Chapter 29

Kevin laid on the couch watching TV, but not actually paying attention to what was happening. He was just trying to think of some way that he could get Lily to understand what had happened.

After a while he became tired of thinking, so he decided to go to bed, hoping that he would be able to think clearly in the morning.

He shut off the TV and then quietly climbed up the stairs. He stopped at Lily's door. He hadn't got the chance to tell her good night and he wanted to make sure that she was okay. He needed to tell her that he loved her, whether she heard him or not.

Kevin placed his hand on the doorknob and slowly turned it, trying not to make a sound. Then he quietly pushed the door open and stepped in. He looked at her bed, and found she wasn't there. Then he looked up and he saw her figure in the dark. She was sitting at her bay window with her knees pulled up to her and her head resting on them, staring out into the dark night.

Not wanting to startle her, he slowly walked over to her. Then he sat down next to her. As she lifted her head to look up at him, he noticed the tears falling from her eyes. He immediately wrapped his arms around her.

"Ssh, don't cry," he said quietly. "Please, don't cry."

Kevin slowly began to rock back and forth with her in his arms, trying to get her to calm down.

"Don't cry my girl," he whispered. "Everything will be okay."

After a while her breathing became normal again, and she had stopped crying. He gently pulled her away from him and looked at her tear stained face. He placed his thumb on her cheek, wiping her tears away.

"Lily, my baby girl, what were you doing?" my dad asked quietly.

"Thinking," I mumbled.

"What?" he asked.

"I was thinking about. . .well, a lot of stuff," I said quietly.

"Such as?" he asked.

"Why no one really ever wants me. They only want me when it's convenient for them," I said.

"That's not true sweetheart," my dad said.

"Yes it is. Every time I've become inconvenient for someone, I'm passed on," I said. "My mom passed me on to Joanne and Alan, and they passed me on to the Martins', and now I'm here with you. And now you're probably ready to pass me on too."

"Why do you say that?" my dad asked.

"Because of your fiancée," I answered quietly.

"How did you know about my fiancée?" my dad asked. "Did the guys tell you?"

"No," I said.

"Then how did you find out?" my dad asked.

"The media," I said. "I was listening to the radio, they played a song of yours, and they congratulated you on your engagement to Kristin Willits."

"I'm sorry Lily, I didn't mean for you to find out like that," my dad said. "I was going to tell you."

"Just like you were going to tell me about being in a world famous singing group," I said.

"How did you find out about that?" my dad asked.

"I was searching through a magazine of Jaclyn's when I came across a bunch of pictures with you, Nick, and the other guys," I said.

"I was going to tell you about all that stuff once we got you settled in here," he said.

"Oh," I said as I turned my head away, to stare out the window once again.

I had so many questions to ask him, but I didn't know where to start.

Kevin wasn't sure if he should tell her what happened, or just leave her alone for now.

"Can you tell me about what happened when I was born?" I asked, quietly.

"Sure," my dad said. Then he took my hand. "Let's sit on your bed."

I got up and followed him over to my bed. We sat down and I rested my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me.

"Where do you want me to start?" my dad asked.

"Can you tell me about my mom and you?" I asked.

"Okay," he said. "Your mom and I began dating my senior year of high school and her junior year. We spent every moment that we could, together. At the time we were truly in love, and I was thinking of our future together once both she and I had graduated high school, which was much later down the line. So for the most part we were just two kids in love, who couldn't stay away from each other. But one night the two of us got a little carried away, and Robyn ended up getting pregnant."

"What was your guys reaction?" I asked.

"We were both terrified that our parents were going to kick our butts," my dad said.

"Did they?" I asked.

My dad chuckled. "My dad yelled at me for at least a good hour, and then my mom did the same. They told me that I had to be responsible for you, and not just walk away from Robyn. But I had already promised Robyn that I would stay and we could raise you together. I knew that we hadn't done the smartest thing, but I was excited that I was going to be a dad, and a little scared."

"What about my mom's parents?" I asked.

My dad sighed. "They didn't take it well. Her parents were furious with her. In fact, her dad was so angry that he disowned her from the family."

"He did?" I asked, quietly.

"Yeah unfortunately, he did. But her grandmother took her in, and my family treated her as part of our family, so she wasn't alone," my dad explained.

"Then what happened?" I asked.

"Well, she dropped out of high school because she didn't want anyone else to know that she was pregnant. And she made me promise not to tell anyone, besides my parents and brothers of course. Then I began working two jobs trying to save money for when you were born, that way I could provide for you," my dad said. "And whenever I wasn't working I was with her, taking care of her, making sure she had everything that she needed."

