Chapter 25

Kevin sat on his couch listening to music, waiting for Kristin to call.

After waiting for half an hour the phone finally rang. He quickly picked it up, not wanting to wake Lily.

"Hello," he answered.

"Hi baby!" Kristin said happily.

"Hi Kris. Did you make it to the hotel safely?"

"Yeah, same as usual."

"Oh god, I can't wait until your home again."

"Neither can I. I just want to be with my fiancee."

"Yeah, and then we can begin moving your things into this house."

"And we can start making wedding plans."

"Exactly."

"So Kev, you said that we could talk now. So what did you want to tell me?"

Kevin sighed. Not really knowing how to tell Kristin that he had a daughter and she was living with him.

"Kev, what is it?" she asked worriedly.

"Okay, I don't know how to really say this. So. . ."

"So what, Kev?"

"I have a daughter."

Kristin's voice caught in her throat as tears began to well up.

Kevin didn't hear anything, just silence on her end of the phone.

"Kris," he said hesitantly. "Are you there?"

"Yes," she choked out. "I'm debating whether to hang up, yell at you, or let you explain."

"Please let me explain."

"It better be a damn good explanation or I'm hanging up."

"Okay," Kevin agreed.

"Well go ahead and begin explaining this to me."

"First of all, she's 14 years old. Meaning this didn't happen when I was with you, so I didn't cheat on you."

"Okay, continue."

"When I was 19, my girlfriend of 2 years, got pregnant. Her father disowned her so she stayed with her grandmother. And when she had Lily, I. . ."

"Your daughter?"

"Yeah, her name is Lily. Any ways, I helped to take care of them. But then she just disappeared, taking Lily with her."

"So what? Now she just reappears bringing Lily with her?"

"No, that's not it. For some reason, she gave Lily up for adoption. Then after Lily's adoptive parents abandoned her, Lily began looking for me and Robyn."

"So she found you just like that?"

"No, I was also looking at the same time."

"When were you planning on telling me that you were searching for your daughter?"

"I don't know. It just happened so suddenly, I didn't have much time to think about it."

I woke up in my bed with the covers no where to be seen. I sat up and realized that I must have kicked them off the bed during the night.

I smiled as I remembered that my uncles were coming over again. After my dad had talked to them, they seemed like really nice guys. I had so much fun with them. They immediately began treating like me like family, just like Nick had done.

I got up and took a shower. Then I got dressed and did my hair. Once I was through I went downstairs. I stood at the foot of the staircase, hearing my dad's voice.

"Kevin, damn it! How could you get some girl pregnant! And then all of a sudden your daughter pops back into your life, no wait our life. Did you even think about me? What if I'm not ready for a child? Huh?"

"It was just an accident Kris!" my dad yelled. "She was just an accident, I didn't plan on being a father so soon. But Robyn and I made a mistake."

I sat there on the steps listening to my dad talk about me. Was that all I was to him? A mistake? Some consequence that he had to pay for because him and my mom couldn't be responsible.

"Yeah, well that's one hell of a mistake!"

"I know. But it was 14 years ago. Are you going to be mad at me because of something that happened so long ago?"

"I don't know. It's not like you can just say, 'Oh I made a mistake,' and leave it at that. There's a child to consider now."

"What do mean consider? There is no considering whether my daughter stays with me or not."

"What are you saying Kevin? She's all ready there?"

"Damn it! Yes, she's here. She lives here!"

"What the hell? I leave for a month and you get yourself a kid."

"Kris, it's not like that."

"What? Did you think that maybe I would be happy being a mom? You figured that you all ready had a kid, so why not find her and surprise me? Well you did a damn good job of surprising me!"

"Do you realize how long I've been missing her? Fourteen very long years!! You don't know what it's like to have a child and not be able to hold her in your arms and love her. It's like this hole in your heart because part of you is missing."

"So you thought now was the best time to find her? When we're just finally going to be together? What about the last 14 years? You couldn't have searched for her then?"

"It's not like I haven't searched for her before. But then things stopped me from searching any further. But lately she' s been on my mind a lot especially since it was her birthday. So I talked to Nick and he convinced me that I should start searching again, so I did. And this time I wasn't going to stop until I found her."

"Well you did. But you may have lost me."

"What?! You can't be serious!"

"I don't know if this is going to work."

"Kris please. You can't give me an ultimatum. I can't do it."

