Chapter Six

~*~ Flashback ~*~

"Pregnant!?" Jo shrieked "Ohmygod! You're gonna have a baby!"

Piper nodded excitedly "I know! Isn't that great!?"

"Ohmygod, SIS!"

The two hugged and screamed of joy together.

"Josy, I want you to be her guardian." Piper said after a little while.

Jo looked at her "Seriously?"

Piper nodded yes "You're the only one, besides Nick, that I'd trust my child with."

Jo smiled and got a little teary eyed "Oh, sis." she hugged Piper "I love you."

"I love you too, Josy."

"What would I do without you?"

Piper smiled and wiped a tear away from her sister's cheek "You'd go on living your life, you'd be the brave Jolynn I love."

The two sisters hugged

~*~ End of flashback ~*~

"Joyleigh, tell the lady what you want." Jo lifted her up

"Peawce Yowur!" Joyleigh exclaimed, taking her pacifier out of her mouth

"What do you say then?"

"Um, pleaz?"

"Ok." Jo smiled proudly "One Peach Yogurt and a Vanilla Milkshake, please."

"Alright ma'am." the girl behind the desk said.

"C'mon sweetie, let's sit down somewhere so aunt Josy can rest.." Jo put her down and took her little hand, leading her to a table. In the meanwhile her niece started making little protest noises, while she grabbed at Jo's hand with her free hand

"Binkkie!" she said and her face crumpled into tears almost "Binkkie! I's wann Binkkie!"

Jo smiled and gave her the pacifier she had named Binkkie. She put it in her mouth happily and sucked on it.

"Ok, let's sit down here." Jo sat down and placed Joyleigh next to her. "Binkkie will have to go for a second if you want to eat your ice cream, Leigh."

"Icwe cweam!" her eyes lit up and she took Binkkie out quickly, grabbing for her ice cream.

"Uhm, no, little miss, why don't you let aunt Josy feed you this, don't want to get your new dress ruined, now do we?"

Joyleigh pouted "Daddy buyw 'nother dwess."

Jo laughed "Yea, daddy spoils you rotten, we know that." She took a little spoon and fed a bite of ice cream to Joyleigh. When she was done with her ice cream, she wanted to go play

"Auntie Jowsy, can I's play?"

"Alright, but make sure I can see you, ok?"

"Oki Doki!" she ran off to the playground and straight to the swing set.

Jo sat and watched her little niece. She was a spitting image of Piper, blonde locks and big grayish blue eyes that some people swore was as deep as the oceans of the world. A pretty face with the same little nose her mommy had. She could pull off the weirdest facial expressions and even her character was pretty much like Piper's. The pouty frowns and cute little giggles she had inhered from Nick, but other than that, she was definitely mommy's little girl.

~*~ 2 hours later ~*~

She opened the front door and while she did so, Joyleigh ran inside quickly "Daddy?!" she called

"Daddy?" she stopped in the middle of the living room and looked around with her big grayish eyes searching for her daddy, her hands on her back while she sucked on Binkkie slowly

"Hey-hey precious!" Nick came walking inside from the porch out back. He kneeled and opened his arms for his little girl to run into

"Daddy!" she ran to him and embraced him tightly "Daddy, I's miss you!"

"I missed you too, girly." He held his daughter close to him while he got up and swung her around

"Daddy, auwntie Jowsy buy me icwe cweam!"

"She did huh? What flavor did you take?"

"Peawce Yowur!" she exclaimed while her eyes lit up more "Mmm mm!"

"Ooh, yummy!"

"'N we buy mommy flowews!"

Nick smiled "You did?"

"Hm mm! I's piwck da pretties flowews!"

"Where's auntie Josy right now?"

Joyleigh shrugged "Dunno.. she be awt doowr?"

"Josy?" Nick called while he walked towards the front door

"Hey Nick!" she closed the door behind her and walked over to him.

He put Joyleigh down on the floor and hugged her "Hey lil sissy, you ok?"

"Yea, big guy, I'm fine. How are you, today?"

Nick looked down and nodded, smiling weakly "Coping." He looked at her and then at his little girl "But I'm better now I'm home, huh Joyleigh?"

Joyleigh nodded and wrapped her arms around Nick's legs "Daddy.." she giggled

"Yes?"

"You's white!" she looked at his not so tanned legs.

"Well, scuse me, but I've been in parts of the country where the sun don't shine as much as it does here, little missy. So, no, I'm not as tanned as 0you and Josy."

Joyleigh looked up at him and stuck her tongue out at him. Nick did the same to her and pulled some weird faces.

She giggled "Silly daddy!" and lifted her arms, wanting him to pick her up.

Nick grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up "Oh man, you've gotten heavier, Joy!"

"Where be uncwe Bwian 'n Kewin 'n Howie 'n uncwe Awlex?"

"They're home right now, sweetie. But if it's ok with your auntie, they'll come over later on." Nick looked at Jo

"Jowsy, oki wiwth you?"

Jo smiled "Sure Leigh, they can come over any time."

"Yay!" Joyleigh clapped her hands together and giggled "I go play now?" she asked her daddy and aunt both

"Ok, sweetie."

"Bubyesee!" she giggled and ran off to the back yard, to her own little playground.

Jo and Nick watched her go "It feels good to be home.." Nick sighed happily.

Joyleigh went down the slide and waved at Nick

"She really missed you, Nick."

