Chapter 59

"What'd he want?" Kevin asked worriedly as we got into the truck.

"Go to St. Joe's Hospital. My mom's there," I said as I wiped my tears away.

"What happened?' Kevin asked as we began to drive.

"She blacked out on the stairs and fell down," I said.

"How is she?" he asked.

"He didn't say. He just told me that she was asking for me," I replied.

"It's going to be okay," Kevin said as he held my hand.

I squeezed his hand tightly.

We got to the hospital and Kevin dropped me off in the front while he went to find a parking spot.

I walked in and went to the front desk.

Before I could say anything, Jerry came and got me.

"This way," he said.

I followed him as my heart began to race.

He opened the door and I walked in.

I began to cry as I saw my mother lying there in the hospital bed. She looked so pale and so alone. Her eyes were shut while the machine that she was hooked up to continued to beep.

I walked over to her and sat down in a chair next to the bed.

She opened her eyes and smiled at me.

I took her hand and kissed it. Then I held her hand against my face.

"Hi Mom," I said.

"Hi my baby girl," she said.

Jerry sat down in a chair on the other side of her. He took her hand and held it.

The three of us sat there in silence.

Kevin had found parking spot and got down. He went up to the front desk and got Joy's room number. Then he walked back towards the room. He decided to wait outside. He wanted to let Janel be alone with her mom.

Then he called his mom to let her know what happened. She said that she would be right there and hung up.

"Why are you crying?" my mom asked as she touched my cheek.

"Because I don't want you to leave me," I said.

"I'll never leave you my daughter," she said as she pointed to my necklace that I was holding on to.

I tried to smile, but I couldn't.

"She won't be suffering anymore," Jerry said.

"I know," I said quietly.

"I love you honey," she said to Jerry. He gently kissed her hand.

"I love you too my wife," he said.

Then she turned and looked at me. "I love you my baby."

"I love you too Mommy," I said as the tears continued to roll down my cheeks.

Then she slowly closed her eyes.

"No, Mom. Don't leave me!" I ordered.

She didn't respond.

I stood up and wrapped my arms around her.

"I love you," I said.

Then her heart stopped.

"Beeeppp!"

"No! Don't leave me!" I cried.

I looked over to Jerry, as if to say do something for her. He just stared at me as a tear rolled down his cheek.

I fell back into my chair. Then I held her hand and laid my head on the bed while continuing to cry.

Jerry kissed my mom's forehead and cried. Never once in my life had I seen Jerry cry for anything. But my mom was everything to him and now he was alone. He sat down in his chair and cried.

I held on to her hand as I cried. Then I felt someone place their hand on my back. I looked up to see Kevin standing there. I stood up and Kevin wrapped his arms around me. I held onto him as tight as I could. He kissed my head and then rested his chin on my head.

Some of my mom's friends walked in and went to my dad. He just ignored them and stared at my mom.

"Ssh," Kevin said as he brushed my hair out of my face. "Come on, let's go home."

"No. Hold on," I said as I pulled away from him.

We walked over to my mom and I kissed her forehead for the last time.

I began to cry even harder. Kevin grabbed my hand as we slowly walked out.

Ann came up to me and hugged me as she cried.

"My poor baby," she said through tears.

"Mama," I said.

She held me as we cried. Then Kevin placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Let's go home," he said.

I shook my head yes and then let go. I took Kevin's hand and we walked out.

As we walked to the car I felt as if I were in a daze. All I could feel was pain. It was like I had a hole in my heart. I felt empty inside.

Kevin helped me into the truck and drove home. As soon as we got home I went directly up to our room. I fell onto the bed and cried into the pillow.

Kevin walked in and sat down on the bed.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" he asked quietly.

"No," I whispered. "Don't leave me."

"Okay," he said. He laid down next to me and held me while I cried.

I laid there and thought about how much I missed my mom. I had only gotten to be with her for a few months. It wasn't fair. I wanted more time. I grabbed my cross on my necklace and held it, hoping it would give me some comfort. After a while I stopped crying and eventually fell asleep.