"I'm not Kevin. I just need time to think about this and us, and if there will continue to be an us."

"No Kris, please don't leave me."

"I need time to think. Until then don't call. I'll call you when I'm ready."

Then she hung up.

"No!" yelled Kevin as he slammed the phone down.

He sat on the couch and buried his head in his hands. His mind was racing with what Kristin had just told him.

Then he thought he heard crying. He prayed that it wasn't Lily.

He walked over to the stairs to see Lily crying on the steps. His heart broke as he watched her cry into her hands. He quickly bent down and wrapped his arms around her.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled as I jerked away from my dad.

Kevin immediately backed away from Lily, shocked at her reaction.

I got up and ran upstairs to my room.

Kevin ran after Lily, following into her room.

I sat down on my bed, pulling my knees up to my chest, and resting my head on my knees.

Kevin sat down next to Lily, listening to her cry.

Then I felt my dad's hand on my head moving my hair out of the way.

"Don't," I said as I moved my head away from him.

"Lily, please," my dad said. "We need to talk."

"About what?" I asked angrily. "About how I'm just a mistake? How you really don't want me? How I'm ruining your relationship with whoever you were on the phone with? Is that what you want to talk to me about?"

"Lily, I hadn't meant for you to over hear that conversation," my dad said.

"So? That doesn't change what you said," I said.

"I know," he said. "But let me explain."

"You mean explain to me why I'm here if I'm just a mistake you made. Some sort of consequence you have to live with," I said.

"Lily, I didn't mean it like that. You're not just a mistake. You're my daughter, that I love and want to take care of," my dad said.

"Then why didn't you find me sooner? How come you left my mom and me? Was your career more important to you than us?" I yelled.

Kevin sat there shocked at her questions.

"That's it isn't it? You becoming some Backstreet Boy was so much better than becoming a father," I said angrily as tears poured down my cheeks.

Kevin reached out to hug her but she stood up and pulled away.

"No, don't," I said.

"All these years I've always wondered why no one ever wanted me. And now I know, I'm just a mistake to everyone. That's how I'm seen as," I said.

"Lily, no!" my dad yelled. "That's not it! I love you! I want you!"

"Then why? Why did you leave?" I asked.

"I didn't leave you. Your mom left me, taking you with her," my dad said.

I shook my head no. "I don't believe you."

"Lily, she's the one who gave you up for adoption, not me," my dad said. "I wanted you."

"Are you saying that my mom didn't want me?" I asked. "No, that's not true. She loved me. She used to come and visit. It's Joanne and Alan's fault that I didn't see her again!"

Then I sat down on the ground leaning against my bed crying. "No, it's not true."

"Ssh," my dad said as he sat next to me and held me.

I cried into his chest, thinking about what he had just told me. How could she do that? It wasn't true. It was his fault. Because he wasn't there to help support us, that's why she gave me up for adoption. It was his fault.

"It's your fault," I sobbed.

Kevin's eyes began to fill with tears, realizing that she was blaming him. He knew that he hadn't meant for her to think that her mom didn't want her. He just wanted her to know that he did want her. And now she thought that he had left them because of his career. She was blaming him for not being there, for not loving her, and for not taking care of her.

"Ssh," my dad said as he rubbed my back.

The tears continued to fall as I sat there on the ground.

"I promise I'll explain everything to you. I just want you to calm down right now," my dad said.

Kevin held his daughter tightly as he also began to cry.

As I rested in his arms I heard the doorbell.

Kevin looked up at the clock, 12:00. It was Kate.

My dad pulled away and looked at me. "It's Kate. She's coming to check on us."

He wiped away his tears and then continued. "She wants to know if this is what you want, if this is where you want to be."

I stared at my dad.

"And I want you to tell her exactly what you think. Whether you want to stay here or not," my dad choked out.

"Okay," I said quietly.

Then my dad got up and walked out.

Kevin grabbed a tissue and wiped his tears. He stopped in the hall way looking in a mirror to see if he was slightly presentable.

I got up and put my hair up into a bun quickly. Then I wiped away my tears hoping that I didn't look too bad. After I had fixed myself, I went downstairs into the living room.

Kevin ran to the door and opened it.

"Hello," Kate said.

"Hi Kate," Kevin said.

Then she looked at him worriedly, noticing that he had been crying.

"Is everything okay? Is Lily okay?" she questioned.