Chapter 5

On the way home, I prayed that my dad had passed out. I knew that wasn't the smartest thing, but I didn't want to deal with him. I was afraid of his temper when he got extremely mad. Especially if he was drinking, which I knew he already was.

Of course with my luck, it seemed as if the whole city was out at 11:45, when I needed to get home. Also, all the high schoolers were out partying because of the homecoming game and other football games, plus it was a Friday night, which meant a lot of drinking.

"I guess we have to go the long way through the neighborhood. There's just too many drunk drivers out," Kevin said being cautious.

"Sure," I said as I stared out the window.

The rest of the ride was quiet. I spent the time thinking of what I could tell my dad or maybe he wouldn't be up, so I wouldn't have to say anything.

"We're here," Kevin said interrupting my thoughts.

"Oh, thanks. Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, if I'm lucky," I said as I hurriedly stepped out of the car.

I quickly went up to my door, took out my keys, and quietly opened the door. It was pitch black and the smell of beer was everywhere. I slowly headed towards the stairs.

"Aah!" I screamed as my dad grabbed me.

He scared the crap out of me. He turned the light on and I could tell he was furious.

"Glad you decided to come home! I said 11:30 and it's 12:15! What the hell is wrong with you? What do you think you were doing?" my dad yelled at the top of his lungs.

My voice was trembling when I responded, "I. . .I was just out with Kevin and his friends."

"What?! When you left there was a group with you in a truck. I got up and looked out the window to see you, when you thought I was asleep. Then when you came back you were alone with Kevin and in his car. What were you two doing? You and him were having sex, weren't you?" he asked accusingly.

"No, we were. . ." I started to explain but he cut me off.

"How many times have you slept with him? Huh? Answer me!!" he screamed furiously.

"Never," I said crying lightly while I was trembling all over.

"Whap!" was the only sound I heard. It took me a second to grab for my face because I was afraid to move.

"Liar! Do you think I'm stupid?! I know what a 17-year-old boy wants to do with a 15-year-old girl!" he screamed as he continued to hit me.

I slid down the wall and sat on the floor with my knees tucked in and head down. While I sat like this he kicked me. Then he grabbed my hair and dragged me up the stairs. Once we were upstairs he took me to my room and threw me on the bed. I backed up to the head board.

"Don't move!" he yelled as he stormed out of the room.

I wanted to get up and rush to my door to lock it. I wanted to go out of my window. I wanted to be with Kevin. I just wanted to leave, but all I could do was sit there and cry. I looked at my legs and saw the bruises starting to form. My lip was bleeding from his slapping me and my arms were red from the kicking.

Then I heard his footsteps coming back to my room. With each footstep my heart began to beat faster. He quietly came in and locked the door behind him.

"Now lay down on your bed. On your stomach," he said as he pulled the belt out from behind his back.

"What. . .what are you going to do?" I quietly asked, terrified of the answer.

"I'm going to teach you a lesson. Now lay down on your stomach!" he said forcefully as he came over to me.

I slowly rolled over on to my stomach, praying to God for protection.

He didn't say anything, he just began to hit me. The sound was no worse than the sting. I don't know how many times he hit me, it was just however many times he felt like it or until he felt that I had learned my lesson. I cried harder each time he hit me. I grabbed for my bear to comfort me. My bear's name was Cozy Bear and he had always brought me comfort because he was once Kevin's.

Flashback

"I found you!" an excited 8-year-old Janel screamed happily.

"Yeah, but you didn't tag me!" yelled 10-year-old Kevin, as he took off running.

We had been playing hide and seek in his backyard. I went after him as fast as my little legs could take me.

"Ha! Ha! You can't catch me!" he teased, as he continued to run.

I was running so fast and trying to catch him, that I didn't notice the huge rock in front of me.

"Ow!" I yelled as I tripped over the rock and fell.

I began to cry, so Kevin stopped running and rushed over to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"No!" I cried as I noticed blood.

He rushed off and came back dragging his wagon behind him. He helped me up and put me into it.

"It's okay, you'll be fine," he said trying to stop me from crying.

Once we got closer to the house, Papa came out on the porch because he had heard crying. Kevin looked up at his dad and said, "She tripped over a rock and scraped herself."

"Okay. Let's go clean it up," Papa said.

"No, Papa!" I yelled. "That medicine stings!" I cried as Papa carried me to the bathroom.

Kevin came in to the bathroom holding a bear in front of me.

"Here, you can have my favorite bear, Cozy Bear. Papa gave him to me, so that way whenever I get hurt or scared I can hold on to him tightly and he will make me feel better," Kevin explained to me.

I slowly took it and then I began to hug it, while Papa fixed my leg. I stopped crying because I believed that the bear was making my leg feel better and I wasn't scared any more.

End Of Flashback

I hugged the bear for dear life. Finally, my dad stopped hitting me.

"Now turn over on your back," he ordered calmly.

"No, it hurts," I said quietly while crying.

Then he grabbed my arm and turned me over. I laid there, while he held my hands down. My back felt like it was on fire.

"Now this will teach you a lesson about sleeping with a guy!" he yelled angrily.

He reached for my shirt and started to take it off. I began to realize what he was doing, so I began yelling, "No, please! Get off of me! I never slept with Kevin! Get off!"

He didn't respond, so I struggled to defend myself, but it was no use. He only hurt me more. During the struggle my bear fell off the bed and I felt as if I were alone in the world without it. I slowly watched the bear hit the ground and I gave up, while my dad took over. He continued to rape me, even though I begged for him to stop. All I could smell was the alcohol on his breath that was making me want to puke. I passed out a couple of times, but each time I woke up. I was hoping it was a bad dream. Unfortunately, when I opened my eyes there was my dad on top of me.

Finally, my dad stopped and began to put his clothes on. He covered me with the sheet and touched my cheek. I shuddered at his touch.

He kissed me on the cheek and whispered into my ear, "Now if you tell anyone, your punishment will be worse. If anyone asks, the bruises are from you falling off your horse."

The stench of his breath was unbearable and his hot breath was blowing against my neck. I just wanted him away from me.

"Oh, and by the way you are grounded from seeing or talking to Kevin. Do I make myself clear?" he asked calmly.

I slowly nodded my head yes, as the tears came pouring out. He got up and walked to the door and then turned back around and looked at me.

"Sleep tight," he said smiling.

Then he went out and locked the door behind him.

I laid there frozen, still processing what had just happened to me. Then I slowly got up in a daze searching for clothes. While I was getting my pajamas I stopped in front of my mirror and looked at my body. I was badly bruised and somewhat bloody. I broke down into tears and fell on the floor. I ached all over my body, and especially in my heart. I sat there and cried my heart out to Cozy Bear.

Finally, I got dressed and slowly climbed into bed trying not to cause my body too much more pain. I laid down with Cozy Bear and cried myself to sleep. Before I even fell asleep my pillow was soaked from my tears.

Throughout the night, I woke up in tears feeling as if Jerry was still in the room watching me. Each time I got up, I turned my light on to make sure he wasn't there. Then I decided to get my night light, that I had buried away somewhere. Once I found it, I plugged it in and tried to fall back to sleep. But I couldn't help still feeling afraid, dirty, and alone.