting down. We sat in our seats next to them and waited for the show to begin. After the opening acts, the Boys finally came out. We were all standing while screaming and cheering. Then they landed in front of us.

Little Madison was standing on her chair yelling, "Uncle Kevin!"

He looked at her and smiled. Then he waved. She squealed and waved back to him.

They performed a wonderful show. Each one stopping by in front of us when they could. Then during The Perfect Fan, Jackie and Ann went up on stage to be with their boys. While Kevin and Brian sang to them they began to cry. And then the guys started to cry. Soon all the moms in the audience were crying and hugging their children.

Soon after the show ended, Brian and Kevin thanked everyone in Kentucky for their love and support and then they left. The whole audience screamed and cheered while they left the stage. The lights came back on and the people slowly began to leave.

All of us girls went with Ann. She had offered to take eveyone home. We told Jackie, Harold, Tim, and Jerald good bye and then we left. Ann took Ashley home first. Then she droped off Tina, Stacey, and Lauren at the hotel. After that we headed home.

"So you enjoyed the concert?" I asked Ann.

"Oh yes, very much. I love watching my son perform. He looks so happy when he's out there," she said.

"Yeah, he always did like to perform," I said.

"Yep," she said. "So you two are staying here one more day, then you're off to the next city. Right?" she questioned.

"Yeah, only a few more cities and then the tour's over with," I said.

"That'll be good, won't it?" she asked.

"Yeah, it's a lot of work for Kevin when he's out on the road, but it's also a lot of fun. I've enjoyed my time with him," I said.

"That's good. So what do you plan on doing tomorrow?" Ann asked.

"I'm not quite sure yet. I'm still debating whether or not to see my parents," I said.

"That's quite a big decision," she said.

"Yeah, I know. I have a pretty big reason to see them and not to. What do you think I should do?" I asked.

"Oh, wow. I'm not really sure sweetie," Ann said. "If you go, I think you're a very brave young woman. I don't think I could ever see that person again if something like that happened to me. Facing Jerry is very serious."

"I know. Believe me, I'm terrified. But Keivn promised me that he'd be there for me. I just want to move on with my life. I'm tired of being afraid. And then there's my mom. . .she's dying," I said as I began to cry.

"I spoke to her a couple days ago. She still talks about you. She told me how much she missed you. I think she would be in better spirits if you would go and see her. Even if it's ony for a few minutes," Ann said. "But if you don't, I completely understand."

"Thanks Mama. I think I'll sleep on it," I said.

"That's a good idea," she said as we pulled into the driveway.

We got out and walked into the house. It still smelled like Thanksgiving dinner.

"I'm going to bed now," Ann said.

"Okay. I think I'll wait up for Kevin," I said.

"Okay, good night. Love you, sweetie," she said as she hugged me.

"Night Mama, love you too. Thanks for a wonderful Thanksgiving," I said.

"You're welcome," she said.

Then she walked upstairs to her room. She shut her door and went to bed. I went into the living room and sat down on the couch. I grabbed the blanket and covered myself. Then I turned on the t.v.. I changed the cannel to news and turned the volume down. I sat there watching t.v. waiting for Kevin. After a while my eye lids began to get heavy. Finally I closed them and listened to the t.v., shortly after I fell asleep.

Kevin walked up to his door and pulled out his keys. He unlocked the door and walked in. Then he quietly shut it behind him. All the lights were off, but there was a glow coming from the living room. He walked in and saw Janel sleeping. He went and sat down next to her. She had curled herself up into a little ball. He gently rubbed her back getting her to wake up.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw Kevin sitting there.

"I'm home," Kevin said.

I smiled and then sat up and leaned on Kevin.

"I was waiting up for you. But I got really comfortable and fell asleep," I said.

"Well thanks for trying to stay up," he said. "Let's go to bed now."

"Sounds good to me," I said.

He got up and shut the t.v. off. Then we walked up to his room. I got the bed ready while he changed. I grabbed my Cozy Bear and then climbed in bed. Kevin shut the light off and got into bed. I kissed him on the lips.

'Thank you," I said. "I love you."

"I love you too Pumpkin," he said, then he wrapped me in his arms.

Both of us fell asleep quickly. It had been a long and tiring day. We were both glad to finally be at home and in bed.

About 3 o'clock I woke up from a terrible dream. Jerry had pulled a gun out and tried to shoot Kevin. I jumped on Jerry to try and stop him, but the gun went off. Then I woke up in a cold sweat.

I laid there in Kevin's arms thinking. I was deciding whether or not to go back to my house tomorrow. I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Finally about 5:30 I fell back to sleep, still with no decision.

Then I woke up again about 8 o'clock. I decided to get up because I couldn't sleep any longer. I slowly climbed out of bed trying not to wake Kevin. Then I went over to my backpack. I took out my journal and a pen. Then I put my shoes and a jacket on. I took a sticky note and told Kevin I would be in the clubhouse. Then I grabbed my things and walked out. I quietly walked down the stairs. Then I slowly opened the backyard door and walked out.

The air outside was cold but refreshing. I got into the clubhouse and took my shoes and jacket off. I sat on the bed with the covers on top of me. Then I began to write in my journal. I still had to decide, so I figured writing in my journal would help. Every thought in my head was being written down.

Kevin slowly woke up. He rolled over and Janel wasn't there. He opened his eyes and looked around. He didn't see her, so he decided to get up. He got up and went to open the door when he saw the pick sticky note. He read it and then put a shirt on. He found his shoes and jacket and headed downstairs.

