Chapter 7

Beep! Beep! Beep!

I rolled over and smacked my alarm clock. I had just fallen asleep about an hour ago. It was 9 o'clock, which meant that I had about 45 minutes to get ready for church. I got up and started getting dressed. My body seemed to ache more from the beating, but I tried to ignore it. I made sure that I wore a long sleeve shirt and pants.

I went and looked into the mirror. The bruise on my lip and cheek was still there, but not as bad. With a little make-up and my hair covering the right side of my face, no one should really notice.

I decided that I should talk to Kevin after church. I had treated him like a jerk, when all he was doing was checking on me. Luckily for me, Jerry never went to church because he was too tired and he said that he already knew everything there was to know about God.

I ran downstairs and my mom was sitting on the couch waiting for me.

"Sorry, no time for breakfast. You got up a little too late, but you can grab a bagel or donut before we leave," my mom suggested.

"No, thanks. I'm not hungry," I said as I headed out the door.

I looked across at Kevin's to make sure they had left. Of course they had, they always left before us since him and his mom sang in the choir. I guess I was staring at his house for a while because my mom was talking to me.

"Don't worry. You'll see him soon," she said.

I climbed in the car and asked, "Mom, can I please talk to Kevin after church? I know dad told me not to, but just this once. I need to tell him something important. Please?"

"I guess, but I know nothing about it. I need to talk to Ann, so you can talk to him then," she said.

"Thanks, Mom. You're the best," I said hugging her. "I love you."

We went in and sat down. I felt safe in the church, like nothing could ever harm me. I listened to every word the priest said trying to understand why Jerry had done this to me. Maybe it was me. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe I was a disappointment and this was my punishment.

Then the choir came out. This was the best part of going to church. I got to see Kevin, Ann, and sometimes Brian sing. Kevin was so good and he put so much emotion into his singing. I smiled the entire time they sang, and stared at Kevin the whole time. Once they were finished singing church was over. My mom and I waited outside for Ann to come out.

Ann and Kevin finally came out, and Ann immediately stopped to talk to my mom. Kevin didn't even glance at me, he just continued to walk to his mom's car. I quickly said hi to Mama Ann, and then hurried off to catch up to Kevin.

"Kevin. Kevin, wait! Boo, please stop! I need to talk to you," I pleaded.

"You need to talk to me?" Kevin asked sarcastically.

"Please, Boo. It's important. Can we go to the park or somewhere else private?" I asked.

"Fine, just make it quick," he said.

We walked to the park in silence. Thank goodness it only took us a couple of minutes to walk there. The silence was deadly and I couldn't have handled it any longer. We sat down on the swing. I decided to break the silence because Kevin wasn't going to.

"Boo. Boo, please look at me. I need to apologize to you," I said.

He slowly turned his head and we stared into each others eyes. He had such beautiful green eyes, you could get lost in them. But I remained calm and remembered my purpose for talking to him.

"I'm sorry for treating you like a jerk. I should have never blamed you for getting me in trouble. It was completely my fault. I should have kept track of the time. I know you were just coming to check on me last night. I was just upset about my punishment, and then you happened to be there and I let it out o you. I was furious with my dad for forbidding me to see you. And by the way, thank you for calling and apologizing to my dad," I said.

"That's okay. I was just hurt. I didn't expect you to react like that. So how did you know that I called and to apologize?" Kevin asked.

"Don't you think I know you well enough to know what you were calling for? Plus, I could hear my dad yelling at you. I'm so sorry about that. We've been having problems at home and my dad was still upset from Friday night," I said.

I tried to stop the tears, but they slowly began to form.

"What kind of problems?" he asked.

I couldn't tell him what Jerry had done to me, so I told him about our other problems.

"My dad just got a new job after two months of being out of work. My mom is still working two jobs, trying to catch up on the bills, which they are both stressed about. Then I got into trouble at school and now I stay out past my curfew alone with a boy. My dad was just trying to protect me. That's why I was so rude to you, I was thinking of our problems and my not being allowed to see you," I explained, as the tears slowly fell down my cheek.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize your dad had been out a job for so long. It's okay, don't cry. I forgive you," he said, as he hugged me.

"Daughter, it's time to go," my mom said as she pulled up in her car.

Unfortunately, I had to let go of his strong embrace. I felt so safe and secure in his arms. I reluctantly let go and said, "Thanks Boo, for everything. I'll see you around at school," as I got up from the swing an headed towards my mom's car. Luckily, I hadn't been crying too much, so I could hide my tears from my mom.

"Bye, Pumpkin. Let me know if you need anything!" Kevin yelled.