"Were you guys scared?" I asked.

"She was more scared than I was. I don't know why though. I promised her that I would take care of her and you no matter what," my dad said. "I knew that we would make it somehow."

"Any ways, I was more excited than scared. I remember when your grandma, Judy, called and told me that your Mom had gone into labor. I had just gone on lunch break at the time, so I rushed out of the building and into my truck. I peeled out of the parking lot and drove like a maniac the entire way to the hospital," my dad said.

I giggled. "Do you always drive like a madman when you're trying to see me?"

My dad laughed. "Yeah, I guess I do. But I mean I had to be there when you were born, I couldn't miss it, and I had to be there for Robyn. Needless to say, I made it in plenty of time, so I could hold Robyn's hand through her contractions. And I swear at times I thought she was going to break my hand."

"How long was she in labor for?" I asked.

"About 3 hours," my dad said. "And you were born at exactly 2:23 on a Saturday afternoon."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah," my dad said. "And that had to be the best day of my life. When Robyn placed you in my arms I felt such joy, as I looked at your beautiful little face. And the love I felt for you was so overwhelming, both your mother and I were crying."

My dad bent down and kissed the top of my head, as he pulled me closer to him. "I love you so much my baby girl."

"I love you too Daddy," I said as I hugged my dad.

Then we just sat there in each other's arms for a little while, making sure that we knew we loved one another.

"So you want me to continue?" my dad asked.

I shook my head yes against my dad's chest.

"Okay," he said. "Well after that I was probably the happiest guy alive. Any spare moment I had I made sure that I was with you. I'd take care of you as much as I could. Most of the time though, I just liked to rock you to sleep and sing lullabies to you. But all of that changed a few months after you were born."

"What happened?" I asked.

"I don't know really. It was like one minute you were here and the next your mom and you had disappeared. Robyn gave no one any warning that she was going to leave or that she was having a hard time dealing with being a parent. It was just all of a sudden," my dad said.

"So. . .you didn't abandon my mom and I?" I asked, quietly.

"No, I didn't. Your mom just disappeared with you," my dad replied.

"Oh," I said. "Um, I'm sorry about earlier then, for saying that you had abandoned me."

"No, it's okay. I can understand how you would think that," my dad said.

"I just thought that because all I could remember was my mom," I said. "She used to visit me when I was with Joanne and Alan. So I thought you had abandoned me, not her."

"Lily, I don't think she abandoned you. I just think that she was trying to give you a family that could provide for you because she was scared that we couldn't," my dad said. "But you were right about one thing."

"What was that?" I asked.

"Why I had stopped searching for you. It was because my career was just starting to take off, and I couldn't have taken care of you, so I no longer searched for you. Which is something that I really regret because now I've missed out on so much of your life," my dad said. "But at the time, management was extremely strict about my personal life, and I knew that if I told them I had a daughter things would get very complicated, so I didn't mention it. But I never ever stopped thinking about you. You were always on my mind and in my heart."

"Do you regret that I was born though?" I asked.

"Absolutely not," my dad said. "Not for an instant have I ever regretted that you were born. In fact, all these years I've had this hole in my heart because you were missing, it was like a part of me was missing too. But when I found you and saw you for the first time, I was complete again. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I always felt that something was missing, even though I had Joanne and Alan as my family. It just wasn't the same. I wanted my dad and my mom," I said. "And when you hugged me and said that you loved me, I knew that I had my dad that I always wanted."

"Good, I'm glad," my dad said.

"Dad," I said.

"Yeah," my dad said.

"Do you still love my mom?" I asked.

Kevin sat there silent for a few seconds, not quite sure how to answer that.

"Lily, I'll always love your mom, but not in the same way that I used to. Right now I love Kristin, she means the world to me," my dad said.

"Is she still going to marry you?" I asked. "Or is she going to leave you because I'm staying here?"

"I don't really want to talk about that Lily," my dad said. "All that matters is that you're here with me. Okay?"

"Okay," I said.

I could hear the hurt in his voice as he answered. I felt terrible because I was the cause of it. But I was angry with her for making him feel this way. She was making him choose between me and her, and it was killing him.

Kevin couldn't give Lily an answer to her question, because he wasn't sure himself. His heart told him that Kristin was still going to marry him. But his mind kept telling him that there was a big chance that she wouldn't. That she would just forget about the past 7 years they shared together and leave him.