He was still half alseep when the cold air hit him. He began to walk faster to the clubhouse. He walked in and shut the door behind him. He saw Janel writing in her journal as fast as she could.

Kevin went directly to the bed. He sat down and took his jacket and shoes off. Then he laid down and got underneath the covers. He wrapped his arm around Janel's waist.

"Morning Boo. Let me just finish this one last thought," I said as I continued to write.

"Okay," he said as he closed his eyes.

I quickly finished my last thought. Then I set my journal and pen on the night stand. I sat and looked at him. He lifted his arm up while his eyes were still closed. I smiled and then laid down. My head was right next to his. He opened his eyes and stared into mine. I moved my head forward and kissed him. He moved closer to me and continued to kiss me.

Then his cell phone rang. Both of us stopped and stared at each other. It continued to ring.

"I forgot I put it in my jacket," Kevin said.

"Well, go ahead and answer it. It's probably important," I said.

"It better be," Kevin said as he got up.

He rushed over to his jacket and answered it. I sat up and continued to write in my journal.

"Hello. . .Yes, this is Mr. Richardson. . .No, that's not a good time. . .Unfortunately, it looks as though we'll have to do this sometime after the holidays. . .Yeah, you can talk to Denise and she'll give you the paper work. . .Okay, if you need anything else just call. . .Thank you," Kevin said, then he hung up.

He put his phone back into his jacket. Then he came over and sat next to me on the bed.

"So was it important?" I asked.

"Yeah, it was the lawyers," he said.

"Oh," I said.

"It looks like we have to wait until the end of the tour. And by then it's almost Christimas and the New Year. So I figure we can just wait until after things settle down. But the lawyers are getting the paper work ready now," Kevin said.

"Well that's good that they're getting things started," I said.

Then we just sat there. I continued to write in my journal. Kevin just stared at me. I finished and set it down.

"So did you decide?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah, I have," I said.

"So what have you decided to do?" he asked.

"Well, I think. . .I'm going to go over there. But only if you go with me," I said.

Kevin grabbed my hand.

"Of course I will," he said.

"Thank you," I said.

I turned and hugged him.

"I'm so nervous and scared," I said.

"It's okay. I'll be with you the entire time," he said.

"Let's go get dressed so we can go over there soon, before I lose my nerve," I said.

"Okay," he said.

Then we got up. We put our shoes and jackets back on. I grabbed my journal and we walked out. We walked into the house with the smell of breakfast coming from the kitchen. Kevin and I went into the kitchen were Ann was making breakfast burritos.

"Mmm, it smells good in here, Mom," Kevin said.

"Yes, it does," I said.

"Good morning you two," she said. "It's ready. All you have to do is grab a plate."

"Thanks Mama, but I don't think I can eat. I'm too nervous to eat right now. I'm just going to have a cup of coffee," I said.

"Well I'm going to eat. I love Mom's home cooking," Kevin said as he filled his plate.

"Thanks Kevin," Ann said as she sat down at the table.

Then Kevin and I sat down at the table.

"So you're going over there?" Ann questioned.

"Yeah, after I clean up," I said.

"You're taking my son with you, right?" Ann asked.

"Yes. There's no way I could go without him," I said.

"Okay, just be careful," she said.

"We will," Kevin said.

I slowly sipped my coffee while Kevin ate. Once Kevin was through eating we went up to his room. I grabbed my clothes and went to the bathroom to change and take a shower. Kevin got his clothes out and then went downstairs to be with his mom. She was sitting on the couch watching t.v.. He sat next to her and rested his head on her shoulder.

"What's the matter honey?" she asked.

"Nothing. I just missed you, that's all," he said.

"I've missed you to," she said.

They sat there together watching t.v. and talking.

I got out of the shower and got dressed. Then I did my hair and make-up. After that I went downstairs.

"Okay, the bathroom's free," I said.

"Okay," Kevin said as he got up.

He walked up to me and kissed me. Then he continued to go upstairs. I sat down with Ann.

"Want to watch a movie?" she asked.

"Yeah, it'll help to pass time and maybe take my mind off of it," I said.

"Okay," Ann said.

She got up and went to the movie cabinet. She pulled out a movie and put it into the VCR. I grabbed a pillow and laid on the floor. My stomach was killing me. It felt like it was in knots. I tried to stop thinking about it by concentrating on the movie, but it wasn't working.

Then after about half an hour Kevin came down. I immediately stood up.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to," Kevin said. "No one is forcing you."

"I know and I'm terrified. But I have to do this. . .for me," I said.

"Okay then. Let's go," Kevin said.

I walked over to Kevin took his hand. Then we left.

"Good luck!" Ann yelled.

"I'm going to need it," I said.

We walked to the end of Kevin's driveway. Then I stopped. I stared at my house. I remembered how much I never wanted to be in that house again. How much I never wanted to smell the scent of Jerry on me again. I never wanted to be trapped like that again. But I had to go back. For my sake and my mom's, I had to.

"Okay. Let's go," I said.

"Okay," Kevin said.

It took all of my strength and will power to take the first step across the street.

We slowly walked over there. With each footstep my heart began to beat faster. The closer we got the tighter I held Kevin's hand. Then we finally made it to the front door. It felt like the longest walk I had ever taken and probably the hardest.

I just stared at the front door.

"Go ahead. I'm right here," Kevin said.

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. I made a fist and pounded on the door. Then I nervously waited for someone to answer the door.