Kevin quietly got up and covered Janel with a blanket. Then he went to go check on his mom.

Kevin went to his mom's room and her light was still on, so he knocked.

"Come in," Ann said quietly.

Kevin walked in and found his mom sitting on her bed looking through old photo albums.

"Hey baby," she said. "Come sit down," she said as she patted the bed for Kevin to sit next to her.

"What are you doing?" asked Kevin as he sat down.

"Nothing. Just remembering some of the good times that Joy and I shared," she said.

Then she laughed as she came across one of the pictures.

"This is when she brought Janel over for the first time and it was the first time you had seen a baby. You weren't quite sure whether you liked her or not," Ann said.

Kevin hugged his mom.

"What's the matter my son?" she asked.

"I don't want to lose you," he replied.

"Ssh, it's okay," she said as she kissed his forehead. "How's Janel?"

"She finally fell asleep. She cried the entire time," Kevin said sadly.

"Oh," Ann said. "This is going to be pretty hard for her to deal with."

"Yeah, I know," Kevin said. "She's going to need me by her side."

"She has to be feeling so alone right now," Ann said.

"That's how I felt when dad died," Kevin said.

"Yeah, so did I," Ann said as she hugged Kevin.

I laid there staring into the darkness.

"Baby," a woman's voice said.

I sat up straight in bed.

"Why are you crying?" she asked.

"Mom? Mom, is that you?" I asked as I looked around.

"Don't cry. I'm not in pain anymore. God's taking care of me," she said.

I wiped my tears away. "I love you," I whispered.

Then I laid down and held onto my bear. It felt as if my mom were standing there watching me. I could feel her presence.

The next few days were a blur. The last few details for the funeral were being made.

In the mornings I had to force myself to get out of bed. I just wanted to lay in bed and be alone. But Kevin wouldn't let me. He would stay in bed holding me until I got up.

Eventually I got up and got dressed, while Kevin went downstairs. Once I was dressed I went out into Kevin's backyard. I laid down on the swing and rocked myself. I stared up into the sky watching the clouds slowly pass by.

"Where's Janel?" Ann asked.

"Out back on the swing," Kevin replied.

"Oh. Well I wanted to tell her that Jerry will be doing the eulogy tomorrow. How do you think she'll react?" Ann asked.

"I don't know," he said as he shook his head. "Do you want me to tell her?"

"Would you?" Ann asked.

"Yeah," he said.

Kevin walked outside and watched Janel on the swing. Then he walked over to her.

"Hey baby," Kevin said.

"Hey," I said.

"Can I sit down?" he asked.

"Sure," I said as I sat up.

Kevin sat down and took my hand and placed it in his.

"I have to talk to you about the funeral," he said.

I looked at him and shook my head yes, for him to continue.

"My mom said that Jerry will be doing the eulogy," he said.

"What? Why him? Why not a friend of my mom's?" I questioned.

"He doesn't want anyone else to do it," Kevin said.

"Figures," I said. "Everything always has to be his way."

"Ssh, it's okay," he said as he pulled me close to him.

I began to lightly cry.

"Please don't cry. I'm right here," he said as he kissed my forehead.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him.

"Come on, let's go inside. It looks as though it might rain," he said.

"Okay," I said.

We got up and walked inside.

"Mmm. . .something smells good," Kevin said as we walked in.

"Yeah, it's enchiladas," I said as we walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Pumpkin. I made your favorite meal," Ann said.

"Thanks Mama," I said as I hugged her.

"You're welcome sweetie," she said.

We sat down and began to eat.

My mom had taught Ann how to make enchiladas. It was always my favorite meal at home. So sometimes I would complain to Ann that she had to learn how to make it. So finally my mom taught her how. So sometimes when I was having a bad week or something Ann would make it for me.

Once we were through eating the three of us sat down and watched a movie. I picked out Nothing To Lose. It was a funny movie, so it helped me to forget for a while.