"She did?"

"Don't be stupid, of course she did. She asked where you where every day, I told her a story about her mommy and you every night before she went to bed, that little girl loves you more than anything."

Nick looked worried and Jo knew why "Nick, that's in the past. Don't beat yourself up over it too much, ok?"

~*~ Flashback ~*~

He searched through the medicine cabinet and finally found what he was looking for,.. the strong sleeping pills..
Today was the day he was going to put an end to it all. An end to the crying, the pain, the worries, the sorrow, an end to everybody's teardrops. He was going to put a stop to the deep, black hole he was falling into. He was going to end his misery,.. end his life.

Ever since a drunk driver had taken his wife's life, he had felt cold, lonely and sad. She was his everything, and now he had nothing. He simply couldn't take this pain, there's 2 kinds of people in the world: the strong survivors and the weaker quitters, he wouldn't say he belonged to the last, but he surely didn't belong to the first. Maybe everybody around him could live without Piper, he couldn't. Maybe he wasn't as strong as everybody wanted, expected him to be, having a child to take care of now. He wasn't like Jo, he didn't even want to go on, he really wanted to give up and die. At least then he would be reunited with his beloved Piper Michelle again. So yes, he seemed selfish to some.. but honestly, what would you do? If your soulmate, your buddy, your lover, your wife died?.. Don't be too quick with answering that question.

He sat down on his bed and placed the letter addressed to his family and friends on the nightstand. One by one he swallowed the pills...

~*~*~

Piper, when Nick tried to take his own life, I got so mad and yet so conscious too.
Mad, because, who the hell did he think he was? What the fuck did he think was doing!?
I thought it was the most selfish act ever. He had Joyleigh, he had his family, his friends. Everybody cared about him, helped him, comforted him.. everybody knew how tough it was on him.
But then again, it made me jealous in a way, he did what I'd only thought of doing, but in the end never would do. He got all the attention I only dreamt off and all the support I yearned for.
It made me conscious.. because I realized I wasn't the only one unable of going on, being strong.

After the 3 weeks in the hospital, when he was about to be released, he said that he needed help. He was admitted in a private mental clinic. That's where he stayed for 2 months. In the meanwhile the Backstreet Boys made a statement to the press, saying that they would take a year off, because of ' circumstances'.
When Nick got back home, he was a new man. It was like he had grown into this conscious, clever, loving, alive man. Soon he went back into the studio, working on new songs,.. his way of dealing with your death.
When he got back, he became a devoted father. He spent every free minute with Joyleigh and took her everywhere, showing her off to people and telling her things about you all the time.. even though she was too young to understand at the time.

After the year off, the boys released a new album and went back on tour. Joyleigh and I went to several shows, but being on the road with them all the time, would be too hectic for both her and me. After the last world-tour, the boys decided to stop their Backstreet Boys act. They've all done some solo projects and some acting too. AJ being most successful out of all of them, still the bad boy, lol.
Together they've just recently started a record company, called 'Millennium Records'. It's got some very good acts already and they just got back home from flying across the country, signing more artists. I stayed with Joyleigh the entire time while they were gone.

Joyleigh grew older, she's a toddler now and a very smart one. She's a sweetie and cute as pie. She asks things about you all the time, sometimes it's hard for Nick, the confrontation every time.. and then the fact that Joyleigh is the second coming of you, doesn't make it easier. I love it though, I tell her possibly everything and hope I do a good job at 'raising' her. I stay at their house a lot too. Whenever Nick's busy or out of town, I'm her baby-sitter. And I love every minute I share with her.
The unconditional love she gives to people is so amazing, reminds me of you. She's crazy about her 'uncwes', 'Bwian, Kewin, Howie 'n Awlex' lol, and they're crazy about her.
Kevin's kid; River is her best friend and they spend a lot of time together.

The guys have been a big support to me, they were always there, helping me out and offering to do things for me. Made me realize that I don't have to be strong all the time, that it's ok to be 'weak' too. Especially AJ has been a great help. Lol. No wondering why I fell in love with him.. and he with me apparently. He asked me to move in with him.. and I did. The house is great and just a few blocks away from Joyleigh & Nick.
Oh, Pipe, I love him so much, when he asked me to marry him,.. I swear it was the happiest moment of my life.

Well, sis, as you can see, things are going pretty well.
I still miss you, think of you every day. I still cry every once in a while and I know I'll never forget one thing about you.. but I know now that I'll pull through, I'll be alright after all, the pain fades away slowly, the feeling gets numb and the dark tunnel has an end.

There's a little poem I wrote for you today,

'Angel'

Then I was so lonely
Then I felt so sad
Like there was no end to the sorrow
Like I'd always feel that bad

Then I missed you so
Then I wanted to die
Thought there would be no life without you
Hoped it would all end with one deep sigh

Then I reminisced our entire history
Thought back of our smiles with tears
Would give just about anything for one more moment with you
Because my vision of you was still so clear

Now I still miss you
Think of you every day
Still remember your smile
And all that you used to say

But I know there's an end to the tunnel
I know I will get through
Even though it's hard
Being without you

I know you're my guardian angel
And it makes me feel safe in a way
To know you're always with me
Each and every day

I'll always remember you Piper Michelle, I hope you watch over us and that we make you proud. Love forever,

Your beloved sister;
Jolynn Aurea Rhoades- Josy Jo