Chapter 74

I opened my eyes to see Kevin's face in front of mine. Then I took his arm off of me and sat up.

Kevin woke up and realized where he was. Then he quickly sat up.

"You're still here?" I questioned.

"Yeah. I couldn't leave you here by yourself," he said as we leaned against the head board.

"Thank you," I said.

Then we sat there in an awkward silence.

I didn't know what to say to him. Should I tell him to leave? Do I ask him to stay so we can talk? Do I kiss him? Do I start crying? Do I wrap my arms around him and never let go? Do I tell him that I love him and miss him? Or do I tell him we're through and I want nothing to do with him?

Kevin sat there wondering what was going to happen. Every bone in his body was telling him to pull Janel close to him and kiss her. But his mind told him no. He knew that if he did that, she would get upset with him. He wanted to tell her that he loved her and would never hurt her again. But it was going to take more than that to get her back. And then there was this baby, their baby. He was going to be a part of his child's life no matter what.

Ring! Ring!

The phone quickly brought me back to my surroundings. I quickly reached over and grabbed it.

"Hello."

"Hi."

"Oh hi Rick."

As soon as I mentioned Rick's name, Kevin immediately turned his attention to my conversation.

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"Want to go out for dinner later?"

"Uh, I don't know."

I looked at Kevin and thought about it.

"Actually no, not tonight."

"Well how about I come over there?"

"No, not tonight. Kevin's over here."

"Oh okay. Well I'll talk to you later then."

"Bye," I said, then I hung up.

Kevin and I continued to sit there.

"Um. . .do you want to order Chinese food?" I asked.

"Sure," Kevin replied.

Then we got up and went into the kitchen. I pulled out the menu and then wrote down our orders. Then I called the restaurant.

"Want to watch t.v.?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's fine," he said.

We walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.

Both of us sat there staring at the t.v. screen, but we weren't really watching it.

"So how was the tour?" I asked, just trying to make light conversation.

"Miserable," he said.

I turned to look at him. "Why?"

"Because I couldn't talk to you and I didn't know where you were," he said.

I sighed. "I had to leave," I said. "After all that had happened I couldn't deal with it. I just needed to get away from everything."

"Especially me," Kevin said quietly.

"Kevin, do you know how much you hurt me? It still hurts," I said as I fought back tears.

"I know apologizing is not going to help much, but I am sorry," Kevin said.

Then I forced myself to ask the next question.

"Are you and her. . .together?" I asked as a single tear rolled down my cheek.

Kevin took his thumb and wiped away my tear.

"Never. You're the only one for me," he said.

Ding! Dong!

'Saved by the bell,' I thought.

"Excuse me," I said as I got up.

I went to the door and answered it. I paid for the food and shut the door. Then I placed our food on a couple of plates, grabbed a couple of forks, and walked out and set the plates down.

"Do you want a Coke?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"All right. I'll be right back," I said.

I walked back into the kitchen and grabbed two cokes.

For some reason I felt so nervous. It was like being on my first date. I didn't know what was going to happen. And I didn't know what I wanted to happen.

"Here you go," I said as I handed him his pop.

We began eating, but Kevin kept staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Okay, I want to ask you a question, but I don't want you to get mad at me," Kevin said.

"Go ahead," I said. "I won't get mad."

"Are you and Rick. . .together?" he asked hesitantly.

"No Kevin, we're not," I said.

He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Why did you run to him?" Kevin asked.

"Because I knew I could trust him to be my friend," I said.

"But what about Lauren or Ashley?" he questioned.

"Do you want the truth?" I asked.

He nodded his head yes.

"They were too close to you. And I didn't want everyone's pity. Plus I knew that you would try to get in contact with me, and I didn't want you to," I explained.

"I understand," he said quietly. "Um. . .so how long have you known about our baby?"

"About a month," I replied.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" he asked.

"Honestly, I don't know if I would have," I said.

"Oh," he said. "So how far along are you?"

"About three months," I said.

"Are you happy?" he asked.

"Yes, I've always wanted a child," I said as I placed my hand on my stomach.

Kevin placed his hand on top of mine. "So have I," Kevin said as he stared into my eyes.

I looked at him, and then quickly turned my head to watch t.v.. He removed his hand from mine and sat back on the couch.

As I sat there I noticed how uneasy I felt. It was like I was sitting next to some stranger, but yet I wasn't. I had been so close to him all throughout my life, but right at that second we were so distant. We were once lovers, but now we were two strangers. Both of us unsure of one another. I wished to God that I had gone to that party with him. Or that he would have stayed home. Anything to change what had happened.

Then I felt Kevin place his hand on top of mine, which was resting on the couch.

I turned and looked at him.

"Kevin, why? Why did you sleep with her?" I asked as tears began to fill my eyes. "Was it me? Did you not want to marry me? Did you no longer love me? Was I not what you wanted? Or was I not who you wanted?" I asked as tears rolled down my cheeks. "Why?"

As Kevin listened to her questions he began to hate himself more and more. His heart sank as he watched her break down and cry.

Kevin just stared at me, like he wasn't hearing what I was saying.

I got up and began to walk away. "Just leave."

I didn't think it was worth him explaining because I was afraid of what he would say.

Kevin got up and followed Janel.

"Wait. Please stop," Kevin pleaded.

I walked into my room and sat down on my bed.

Kevin walked in, wiping away his tears that had began to fall.

I looked down at the ground, not wanting him to see me crying.

Kevin sat down on the bed next to Janel.

"Pumpkin, please look at me," Kevin said as he put his hand under my chin and lifted my eyes to meet his.

"What?" I asked as I continued to cry.

"I am so sorry that I hurt you," Kevin said as he wiped away my tears.

Then he moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around me.

I buried my head into his chest as I cried.

"I love you," Kevin whispered. Then he kissed the top of my head.

After a while I looked up at Kevin.

"Kevin, I think you should leave," I said quietly.

"Ssh," Kevin said as he placed his lips on mine.

He gently kissed me and then pulled me into his arms. Then we laid back on the bed. I rested my head on Kevin's chest and closed my eyes.

Kevin gently rubbed Janel's back as she began to go to sleep.