I got into the car and my mom told me everything that her and Mama Ann had talked about. I heard her talking, but I wasn't paying attention to what she said. I was thinking about what I had just told Kevin. Hopefully, he bought my story because I had never told Kevin a lie before, which I hated to do in the first place. But I could never tell him the truth.

I spent the rest of the day in my room finding things to keep myself busy.

Knock! Knock!

"Yeah, come in," I said.

"I'm going to work now sweetie. There's left overs in the refrigerator when you get hungry," she said.

"Okay, thanks. Bye mom, love you," I said to her.

"Bye, love you too. Sleep tight!" she said as she walked down the stairs.

A couple of hours later, I went downstairs to eat my dinner. As soon as I stepped into the kitchen I could smell the beer. The drinking had begun and this time he had some of his drinking buddies over.

"Hey is that you?" my dad yelled.

"Yeah. I'm just getting my dinner," I said.

"Bring me the two six pack of beers from the laundry room," he said.

I wanted to grab my food and run up to my room, but he would've gotten mad. So I got him his beers. I walked into the living room with the four guys sitting on the couch watching some game.

"Hey guys, look!" he said pointing to me. "It's my whore!" Jerry said as he pretended to introduce me to them.

I stood there shocked at what he said. Then he grabbed me and started to touch me. I squirmed away from him and ran upstairs to the safety of my room. I locked my door behind me and fell on my bed. For some reason I didn't cry, I wanted to but I couldn't. I just laid there with all of my emotions caught in my throat.

I could hear them laughing and yelling at the t.v. I decided not to go to bed until the guys left. So I laid on my bed thinking and praying that nothing would happen. Eventually they began to leave, so I got ready for bed and went to sleep.

It took me awhile to fall asleep. Then just about as I was ready to fall asleep a hand came over my mouth. My body froze.

Then Jerry whispered, "Time for your punishment."

He removed his hand from my mouth and went to turn the light on. He came back over to me and pulled the covers off of my bed. He sat down on top of me. I began to whimper thinking of what was about to happen next. He put his hand up my shirt and began to touch me.

"No, please don't," I begged, as I found the courage to speak.

The he started to take my clothes off.

"Ssh, not a word," he said, as he continued to rape me. My tears fell from my face like a steady river.

From that night on I began to lock myself in my room. I tried to hide everything as best as I could. I kept my emotions to myself and pretended to be happy around everyone else. The only person or actually thing I told was my diary. It would always keep my secret.

One night Kevin almost found out. We were in the clubhouse as usual. I was in my pajamas and Kevin was in his boxers. We were deciding on what to watch on t.v.. I wanted to watch basketball and he wanted to watch football. We were sitting on the bed and leaning against the head board. The remote control was in between us. He would hit channel up and I would hit channel down. Finally he got annoyed with me and threw it off of the bed.

"Do you think that's going to stop me?" I asked smiling.

Then I dived for it. He grabbed my feet and prevented me from reaching the control. He let go really quickly to grab me by the waist, but that gave me enough time to reach for the control. The back of my shirt had come up and he let go of me. I sat up and pulled the back of my shirt down.

"Janel. What happened?" Kevin questioned.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, trying to play dumb.

"What was that mark on your back? Did someone hurt you?" he asked seriously.

"Oh, no," I said like he was crazy. "That mark is from PE."

"How?" he asked suspiciously.

"Oh, we were doing gymnastics and I was on the uneven bars. I had to do a flip on the high bar. Well when I went to do the flip my hands slipped off and I hit my back on the lower bar," I said lying to him.

I wanted so badly to tell him the truth, but I was so afraid to.

"Oh," he said looking at me.

"It was really embarrassing because I was the only one who fell," I said, adding to my story.

"You're okay, though. Right?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing to worry about. Just a little scar," I said, changing the channel to basketball. "I won," I said smiling.

"Fine, we'll watch basketball, but next time we're watching the sport I choose," he said.

We sat back against the head board of the bed, and I rested my head on his shoulder. We watched the game and yelled at the t.v. when the referees made a bad call. After the game was over, we decided to go to bed. We climbed underneath the covers and told each other good night. Then he shut the light off and fell asleep quickly. I just laid there in the darkness thinking about how lucky I was that he didn't find out.

I never wanted to leave that clubhouse again. The only time I could escape my dad was when I stayed the night at Kevin's. I was only allowed to spend one night there, instead of the whole weekend. Also, during the week I was only allowed to stay out until 6 p.m., instead of 10 p.m.. My dad had changed the rules for two reasons. One because he didn't want me to spend so much time with Kevin. And two because he wanted to make sure I had my punishment that I'd never forget.