Prologue

Dear Piper,

Today is the day that will forever be marked as the saddest in my life.. the day you died.

We got a call from the police, they said that some drunk driver caused the car accident you were in.. a head on collision, you died at the scene. Fortunately, the paramedics could save your baby girl.. we named her Joyleigh Hope. Joyleigh, the name you had picked.. and Hope, Nick chose that, he said; "Piper always had hope... We should have hope too.. we owe it to her" ..I just looked at him and broke down crying.

My sister, my role model, my best friend, my soulmate.. you were all that to me and more, and now you're gone. I can't even begin to describe this emptiness I feel.

Nick walks around like a zombie, he hardly spoke a word to me, he hardly spoke to any one.
Mom has been crying for what seems like forever, dad keeps on telling her that everything will be alright.. I think mainly he's soothing his own sadness, rather than trying to comfort mom. Since they are too caught up in their own grief, Kevin, Howie, Brian and AJ are arranging the funeral, together with me. Kevin came up to me and said that he needed my help, coz I knew you like no one else and I'm "the strongest of everyone", apparently..

When the nurse brought Nick to see your daughter, he cried like a child. He kept on calling your name and he said that he couldn't possibly live without you. Brian took him for a walk and then the nurse handed me your girl. Piper, she's so tiny.. she looks so fragile, I was so scared I might hurt her. Still you can already tell she's your baby, she has your face and her eyes already have the same grayish haze, you had too. She has to stay in the hospital for a while, in an incubator. After that, mom offered for Nick and Joyleigh to stay at our house for as long as he wants to stay, he said he'd think about it.

God, sis, why you? Why did you have to die, you out of all people? Aunt Marianne called and she said that "the good ones always go first".. maybe she's right.. that's still no consolation though.

I don't even know why I'm writing you this.. it's not like you're gonna read it. Like this letter will arrive in Heaven if I post it. "Oh, Piper Michelle, mail for you." "Thanks, God."
Yea, right.
I guess it's because I feel so alone.. there's all these people around me and they're all trying to comfort me and all dealing with their grief in their own fucked up little ways. But none of them really understands me, what I feel. They all just presume that I'll take care of it, coz I'm strong. Fuck being strong, I just want to curl up into a ball and cry forever, till I die. I feel lonely, so I guess this is my fucked up little way of dealing with my loneliness and sadness.

I miss you Chelley Belley. I miss my twin sister. I miss you, my other half.

xoxo,
Josy