Letter to a Lost Love
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It's been a year. God, time flies so quickly. It seems like only yesterday I gave her our last kiss. Yet it seems like eternity since I last held her in my arms.... last felt the softness of her skin.... last moved my hands through her thick mass of brownish- blond hair. I miss her smile, the one she only gave to me. I miss looking into those eyes, they were always full of emotion. Most of all, however, I miss the way she made me feel special. The feeling that I was the luckiest man in the world. God I miss her so much, my little Finnish flower, my Viveka.

I'm writing this to whoever finds it, to whoever reads it, to whoever cares. The fellows always told me that I should express my feelings, tell what I thought. I just can't speak them out though. It's too hard for me. I know anyone who knows me would just say, 'Nick, you have thousands of screaming girls throwing themselves at your feet. Just forget about this one.' I can't. A guy could want all those girls but I don't. I only want one, her. I loved her, and I still do.

I remember the night she died in my arms, sorta like I still relive the moment. I told her she would never be alone, and she's not. A piece of me is always with her. I just hope it gives her enough company.

I glance at the clock now. Yup, right about the time I left to pick her up, exactly one year ago.....

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One Year Ago
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"And my heart will go on and on," Nick sang along to the radio as he drove up to his girlfriend's apartment complex. He was happy, he hadn't seen her for almost two months. It was almost like any day when you see your lover after a huge tour. Today was different though, today was the anniversary of his and Viveka's first date.

Nick smiled as he jumped out of his car. He whistled as he ran up the steps to apartment 312, Viveka's. He knocked on the door with his right hand; his left was to the side holding a dozen red roses.

"Nicky!" Viveka said as she hugged him. "I missed you so much!" She kissed him on the lips as he held her in his arms. "I missed you too my little flower." Nick said as he handed her the roses. "Oh Nick." Viveka softly smiled at him as she took the roses.

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Back To The Present
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That was the last time she called me Nicky. The last time I gave her flowers face to face. The last time I visited her apartment. I remember, after that I took her to dinner. She looked so beautiful, like she always did. The night soon turned gray though, as we started our journey back to her place. I remember the lights, the sound of crashing metal, that scream that haunts me even today. I remember pulling her out of the car, scooping her up in my arms as I sat on the side of the road.

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Flashback
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"Everything's all right. You're gonna be okay." Nick said to Viveka as he rocked her back and forth in his arms. He didn't know if he was really saying it to console her, or to comfort himself. " I'm..... I'm gonna go see if I can find help," Nick spoke, eyes filling with tears. "No....," Viveka said faintly, "don't leave me Nick. Please. I'm scared."

Nick closed his eyes, trying to decide what he should do. They needed help badly. Viveka had lost a lot of blood already, and he was hurt too. "Ok honey, I promise I won't leave you alone." Viveka smiled up at him, her eyes starting to lose the sparkle they had had earlier that night. Nick pushed away the hair that was in her face, bent down, and kissed her.

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Present
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That was our last kiss. Now that I think about it, it was like I was saying goodbye to her. Eventually help came, but it was too late, she had died in my arms. When the paramedics found me, I was just sitting there, eyes closed, tears falling down my cheeks, cradling her in my arms. They tired to take her away from me. They just couldn't understand that I had promised her that I wouldn't leave her. I still think that they don't.

I had just returned from her grave. I put roses on it, the same kind I gave her that night. I'm also still in the music business, but the spark I once had is gone to me now, and even though all the pain her lose has caused me, I am still glad I knew her, and loved. "For it is better to have loved and lost, to have never loved before."
~ Nickolas Gean Carter