Chapter 27

Why did I find out things about my dad from other people and not him? Was he ever going to mention these details of his life to me? Or was he just hoping that I wouldn't find out?

As I listened to the song I began to think about the conversation I had overheard earlier.

I realized my dad was arguing with his fiancee. I was the reason he was going to lose her. She was going to leave him just because of me. It was obvious that she didn't know about me, just like I had not known about her.

I decided right then and there that I hated her. She was going to make my dad choose between me and her. And she got her answer, I was staying with him. But how could she make my dad choose? Why was she doing that to him and me?

Kevin sat down and called Brian.

"B-rok here," Brian answered cheerfully.

"Hey cuz," Kevin said, sadly.

"Hey Kev. What's wrong? You sound depressed."

"I am. I just got into a fight with Kris."

"About Lily?"

Kevin sighed. "Yeah. I'm sure you can guess that she wasn't all that happy about finding out that I suddenly have a daughter."

"Did you explain everything to her?"

"Yeah, as best as I could."

"What exactly did she say?"

"That I found Lily, but maybe I had lost her."

"She gave you an ultimatum?"

"No. She just said that she needed time to think about us and where we stand."

"Oh wow Kev, I'm really sorry."

"Yeah, so I am. Oh, and to make things worse Lily overheard my conversation with Kris. So me and her got into a fight."

"What did she over hear?"

"I told Kris that Lily was a mistake, just an accident."

"You said that!?"

"Yeah, but I didn't mean it like that."

"No wonder you and her got into a fight. I'd be furious if my parents said that about me. She has every right to be mad at you."

"I know. That was the wrong thing to say. And I didn't really tell her anything else too great either."

"What do you mean?"

"I told her that her mom was the one who had left me and gave her up for adoption."

"Damn it Kevin. What are you trying to do to her?"

"I have no idea. But if it makes you feel any better she blames me for everything. She thinks that my career was more important than her."

"You told her about being a Backstreet Boy?"

"No, I don't know how she found out. But she knew."

"And now she knows about Kris?

"I'm not sure."

"Well do you plan on telling her?"

"Yeah, but she won't let me."

"What?"

"She's in her room right now. She said that she needed time to think."

"Is she okay though?"

"I think so. Both of us were crying earlier, but we got ourselves under control once Kate stopped by."

"Kate. She's the social worker?"

"Yeah, she stopped by to see how things were going."

"Wow, she's got some good timing. What was her reaction when she saw you two?"

"I know she was shocked. Hell, she probably thought that I had hit Lily or something. Cause poor Lily, she looked terrible."

"What did Kate tell you?"

"Not much really. She talked to Lily and I separately. She told me that Lily wanted to stay here, so she would continue to file for full custody. Oh yeah, and she hoped that we would solve this problem soon."

"Wow, Lily must have told her that she really wanted to stay, cause if I would have seen that, I would have definitely had second thoughts about full custody."

"Yeah, I know. But luckily for me, she didn't."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. Neither of them want to talk to me."

"Do you think we should all still come over?"

"Yeah, I think it will be okay. Actually why don't you and Nick come over now."

"What about Howie?"

"I'll tell him the sooner the better."

"Okay, and I'll pick up Bone on the way over."

"All right, sounds good."

"See you in about 15 minutes."

"Bye," Kevin said before he hung up.

I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand.

I was tired of feeling out of place and lost. I wanted to know everything about my parents. I wanted to know why they had given me up for adoption. Why had I never seen my dad before? Why had my mom supposedly left my dad? Why didn't my dad try to find me before? Why didn't he tell me about him being engaged? Why hadn't he ever told anyone else about me? Was he ashamed of me? Did he really think of me as just a mistake?

All these questions were racing through my mind and I wanted answers to all of them. But I knew that if I would ask my dad now, I would probably end up yelling at him again. And I didn't want to do that, I wanted to try and understand and listen to him.

I sighed and then laid back on my bed.

Knock! Knock!

"Come in," I said quietly.

The door opened to reveal three of my uncles.

"Hey Lily," Nick said as they walked in.

"Hi," I said.

Then Nick, Brian, and Alex came and sat down on the bed.

"What are you doing?" Nick asked.

"Nothin' much," I said.

"Lily, your dad told me about the fight that you guys had," Brian said. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head yes.

"You know that you can talk to us anytime you want to, we'll always listen to you," Brian said.

"Thanks Uncle Brian," I said.

"No problem sweetheart," he said.

"Um...can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Sure, what is it?" asked Alex.

"What about your dad?" asked Nick.

"I want to know about when he was younger and when I was born," I said.

"Well Brian would probably be able to tell you the most since he's known your dad all his life," Alex said.

"Oh okay," I said.

Then I sat up and looked at my Uncle Brian.

"Have you ever seen me before? Or did he not tell you about me before yesterday?" I asked.

Brian shook his head no. "Nope, he didn't."

"Oh," I said.

Then I just sat there staring at them.

"What are you thinking Lily?" Brian asked.

"He was ashamed of me, wasn't he?" I asked. "That's why he didn't tell you about me. I was just a mistake that he didn't want to be reminded of."

"Lily, please don't think like that," Brian said.

"Why not?" I asked angrily. "It's true. He said it himself!"

"He didn't mean it," Nick said.

"Then why did he say it? Huh?" I asked. "Was it just to shut up his fiancee?"

"Who told you about her?" Alex asked.

"Not my dad! He never seems to tell me anything important," I said. "I guess he was just hoping to keep everything a secret."

"Who told you that your dad was engaged?" Brian asked.

"The radio!" I yelled. "If it weren't for the media, I wouldn't know anything about my dad."

"Lily, all you need to know is that your dad loves you," Nick said.

"But he doesn't," I said. "He just tells me that to quiet me. I don't even know why I'm still here."

"You're here because your dad loves you and he wants you here with him," Nick said.

"No, I'm here because I don't want to be alone again," I said as tears began to well up.

"Is that why you stayed?" Nick asked.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know. I wanted to stay because I was afraid of going back to a foster home where I would just be considered as a file or number instead of a person. I wanted to stay because you guys actually pay attention to me and talk to me, you act like I exist. And I wanted to stay because I had finally found my dad, even though I know that he thinks that I'm just his responsibility," I said as the tears slowly rolled down my cheeks.

Kevin stood outside the door way hearing everything Lily had just said. He hated listening to her cry.

"Come here," Brian said as he pulled me close to him.

I wrapped my arms around him and he let me cry on his shoulder.

"Ssh," Brian said. "It's okay."

Kevin walked in to see the guys surrounding Lily, hugging her.

I looked up to see my dad standing there.

Then I pulled away from Brian and wiped away my tears. I quickly got up and left the room.

"Lily, wait!" my dad said as I walked past him.

"Kev, just let her go," Brian said.

"No, I have to talk to her," he said as he began to walk out of the room.

Nick grabbed Kevin's arm. "She's not going to listen to you right now. She's still too upset."

"But I have to explain everything to her," Kevin said.

"Not right now. Just give her time like she asked," Brian said.

Kevin sighed. "Fine. But I hate that she's hurting because of me and my stupidity. I want to fix things with her as soon as I can."

I walked downstairs and into the kitchen to find Howie.

"Hi Uncle Howie," I said.

"Hey Lily," he said as he came over and gave me a hug.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Setting up the food," he said.

"What did you bring?" I asked, smiling.

He took my hand and led me over to the large dish that was set on the counter.

"Sopapillas filled with green chili," he said.

"Mmm. . .sounds so good," I said. "Is it hot?"

"It should be," he said.

"Okay good," I said.

Then Brian and Nick walked in.

"What did you bring us D?" Nick asked.

"Really hot green chili," I said happily.

Both Nick and Brian turned the noses up in disgust.

"You bring anything else?" Brian asked.

"Nope," Howie said. "I made this for Lily, not you two."

"Hey Uncle Brian, I can make you and Nicky Macaroni & Cheese if you'd like," I suggested.

"Oh! Good idea!" Brian said happily.

"No offense or anything Howie, but I think I'll have to go with the Marcaroni & Cheese also," Nick said.

"That's fine with me. That just means that there's more for the rest of us," Howie said.

"Exactly," I said. "Okay, can you guys point me in the direction of the pans and the food?"

Brian went into the pantry and found the box right away, while Howie found a pot that I could use.

"Thanks guys," I said.

Then they just stood there watching me.

"You guys can leave. You don't have to stand there watching me," I said, smiling at them. "I know that Nicky probably wants to play on the video game."

"Oh, you know me too well," Nick said.

Then he grabbed Howie and Brian and quickly walked out of the kitchen.

"What's she doing?" Kevin asked as he looked up at the guys.

"Makin' us Mac a cheese," Brian said happily.

"Does she need help?" Kevin asked as he stood up.

"No Kev, she's just fine. So sit your butt back down," Nick said as he set up the video game.

"I need a drink," Kevin said.

"Train, she's not going any where," A.J. said. "Just give her a few minutes to herself."

"Yeah," Brian agreed.

"All right, fine," Kevin said, annoyed, as he plopped back onto the couch.